Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 535135

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Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria

Posted by ghost on July 29, 2005, at 17:54:09

In reply to Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on July 28, 2005, at 23:28:21

i can tell you're hurting by your post :(

i agree with talking to a pdoc. telling them MD's don't listen to you is very important. they can vouch for you. i also agree with a pain management clinic-- i hear they do wonderful work.

hang in there. somewhere out there, there's a solution.

ghost

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria

Posted by Tamar on July 31, 2005, at 16:16:20

In reply to Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on July 28, 2005, at 23:28:21

I’m so sorry about your chronic pain, and the difficulties you’re having in convincing doctors your pain is real. A friend of mine went through something similar and it was awful for her. She almost ended up believing it was psychosomatic. It turned out she had a rare condition that most doctors didn’t know about. I think it was called pelvic venous congestion. Have you had any tests for that?

Tamar


 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria

Posted by ed_uk on August 1, 2005, at 17:00:08

In reply to Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on July 28, 2005, at 23:28:21

Hello,

Why won't your doc prescribe Durogesic or OxyContin?

~Ed

 

Visit a pain clinic ?? » kerria

Posted by pinkeye on August 1, 2005, at 19:22:47

In reply to Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on July 28, 2005, at 23:28:21

I am really sorry about the pain.. I know sometimes it feels so bad when Doctors won't believe what we tell them. It just is bad.

Can you switch doctors? Or maybe even visit "pain clinic." These centers deal with chronic pain, and they are usually more willing to listen.

If you have a "pain clinic" around your place, visit them first. That would really help.

> Please help think of somewhere to go- someone to treat me. i'm in severe chronic pain. My pain mangement dr treated me for over a year but now took me off the only medicine that works. Duregesic patch did also but he refuses. He won't wait for me to get a dr's appt for another- 100th exam. Why can't the cause of my severe pain be seen? i'm not lying. It's so terribly bad.
>
> i hate to take medicine but the pain is so severe and constant that there's no way to endure it. i had surgery and so many tests and the reason for the pain isn't showing. Now dr took me off oxycontin and put me on morphine. Terrible feeling in my chest, breathing and nose clogged. No pain relief hardly at all on 100mg twice a day. i couldn't write this or do anything but cry all day in ER and home, except now i had one more dose of oxycontin- i took 60mg 3 times a day plus always needed 5mg 3-4 times a day breakthrough med. before the eight hous were up.
>
> Today was my first day of the morphine. i had to leave work at 11:30 am in terrible pain. So afraid i had allergy, breathing problems also. Dr in ER asked if i had "Nervous problems.?" "No" (because they won't believe anyone who has PTSD and DID that they have real pain that's severe. Especially when pain is gyn pain.
> "how the injury get on your arm"Dr asked- "it's a burn from my oven"- he didn't believe me and i was telling the truth.
> i'm in SO MUCH PAIN. It never stops except with medicine. i can't do anything at all. Living is torture without medicine. The pain is neurological so it takes a lot of medicine to put it out. It is the worst pain imaginable and i have to find a dr that will treat me tomorrow, i had one more dose of oxycontin for now and in the morning i need HELP. The morphine -100mg twice a day-just is side efects of trouble breathing. Not help with pain. Dr won't change it, says it's equvilent- it isn't. Why don't they believe i'm in the pain that i'm in?
> How can i make them believe me? i'm trying to see a gyn but in so much emergency pain without meds that i can't do anything. It hurts too much to move. How can i get help? i'm so afraid. The pain is so out of control. i forgot how bad it is. i can't live in it for a day again. This medicine will wear off at 3:30am. i'm so AFRAID. It's so unfair how drs won't believe me and treat me because i have a mental disorder. i'm NOT lying or exaggerating my pain at all. i've been on meds since 12/2003 and after surgery in 1/04 when it began to be intolerablly bad and now this dr switched me off what works. i don't know what to do. It's hopeless:(
> Thank you for reading and any help - ideas,. i'm so afraid that i'll be in too bad shape to do anything to get help. i'm so afraid no one will help me. kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by kerria on August 2, 2005, at 11:11:03

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria, posted by Tamar on July 31, 2005, at 16:16:20

Thank you (((JenStar))), (((Cricket))), (((ShortE))), (((EE))), (((Muffled))),(((Ghost))) and (((Tamar))). i can't thank you enough for being there and caring to write and help. i'm having an impossibly hard time. It's too hard to sit down and i can't wear jeans at all anymore. The pain is the worst i ever had and it's constant - even with the medicine that the dr gave to get off the oxycontin that worked.

tears, if i don't find someone who can help me- diagnose and treat my pain i don't know how i can ever manage to live with it. i can't do anything drive, go to work, see T anything and i'm in so negative a mood because it hurts so much.

