Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 554430

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Ambivilance

Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20

In reply to ((dinah)) Dinah, posted by Shortelise on September 15, 2005, at 20:17:04

Well, mainly ambivilant because the fact came out that he had purchased a house in the new location. And that he's happy to continue seeing me if I'm happy to drive all that way.

I'm actually one of the lucky ones. I've got a home to return to, my husband and I both have jobs to return to. We are just temporarily displaced, and I'm temporarily underemployed.

I am NOT going to leave my therapist. I'll just waste one day a week, a lot of gas, and a day's pay to go see him.

But I will admit to being very angry with him. I think he and his family made some hasty decisions and now have to justify them by becoming entrenched. And it bugs me that I am so damned attached to someone, and rely on someone, who obviously does worse in an emergency than I do. :(

 

And to make matters worse

Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:21:55

In reply to Ambivilance, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20

I had talked my employers out of making a similarly hasty bad decision, and it's now clear that my thinking was correct. The city is opening up the CBD soon, and people are being allowed to start to return next week.

If only the idiot talked to me first!!!!!!!

 

Re: And to make matters worse Dinah

Posted by Annierose on September 15, 2005, at 22:13:33

In reply to And to make matters worse, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:21:55

I think your disappointment is justified. It certainly does seem they made a hasty decision and purchase a new home in a nano (word?) second. In the midst of a storm (no pun intended), time matters. Time to think through to the next step, time to consider all the options, time to make a well thought out decision. They skipped a few steps. Unless, of course, they were thinking about moving to this city prior to Katrina.

I'm glad you are able to work something out to see him. I know how important this relationship is to you, that it's worth fighting for (to quote yourself).

"If only the idiot talked to me first!!!!!!!" ...

it's good to see Dinah's back in good form :-)

Annie

 

Re: Ambivilance Dinah

Posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 23:31:56

In reply to Ambivilance, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20

hi Dinah,
I'm sorry it's so tough. Is it possible your T wanted to live in a different city, for professional or family reasons, and this disaster was the excuse to start over somewhere new for him?

I'm sure it's very hard to leave clients, especially one so dedicated and close as you are to him. I know it hurts that he CAN leave so suddenly, without warning. I'm sorry life is not more stable than that. It's scary to think that solid supports can suddenly disappear. But I continue to believe that you are a strong wonderful person, and that you WILL do well without him being in the same city!

Like Orchid mentioned, maybe this will be a blessing in disguise? I know you want forever therapy, but it DID sort of sound (maybe?) like you were outgrowing the expertise of your T? Sometimes like piano students get too good for a certain teacher? Maybe it will be good to start over with a new T, a new point of view?

I'm sorry if that all sounded horrible, and if you don't want to do that. But I DO have confidence that you will prevail. :)

JenStar

 

Re: Ambivilance JenStar

Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2005, at 3:10:44

In reply to Re: Ambivilance Dinah, posted by JenStar on September 15, 2005, at 23:31:56

From all he explained to me, and all that I know, moving to another city never was even an idea until Katrina.

I do think that, like me, he doesn't want to live through a direct hit, when this resulted from a near miss. I think half the city feels that way. But I'm not sure it's a decision you make within the first weeks of the aftermath. And I didn't get the feeling that he was that confident in the decision.

I'm not going to get a new therapist.

 

Thanks Annierose

Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2005, at 3:13:06

In reply to Re: And to make matters worse Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 15, 2005, at 22:13:33

You *get* the range of feelings I'm experiencing, I think. Thank you for that.

 

Re: Ambivilance Dinah

Posted by jane_d on September 16, 2005, at 13:52:42

In reply to Ambivilance, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2005, at 21:19:20

> .... And it bugs me that I am so damned attached to someone, and rely on someone, who obviously does worse in an emergency than I do. :(

But Dinah! To be fair I think MOST people would do worse in an emergency than you have done. :)

Jane, who wants you in charge if she ever needs to evacuate.

