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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
He came to session today prepared to listen. He allowed me to take the lead and bring up a different topic, but he turned it back into the struggle I've been having with our relationship.
He was a bit disingenuous trying to say that he wasn't saying that he wouldn't help me in my goals, while simulataneously saying that no therapist wants to help a client move backward and that I might not be being open in considering the benefits of other goals.
I retained my stance that he didn't need to help, and I understood that our goals were different, but that I didn't want to fight with him over it, and I'd handle it myself.
It was a good session overall. We didn't come to any sort of agreement, but he did listen to me and respect the depth of my feelings for the first time. And maybe that's enough.
And he didn't make it icky or appear to be uncomfortable at the prospect of being the object of adoration. :)
He's a pretty good guy, and a decent therapist when he's paying attention.
He did however schedule people into the only two time slots we ever use on Friday. If he had filled one or the other I wouldn't have felt hurt, but he filled both. So I formally requested appointments at 9 am Fridays through next May, and gave him the two dates I would need a different time slot. He didn't reply.
Posted by cricket on August 26, 2005, at 19:21:12
In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
It is amazing just what listening will do. I'm glad he heard you finally.
Posted by annierose on August 26, 2005, at 21:53:52
In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
It sounds like you felt heard and understood.
But I would be bugged by the Friday appointment time too. I would feel slighted. I think I mentioned this before, I don't know why he can't just offer you a set appointment times and only change them as necessary, instead of the other way around.
And are you eating better too? (Do I sound like a mom or what?)
Posted by Tamar on August 27, 2005, at 5:41:58
In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
> He came to session today prepared to listen. He allowed me to take the lead and bring up a different topic, but he turned it back into the struggle I've been having with our relationship.
>
> He was a bit disingenuous trying to say that he wasn't saying that he wouldn't help me in my goals, while simulataneously saying that no therapist wants to help a client move backward and that I might not be being open in considering the benefits of other goals.I’m glad he was listening. Though I see what you mean about his being disingenuous. On the other hand, maybe he’s looking for a compromise. Maybe if you were to demonstrate to him that those other goals don’t work for you, he might be more prepared to help you with yours. I dunno… Sometimes I think therapists have these brainwaves and can’t let go of ideas until they’ve proved wrong. And maybe we can learn something in the process of proving them wrong (double satisfaction…).
> I retained my stance that he didn't need to help, and I understood that our goals were different, but that I didn't want to fight with him over it, and I'd handle it myself.
I’m sure you *can* handle it yourself, but wouldn’t it be better if he worked with you on it? Maybe he needs to do a bit of compromising too. And I think it’s possible to pursue two different goals, though it might depend on how different they are!
> It was a good session overall. We didn't come to any sort of agreement, but he did listen to me and respect the depth of my feelings for the first time. And maybe that's enough.I’m so glad he respects the depth of your feelings. I don’t see how he could help you if he didn’t.
> And he didn't make it icky or appear to be uncomfortable at the prospect of being the object of adoration. :)
Yippee!
> He's a pretty good guy, and a decent therapist when he's paying attention.
>
> He did however schedule people into the only two time slots we ever use on Friday. If he had filled one or the other I wouldn't have felt hurt, but he filled both. So I formally requested appointments at 9 am Fridays through next May, and gave him the two dates I would need a different time slot. He didn't reply.Argh! Are there twelve good reasons why he can’t just schedule you at the same time several weeks in advance? I can imagine that keeping his schedule flexible might be appropriate for some clients, but it’s not as if you’re going to disappear any time soon! I suspect that the kind of therapy he’s doing with you might be quite different from the therapy he does with other clients – didn’t you mention that he normally does short-term CBT? I can see how moving appointment times could be useful in short-term CBT, but I’m not so sure it’s appropriate for you.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2005, at 6:16:07
In reply to Re: Update » Dinah, posted by cricket on August 26, 2005, at 19:21:12
I think that was all I was looking for, and the reason I was so upset. I know he really does have some stuff going on in his life right now, and I'm sympathetic. But it's a long term situation, and so I really am doing myself a disservice if I give him too much leeway for being off because of it. It's not like he's giving me a discount for it. If it were short term, it'd be different.
I feel bad about that, but I just can't see any other way to do therapy that's any good at all.
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2005, at 6:19:53
In reply to Re: Update » Dinah, posted by annierose on August 26, 2005, at 21:53:52
I'm eating a bit better, but nowhere what my scale is saying. According to my scale I've gained back all the weight. I know I'm not eating that badly.
