Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 537095

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Where to go from here??

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

Tomorrow, I am going to terminate with my current T. And I won't be able to see her after that.

I will also be doing a phased shift to India, and may not have that much access to internet and computers for quite a while.. I might have some intermittent access, but I am not really sure. So I won't have babbles support as well.

And my ex T hadn't written to me for 7 months now, and I don't think he will ever write again.

My current T says I should find someone in India and continue to work on my CSA issues. She really thinks that is the key problem I still have. She says, I still haven't felt angry or resolved the feelings. I don't know how to access my anger.. And she says I have lot of anxiety still, and insecurities.

But I won't find someone in India willing to do in depth emotional therapy. They would dismiss me in the first appt as being all fine - because I talk well, and even if I tell anyone repeatedly I have problems, I am going to be dismissed lightly or told something like "try to focus your mind on something else useful". And it won't work for me - becuase I do feel bad and while I can focus my mind on something else and can occupy my mind with other things (as I already do anyway), I still want to really heal myself, and I won't get the indepth support from anyone.

And I will have to adjust to different things there - adjust to living with my in laws, and dealing with my father again and his interference in my life. And I am little terrified of how I am going to handle everyone and everything.

Any suggestions?

 

Re: Where to go from here??

Posted by Sonya on August 3, 2005, at 14:23:55

In reply to Where to go from here??, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

Hon, you do have alot on your plate.

I'm very sorry to hear that you may not be frequenting Psycho-babble much in the future. I'll miss your presence here.

Do you believe the reason you won't get the therapy you need in India is because of the culture? I confess to being clueless about how mental illness is perceived in other cultures. I sincerely hope you can find a therapist to help you work through your unresolved issues. And good luck with your last T session. That's always a tough one.

Best wishes...Sonya

 

Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye

Posted by shrinking violet on August 3, 2005, at 15:18:12

In reply to Where to go from here??, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

{{{{{{{{{{{{pinkeye}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry to hear you won't be around much...your presence here will be missed.

You sure have a lot going on now, and I'm concerned about your potential lack of support during this phase of change. Why must you cut off contact with your current t? Would it be possible to check in via phone or email every few weeks during this time, until you are settled in India and see how things turn out? It seems a lot to deal with so suddenly on one's own (or perhaps I'm projecting some of my own feelings on this issue).

Otherwise, you should at least try to find a T in India who you can work with. I have a friend who is from India, and you seem to be accurate in how they portray mental illnesses. But, there are always exceptions, and maybe there is one T there who goes against the grain, so-to-speak.

Good luck and take care.
sv

> Tomorrow, I am going to terminate with my current T. And I won't be able to see her after that.
>
> I will also be doing a phased shift to India, and may not have that much access to internet and computers for quite a while.. I might have some intermittent access, but I am not really sure. So I won't have babbles support as well.
>
> And my ex T hadn't written to me for 7 months now, and I don't think he will ever write again.
>
> My current T says I should find someone in India and continue to work on my CSA issues. She really thinks that is the key problem I still have. She says, I still haven't felt angry or resolved the feelings. I don't know how to access my anger.. And she says I have lot of anxiety still, and insecurities.
>
> But I won't find someone in India willing to do in depth emotional therapy. They would dismiss me in the first appt as being all fine - because I talk well, and even if I tell anyone repeatedly I have problems, I am going to be dismissed lightly or told something like "try to focus your mind on something else useful". And it won't work for me - becuase I do feel bad and while I can focus my mind on something else and can occupy my mind with other things (as I already do anyway), I still want to really heal myself, and I won't get the indepth support from anyone.
>
> And I will have to adjust to different things there - adjust to living with my in laws, and dealing with my father again and his interference in my life. And I am little terrified of how I am going to handle everyone and everything.
>
> Any suggestions?
>

 

Re: Where to go from here??

Posted by LauraBeane on August 3, 2005, at 15:26:01

In reply to Where to go from here??, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

I'm new here and already messed up a couple of posts, but here goes.

Moving is such an emotional change. I've moved a lot and yet I'm always shocked at how it throws me off balance. Even when moving back to a place I already know well, it's so disconcerting to discover that things have changed and I have changed while I was gone. It never is just what I expected.

All this is to say, you never know what you may find. All you need is one enlightened T to make a connection. surely that's worth trying for? I hope.

I hope you have an easy transition and find good things waiting for you. will you be in a major urban area? Best of luck.

