Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 535135

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Re: Visit a pain clinic ??

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:14:15

In reply to Re: Visit a pain clinic ?? » kerria, posted by Poet on August 2, 2005, at 18:55:04

Hi Poet,

i'm in so much pain. Today i have an appt with a dr- a gyn/oncologist that the gyn dr that i saw on Mon. referred me to.
This dr will already have access to the other dr who asked about 'depression' and 'PTSD.' He/she will have access to my pain control dr also, because i always tell them all my drs. It's so hard for me to keep anything secret. My DID makes me an 'open book'- i always answer anyone to tell them whatever they ask. :(

If i can only get co-operation with my parts to go to a new place- i hope soon. They always take a medical history and the medications that you take are always recorded. It's so hard to have a chance to be treated apart from that.

i had to call in sick because i'm in too much pain to work. If no one will help the pain my life is over. i can't do anything.

i'll try to go to the dr today and hope for the best and try to find pain clinics in the phone book to call if they can't help me.
Thank you, Poet.

it's so hard not to be discouraged now and i'm afraid i'll lose my job.
kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:21:30

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria, posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 19:37:14

> Hi Kerria,
>
> > Tamar- what kind of Dr diagnosed your friend's pain that was called something like "Pelvic venous congestion? When i looked up a search on that i found that i have a lot of the conditions to cause that- four babies and i have a small frame- also i did backpacking and a lot heavy lifting at work. The pain is so severe though- it's not just an aching.
>
> I’m pretty sure my friend was diagnosed by a gynaecologist who specialized in the condition. I think she had to travel a long way to see him (very painful for her, but worth it for the diagnosis).
>
> My friend’s pain was definitely not just an aching, so it might fit your situation too. My friend’s pain was so severe she had to give up work. She couldn’t travel more than about 20 minutes by car (if she did, the pain became much worse for several days). If fact, she hardly ever left the house. The pain you describe sounds a bit like my friend’s, which is why I thought of it. Maybe you don’t have the same condition, but it might be worth looking for a doctor who knows about it so you can explore the possibility.
>
> My friend had similar frustrations to yours. She had to find the specialist herself. It seems so hard to get people to help. I’m sorry you’re having such a struggle with the doctors and I hope you find a diagnosis soon.
>
> Tamar
>
>
Thank you so much, Tamar. i'm going to look for a gyn dr that specializes in that disorder.
If you don't mind me asking- you don't have to answer- but
is your friend better? What was the treatment? Was it surgery that helped? Nerve blocks? Medication? Does she still have to go or is the pain resolved?

Thanks so much, Tamar.
Take care,
kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:32:11

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria, posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 21:32:45

> Hi kerria,
>
> > Your friend's pain and limitations sounds just like mine. i can barely drive short distances since i came off of the pain medicines that worked for me. Driving far is too painful. Since my medicines changed , i can't do anything. i don't think i can even go the work tomorrow.
>
> Yes, there are definite similarities. Of course, they may be coincidental. But the similarities could point to a similar condition.
>
> > Do you remember what the treatment was for the problem? Was it successful? Is she still in pain now?
>
> She's still in pain, but not as much. I'm not sure exactly what the treatment was, but I think she has to rest quite a lot. She was advised to have a hysterectomy, but she wanted children so she has to wait.
>
> > What City is the dr located in? i live on the east coast. i'd do anything to find an answer to this terrible problem.
>
> My friend lives in the UK, and I'm not sure exactly where her doctor was (somewhere in northern England is all I can remember), but I think a transatlantic trip might be too painful for you in any case. Sorry I can't be more help about that. However, I'm sure there must be doctors on the East Coast who have experience with this condition. If you can track down a support group for the condition they might be able to put you in contact with a doctor.
>
> You might find more information at http://www.pelvicpain.org/ and http://www.pelvicpain.com/.
>
> Good luck.
> Tamar
>

Thank you, Tamar, for already answering- i didn't see your post before i posted or remember that i had even asked you before. i don't have communication with my parts and it's so frustrating. It feels like i'm walking in the dark, just groping around trying to find help now, so desperate because i hurt so much now.

