Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 549014

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Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(

Posted by kerria on August 30, 2005, at 23:25:48

i'm devastated- i NEED to see T so much and i missed therapy again today.
i hate my life. Everything is totally wrong.
i finally had my pain under control to leave and walk to the bus stop- two buses didn't come and the next was too late to get me to the connecting bus. i needed to see T. No one else can help with communication now,

We see the terrible pain management dr-tomorrow - that doesn't believe i'm in pain and gives me this bad med that doesn't work well enough, keeps me up all night and sedates me all day.

H won't go with me tomorrow to the pain management dr- and i have no one else- no friends IRL. This dr is so abusive-when i'm alone there- he doesn't want to precribe the needed medicine- i always end up crying openly infront of everyone in the office. They think i'm a druggie . i'm not. i hurt so so badly and i have to depend upon this horrible dr for medicine.
He doesn't care if he makes me live in terrible pain.
i hate my life so much.
there's never any support IRL. so afraid of what's causing the pain and so afraid of the pain.

thanks for listening . -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
i have to try and hold teddy, every thing is to hard. i miss T. No one ecept T is on my side.
C.A.

 

Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:( » kerria

Posted by JenStar on August 30, 2005, at 23:42:35

In reply to Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(, posted by kerria on August 30, 2005, at 23:25:48

(((kerria)))

I'm soooo sorry you're hurting so much. Hang in there, OK? Things WILL get better! And I hope soon.

I hope you have strength tomorrow with the pain Dr.

I'm sorry you missed the T -- I hate how busses are sometimes late/missing! That truly sucks. Would your T let you reschedule sort of as an emergency b/c you need to see him?

good luck tomorrow.
take care,
JenStar

 

Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(

Posted by fairywings on August 31, 2005, at 13:06:10

In reply to Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(, posted by kerria on August 30, 2005, at 23:25:48

I'm so sorry Kerria. I know it was hard to find the pain doc, but can't you find another? It's unconscionable that he's so horrible to you and causes you psychic pain to go with the physical pain. I'm glad you have your T. I hope you can get in there to see him.
((((HUGS))))
fw

 

Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(

Posted by Emily Elizabeth on August 31, 2005, at 15:55:12

In reply to Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(, posted by fairywings on August 31, 2005, at 13:06:10

(((Kerria)))

I know that you probably don't feel very strong right now, but I just wanted to write to you to remind you that you are an AMAZINGLY strong woman. I cannot fathom what you have endured. I'm sure that other p-babblers have also been impressed by your strength.

We'll be with you in spirit. Take care of yourself.

Hugs,
EE

 

Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:( » JenStar

Posted by kerria on September 2, 2005, at 10:19:30

In reply to Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:( » kerria, posted by JenStar on August 30, 2005, at 23:42:35

Thank you, JenStar, for writing.
No, i called and asked T and he wouldn't allow an appt with him after the pain drs appt- which went as bad as could have went :(.

After the appt on Wed i felt so bad that i didn't want to be with myself- i didn't feel safe and asked him to call back.
T didn't even respond to the parts in crisis.
i made it through- - i asked T yesterday why he didn't call. He said he forgot.

it was so hard to believe that he forgot because i remember how upset i was. i thought for a while that maybe he didn't know it was me because i was too upset to talk clearly maybe but i remember calling T by the name that only i use to refer to him. He knew it was me. He doesn't care about me.
i know T is busy and all the patients he talks to want to kill themselves and do a lot but


thank you for writing,

kerria :( :( :(

 

Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:( » fairywings

Posted by kerria on September 2, 2005, at 10:36:45

In reply to Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(, posted by fairywings on August 31, 2005, at 13:06:10

Thank you , fairywings, for asking about it and for making me feel not so alone.

No, T didn't even remember to call me back after i called him in crisis after seeing the pain management dr.
T is so used to me being in crisis? i don't know why it's so hard for me to find any drs or therapists to care. Everything about my life is so painful. i switch to forget it and they think i'm ok now. i'm not ok. i'm so afraid because i don't remember my writing things here that i read later. Everything is so difficult . i want to go back to a person that there was here before all the disordered thinking took over my life.
i hate me this way because no one cares if i live or die- they hate me too.

i wish i could find a way out. it's so sad to be unhappy with the way i am. A peron can do away with a lot of things but this is hard.

tears. i wish sombody could help me.

kerria

 

Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:( TRIGGER » Emily Elizabeth

Posted by kerria on September 2, 2005, at 10:57:43

In reply to Re: Missed therapy AGAIN this week:(, posted by Emily Elizabeth on August 31, 2005, at 15:55:12

Thank you, (((((((((((EE))))))))))

you're right, i don't feel strong at all. mostly i just think of how much i hurt now and a lot of negative things about the way i am and why my H and T don't care about me. They stick with me because of a business contract.

It feels so very impersonal and empty when i need to feel connected and have real relationships .

tears.

i'm so lost because everything i am keeps changing and there's no real relationships to balance it out. And i need them so so much.

flashbacks today. i'm having audio flashbacks - hearing things i said, inside and feeling exactly like it's happening now.
It's so triggering when people who supposed to love you don't really care. it made me and makes me now so angry i say to H, to T but really to F
"Keep your hands off me.'

tears


i wish somebody knows how to help .
kerria


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