LB

> Tomorrow, I am going to terminate with my current T. And I won't be able to see her after that.
>
> I will also be doing a phased shift to India, and may not have that much access to internet and computers for quite a while.. I might have some intermittent access, but I am not really sure. So I won't have babbles support as well.
>
> And my ex T hadn't written to me for 7 months now, and I don't think he will ever write again.
>
> My current T says I should find someone in India and continue to work on my CSA issues. She really thinks that is the key problem I still have. She says, I still haven't felt angry or resolved the feelings. I don't know how to access my anger.. And she says I have lot of anxiety still, and insecurities.
>
> But I won't find someone in India willing to do in depth emotional therapy. They would dismiss me in the first appt as being all fine - because I talk well, and even if I tell anyone repeatedly I have problems, I am going to be dismissed lightly or told something like "try to focus your mind on something else useful". And it won't work for me - becuase I do feel bad and while I can focus my mind on something else and can occupy my mind with other things (as I already do anyway), I still want to really heal myself, and I won't get the indepth support from anyone.
>
> And I will have to adjust to different things there - adjust to living with my in laws, and dealing with my father again and his interference in my life. And I am little terrified of how I am going to handle everyone and everything.
>
> Any suggestions?
>

 

Re: Where to go from here?? Sonya

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 17:06:18

In reply to Re: Where to go from here??, posted by Sonya on August 3, 2005, at 14:23:55

Thanks Sonya.

The reason I would have a problem finding a T there is because of the approach in India towards therapy. They typically do very very short term - specific issue oriented therapy. And it is not enough for me. I need more long term, emotional healing oriented therapy.

And they won't understand it, neither would they know how to do this kind of therapy in India. My ex T was a pretty well read and knowledgeable person. Even he found it puzzling as to what exactly was wrong with me, and couldn't help me heal emotionally. And it will be the same thing again if I go to some one else.

I need someone to understand my ways of thinking, and emotions, and make sense out of them, listen to the patterns in my emotions, and help me change it. That will never happen with any indian psychiatrist.

 

Re: Where to go from here?? shrinking violet

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 17:09:48

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye, posted by shrinking violet on August 3, 2005, at 15:18:12

Thanks SV.

My current T won't give me her email id. She doesn't use emails at all, and has never given it to any clients before. And she says she only checks her email once in a while at her work in a hospital, and she is not email savvy. And she doesn't want to repeat what happened with my ex psychiatrist. If I have her email, then I would be very tempted to write to her, and will get frustrated when she delays replying, or replies shortly. And she thinks, it is very important for me to get a full closure this time to heal from my issues with my psychiatrist and be able to move on. And I think she is right.

I won't find another T in India. They won't help me in the way I need to be helped. They will only give me logical answers, and those - I know already anyway. I need someone to give me emotional understanding. And it won't happen in India.


> {{{{{{{{{{{{pinkeye}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
>
> I'm sorry to hear you won't be around much...your presence here will be missed.
>
> You sure have a lot going on now, and I'm concerned about your potential lack of support during this phase of change. Why must you cut off contact with your current t? Would it be possible to check in via phone or email every few weeks during this time, until you are settled in India and see how things turn out? It seems a lot to deal with so suddenly on one's own (or perhaps I'm projecting some of my own feelings on this issue).
>
> Otherwise, you should at least try to find a T in India who you can work with. I have a friend who is from India, and you seem to be accurate in how they portray mental illnesses. But, there are always exceptions, and maybe there is one T there who goes against the grain, so-to-speak.
>
> Good luck and take care.
> sv
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > Tomorrow, I am going to terminate with my current T. And I won't be able to see her after that.
> >
> > I will also be doing a phased shift to India, and may not have that much access to internet and computers for quite a while.. I might have some intermittent access, but I am not really sure. So I won't have babbles support as well.
> >
> > And my ex T hadn't written to me for 7 months now, and I don't think he will ever write again.
> >
> > My current T says I should find someone in India and continue to work on my CSA issues. She really thinks that is the key problem I still have. She says, I still haven't felt angry or resolved the feelings. I don't know how to access my anger.. And she says I have lot of anxiety still, and insecurities.
> >
> > But I won't find someone in India willing to do in depth emotional therapy. They would dismiss me in the first appt as being all fine - because I talk well, and even if I tell anyone repeatedly I have problems, I am going to be dismissed lightly or told something like "try to focus your mind on something else useful". And it won't work for me - becuase I do feel bad and while I can focus my mind on something else and can occupy my mind with other things (as I already do anyway), I still want to really heal myself, and I won't get the indepth support from anyone.
> >
> > And I will have to adjust to different things there - adjust to living with my in laws, and dealing with my father again and his interference in my life. And I am little terrified of how I am going to handle everyone and everything.
> >
> > Any suggestions?
> >
>
>

 

Re: Where to go from here?? LauraBeane

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 17:13:18

In reply to Re: Where to go from here??, posted by LauraBeane on August 3, 2005, at 15:26:01

Thanks Laura.