You're right- i can't go overseas or possible sit that long.

i'll try to find somewhere nearby with the links.
Thanks again,
kerria

 

referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:32:11

Hi - we really need support- i hurt so much and can't stand to be in this pain anymore:(
Losing it again.
Today i went to the new gyn/oncologist that the dr i went to on Monday referred me to. He said that i have much more wrong than vulvodynia- or it involves more of an area--and referred me to Somebody else! i've been to so many drs that i thing there may not be anyone in my state that doesn't know about my embarrassing painful problem now- that no one knows why i have it or will help me get out of pain.

i need to get out of pain more than to breathe It's so horrible to be in this pain.
T just listens and says "How awful it must be for you."
so depressed, i can't work or do anything. It's so hard to sit at the computer. i need a way out soon - i can't take it any more.

kerria

 

Re: referred Again » kerria

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 19:22:03

In reply to referred Again, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

Can you ask to be put on some pain medicine in the meanwhile while they try to figure out what is wrong with you?

Which country are you in? The US? Do you have some family in some other state? Can you get a good doctor's referral from any family members?

Or can you try alternative therapy like contact a chiropractor?

Which medicine do you need you think? Is there any way of getting the medicine by going to some emergency hospital out of state?

 

Re: referred Again » kerria

Posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 21:08:33

In reply to referred Again, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

Hi kerria,
I agree with your T, it must be truly awful about your pain. I wish I knew a way to help you with it. And I can imagine how hard it must be day in and day out, especially with no answers. I think it's a really powerful thing that you are doing by continuing to reach out and to seek answers and help. I'm sure it must be tiring and frustrating, but it's so imporant that you are continuing to try. That means there must be a glimmer or more of hope in you. Please add my hope to your own and feel its strength.

Meanwhile, I'll keep you in my prayers.

gg

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by muffled on August 3, 2005, at 22:15:57

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 21:08:33

> Hi kerria,
> I agree with your T, it must be truly awful about your pain. I wish I knew a way to help you with it. And I can imagine how hard it must be day in and day out, especially with no answers. I think it's a really powerful thing that you are doing by continuing to reach out and to seek answers and help. I'm sure it must be tiring and frustrating, but it's so imporant that you are continuing to try. That means there must be a glimmer or more of hope in you. Please add my hope to your own and feel its strength.
>
> Meanwhile, I'll keep you in my prayers.
>
> gg

Yeah, me too. I truly admire you. Just keep going. Your doing great at keeping going. We are all with you in spirit, keep posting so we know how your doing. take care.

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 23:59:14

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 19:22:03

Hi Pinkeye,

It's a mess. When the pain management dr suddenly became angry that i didn't have a dx (after treating me with medicine that worked and took away my pain) he left me to go through withdrawal about two weeks of morphine. It's enough to stop me from the bad effects of withdrawal but not enough to take away pain to be comfortable to work, or do anything.

The medicine was oxycontin- 60 mg three times a day and oxycodone for breakthrough.

Now i'm trying to find a dr to find a dx- i don't think that any dr will give me medicine- i'd have to say what i take- it's such a big amount that he would need to know what worked, etc.

That's a good idea, to go to another state if i get really desperate, except i have such a tollerance to meds because of the pain lasting so long- almost two years now.

i'm still scheduled to have the nerve block done by this dr. next week. The relationship with the pain control dr is so strained after everything that happened. i wish that i didn't have to depend upon him so much. It's so triggering to have to have him be in charge of treating me when he left me in pain all this time and now he's doing the surgery, It feels so bad but i don't have a choice. i can't find anyone else that will treat me now.

i guess i was hoping that a gyn dr would see what is causing my pain and refer me to a different pain control dr to treat me. now i have to keep working with the same pain control dr. Maybe the gyn dr today will speak with him and help.
i hate this- it's so triggering to be made to be in pain.

i can't wait until the nerve block is over- i hope it works and i won't be too afraid.

thanks, Pinkeye,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:08:32

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 21:08:33

Thank you, Gardenergirl.

i wish the pain were somewhere else. it needs to be over soon- it's triggering and T will be away next week :(

i'm trying to get to church more for a better view point . Pain is so hard to have. it gets me in a terrible mood and feels like it will never end. i need a miracle.

thank you for praying,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by muffled on August 3, 2005, at 22:15:57

Thank you, Muffled.

my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.

