Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 486419

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Women and ADD

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 11:44:09

Did you know that most studies of ADD have been done on teenage boys who also suffer from hyperactivity? Did you know that ADHD is more widely recognized in boys than it is in women, and that ADD is often ignored in women because of the way it's been studied?
I have ADD, it's caused me to trash a great deal of my life because of misunderstanding, not understanding, blocking out, inability to control feelings ... I could go on and on. And I took that book to my last T. And he said, thanks for the reading. He gave it back, I'm fairly certain, unread. This was after he terminated me, of course, because while I was with him I never would have presumed to give him any reading material ... but if that man had known what he was doing, he would have written, I believe you can be helped through this. Find a GP who's supportive and a psychiatrist who specializes in treatment of ADD and manic-depression. You can be helped.
Instead I got this note, Thank you for the reading.
Here's a question: are psychologists not required to keep up in their field? Not at all? In a field that's this crucial, this important to human welfare, to humanity as a whole, why on EARTH are T's not REQUIRED to enroll in lifelong learning???? Are they, or aren't they?

 

Re: Women and ADD » Susan47

Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 11:50:12

In reply to Women and ADD, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 11:44:09

If my therapist doesn't get a certain number of continuing education per year, he'll lose his counseling license and be unable to practice.

Of course, it's a wide range of topics that he's allowed to choose from.

I'm guessing that ethics is required every reporting cycle or something like that?

 

Re: Women and ADD

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 12:01:44

In reply to Re: Women and ADD » Susan47, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 11:50:12

Where would I find out if that's necessary here in Canada?

 

Re: Women and ADD

Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 12:06:42

In reply to Re: Women and ADD, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 12:01:44

I'd do a google search on the licensing agency. What credentials does your therapist claim? Or you could look under your province government section. Each of our states has the ability to license professionals in that state, and each licensing board is listed in the phone book somewhere.

 

Re: Women and ADD

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 12:18:40

In reply to Re: Women and ADD, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 12:06:42

I believe psychologists are licensed by the province, here. So I'll have to google that board. Then find out from them.

 

Re: Women and ADD

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 12:19:00

In reply to Re: Women and ADD, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 12:18:40

Because if they're not required, I think I might kick some *ss.

 

Re: Women and ADD » Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 13:13:49

In reply to Re: Women and ADD, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 12:19:00

I am pretty sure that all therapists do read continuously. Maybe not about everything, but in their area of speciality and expertise I am sure that they are up to date.

Your therapist didn't probably want to encourage you when you gave the book to him after termination. It was probably a non commital note.. and he was just reiterating that he was not responsible for you any more. As hard as it seems, I think that is what they do, and that is what they are trained to do. No use blaming them and wishing it were different.

Actually coming to think of it, the fact that your therapist atleast allows you to come and sit in his office and responds to your mail is pretty great. Mine doesn't.

 

Re: Women and ADD

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 15:23:42

In reply to Re: Women and ADD » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 13:13:49

I actually am so used to him not responding that I would be shocked if he actually ever did acknowledge my existence without having been prodded by me. Why do I need him to acknowledge me so badly? I need it from everybody. And those I don't get it from, I ignore. So why can't I ignore this guy? Why is my mind being strangled in a noose of my own making? Why is my heart flying over there, in his direction, without my permission? I never allowed that, I NEVER DID! I feel literally, as though I'm losing any sense of my own identity. I feel like I'm going insane, sometimes. Why does it feel like this man has half of me? WHY??????

 

Re: Women and ADD » Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 18:36:38

In reply to Re: Women and ADD, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 15:23:42

I am not sure why.. But I had kind of the same feeling.. not quite to the extent that you have, but some of it. But it is waning away very fastly for me. Somehow I have beocme quite ok with not needing his approval or acknowledgement now. Day by day, it lessens even more, and I just think of him as a regular guy.. like the ones that I meet in my work everyday. A very nice guy for sure, but pretty normal.

Not sure why it is happening.. it is either because I am growing up and not needing so much of approval from anyone.. Or because I have come to realize and respect his indifference towards me. When I feel like writing and getting his approval also, I tell myself, that I was just a patient to him, and he was indifferent to me personally all along, and that kind of stops me from going further down the lane.

