Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 536668

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fake memories or real?

Posted by B2chica on August 2, 2005, at 10:48:24

i've had a couple of flashbacks lately that were very descriptiive and painful both physically and emotionally for me. i told my T and we're working on it. however, just a little bit ago i had another picture but i don't think it happened, i think i'm imagining that it happened. how can a person tell the difference. i think i may be confusing the SA that i had when i was 16 and my childhood experiences. in my image i am really young something about it doesn't feel right. either it didn't happen, oor it happened with a different abuser or it didn't happen. i don't know. is there a way to know the difference?
any advice welcome.
b2c.

 

Re: forgot to mention...

Posted by B2chica on August 2, 2005, at 10:50:15

In reply to fake memories or real?, posted by B2chica on August 2, 2005, at 10:48:24

forgot to mention that the first set of flashbacks i KNOW are real, i know they happened, it's the one i had this morning that i'm not sure of.


> i've had a couple of flashbacks lately that were very descriptiive and painful both physically and emotionally for me. i told my T and we're working on it. however, just a little bit ago i had another picture but i don't think it happened, i think i'm imagining that it happened. how can a person tell the difference. i think i may be confusing the SA that i had when i was 16 and my childhood experiences. in my image i am really young something about it doesn't feel right. either it didn't happen, oor it happened with a different abuser or it didn't happen. i don't know. is there a way to know the difference?
> any advice welcome.
> b2c.

 

Re: forgot to mention... B2chica

Posted by antigua on August 2, 2005, at 11:43:09

In reply to Re: forgot to mention..., posted by B2chica on August 2, 2005, at 10:50:15

From what I've learned, even though sometimes they don't feel "real" they probably contain elements of what happened, but they may be all jumbled together. I had one memory that just didn't fit my father so I dismissed it, but it turned out to be my grandfather instead. Once I accepted that, the memory was o.k. (even though I still hate it). My T says that sometimes the memories get all jumbled up, so try not to worry about it too much.
Take care of yourself, please, and I'm sorry you're going through this,
antigua

 

I suppose it doesn't really matter.. B2chica

Posted by pinkeye on August 2, 2005, at 13:07:47

In reply to fake memories or real?, posted by B2chica on August 2, 2005, at 10:48:24

If it is bothering you, then it needs to be worked upon. I guess it doesn't really matter whether all the memories that you have are 100 % real or imaginary.

Even if they are imaginary - it still means there is a problem with your view of it. So it would be worthwhile to work upon it. And maybe the actual incident might be unreal, but it could be an indication of something else that is real. Like you might have suppressed the original incident very well, and it is coming up in some lighter forms perhaps.

I would say keep working on it, and eventually one day you might realize why it was coming up in your mind.

> i've had a couple of flashbacks lately that were very descriptiive and painful both physically and emotionally for me. i told my T and we're working on it. however, just a little bit ago i had another picture but i don't think it happened, i think i'm imagining that it happened. how can a person tell the difference. i think i may be confusing the SA that i had when i was 16 and my childhood experiences. in my image i am really young something about it doesn't feel right. either it didn't happen, oor it happened with a different abuser or it didn't happen. i don't know. is there a way to know the difference?
> any advice welcome.
> b2c.

 

Re: fake memories or real? B2chica

Posted by Racer on August 2, 2005, at 13:30:00

In reply to fake memories or real?, posted by B2chica on August 2, 2005, at 10:48:24

Hm... I'm not sure what to reply to you, because my own bias is very much in the way here. I'll try to work out the thin track in the middle, but if I fail, please understand that it's MY bias, and nothing to do with you...

My own SA has never been anything less than concrete in my mind. There has never been a day when I don't know what happened and that it happened. But you know what? The actual details don't really matter -- what matters is how I *felt* about what happened. The pain, the shame, the helplessness, the impotent rage, and the feelings of abandonment after I told my mother. Those feelings are what matter, because those are the things that are still with me in all too many situations.

I suspect something of the same is true of you: whether the "new memory" is true in any objective sense or not, it's the feelings you experience around it that really matter. I'm not sure you need to worry so much that [x] did or did not happen, as long as you can identify what the emotional meaning of "remembering" it is for you.

Does that make sense?

As for the question of "fake memories" -- that's a hard one, because I've known people who had those fake memories, and it was worse for them than actually remembering has been for me or any of the other people I know who remembered it all. I've had questionable memories -- nothing like SA, but equally distressing in their way -- and they've always been more upsetting than the real thing. I think, for me, that they're more upsetting because I don't know whether those things really happened. Does that make sense? At least with the "real" memories, I know that I know they happened. I don't have to question myself.

I hope something there makes sense. (I kinda doubt it, but I can still hope... %^| )

Good luck, and do bring it all up with your T.

 

Potential Triggers above

Posted by Daisym on August 2, 2005, at 13:36:24

In reply to I suppose it doesn't really matter.. B2chica, posted by pinkeye on August 2, 2005, at 13:07:47

b2c,

Memory can be like puzzle pieces and sometimes they don't all fit together and what you think is a sky piece is actually the color of the table cloth...

I told my therapist once that I was concerned that I kept "revising" my story. But actually it was just spinning out, pieces that I've always known led to pieces that I kind of knew which led to stuff I had completely supressed. Things would drop out of the sky and into memory during sessions, or I would dream about things. The worst (fear wise anyway) was a session where we were talking about something grown up, present day, not a childhood memory at all. But I was getting so anxious and he finally asked, "but that didn't happen to you...did it?" And the fear landed like a cold bucket of water and I just knew. And he knew. He said he could feel the whole atmosphere in the room change. It was really awful.

So, what doesn't "fit" right now might later. Or it might never. My best suggestion is just leave it alone, maybe write it down and then put it away. If you try to force it you could flood yourself and that is very dangerous. When do you have therapy again?

Take care of yourself.
Daisy

 

Re: Potential Triggers above

Posted by Poet on August 2, 2005, at 19:10:08

In reply to Potential Triggers above, posted by Daisym on August 2, 2005, at 13:36:24

Hi B2chica,

I agree with Daisy. The puzzle pieces may or may not ever come completely together. Try not to solve it alone. Talk to your T. Write it down and go back to it later.

(((((B2chica))))))

Poet

 

Re: Potential Triggers above

Posted by B2chica on August 5, 2005, at 8:53:46

In reply to Re: Potential Triggers above, posted by Poet on August 2, 2005, at 19:10:08

thank you all so much for your help, you are a great crew.
i'm working on it and my t said pretty much what you said about the feelings behind the images.

racer-it's been a while how are you?
daisy -i know you've been struggling lately how are you?
poet-i'm so happy you responded to me, i value your input.


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