 

Well put! (nm) jane_d

Posted by fallsfall on September 16, 2005, at 18:25:00

In reply to Re: Ambivilance Dinah, posted by jane_d on September 16, 2005, at 13:52:42

 

Re: Ambivilance Dinah

Posted by JenStar on September 16, 2005, at 19:57:14

In reply to Re: Ambivilance JenStar, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2005, at 3:10:44

Well, I'm sorry he made a hasty decision. Do you think he could/might undo it... like, sell the new house and move back, now that the city is opening? Or is this a totally permanent thing?

I hope the drive to see him isn't too difficult. Do you think he would set up an internet video feed for you guys to do "virtual reality" sessions...or is that just silly because you need to be physically present to get the hard work done?

In any case, I'm sorry. I wish I could help!
take care of yourself, and I hope you and your family can have a fun weekend. :)
JenStar

 

Thinking of you a lot

Posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 23:00:55

In reply to Thinking of looking for very short term therapy, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2005, at 21:29:02

Hi Dinah,
I know you are going through such a bad time right now, I just don't think anything I can write would make you feel any better, so I have avoided saying anything.
You are going through so much pain and devistation, I don't know what I would do if I had to go through it all. But I do know from being on these boards the last couple of months, is that you are tough lady and smart.
I know you will be okay, because you are strong even when you don't think that you are.
Your post have helped me a lot and I wish I could say something to help you the way you have helped me, but can't imagine what you are going through. All I can offer is hugs and to let you know that we all need you around here, Babble wouldn't be the same without you. Best wishes to your family and you. ((((((Dinah)))))))(((((Dianh's family)))))) and (((((Dinah's T))))))

 

Thank you happyflower

Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 7:08:16

In reply to Thinking of you a lot, posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 23:00:55

I'm sorry i haven't been posting. I've also turned on my instant messaging, even when i do have the computer which isn't often.

i'm just so self involved right now. anything that doesn't have to do with katrina seems a million miles away, yet i can't bear to talk about that either. so i'm just pulling away.

i'll probably be going home soon, although my husband's been assigned somewhere else. from all i hear my office is going to be closed for a good while, but there's plenty i need to do for a while. too much to do. and we found a school for my son there.

or i am thinking about trying the emergency room, but i'm guessing they've been flooded with people who feel the same way i do and probably aren't admitting anyone.

anyway, i probably won't have internet access for a while either way because i know my phone and therefore internet doesn't work at home. so no one should worry if they don't see me for a while.

 

Re: Thank you Dinah

Posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 8:10:33

In reply to Thank you happyflower, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 7:08:16

I'm sorry you don't feel like there's anything you can talk about here. Everything must be so emotionally exhausting for you right now. But no matter what you have to say, we'll listen. So, as always, when you're ready...

And if you need to go to the emergency room, please don't hesitate based on what you think they will or won't do. I want you to be safe and I'm sure your husband and son do as well.

((((Dinah))))

 

(((((Dinah)))) (nm)

Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2005, at 11:48:10

In reply to Thank you happyflower, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 7:08:16

 

At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0

Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

In reply to Re: Thank you Dinah, posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 8:10:33

There may be another alternative. I took two or three times the klonopin i'm supposed to take, and that's bringing my pain down to manageable levels.

i can't continue that of course, i'll run out. but i was thinking maybe rum. i don't like liquor as a whole, but i seem to tolerate rum.

My therapist sat beside me yesterday and put an arm around me to hold me as I heaved sobs and hyperventilated. He's taken a four week assignment but can continue to see me once a week at a time when i'm not sure i can see him because i'm now a single mom. But he'll forget me as soon as he's not afraid i'll throw up on his carpet. just like he forgot me after our last appt. my husband says we'll work something out.

i know long term everything may work out, but intermediate term it sure isn't, and i don't know if i can make it through intermediate term.

Does anyone know how to make sure you can't buy a gun? How do you manage to get on the list of disqualifiers?

there's all sorts of bad news coming in from all fronts. i just can't bear it.

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah

Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2005, at 13:31:19

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

Dinah,
I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I don't think your T will ever forget you. But I realize that things are not at all the same.

I wish I could wave a wand and make Katrina never happen. You posted before that you didn't think hospitals would admit folks right now, but it's worth a try. It's worth going in for a medication adjustment versus trying to handle this on your own.