It's hard to think about doing anything like eating or talking to PDr - i did anyways and he doesn't understand - he says ambiguous things. i thought that he knew the truth about it but sounded surprised when i said that i can't stop going to drs to diagnose my pain because there's no way to endure it.
This pain is making my PTSD so worse. It's so horrible to have this pain- i'm being tortured by it and no one believes me. i wish that my PDr would think of that. It's making my DID better- in a way. i'm not switching so much because the pain is so severe. It would be horrific for little ones to feel the severity of it. No one can stand it but they would totally fall apart. i do totally fall apart sometimes. Maybe i am switching.
i fell apart after seeing the gyn yesterday, could hardly walk to the car because of crying so hard from the pain after the exam. It was weird- i can feel it intensly and still talk to the receptionist afterwards and take my receipt, but as soon as i left the switching happened and i expressed the feeling of being in the pain that i was in. Do you think that that makes me a hard person to believe? Maybe the drs are seeing that i can 'handle' the pain at times and then other times that i can't. They might think that it's not as bad but it is. i just have an ability to switch to another person that is able to do other things for a few minutes. We still all feel the constant severe pain of the body though.

Muffled, i'm praying and went up for prayer and to be annointed with oil at my church for the pain. Somehow i need an answer soon- it's so difficult- God knows how difficult it is to bear.
i can't even wear regular clothes now that i'm on the weaker medicine.

Tamar- what kind of Dr diagnosed your friend's pain that was called something like "Pelvic venous congestion? When i looked up a search on that i found that i have a lot of the conditions to cause that- four babies and i have a small frame- also i did backpacking and a lot heavy lifting at work. The pain is so severe though- it's not just an aching.
Maybe i can find a dr to look at that dx as a cause of the pain. The dr yesterday wrote that i had "vulvadynia" and referred me to a gyn oncologist but after the painful exam said he couldn't see any obvious things wrong and asked me if i had PTSD or depression/anxiety.
It's so frustrating that no one will look into finding the physical cause for my pain more completely.

Thank you for listening,
kerria

 

Re: Visit a pain clinic ??

Posted by kerria on August 2, 2005, at 12:07:48

In reply to Visit a pain clinic ?? » kerria, posted by pinkeye on August 1, 2005, at 19:22:47

Thank you, Ed and Pinkeye for caring to write and being there, i wanted to answer-

Ed, my pain control Dr suddenly started complaining that i 'didn't have a dx' after treating my pain for over a year. i had already been through extensive testing and was referred to him by my PCP for pain control.
Now he says that he can't prescribe opioids anymore.
Opioids are all that would work - through previous trial and error by my PCP- who actually started me using oxycontin for pain because neurontin and elivil and other things wouldn't work.
i wonder if the DEA is giving him a hard time.

Pinkeye, The pain control Dr that i go to is at a pain clinic but there are others. i really do need a dx i think because of the restrictions that the government is putting on medicine that is abused. if only i can find a dr who is willing to find out why i have so much pain without always stopping at psychological reasons first as soon as they find out that i have PTSD and DID.
Since i applied for disability because of DID i've had so much trouble at ERs and now with getting medicine. Is there a connection, do you think? There's such a stigma against persons with a psych disability. i wish there were something that i could do about it. Maybe i should drop my case. i need the help because i can't work enough hours- i am disabled- but it's way worse to be treated so negatively by physicians.

i could try another pain clinic but i'm in so much trouble now i don't think that i can wait. The drs always talk to the previous drs. There's no way that i can find an objective dr., it seems. i'm afraid that it will be the same refusal to help me. i'll have to keep trying to find help. How can i get away from the psych problem always being looked at?

Thank you for any ideas,
kerria

 

Re: Visit a pain clinic ?? » kerria

Posted by Poet on August 2, 2005, at 18:55:04

In reply to Re: Visit a pain clinic ??, posted by kerria on August 2, 2005, at 12:07:48

Hi Kerria,

I wish someone would be able to recognize that you are in physical pain from something that is not psychologically induced.