 

Re: Women and ADD » Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 18:49:21

In reply to Re: Women and ADD, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 15:23:42

Maybe realizing it was just a professional caring would help you? That is what helps me.. that he cared for me beyond and above professionally but didn't really have any personal feelings for me. And that puts a full stop to all my feelings and needs and wants and expectations. It looks as if it is a hard thing to swallow, but after some time, you also develop the indifference little bit - atleast to the point where you respect his indifference and not torture yourself over it.

 

Re: Women and ADD (Long)

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 18:51:49

In reply to Re: Women and ADD » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 18:36:38

I think I agree. The best thing I can ever do for myself is forget I ever met this person ... for now. Somehow. Sheesh, I don't even know what category to put him in. Like, a real person but not a real person, you know? That's the way he was, I never had the opportunity to experience any therapist or physician as a real person. They have these little thrones that are either self-erected or erected by society .. it's a little thing that says "Keep Off".
I really hate what happened to me in that therapy relationship. I just was not the person I want to be, you know? It's just incredibly stupid to have feelings for someone you don't know. Yet there're still times when I think about him, physically, and his aura, you know, the way he is, and I just think, well this is going to sound psycho, I know that, but it feels like I'd been waiting for him my whole life, you know? And that somehow I'll take him to my deathbed, I mean, his essence, you know, I really believe that somehow, some way, he communicated the essence of himself to me, and I vibrated back to that. But the inequality of the situation and the strictures around everything just about drove me nuts. Well, it did, really. For a long time.
I hope I'm getting better, now.
I'm feeling a bit stronger at times, than I ever have before.
But unfortunately, it still doesn't take much to bring me down.
My greatest wish in life, my greatest desire, is to okay with myself.
To be able to be completely alone, for days at a time, and never feel abandoned. Or lonely. To carry the love I learned how to hold, to carry that love eternally until I die.. and he was the way. I know that sounds so out there, but I hope it's true. I will it to be true, because I have to. Without the feeling of love that I was able to capture from this person, I'll die. I will. I know that. This is so long, too long.

 

Re: Women and ADD (Long) » Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 19:02:00

In reply to Re: Women and ADD (Long), posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 18:51:49

One thing that strikes me a lot from your post is that somehow, you lack a basic self fulfillment and life force a lot. I think that is the need he fulfilled for you, and that is why you are finding it exceptionally difficult to let go of..

Your words are pretty powerful and I get the feeling that somehow you derive the basic life force and a desire to live from him. Actually it is a thing that people get from God usually all the time - when they are going through a rough period and not able to sustain themselves by themselves. I think since you said you don't believe in God, you are kind of substituting your T for that position. That is why he means so much to you.

Nobody can be all alone for days togehter and be completely ok about it. Not even the most self fulfilled person. WE all need others and a society and other reasons to live for - beyond ourselves. The fact that you are living all by yourself is adding to this problem. Try to get a roommate, or a cat or a dog - something to give you company and meaning everyday.

> I think I agree. The best thing I can ever do for myself is forget I ever met this person ... for now. Somehow. Sheesh, I don't even know what category to put him in. Like, a real person but not a real person, you know? That's the way he was, I never had the opportunity to experience any therapist or physician as a real person. They have these little thrones that are either self-erected or erected by society .. it's a little thing that says "Keep Off".
> I really hate what happened to me in that therapy relationship. I just was not the person I want to be, you know? It's just incredibly stupid to have feelings for someone you don't know. Yet there're still times when I think about him, physically, and his aura, you know, the way he is, and I just think, well this is going to sound psycho, I know that, but it feels like I'd been waiting for him my whole life, you know? And that somehow I'll take him to my deathbed, I mean, his essence, you know, I really believe that somehow, some way, he communicated the essence of himself to me, and I vibrated back to that. But the inequality of the situation and the strictures around everything just about drove me nuts. Well, it did, really. For a long time.
> I hope I'm getting better, now.
> I'm feeling a bit stronger at times, than I ever have before.
> But unfortunately, it still doesn't take much to bring me down.
> My greatest wish in life, my greatest desire, is to okay with myself.
> To be able to be completely alone, for days at a time, and never feel abandoned. Or lonely. To carry the love I learned how to hold, to carry that love eternally until I die.. and he was the way. I know that sounds so out there, but I hope it's true. I will it to be true, because I have to. Without the feeling of love that I was able to capture from this person, I'll die. I will. I know that. This is so long, too long.