That's just the way he's always worked, week to week appointments. And I sort of know where the confusion comes, because I needed a different time in the summer. But it was still one of those two times, 9 or 10, never anything else. I don't know why he had to fill both of them. Tuesdays I don't care, but Fridays are my *real* therapy day, and they're special to me. Hopefully this will clear up the confusion. Although he'll be annoyed. :) It's a work in progress still.
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2005, at 6:24:11
In reply to Re: Update » Dinah, posted by Tamar on August 27, 2005, at 5:41:58
That's just the way he works. He's not the most organized man in the world by a long shot, and I think he likes the idea of being spontaneous. Hopefully, making a long term stream of weekly appointments won't be too irksome to him. It will, of course. Smile. One of those personality quirks ya gotta love. Well, at least it's expedient to love.
I didn't really expect him to agree to help me with my goal. Which is basically to go back to where I was. I'm not sure a therapist can agree to do that. Something in their bylaws I guess. But I just wanted him to understand and to be concerned about how badly I was feeling, and not to think my goal had no purpose at all. He seems to understand the purpose and sympathize with it, now. He just still doesn't see how he can agree to do it. But that's ok. I don't think he'll be disapproving at least.
Posted by LauraBeane on August 27, 2005, at 9:45:06
In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
> He came to session today prepared to listen. He allowed me to take the lead and bring up a different topic, but he turned it back into the struggle I've been having with our relationship.
It sounds like he is paying attention on several levels -- allowing you to direct the session but also not letting the issue go.
> He was a bit disingenuous trying to say that he wasn't saying that he wouldn't help me in my goals, while simulataneously saying that no therapist wants to help a client move backward and that I might not be being open in considering the benefits of other goals.
Right, well I'm sure you expected that -- he is dedicated first and foremost to being supportive of you. That's at the core. But he can't tell you he supports your reclaiming a goal he feels is not in your best interest in the long run. Not if he's honest, anyway.
> I retained my stance that he didn't need to help, and I understood that our goals were different, but that I didn't want to fight with him over it, and I'd handle it myself.
You're not the boss of me! Stated in a supremely reasonable, iron-clad voice. :-)
> It was a good session overall. We didn't come to any sort of agreement, but he did listen to me and respect the depth of my feelings for the first time. And maybe that's enough.
I think getting him to acknowledge and respect the depth of your feelings is huge.
> And he didn't make it icky or appear to be uncomfortable at the prospect of being the object of adoration. :)It seems like being supportive of you is his highest priority. He will give you what you need. He must really trust you.
> He's a pretty good guy, and a decent therapist when he's paying attention.Too funny.
> He did however schedule people into the only two time slots we ever use on Friday. If he had filled one or the other I wouldn't have felt hurt, but he filled both. So I formally requested appointments at 9 am Fridays through next May, and gave him the two dates I would need a different time slot. He didn't reply.
Do you think it might be his way of saying, okay, but I'm the boss of me, too?
Anyway, I'm really glad you were able to relax the knot, even if it hasn't been untangled completely.
L.
Posted by JenStar on August 27, 2005, at 13:31:28
In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
hi Dinah,
I'm glad the session went better and that he listened! That's progress, right?It sounds like it's at least a start to where you want to go with this therapy, and hopefully he'll get on board with it fully. I'm glad that you're firm about your own goals -- if you know what you want and need, it's right to insist on getting it! :)
take care and have a great weekend!
JenSTar
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2005, at 16:53:05
In reply to Re: Update, posted by LauraBeane on August 27, 2005, at 9:45:06
I'm really glad that he handled it this way. I was firm on what my goals were, but I was afraid we'd have to not discuss them. It feels better this way. :)
Posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 7:55:26
In reply to Re: Update - Jenstar » LauraBeane, posted by Dinah on August 27, 2005, at 16:53:05
My T has changed times on me, too.
In the beginning, she gave me a time that was after my work hours. Now, she suddenly expects me to be able to leave work an hour early every Tuesday to go see her!
What's up with that? Yes, I feel slighted- like my needs don't matter at all.
Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 10:19:05
In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44
> He did however schedule people into the only two time slots we ever use on Friday. If he had filled one or the other I wouldn't have felt hurt, but he filled both.OUCH! I agree, thar would hurt.
fw
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