You said that the doctors always call the previous doctors. Can you try a new pain clinic and explain that you don't want anyone contacting your former doctors without your permission? Tell them that you are looking for a second opinion as to what is causing the pain. That you just didn't feel you were getting the quality of care you deserve with the other clinic.

I know this is awful for you. I wish you the best and I hope a doctor pays attention to your physical self, not your psychological self.

Poet

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria

Posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 19:37:14

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on August 2, 2005, at 11:11:03

Hi Kerria,

> Tamar- what kind of Dr diagnosed your friend's pain that was called something like "Pelvic venous congestion? When i looked up a search on that i found that i have a lot of the conditions to cause that- four babies and i have a small frame- also i did backpacking and a lot heavy lifting at work. The pain is so severe though- it's not just an aching.

I’m pretty sure my friend was diagnosed by a gynaecologist who specialized in the condition. I think she had to travel a long way to see him (very painful for her, but worth it for the diagnosis).

My friend’s pain was definitely not just an aching, so it might fit your situation too. My friend’s pain was so severe she had to give up work. She couldn’t travel more than about 20 minutes by car (if she did, the pain became much worse for several days). If fact, she hardly ever left the house. The pain you describe sounds a bit like my friend’s, which is why I thought of it. Maybe you don’t have the same condition, but it might be worth looking for a doctor who knows about it so you can explore the possibility.

My friend had similar frustrations to yours. She had to find the specialist herself. It seems so hard to get people to help. I’m sorry you’re having such a struggle with the doctors and I hope you find a diagnosis soon.

Tamar

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by kerria on August 2, 2005, at 20:13:42

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria, posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 19:37:14

Hi Tamar,
Your friend's pain and limitations sounds just like mine. i can barely drive short distances since i came off of the pain medicines that worked for me. Driving far is too painful. Since my medicines changed , i can't do anything. i don't think i can even go the work tomorrow.

Do you remember what the treatment was for the problem? Was it successful? Is she still in pain now?
What City is the dr located in? i live on the east coast. i'd do anything to find an answer to this terrible problem.
Thanks so much for posting,
kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria

Posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 21:32:45

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on August 2, 2005, at 20:13:42

Hi kerria,

> Your friend's pain and limitations sounds just like mine. i can barely drive short distances since i came off of the pain medicines that worked for me. Driving far is too painful. Since my medicines changed , i can't do anything. i don't think i can even go the work tomorrow.

Yes, there are definite similarities. Of course, they may be coincidental. But the similarities could point to a similar condition.

> Do you remember what the treatment was for the problem? Was it successful? Is she still in pain now?

She's still in pain, but not as much. I'm not sure exactly what the treatment was, but I think she has to rest quite a lot. She was advised to have a hysterectomy, but she wanted children so she has to wait.

> What City is the dr located in? i live on the east coast. i'd do anything to find an answer to this terrible problem.

My friend lives in the UK, and I'm not sure exactly where her doctor was (somewhere in northern England is all I can remember), but I think a transatlantic trip might be too painful for you in any case. Sorry I can't be more help about that. However, I'm sure there must be doctors on the East Coast who have experience with this condition. If you can track down a support group for the condition they might be able to put you in contact with a doctor.

You might find more information at http://www.pelvicpain.org/ and http://www.pelvicpain.com/.

Good luck.
Tamar

 

Re: Visit a pain clinic ??

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:14:15

In reply to Re: Visit a pain clinic ?? » kerria, posted by Poet on August 2, 2005, at 18:55:04

Hi Poet,

i'm in so much pain. Today i have an appt with a dr- a gyn/oncologist that the gyn dr that i saw on Mon. referred me to.
This dr will already have access to the other dr who asked about 'depression' and 'PTSD.' He/she will have access to my pain control dr also, because i always tell them all my drs. It's so hard for me to keep anything secret. My DID makes me an 'open book'- i always answer anyone to tell them whatever they ask. :(

If i can only get co-operation with my parts to go to a new place- i hope soon. They always take a medical history and the medications that you take are always recorded. It's so hard to have a chance to be treated apart from that.

i had to call in sick because i'm in too much pain to work. If no one will help the pain my life is over. i can't do anything.

i'll try to go to the dr today and hope for the best and try to find pain clinics in the phone book to call if they can't help me.
Thank you, Poet.

it's so hard not to be discouraged now and i'm afraid i'll lose my job.
kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:21:30

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria, posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 19:37:14