Take care, Muffled,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again » kerria

Posted by cricket on August 4, 2005, at 8:30:49

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

> Thank you, Muffled.
>
> my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
> maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
> i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
> Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.
>
> Take care, Muffled,
> kerria

So something good is coming out of all this pain. I am so glad that you are feeling empathy for some of them. That is such a huge step forward. It sounds like your T knows that :-)

Just hang on a little more Kerria. Keep soothing those parts and taking care of them and they'll help you too. It's certainly like that for me.

Please, as everyone says, keep posting. We're all here for you.

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by Emily Elizabeth on August 4, 2005, at 8:38:48

In reply to referred Again, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

Oh honey, what a difficult thing this is for you. I cannot imagine.

Do you have a close friend or partner or spouse that could go with you to dr appts? It might be helpful for emotional support. It also might be helpful to have someone else who could listen to what the dr has to say and to ask questions. When we are feeling so sick and in pain, it is so hard to remember everything and to listen carefully and to stick up for yourself.

Take care,
EE

 

Way to go Kerria! » kerria

Posted by muffled on August 4, 2005, at 9:04:28

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

> Thank you, Muffled.
>
> my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
> maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
> i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
> Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.
>
> Take care, Muffled,
> kerria

WOW!!!!!Kerria, thats so great that you can think of good things even amidst all that pain! You are truly a wonder. I will (and actually have been all along) continue to pray for you. Mebbe thats what this is all about, this difficulty and extreem stress bringing you together, making part of you care for the rest of you. Part of you is taking care of all of you. I think thats gotta be good. I hope the other parts can help too. This is so great. You are so great! You can obviously do this, you are stronger than most. Take care.

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by Jadah on August 4, 2005, at 20:49:23

In reply to Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on July 28, 2005, at 23:28:21

I was wondering why you are having pain, Im sorry if I missed that in your earlier posts. I know what it is like to have pain and to not be believed. Before I found out what was wrong with me my mom kept drilling into my head that this wasnt the way to get attention. When I didnt feel up to going out with my friends as planned, they said I was just using my symptoms as an excuse. It was so frustrating and sad to not be believed and supported when I needed it. My philosophy on it... People are afraid of what they dont understand. People get scared so they would rather deny whats going on. People cant fathom something that they cant see..(if I say I have pain in my arm, it is less believable than if I actually had a cast on my arm that they can see. Make any sense? dontr know if that is a good example) My problem was too, that I USED to be a self injurer ( Many Years ago) I was always coming home with stitches or casts... I had to show people how bad I was hurting. Like the little boy who cried wolf, when something was seriously wrong, something I didnt do, no one believed me. I had to be my own advocate. I had to learn to take care of myself regardless of what others thought. It was a big part of my healing process. I was not attention seeking, I was legitimately needing medical help. Yes, doctors find out you have a mentally illness and they want to run you right back to your psychiatrist..."its psychosymaatic". Whatever!! Find a doctor that will listen to you, dont take NO for an answer. Insist that they do tests to rule things out. Remember, they work for YOU. Dont give up. Feel better!

 

Re: referred Again » cricket

Posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 13:26:42

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by cricket on August 4, 2005, at 8:30:49

Thanks Cricket, for posting. My T said yesterday that he was happy that i'm feeling some empathy towards my parts and i promised that i would work on communication during next week- when T is on vacation.

on Monday i have to have to nerve block done by the dr that gave me such a hard time with withdrawing me suddenly from the medicine that worked for pain, putting me through terrible pain because he said he can't prescribe opioids any more. It's all that works though. The pain managgement dr did prescribe 100mg kadien, twice a day with breakthrough IR that's just starting to work- i guess that it takes time to have a level that works-it wasn't working before at all and the dr didn't care.

i hope that the nerve block works and that somehow my parts don't hold it so much against him that they won't be able to have the nerve block, like the last time, when my little came out and cried uncontrolably when he said 'needle.' That Dr made me feel so terrible about it- it felt so bad because i couldn't help it and my psychiatrist isn't helping as much as i thought.
i wish it weren't so difficult to have people help me. All my drs doubt me but i know that my pain is physical and severe.

monday 's surgery will be so hard but we're in so much pain it feels that we don't have a choice. i have to be a these dr's mercy- especially when they don't believe me.

