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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on August 18, 2005, at 8:56:03
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by Shortelise on August 18, 2005, at 0:59:01
lol. I like that one, ShortE.
I think I did that once to my therapist sort of inadvertantly. I changed my hair color and he didn't mention it the first time I saw him, but did eventually. And it seemed like a very long time ago to me, so I looked at him blankly and told him that no, I hadn't changed my hair.
Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:19:36
In reply to Re: Don't know what to talk about in therapy » All Done, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2005, at 9:15:05
> Sometimes I ask my therapist if there's anything he'd like to talk about since I've run out. He usually comes up with something terribly banal. I'm not sure if that's *his* training manual, or if he really has nothing terribly deep in his mind. But it usually forces me to dredge up something to save him the embarassment of being so empty headed.
>
> I need to get my hair recolored when my scalp sunburn is completely gone. I was really happy with my color for the first time in ages before I went on vacation and was going to ask the colorist to keep that one going. It was sort of the color Jennifer Aniston has right now. But then it got sun brassed a bit, and I don't know what to tell her. Do you think she knows what color Jennifer Aniston has right now?The one thing I learned about coloring my hair blonde is that when it gets a bit brassy looking, the colorist needs to add ash blonde. I don't know...it seems to help.
> I can't wait to hear how it comes out. And how your therapist reacts. :) Mine is totally erratic. Mostly he doesn't mention it at all, so when he does I know I either look pretty good, or clownish.
Now that I've been thinking about it, I do remember one time I went to a session right after I had my hair cut and styled. He asked me if I got it cut and then told me it looked nice. That was the session immediately following the session where I first expressed my (not so great) feelings about my appearance. He tries, but on occassion I'd rather he didn't if he's going to be so darn obvious about it.
And for the record, I don't believe you ever look clownish, so I'd assume his silence means you look pretty good :).
Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:23:54
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2005, at 9:29:04
Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:29:17
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by AuntieMel on August 17, 2005, at 15:23:40
> But you look so good the way you are!!
Thanks, Auntie Mel. You're so kind :).
> I want pictures, too.
Absolutely!
> I wouldn't tell. Ok - I've played around with the color and even screwed it up once and had an orange patch - but I never mention it before or after and he doesn't mention it either.
Oh my gosh, when I was a teenager, I tried to go from dark brown to blonde by myself. Orange, brown, blonde, and gray! It was awful. I had to get my friend/hair stylist to go into work on Sunday when the salon was closed to help. My hair was fried for a couple of years. :(
> And that's a good thing. I've got enough issues about what *I* think I look like without having to think about what *he* thinks I look like.
>
> I can't imagine what would happen to my poor brain if I finally came up with a look I like and he said something negative. Best to leave his perception of looks out of the equation I think.Well, if I don't say anything and then he doesn't say anything, I'll obsess about what he's "really" thinking.
Sigh. I don't think either way feels right to me. I guess I'll decide closer to the day.
Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:31:55
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by Shortelise on August 18, 2005, at 0:59:01
> Or you could deny it. No, I've always had brown hair, doc. And look at him strangely.
>
> Oh, I feel evil.
>
> `. -)You are too funny, ShortE!! I wish I could pull that off, but I know I'd burst into laughter.
Posted by daisym on August 22, 2005, at 0:26:13
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » Shortelise, posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:31:55
I've been lurking, reading this thread with a smile. Once in a blue moon my therapist will comment on what I'm wearing, very dressed up or very dressed down. I once threatened to come in my pjs and he said that would be fine, but wear slippers. :)
If you told him, what did he say?
Posted by All Done on August 23, 2005, at 16:50:37
In reply to So, Did you tell him? » All Done, posted by daisym on August 22, 2005, at 0:26:13
my hair appointment isn't until this coming Saturday. Right after my next session. So, I still have one session left to tell him, if that's what I decide to do.
See how I obsess about these little things? It's been weeks!
This last session was filled with other - dare I say, more important - things to talk about. It never even crossed my mind to discuss my hair. So, I'm leaning toward not telling him.
One of the things we've talked about in more depth is Babble and whether or not he reads or is curious to read. So, maybe this is all a moot point and he already knows ;).