> Hi Kerria,
>
> > Tamar- what kind of Dr diagnosed your friend's pain that was called something like "Pelvic venous congestion? When i looked up a search on that i found that i have a lot of the conditions to cause that- four babies and i have a small frame- also i did backpacking and a lot heavy lifting at work. The pain is so severe though- it's not just an aching.
>
> I’m pretty sure my friend was diagnosed by a gynaecologist who specialized in the condition. I think she had to travel a long way to see him (very painful for her, but worth it for the diagnosis).
>
> My friend’s pain was definitely not just an aching, so it might fit your situation too. My friend’s pain was so severe she had to give up work. She couldn’t travel more than about 20 minutes by car (if she did, the pain became much worse for several days). If fact, she hardly ever left the house. The pain you describe sounds a bit like my friend’s, which is why I thought of it. Maybe you don’t have the same condition, but it might be worth looking for a doctor who knows about it so you can explore the possibility.
>
> My friend had similar frustrations to yours. She had to find the specialist herself. It seems so hard to get people to help. I’m sorry you’re having such a struggle with the doctors and I hope you find a diagnosis soon.
>
> Tamar
>
>
Thank you so much, Tamar. i'm going to look for a gyn dr that specializes in that disorder.
If you don't mind me asking- you don't have to answer- but
is your friend better? What was the treatment? Was it surgery that helped? Nerve blocks? Medication? Does she still have to go or is the pain resolved?

Thanks so much, Tamar.
Take care,
kerria

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:32:11

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in » kerria, posted by Tamar on August 2, 2005, at 21:32:45

> Hi kerria,
>
> > Your friend's pain and limitations sounds just like mine. i can barely drive short distances since i came off of the pain medicines that worked for me. Driving far is too painful. Since my medicines changed , i can't do anything. i don't think i can even go the work tomorrow.
>
> Yes, there are definite similarities. Of course, they may be coincidental. But the similarities could point to a similar condition.
>
> > Do you remember what the treatment was for the problem? Was it successful? Is she still in pain now?
>
> She's still in pain, but not as much. I'm not sure exactly what the treatment was, but I think she has to rest quite a lot. She was advised to have a hysterectomy, but she wanted children so she has to wait.
>
> > What City is the dr located in? i live on the east coast. i'd do anything to find an answer to this terrible problem.
>
> My friend lives in the UK, and I'm not sure exactly where her doctor was (somewhere in northern England is all I can remember), but I think a transatlantic trip might be too painful for you in any case. Sorry I can't be more help about that. However, I'm sure there must be doctors on the East Coast who have experience with this condition. If you can track down a support group for the condition they might be able to put you in contact with a doctor.
>
> You might find more information at http://www.pelvicpain.org/ and http://www.pelvicpain.com/.
>
> Good luck.
> Tamar
>

Thank you, Tamar, for already answering- i didn't see your post before i posted or remember that i had even asked you before. i don't have communication with my parts and it's so frustrating. It feels like i'm walking in the dark, just groping around trying to find help now, so desperate because i hurt so much now.

You're right- i can't go overseas or possible sit that long.

i'll try to find somewhere nearby with the links.
Thanks again,
kerria

 

referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

In reply to Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 10:32:11

Hi - we really need support- i hurt so much and can't stand to be in this pain anymore:(
Losing it again.
Today i went to the new gyn/oncologist that the dr i went to on Monday referred me to. He said that i have much more wrong than vulvodynia- or it involves more of an area--and referred me to Somebody else! i've been to so many drs that i thing there may not be anyone in my state that doesn't know about my embarrassing painful problem now- that no one knows why i have it or will help me get out of pain.

i need to get out of pain more than to breathe It's so horrible to be in this pain.
T just listens and says "How awful it must be for you."
so depressed, i can't work or do anything. It's so hard to sit at the computer. i need a way out soon - i can't take it any more.

kerria

 

Re: referred Again » kerria

Posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 19:22:03

In reply to referred Again, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

Can you ask to be put on some pain medicine in the meanwhile while they try to figure out what is wrong with you?

Which country are you in? The US? Do you have some family in some other state? Can you get a good doctor's referral from any family members?

Or can you try alternative therapy like contact a chiropractor?

Which medicine do you need you think? Is there any way of getting the medicine by going to some emergency hospital out of state?