All day i'm searching for information on the possibilities of the cause of the pain- it maay be related to a fungicide exposure at my job. i was spraying in a greenhouse with respirator and tvk suit and boots/gloves but the suit became ripped in the back and pesticide went into the suit and onto my clothes as i was bending down to make a hose connection on an adjacent bench. It saturated the area where i have terrible chronic pain. It's impossible to find any information at all about weather the chemical is the cause of the pain. i wonder if it is because there seems to be no other answer.
still trying to find information.

It is a very good turn - the effect that all this is having on the way i feel about my parts, anyways. Maybe now i can work on those 'communication papers' that T gave to me.

Thanks, Cricket. i hope that you're ok and that everything is going well.

Take care,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again » Emily Elizabeth

Posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 13:40:05

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by Emily Elizabeth on August 4, 2005, at 8:38:48

Thank you, Emily, for writing.

Finally my h is home from out of state and can come with me to drs visits. you're right, it helps so so much to have someone with me, especially since i have DID. i can switch to parts and not remember anything. It's been crazy the past week. Every appt has been such a struggle - getting there, trying to stay big, not to get too triggered and upset and finding the car afterwards- it's been been so terribly hard to stay grounded. People don't believe me when i switch a lot. i think that they don't know what to think about me.

My H can be a witness - someone that sees the degree of pain i'm in on a constant day to day basis. It makes it so much better having him with me. Doctors believe him.
i'm so thankful that he will be with me on Monday for the nerve block surgery.

Thank you, Emily. i hope that things are going well for you.
Take care,
kerria

 

Re: Way to go Kerria! » muffled

Posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 13:53:16

In reply to Way to go Kerria! » kerria, posted by muffled on August 4, 2005, at 9:04:28

Thank you for being so encouraging and positive, Muffled :) You're so so nice to say that.

It's normal for me to switch to another part when things are hard- like being in pain.it always makes it seem like the pain is temporary- even though it doesn't stop - the 'persons' who feel it only feel it for a few hours a day.
What's so discouraging is if i try to get together to see the 'big picture'. Then i'm in trouble.
Now i'm trying to distract myself by planning some hikes and camping trip. i hope that i can go after the nerve block. Also the medicine that the dr gave is finally starting to work.

Thank you so much for being so positive, Muffled. You're such a good person. i never have anyone say positive things like that to me IRL. People don't understand the struggle. Thank you so much.

Take care,
kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » Jadah

Posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 14:35:37

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by Jadah on August 4, 2005, at 20:49:23

Hi Jadah,

Thanks so much for identifying with me. You've been there and know how hard it is.

It's been such a long and frustrating battle to try to get any dr to listen to me. i wish that my pain were somewhere else- i've wished that a thousand times!
Pelvic pain with someone that has PTSD and DID (with all the somatoform disorders that pple with DID can have) - and especially when there are no physical findings on all the tests that i've had.
Every dr without exception has thought that i have a psych reason for the pain.

the only thing that i can think of that may be the cause of the pain is a chemical spill that i spoke about in my post to Cricket earlier today.
in spring 2003, a few months before the pain started, i had to do an application of fungicide at my job and my TVK suit was huge for me- and became ripped in the back and it allowed the solution to drip onto my clothes underneath from the bench that i just applied to. The place that was wet with fungicide is the place where i have pain now- and the drs can find no other reason. i think that it's an injury to the nerves in that area.
Pesticides can be absorbed greater in this area than almost any other of the body and i wasn't able to change clothes for an hour of so- there was no shower. i panicked and drove home to shower.
Other abnormalities were found- but they didn't explain the severe pain- i had too many immuniogloblins in my blood- a small 'm' spike- it's called 'monoclonal gammopathy', but drs have dismissed the connection of that saying that lots of peple have that. also there was a decrease in red and white blood cell lines.i never had that before. It was all within normal range but low. Also my thyroid stopped working. all this happened within 6mo. after the pesticide accident and then the pain started.