How to be disqualified from buying a gun? I don't know the rules. Don't carry enough money to. Take your son with you. I'm sure he would make you think twice. I know this is really really hard, but he NEEDS you. And whatever you need to do now in the short term to make sure you have a long term is okay. It sounds even necessary.

Believe your husband. You'll work something out.

Email or post if needed and you can.

((((dinah))))

gg

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah

Posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 13:46:00

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

Dinah,

Please don't do anything more drastic. Is there any possibility you can go to the ER? Is your husband already gone or is he with you?

Can you get someone to help in the interim? Did you talk to your T about that? I know you feel like that would be rejection from him, but you need to have some help closer in proximity to you, I think.

I know you aren't feeling much hope right now and I'm not exactly sure how to help you see that things will get better. I can only hold the hope for you, I guess. I'm praying that's enough right now.

You are so special and loved. I think more than you know or maybe even more than you can imagine.

Laurie

 

((((((dinah))))

Posted by muffled on September 19, 2005, at 14:51:30

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

You got alot of people pulling for you. Hang in there. Just take it alittle at a time. You can do this. Its amazing how much we can tolerate and survive. I was reading that post about how you gave those posts for my T. Gosh that was nice of you to do. A whole lot of people responded too. You have obviously touched alot of people in a positive way. You need to stay with us. There's enough bad people out there that we need to keep every nice one that we have in this world.
I don't think I'm the only one here who has hit that wall of 'I just can't take it anymore, I just can't" But y'know I hit that wall, hard. I was gonna use a gun too. It was the messy factor, the fact that other people would see such a mess that made me pause. I think that no matter what way you choose its just awful for those left behind. And YES THINGS DO GET BETTER. They do, they will. You just maybe can't see that right now. I am SO glad I am here. I'm glad for my kids. My kids love me, wacky though I am. They truly love me. Its a wonderous thing.
Hang in there Dinah.
Muffled.
Sorry if I'm lecturing, its just I KNOW, you got to beleive me. Just don't do anything drastic, there's no second chances with death. No peace really, you just leave your pain behind for others. At least alive you CAN make things better. This is a BAD patch. But just a patch, thats all.

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah

Posted by Tamar on September 19, 2005, at 14:54:38

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

Oh Dinah, Im so sorry youre having such a rough time.

I know nothing about Klonopin, but I do know that alcohol only makes it harder to cope with day-to-day stuff. And I can understand why you might think about buying a gun, but do think of your son.

Im sure you dont want to see another therapist; you want your own therapist, and yet if it isnt possible to see your therapist as often as youd like, perhaps it might be worth considering seeing someone else on a short-term basis. You wouldnt have the same relationship, but you might be able to find someone you can trust enough with some of the things that are less pressing; just to give you a bit of relief.

Is it at all possible to take your son with you at the time your therapist can meet you? Is there anywhere he could sit and read perhaps? Is he at a stage where he can be left unsupervised for an hour? Or is there any kind of childcare available? (Im wondering what you would do with him if you were working at the moment there must be couples who both have to work, so perhaps there is a solution). I know Im grasping at straws and youve probably already thought of anything I could suggest.

Im absolutely sure your therapist wont forget you. He cant give you what you want and need at the moment, but I do believe hes still committed to the relationship and that he wants to be as available to you as possible in the circumstances. But of course its hard getting through this time when everything is so uncertain.

Take good care of yourself, Dinah. We love you very much and were always here for you.

Tamar

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0

Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 15:38:43

In reply to Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah, posted by All Done on September 19, 2005, at 13:46:00


> You are so special and loved. I think more than you know or maybe even more than you can imagine.
>
> Laurie


I couldn't have said it better, AllDone.
Dinah - please keep yourself safe. I cannot imagine the stressors that you've had to absorb; I agree that emergency care shouldn't be ruled out if you're feeling that you are in a dangerous place.
You're a strong, wonderful, caring woman. And you are extremely capable.
with much love,
ClearSkies

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah

Posted by jane_d on September 19, 2005, at 15:40:04

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

Hang in there. Cut back on what you "have to" do if that is what you need. There is no way that your therapist is forgetting you. From what you've said it seems that he just isn't good at deciding what to do right now. You're probably doing him a favor if you just explain to him how it's going to be. :)

Have you tried to raise your doctor by phone? You might be able to arrange a med increase that way.