Posted by daisym on August 23, 2005, at 17:09:18
In reply to Re: Sorry to keep you guys hanging, but..., posted by All Done on August 23, 2005, at 16:50:37
Thanks for the update. So did he say he reads? I find that my therapist is very open to asking about the board, but I don't refer to it by name. I've never asked him not to read but I guess I don't want him to. Today he said, "are you getting flack from the board about coming so much?" I laughed and told him no, just the opposite.
Sounds like a good session. Keep us posted.
Posted by Dinah on August 23, 2005, at 17:45:11
In reply to Re: Sorry to keep you guys hanging, but..., posted by All Done on August 23, 2005, at 16:50:37
You didn't make him cross his heart and swear to stick a needle in his eye if he read?
A serious ommission. :D
Posted by All Done on August 24, 2005, at 0:44:53
In reply to Re: Sorry to keep you guys hanging, but... » All Done, posted by daisym on August 23, 2005, at 17:09:18
> Thanks for the update. So did he say he reads? I find that my therapist is very open to asking about the board, but I don't refer to it by name. I've never asked him not to read but I guess I don't want him to. Today he said, "are you getting flack from the board about coming so much?" I laughed and told him no, just the opposite.
>
> Sounds like a good session. Keep us posted.LOL, Daisy. No doubt that your T doesn't read.
Since I wouldn't tell my T the address of Babble (even though he asked), we kind of played a guessing game to see if he even knew about the site. He guessed wrong and then told me he didn't think he's ever come across this place.
He asked if I felt like I wanted him to read. That's when we talked about me wanting him to be curious enough to read, but not necessarily to *actually* read. I hinted at a lot of the stuff that would make me uneasy about him reading, though. Like I said that I like to kind of have fun with erotic transference sometimes. I came so close to telling him I call him Beefcake here.
All in all, I think it would be quite interesting if he read. Problem is, I don't think we'd have enough time to discuss everything.
Posted by All Done on August 24, 2005, at 0:46:39
In reply to Re: Sorry to keep you guys hanging, but... » All Done, posted by Dinah on August 23, 2005, at 17:45:11
Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:13:02
In reply to Re: Therapists and Babble » daisym, posted by All Done on August 24, 2005, at 0:44:53
I talk about Babble quite a lot. About the issues I bring here. And the helpful things people say. And about whether I'm upset with something thats happening on the boards or whatever. To start with I think she thought it was rather bizarre and she seemed sort of disaproving. But I persisted. And now she seems fine about it. Realising how helpful it is to me.
I actually sent her an email this week... Said people here vary with respect to how they feel about their t's reading... Said that I felt a bit divided about it... But that I'd prefer to know she was reading rather than not know. She responded:
>I don’t have any intention of going on the boards – I’d never find the time!
And I realised... That that is a HUGE relief to me. Though part of me wonders whether she has been reading and whether she realises that if I know she reads then I might not talk about certain things over here... Yeah, I think the 'stick a needle in your eye' promise has something to recommend it!
Posted by daisym on August 24, 2005, at 23:48:46
In reply to Re: Therapists and Babble » All Done, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:13:02
We talked a little more about this today. I told him we even have a few therapists in training, or near done with training here. He was surprised at that but then asked if I thought they could "hear" different points of view from their training. I said absolutely. :) I told him that attachment was one of the most common topics and he thought that was really interesting too. I still didn't say the name and I didn't ask him to not read either. I guess I don't want to have the "why not" conversation.
I was tempted to tell him that you guys approve of him but I didn't do that either. Overall he said he was glad I felt connected and supported here. I'm glad too!
Posted by All Done on August 27, 2005, at 23:45:24
In reply to Re: Therapists and Babble » All Done, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:13:02
> I talk about Babble quite a lot. About the issues I bring here. And the helpful things people say. And about whether I'm upset with something thats happening on the boards or whatever. To start with I think she thought it was rather bizarre and she seemed sort of disaproving. But I persisted. And now she seems fine about it. Realising how helpful it is to me.
>
> I actually sent her an email this week... Said people here vary with respect to how they feel about their t's reading... Said that I felt a bit divided about it... But that I'd prefer to know she was reading rather than not know. She responded:
>
> >I don’t have any intention of going on the boards – I’d never find the time!