I will be in a major urban area. But the problem is therapy in India is nothing like therapy in US. They are not taught all these emotional patterns and stuff. They tell you only logical answers like "Keep yourself happy", "Focus your mind on something else" and I already know those types of answers. I need someone who will give me more indepth emotional answers - and how to heal from my csa. And I don't think I will ever get anybody to give me that kind of feedbacks and inputs in India. I will only end up banging my head trying to get what I want, and most likely my therapist will think I am a nuisance and I don't have a better thing to do in life, and I am making a big issue out of nothing and I am just wasting their time and my time. It already happened once, and I don't want to do the same thing again.

 

I am getting all panicky over termination pinkeye

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 18:38:25

In reply to Where to go from here??, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

I am getting so panicky.. What will do without her inputs? I wont be able to go on.. I won't be able to understand anything.. I will revert back to depression, and I won't be able to work out the issues with my father..

And I think I might revert back to feeling rejected by my ex T.. I won't have her to put sense into my head anymore..

I was holding on fine till now.. but tomorrow I am goign to terminate, and I am panicking big time.. I can't really do well without her support. What will I ever do. Nobody will understand me like she does.

 

Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye

Posted by LauraBeane on August 3, 2005, at 18:46:01

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? LauraBeane, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 17:13:18

I am sorry to have so underestimated the problem.

It sounds appalling. You KNOW that you deserve better. Maybe a T affiliated with a university? Or one that has been educated abroad? (Right -- now how would you go about finding someone like that.)

I realize you are saying that the bias is deeply ingrained. I just don't want it to be that way. Wish I had a more constructive suggestion.

Best,
LB


> Thanks Laura.
>
> I will be in a major urban area. But the problem is therapy in India is nothing like therapy in US. They are not taught all these emotional patterns and stuff. They tell you only logical answers like "Keep yourself happy", "Focus your mind on something else" and I already know those types of answers. I need someone who will give me more indepth emotional answers - and how to heal from my csa. And I don't think I will ever get anybody to give me that kind of feedbacks and inputs in India. I will only end up banging my head trying to get what I want, and most likely my therapist will think I am a nuisance and I don't have a better thing to do in life, and I am making a big issue out of nothing and I am just wasting their time and my time. It already happened once, and I don't want to do the same thing again.
>

 

Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye

Posted by JenStar on August 3, 2005, at 20:18:16

In reply to Where to go from here??, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

Hi, pinkeye,
I'm sorry we won't be seeing as much of you on babble. I hope the move goes well and isn't too stressful for you. I'll miss seeing you here, and I hope you have regular Internet access once you move to India.

As for dealing with the stress of adjusting to a new life, here are my suggestions. I think you should make some emergency just in case backup plans to move to the US, if it becomes unbearable for you in India. That doesn't mean you have to go, it just means that you've saved phone numbers for embassies, contacts, friends, apartments etc. and I'd recommend getting a credit card in your name and saving a secret stash of money for yourself, if you don't already have that. That way you will feel more secure in your ability to move around on your own.

I'd also recommend that you immediately start trying to make friends went to get to India -- contact old classmates, friends, or join any clubs, gyms, art programs or other places where you could go to meet educated people like yourself. I think it will be very important for you to build up a support network in India.

I'd also recommend that you start seeing a new therapist in India, one who does not know your family in any way, and who does not know your husband. Even if the therapist in India are not the same as in the United States, it may still be useful to talk to someone.

Are you excited about moving to India? Do you think you'll be happy there?

I hope everything is going okay. Take care.

JenStar

 

Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye

Posted by Tamar on August 4, 2005, at 6:16:54

In reply to Where to go from here??, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 13:42:19

Oh pinkeye, Im sorry things are so complicated for you. I know itll be very hard for you to terminate with your current T.

I really think shes right about finding someone in India, even though youre not very confident about finding a therapist who can really help. Is there any psychoanalysis in India? It strikes me that if there are people interested in psychoanalysis they might know more about transference, childhood issues, and suchlike. I know youve probably thought of this, but have you tried an internet search on psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy in the area youve moving to?