It may or not be related but i know that it's not psycho pain. It's too constant. i hope that someone will listen- and that the nerve block will be good - that it will help.

it's so horrible hearing the drs always ask "Do you have a history of abuse?" If i say "Yes" they think that the search is over and if i say "No" and they ask to speak to my other drs or my psychiatrist they find that i lied. It's so triggering also- i can barely talk to my T and it keeps coming up with these strange drs. every time. Then comes the horrifically painful exam, then to live in this pain and people don't believe me - how bad it is- and won't treat me with medicines that work. It's horrible. i hope that this is over soon.

Thanks so much for encouraging me, Jadah. i'll stay in the battle. i hope that i'll be strong on Monday- that will be the hard day, when i go to have the nerve block.

Take care of you, too,
kerria

 

Re: mon appt

Posted by Jadah on August 5, 2005, at 16:29:53

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by Jadah on August 4, 2005, at 20:49:23

I will say a prayer for you... You will make it through your appointment just fine, and stronger than ever. Every time you go to the doctors it is a battle won for you... fighting for what you believe in. Every time a dr dissappoints you, just tell yourself- I may have lost the inning, but I know Ill win the game. Dont give up, youre worth fighting for!

 

Re: mon appt » Jadah

Posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 20:56:32

In reply to Re: mon appt, posted by Jadah on August 5, 2005, at 16:29:53

Thank you, Jadah.

Prayer is so needed because my relationship with this pain mmgmt dr is so bad now because of the way he accused me and treated me about the medicine last week, suddenly refusing to prescribe and just giving me enough to keep me from going through withdrawal.
i hope that my parts trust him enough after all of that.
on monday i'll go into the hospital for an outpatient nerve block. i hope that it works . i wish that i had a dr that understood and believed and listened to me to do it. i always have to settle. God is still able to bless though - despite all the things wrong.

we're afraid of having the nerve block but i hope not as much as not having it. i hope that i'll be able to get through it. i wish T were available but T's on vacation next week.

Thank you, Jadah, for praying,
kerria


 

Re: mon appt » kerria

Posted by Poet on August 6, 2005, at 15:35:03

In reply to Re: mon appt » Jadah, posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 20:56:32

Hi Kerria,

New pdoc is trying to get me to not grab onto my negative intrusive thoughts for one minute at a time. On Monday, I will grab onto positive thoughts for you. *The nerve block will help Kerria, the nerve block will help Kerria...*

I can't think positive about myself, but I know I can about you.

Poet

 

Re: mon appt

Posted by kerria on August 7, 2005, at 8:06:50

In reply to Re: mon appt » kerria, posted by Poet on August 6, 2005, at 15:35:03

Thank you, (((Poet)))safe hugs

i will think good, peace thoughts for you, too, Poet.
Please don't worry, k?

Thanks so much,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by muffled on August 7, 2005, at 10:31:17

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

> Thank you, Muffled.
>
> my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
> maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
> i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
> Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.
>
> Take care, Muffled,
> kerria

Thinking of you. Praying for you. I hope everyone cooperates for you on Mon. Good that your H. is back.It'd be so good to not have so much pain. Withdrawl going ok? Thats hard too. Keep posting, we are with you. Take care.

 

Re: mon appt » kerria

Posted by cricket on August 7, 2005, at 18:32:45

In reply to Re: mon appt » Jadah, posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 20:56:32

Hey Kerria,

I'm here too. I'm not posting much. But I am checking in from time to time.

I am praying for you too.

Cricket

 

Thank you, Muffled and Cricket

Posted by kerria on August 7, 2005, at 22:42:34

In reply to Re: mon appt » kerria, posted by cricket on August 7, 2005, at 18:32:45

Thanks so much for praying. i wish there were someone with me. We have to face the dr that's so critical and unbelieving of me alone. Hopefully it will work and by a miracle- i won't switch to any parts that can't handle having such a procedure. Only bigs can come tomorrow. Only cry tonight- not tomorrow.

take care,
kerria


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