>
> And I realised... That that is a HUGE relief to me. Though part of me wonders whether she has been reading and whether she realises that if I know she reads then I might not talk about certain things over here... Yeah, I think the 'stick a needle in your eye' promise has something to recommend it!
>I just can't decide if I want to make my T promise not to read or not. I'm pretty sure I've piqued his curiosity, so it would be hard for me to make him promise. I think maybe I should just make him promise to tell me if he starts reading, otherwise I'm just always going to wonder. And I can't imagine he wants me asking him about it week after week.
Posted by All Done on August 27, 2005, at 23:53:29
In reply to Re: Therapists and Babble, posted by daisym on August 24, 2005, at 23:48:46
> We talked a little more about this today. I told him we even have a few therapists in training, or near done with training here. He was surprised at that but then asked if I thought they could "hear" different points of view from their training. I said absolutely. :) I told him that attachment was one of the most common topics and he thought that was really interesting too. I still didn't say the name and I didn't ask him to not read either. I guess I don't want to have the "why not" conversation.
>
> I was tempted to tell him that you guys approve of him but I didn't do that either. Overall he said he was glad I felt connected and supported here. I'm glad too!Mine was surprised to hear that there are therapists in training here, too. I'm surprised there aren't more. What better way to learn and understand your clients? Maybe they're just lurking?
You better tell your T how much we approve of him so he can start preparing for his "How to be a Great Therapist" seminar. ;)
Posted by All Done on August 28, 2005, at 0:09:36
In reply to Re: Sorry to keep you guys hanging, but..., posted by All Done on August 23, 2005, at 16:50:37
and I didn't tell him what's coming. I'm guessing I'm going to get a non-reaction, but if I do get one, I want it to be real. Well, I *think* that's what I want. You know, if it's a good reaction ;).
One good thing, not much longer to wait. I had to reschedule my next session from Saturday to this Wednesday evening.
For those of you keeping track, I like the change. I wish it was a little darker. It's kind of caramel and I wanted chocolate. (Yes, it *is* all about candy.) My colorist wouldn't go darker yet, though. She said it was a big change and if I didn't like it, it would be easier to get back to blonde. She'll go darker next time, if that's what I still want. That's what I'll still want :).
Posted by Annierose on August 28, 2005, at 7:31:40
In reply to Re: I'm brunette, posted by All Done on August 28, 2005, at 0:09:36
I bet it looks fabulous! What were the reactions of the main men in your life?
Can you post a photo on the birthday/anniversary page?
Posted by fallsfall on August 28, 2005, at 11:07:20
In reply to Re: I'm brunette, posted by All Done on August 28, 2005, at 0:09:36
Yes, it IS all about candy. Chocolate is better than caramel...
What was your son's reaction?
Please post when you get home from your therapy appointment on Wednesday!
Posted by kerria on August 28, 2005, at 13:46:15
In reply to Re: Therapists and Babble » All Done, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 16:13:02
Hi. a few times i told my T about babble and about other places that i post and he said that he doesn't have time to read either.
If i become upset by something said against me at the forum- or something i don't agree with T will take the side against me.
It gets me so angry with T how he doesn't take my side so many times-- he said "If enough people say something (about me) than it's probably true."
It's really hard when you have parts inside that don't take my side either.A support group is supposed to be supportive and here it really is for the most part- very supportive compared to other boards- where they try to 'fix' what they see wrong with you. All they have to work with is the viewpoint of one or two of your parts besides.. What a mess.
i think my T did read here though because last week he said things out of the blue like, i really care about you- not just like a job- like my job caring for plant material- i wouldn't care that much if i lost a couple of plants but if he lost a couple of patients..something like that.
i asked if he had favorite patients.
he said No - every one is different. A parent cares about every child the same. T's caring is Less than a parent and more than just a job. T cares 'Inbetween.'kerria
just a plant
Posted by gardenergirl on August 28, 2005, at 15:42:13
In reply to Re: Therapists and Babble and caring, posted by kerria on August 28, 2005, at 13:46:15
With bright and sunny yellow flowers.