 

Re: referred Again » kerria

Posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 21:08:33

In reply to referred Again, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

Hi kerria,
I agree with your T, it must be truly awful about your pain. I wish I knew a way to help you with it. And I can imagine how hard it must be day in and day out, especially with no answers. I think it's a really powerful thing that you are doing by continuing to reach out and to seek answers and help. I'm sure it must be tiring and frustrating, but it's so imporant that you are continuing to try. That means there must be a glimmer or more of hope in you. Please add my hope to your own and feel its strength.

Meanwhile, I'll keep you in my prayers.

gg

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by muffled on August 3, 2005, at 22:15:57

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 21:08:33

> Hi kerria,
> I agree with your T, it must be truly awful about your pain. I wish I knew a way to help you with it. And I can imagine how hard it must be day in and day out, especially with no answers. I think it's a really powerful thing that you are doing by continuing to reach out and to seek answers and help. I'm sure it must be tiring and frustrating, but it's so imporant that you are continuing to try. That means there must be a glimmer or more of hope in you. Please add my hope to your own and feel its strength.
>
> Meanwhile, I'll keep you in my prayers.
>
> gg

Yeah, me too. I truly admire you. Just keep going. Your doing great at keeping going. We are all with you in spirit, keep posting so we know how your doing. take care.

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 23:59:14

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by pinkeye on August 3, 2005, at 19:22:03

Hi Pinkeye,

It's a mess. When the pain management dr suddenly became angry that i didn't have a dx (after treating me with medicine that worked and took away my pain) he left me to go through withdrawal about two weeks of morphine. It's enough to stop me from the bad effects of withdrawal but not enough to take away pain to be comfortable to work, or do anything.

The medicine was oxycontin- 60 mg three times a day and oxycodone for breakthrough.

Now i'm trying to find a dr to find a dx- i don't think that any dr will give me medicine- i'd have to say what i take- it's such a big amount that he would need to know what worked, etc.

That's a good idea, to go to another state if i get really desperate, except i have such a tollerance to meds because of the pain lasting so long- almost two years now.

i'm still scheduled to have the nerve block done by this dr. next week. The relationship with the pain control dr is so strained after everything that happened. i wish that i didn't have to depend upon him so much. It's so triggering to have to have him be in charge of treating me when he left me in pain all this time and now he's doing the surgery, It feels so bad but i don't have a choice. i can't find anyone else that will treat me now.

i guess i was hoping that a gyn dr would see what is causing my pain and refer me to a different pain control dr to treat me. now i have to keep working with the same pain control dr. Maybe the gyn dr today will speak with him and help.
i hate this- it's so triggering to be made to be in pain.

i can't wait until the nerve block is over- i hope it works and i won't be too afraid.

thanks, Pinkeye,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:08:32

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 3, 2005, at 21:08:33

Thank you, Gardenergirl.

i wish the pain were somewhere else. it needs to be over soon- it's triggering and T will be away next week :(

i'm trying to get to church more for a better view point . Pain is so hard to have. it gets me in a terrible mood and feels like it will never end. i need a miracle.

thank you for praying,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by muffled on August 3, 2005, at 22:15:57

Thank you, Muffled.

my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.

Take care, Muffled,
kerria

 

Re: referred Again » kerria

Posted by cricket on August 4, 2005, at 8:30:49

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

> Thank you, Muffled.
>
> my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
> maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
> i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
> Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.
>
> Take care, Muffled,
> kerria

So something good is coming out of all this pain. I am so glad that you are feeling empathy for some of them. That is such a huge step forward. It sounds like your T knows that :-)

Just hang on a little more Kerria. Keep soothing those parts and taking care of them and they'll help you too. It's certainly like that for me.

Please, as everyone says, keep posting. We're all here for you.

 

Re: referred Again

Posted by Emily Elizabeth on August 4, 2005, at 8:38:48

In reply to referred Again, posted by kerria on August 3, 2005, at 19:11:18

Oh honey, what a difficult thing this is for you. I cannot imagine.

Do you have a close friend or partner or spouse that could go with you to dr appts? It might be helpful for emotional support. It also might be helpful to have someone else who could listen to what the dr has to say and to ask questions. When we are feeling so sick and in pain, it is so hard to remember everything and to listen carefully and to stick up for yourself.