Again, hang in there.

Jane

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah

Posted by JenStar on September 19, 2005, at 17:50:31

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

hi Dinah,
I'm so sorry thing are this bad. I'm so sorry! I have hope and faith that you will be OK. I know it doesn't seem like it ever will, but it WILL once again be a good life. You're a fantastic, smart, intelligent, fun, witty person, and this world would be a sadder place without you. Your son needs you, and so do your network of friends IRL and here on Babble. I know that ties seem tenuous to your T, but there are all different kinds of bonds. He is bonded to you for life in a way -- even though you're far apart, he's seen you for SO LONG that you will never be forgotten!

Would it be possible to do phone sessions or video sessions? Double sessions? Triple sessions when you drive down?

Can you temporarily see someone closer, just to have a lifeline with whom to talk? It doesn't mean your replacing your T -- just helping yourself through this difficult time.

To avoid the gun: Think of your son. Think of how how hard you've worked to make it this far. That time is so worthwhile -- your efforts are worth so much. Don't lose that, Dinah!

Please don't lose faith. I hope things get better soon.

JenStar

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0 Dinah

Posted by annierose on September 19, 2005, at 18:20:43

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

Dinah -

I'm sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply. Our internet has been down all day.

I wish I could help you through this process. You have so many reasons to grieve. You have loss so much, but you have not lost your T. He is just not as available as before. Someone else wrote this in a previous thread, but there is no hierarchy with pain. If you think you need to be in a safe place, there would be room for you. And they would be able to adjust your medication. Have you tried to get a hold of your p-doc?

There is no magic cure-all. I wish we could take back time. Try to take each day as it comes. Try to find some immediate support while continuing your theraputic relationship w/your favorite T. He is sorting out his own life right now. Your husband sounds supportive. Lean on him too. Lean on us. We're here for you too.

Annie

 

Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0

Posted by rubenstein on September 19, 2005, at 19:29:02

In reply to At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 12:43:36

I am so sorry
Things must be so hard
You have helped me through difficult times
I am here for you
take care
please
rachel

 

Slept all day

Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 20:42:53

In reply to Re: At the end of my rope (poss. trigger0, posted by rubenstein on September 19, 2005, at 19:29:02

Maybe that's just the best course of action when things get to be too much. Do whatever I need to do to sleep for a long long time. It's cheaper than a hospital.

I ended up starting the trip to Wal Mart, but getting so sleepy on an earlier stop that I couldn't keep up the energy to go look at the guns.

My therapist called me today. I thought it was in response to my message, but he didn't get that until later, and called me later thinking I had made it after I spoke to him. So he did remember and called on his own to check on me. He also asked if I was going to quit with him, and I have no idea why he asked that, since I've been adamant that I won't. I guess it was because I broke into strong hysterics after he told me about the four week assignment yesterday.

Maybe I'll try to reach my pdoc tomorrow. I'm driving the four plus hours to see my therapist tomorrow before he goes off for the rest of the week on yet another out of town assignment. I was able to make the appt because it would appear from what my husband told me he heard on the news that the return to N.O. has been halted. I'm not sure if it's for safety issues, or because of the tropical storm. I slept through all the news today. So I'll be having a bit of internet access for a few days. I keep calling home hoping the phone service has been restored but no luck. Serves me right for leaving the Bell companies.

I'm feeling more numb tonight than desparate. It's just that I got such a stream of bad news at once.

My therapist keeps saying I am strong enough to do all this, and it just makes me more desparate to do something drastic. Because I'm not strong enough and as long as it's assumed that I am, I will be expected to do more than I can do. And that makes me desparate. I wish my problems were more visible.

 

I'm sorry

Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 20:51:58

In reply to Slept all day, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2005, at 20:42:53

I forgot to apologize for being dramatic, and to thank everyone for their kind words and good wishes.

:(


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