((((kerria))))
gg
Posted by Pfinstegg on August 28, 2005, at 16:23:42
In reply to A lovely and resilient plant » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 28, 2005, at 15:42:13
And it sounds like he really does care- about you as a person. Think that when all the parts get together more, what a wonderful, interesting person you will be! I think he knows that. Some of the earlier, less positive messages from him- it's so hard to say how much weight to put on them. He sounds very supportive and committed to you now.
Posted by kerria on August 28, 2005, at 16:37:16
In reply to A lovely and resilient plant » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 28, 2005, at 15:42:13
Thank you, (((((((gardenergirl)))))))
love,
kerria
Posted by kerria on August 28, 2005, at 23:42:31
In reply to Re: A lovely and resilient plant kerria, posted by Pfinstegg on August 28, 2005, at 16:23:42
Hi Pfinstegg,
Thank you so much for your positive words. Yes, i think my T really cares and has hope we can get better.
i think T stays the same in his beliefs but parts see him in different ways. He does get angry though and there have been some very hard times with T in the past, times that i still don't understand why he acted as he did. It had a lasting negative effect on my ability to trust him. i try not to think of those times.
Once - about two years ago, i did try to leave him. i was successful in leaving for a month. Then my little ones inside went back ONE time to say 'goodbye' to T1 and the new T terminated me as a patient. i came home from work one day to find a letter from T2 saying that i was no longer his patient- he would have nothing to do with me- and sent copies to T1 and my psychiatrist. we were devastated. i couldn't even receive the letter. i mailed it back to him because i was so upset. There was no warning.
see- i can't leave.i think that it was all for the best but i feel that T2 was heartless to just send an impersonal letter after all the struggle of therapy with a new T . Why wouldn't he understand that i needed to say 'good bye' once?
Some people think that persons with severe dissociative disorders don't hurt the same as 'real ' people do.
That therapist- T2 was on the ISSD list. Not the friendliest bunch of people i've found - that's my experience.
There are some therapists and drs that treat persons with DID as sub-human. They will cover their true beliefs with language like "We must, to do our best work, (?) recognize our limitations as therapists... etc, "
Some at the top of that organization think that some with DID are incurable and don't think that time should be wasted trying to treat them. There's so much arrogance between the lines on some of the writing on their website. TRIGGER- It hurts to read there.
At least my T is hopeful that there's a possibility that we can get better, thankfully.
Take care, Pfinstegg.
Thank you,
kerria
Posted by Pfinstegg on August 29, 2005, at 0:06:31
In reply to Re: A lovely and resilient plant kerria » Pfinstegg, posted by kerria on August 28, 2005, at 23:42:31
Yes. I think dissociative disorders are among the most painful things one can have, and you deserve complete respect for your courageous struggles, and your commitment to getting better. You can, too- other people have done it. If your T. did make some errors by getting angry under some sort of stress, it doesn't sound like the main way he is with you most of the time. You did say that your parts do trust him, and will talk to him- what a good beginning. As you are becoming more aware of your parts, so that you know simultaneously about more than one, it will probably get a lot easier to experience your T. as very caring and skillful. I hope that's what happens. There are so many rapid ups and downs with DID that the hardest thing is to maintain hope, and a sense that you are making progress. Posting frequently here may help, as we may see an overall improvement when it's hard for you to see that yourself. Then, one day, you'll see and know it for yourself and probably won't need to post as much. That has already happened for one poster with DID.
Posted by kerria on August 29, 2005, at 0:34:26
In reply to Re: A lovely and resilient plant kerria » Pfinstegg, posted by kerria on August 28, 2005, at 23:42:31
About the T that terminated me - that i shared about in my previous post- the one that i found on the ISSD website -
i just looked up the ISSD website and he's speaking at their conference in Bali next year.
Not a very kind or caring person at all.The beliefs that many at the top of that organization hold - that some with DID are untreatable is so troubling because of their huge influence on therapists in the field of treating trauma disorders.
Maybe that's why persons with complex DID like me have a hard time finding therapsts...
and finding hope of ever getting better.Even if it were possible to get better it would be impossible without a therapist because no one will take the difficult 'cases.'
kerria:(
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