Im sorry you wont be able to come to Babble so much. Well really miss you! I think its really important that you find as much support as possible. Come and babble whenever you can!

((((((pinkeye))))))

I hope your last session with your T goes well.

Tamar

 

Re: Where to go from here?? LauraBeane

Posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 13:03:55

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye, posted by LauraBeane on August 3, 2005, at 18:46:01

Thanks Laura.

As of now, I think I will skip therapy in India. For one, I don't know if I will need it really, and two, I don't have the energy to open up to someone else yet again, and three, I don't know how long I will stay there or if I will be moving to different cities etc, and four, it is a little taboo to be visiting a psychiatrist in India, and I don't want my in laws to think I am a creep to still wanting to visit a psychiatrist and it won't be easy to hide.

 

Re: Where to go from here?? JenStar

Posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 13:08:57

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye, posted by JenStar on August 3, 2005, at 20:18:16

Thanks Jen.

I do have a Green Card, and my money has always been in my name in a separate account. So I think I am safe enough to come back if I really need to. WE have a joint account where we put half our salaries, and we have individual accounts where the other half gets to go. I was adamant about setting it up this way in the beginning, and though my husband didn't like it much at the beginning, subsequently we have both felt little at peace with the fact that we are not accountable for half the money to our spouses. It makes us feel much more peaceful and allows us to spend money for our families. I suppose when kids come, we will make that 75 % to joint and 25 % to individual.

I don't want to go to therapy as of now in India. Because my plans are all too vague, and I don't know how long I will be there. and I might be travelling frequently to my home town etc. But I will ask around for some good contacts and maybe I will visit a couple just to establish rapport and get a feel of how they are.

Thanks for your advice.

 

Re: Where to go from here?? Tamar

Posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 13:11:36

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye, posted by Tamar on August 4, 2005, at 6:16:54

Thanks Tamar. I will be leaving around 20 th August, and probably will be missing in action for a month before things settle down. I will miss babble. But hopefully I will get some online access soon.

I really don't know about psychoanalysis in India. Maybe I will ask around for reference. I asked my ex psychiatrist, but as usual he didn't reply, even though initially he had told me he would give me a referral. I think he doesn't want to deal with me in anyway, and if he wants it that way, then so be it.

 

Re: Where to go from here??

Posted by LauraBeane on August 4, 2005, at 13:40:26

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? LauraBeane, posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 13:03:55


> and two, I don't have the energy to open up to someone else yet again

I know what you mean. Its really exhausting isn't it. Sometimes I just need to figure out where I am before I can let somebody else in. I can see you have a lot of friends here who care about what happens to you and that's got to feel good. I too wish you a good experience ahead.

Best,
LB

 

Re: Where to go from here?? LauraBeane

Posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 13:47:30

In reply to Re: Where to go from here??, posted by LauraBeane on August 4, 2005, at 13:40:26

Thanks Laura.

I think I am at that stage now - what you mentioned.

This board is a bunch of amazingly supportive folks. Everyone here has helped me a ton. You will find very good support in this board as well !!.

 

Re: Where to go from here?? pinkeye

Posted by kerria on August 6, 2005, at 9:32:28

In reply to Re: Where to go from here?? LauraBeane, posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 13:47:30

((((((((Pinkeye))))))))
i will miss you so much. You will be here until august 20th, when you move, right?

it would be so difficult a time for me also. i would try to find a reference- ask your T or maybe if you can get in touch with your previous T to try to find someone or some place to refer you to. At least you will have a plan - somewhere to start when you get there. It would be so good
if you can get an appt before you leave. The psychiatrist or therapist will know how important therapy is to you. One good thing- probably sessions will be much less money. i will pray that you find the best therapist that can understand you and help.

Pinkeye, i'm so sorry that it's so hard now- when you don't know how it will work out yet.

Do you have DID as well as PTSD? Try to find books and workbooks to do as you try different therapists. Sidran is a good place to order books. There are workbooks that walk you through therapy and journaling to heal. You have to be careful though- not to trigger yourself. Always at least have someone that you can call in an emergency.
This week i'm working on some pages from a book because T is on vacation. Maybe your T has suggestions of which books / workbooks that you can take with you. Maybe there is a support group that you can be a part of in India. i would search online for one and for therapists that specialize in healing from trauma disorders now. i hope that it works out better than you think, that you find very good help.

One good thing about online- you can still come here when you find a computer - at a school or a library.

(((((Pinkeye)))))

Take care,
kerria


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