Take care,
EE

 

Way to go Kerria! » kerria

Posted by muffled on August 4, 2005, at 9:04:28

In reply to Re: referred Again, posted by kerria on August 4, 2005, at 0:18:24

> Thank you, Muffled.
>
> my T is surprised that i've stayed in the battle too. i don't have a choice though because the pain is too bad to live in.
> maybe some body else could just endure it but i can't- it's too hard- too triggering.
> i'm trying to wotk with communicating with my parts in therapy. The pain is the one thing that is overwhelming right now, that all my parts share. i think that i work harder because of them- for the first time i feel empathy towards them. i don't like my parts and always have so much trouble with them against me. Now the pain is bringing us closer i think. i feel like i have to make things better for them- i feel bad for them.
> Maybe that's why i keep trying so hard - keep seeing drs.
>
> Take care, Muffled,
> kerria

WOW!!!!!Kerria, thats so great that you can think of good things even amidst all that pain! You are truly a wonder. I will (and actually have been all along) continue to pray for you. Mebbe thats what this is all about, this difficulty and extreem stress bringing you together, making part of you care for the rest of you. Part of you is taking care of all of you. I think thats gotta be good. I hope the other parts can help too. This is so great. You are so great! You can obviously do this, you are stronger than most. Take care.

 

Re: Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in

Posted by Jadah on August 4, 2005, at 20:49:23

In reply to Triggering- my Pain is impossible to live in, posted by kerria on July 28, 2005, at 23:28:21

I was wondering why you are having pain, Im sorry if I missed that in your earlier posts. I know what it is like to have pain and to not be believed. Before I found out what was wrong with me my mom kept drilling into my head that this wasnt the way to get attention. When I didnt feel up to going out with my friends as planned, they said I was just using my symptoms as an excuse. It was so frustrating and sad to not be believed and supported when I needed it. My philosophy on it... People are afraid of what they dont understand. People get scared so they would rather deny whats going on. People cant fathom something that they cant see..(if I say I have pain in my arm, it is less believable than if I actually had a cast on my arm that they can see. Make any sense? dontr know if that is a good example) My problem was too, that I USED to be a self injurer ( Many Years ago) I was always coming home with stitches or casts... I had to show people how bad I was hurting. Like the little boy who cried wolf, when something was seriously wrong, something I didnt do, no one believed me. I had to be my own advocate. I had to learn to take care of myself regardless of what others thought. It was a big part of my healing process. I was not attention seeking, I was legitimately needing medical help. Yes, doctors find out you have a mentally illness and they want to run you right back to your psychiatrist..."its psychosymaatic". Whatever!! Find a doctor that will listen to you, dont take NO for an answer. Insist that they do tests to rule things out. Remember, they work for YOU. Dont give up. Feel better!

 

Re: referred Again » cricket

Posted by kerria on August 5, 2005, at 13:26:42

In reply to Re: referred Again » kerria, posted by cricket on August 4, 2005, at 8:30:49

Thanks Cricket, for posting. My T said yesterday that he was happy that i'm feeling some empathy towards my parts and i promised that i would work on communication during next week- when T is on vacation.

on Monday i have to have to nerve block done by the dr that gave me such a hard time with withdrawing me suddenly from the medicine that worked for pain, putting me through terrible pain because he said he can't prescribe opioids any more. It's all that works though. The pain managgement dr did prescribe 100mg kadien, twice a day with breakthrough IR that's just starting to work- i guess that it takes time to have a level that works-it wasn't working before at all and the dr didn't care.

i hope that the nerve block works and that somehow my parts don't hold it so much against him that they won't be able to have the nerve block, like the last time, when my little came out and cried uncontrolably when he said 'needle.' That Dr made me feel so terrible about it- it felt so bad because i couldn't help it and my psychiatrist isn't helping as much as i thought.
i wish it weren't so difficult to have people help me. All my drs doubt me but i know that my pain is physical and severe.

monday 's surgery will be so hard but we're in so much pain it feels that we don't have a choice. i have to be a these dr's mercy- especially when they don't believe me.

All day i'm searching for information on the possibilities of the cause of the pain- it maay be related to a fungicide exposure at my job. i was spraying in a greenhouse with respirator and tvk suit and boots/gloves but the suit became ripped in the back and pesticide went into the suit and onto my clothes as i was bending down to make a hose connection on an adjacent bench. It saturated the area where i have terrible chronic pain. It's impossible to find any information at all about weather the chemical is the cause of the pain. i wonder if it is because there seems to be no other answer.
still trying to find information.

It is a very good turn - the effect that all this is having on the way i feel about my parts, anyways. Maybe now i can work on those 'communication papers' that T gave to me.

Thanks, Cricket. i hope that you're ok and that everything is going well.

Take care,
kerria


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