 

Re: Women and ADD (Long)

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 21:37:35

In reply to Re: Women and ADD (Long) » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 19:02:00

When I was an infant, okay, and I know this sounds ridiculous, to go back this far, but the fact is, and I think it's true for a lot of us, is we didn't feel like we were supposed to survive. So it makes sense that you pick that up from me. The will to live has really never been acknowledged, I think, you know? I give up very easily. Although I know one person who would disagree, because I fight to have that feeling, the desire to live, the will to wish for something better in life. I see old ladies everywhere, alone, decrepit, and old men, the same.. even when they have each other, you know it's not going to be for much longer. And I wonder, what is the goddamn point of getting THERE? Hell, I'm there NOW, and I have children who are young enough to need me.. but it isn't enough, it really isn't enough. Just the thought that I'm not going to add more pain to their lives, but I'm adding pain just be being here anyway, because I can be very rejecting. Very rejecting. And my children feel it, And that's just worse than my even being their mother.

 

Re: Women and ADD (Long) » Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 21:55:22

In reply to Re: Women and ADD (Long), posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 21:37:35

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all.. infancy does play a major role in our emotions shaping up. In fact the early years of childhood creates so much more influence on us than the rest of the life.. doesn't mean that it is not changeable and the rest of the life doesn't matter, but what you learn early on matters a whole lot more.

When I was in my mother's womb, my fahter kept threatening my mom that he wanted to abort me.. All the time from what I learnt later on. And my mother cried so much during throughout the pregnancy.. because my father was so merciless. and angry and shouting at her. and pretty much after I was born also, till I was about 13 - 14 years old, my father shouted at my mom all the time.. I remember being so very afraid of my dad.. every day several times he will shout at her so much.. it was pure hell. he loved me a lot, but he didn't like my mother.. and he had all strange notions about life, and even though he was basically a very very good man, he absolutely didn't have any clue how to keep a family happy. That terror is still there in my life. He completely rejected my mother. and I think I somehow transfered all the feelings onto myself and took the blame for all of it. Childhood does matter a whole lot. So don't reject your kids. IT will be there for their lifetime. And what are you going to get by running after a threapist who wasn't avaialble to you and who will not even know if you live well or not and won't care? Try to turn that attention towards your kids - becuase it will make a huge difference in their lives.

You are right about getting old. It totally sucks. When there is nothing to look forward to excpet death. That is why I believe in religion, and thankfully, my religion supports the therory of rebirth.. so I know even if I die, I am going to be born again.

 

Re: Women and ADD (Long)

Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 22:01:56

In reply to Re: Women and ADD (Long) » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 19, 2005, at 21:55:22

I think it's just really selfish of me to have wanted my own happiness and not been able to help them when they needed me. There's no point in living to be happy. The only point in living now is to raise children who might have a chance to be happy. And the only way to do that is to give up on my needs. It's a challenge. I hope I can do it. Because this wanting a soulmate will never work. It's just impossible, you know? Just as much as the physical thing and the emotional thing and everything else. Somehow I have to find that my children are enough. I don't know if I can do that. I just don't know.

 

Re: Women and ADD (Long) » Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 20, 2005, at 13:12:29

In reply to Re: Women and ADD (Long), posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 22:01:56

It is just purely impossible to be happy and contented without some sort of spirituality in our consciousness. It is just totally totally impossible. Materialism is never enough.. we just keep substituting one demand for the ohter. You think you will be happy once you get this, get that, etc, but in reality, it never happens.. There is always something else to worry about and something to be taken care of. You might feel now that once you get a soulmate you might be happy, but what if your health starts failing then? I hope I get my point across.

Besides you don't want a soulmate when you are not happy yourself. Because, then at that time your soulmate will also not be happy.. So the idea is to first grow up yourself and seek some form of spiritual fulfillment before you would even seek a soulmate.

I don't know if you believe in any religion, but starting to go to some religious organization is a start. If you totally don't believe in religion, doing some voluntary work for the society might also give you some spiritual satisfaction. But society helping is limited.. there are many times when it won't satisfy you..so I prefer first to be religious and then next to take care of the society and my family.


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