Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 486364

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

exhausted but better. **possible trigger**

Posted by B2chica on April 19, 2005, at 9:25:17

haven't been to around here at babble lately but i've been working hard in therapy. yesterday was so tough. i ended up just 'thowing up' a bunch of memories, a couple that i mentioned to previous T and a couple extra for good measure. I felt disgusting, humiliated, couldn't make eye contact the entire time...thank GOD i have the T i do, he didn't even mention the time and i was able to get SO much out and he went about another hour long without a word. Gosh he's just great.
Last night was hard not to sl#t my wrists but i made it through. thanks to my art, music and sleepy pills!
Somehow today i feel So strong. i feel so much better for having said the things i did. when i got home the first thing i said to myself was well how do you feel now that these are out in the open...i said i felt good cuz my T didn't act disgusted with me, then my mind voice said "he's supposed to act like that, but inside he's hates you, he's disgusted with you. i got mad at that voice.
i'm fighting that. i don't believe it.
it's cuz i'm stronger today. boy anybody try taking me on today i'll knock them on their @$$!

the thing is...it's just the tip of the iceburg, i have so many more sickening memories. i was going to spill more tomorrow but i think to be safe i need to back off and deal with what's on the table for now.
He did use the R word for once incident, SA for the second time and mutiple molestation for the other incidents. I read that 'O'sex isn't considered 'R', but is considered SA. T said that it was basically R but in the books is SA and is still an offensible crime, that today he could have gone to jail for such an act.
That's when i said 'he's dead now'. a few years after the incident he died in car accident -was drunk and rolled car.
So it's true, it feels somehow good. i'm still a little numb and maybe i'll feel worse tonight or tomorrow..but now, now is good...maybe my role in blame isn't as 110% as i thought.

Man you guys are great.
thanks for letting me vent.
B2c.

 

(((((chica))))) (nm)

Posted by Shortelise on April 19, 2005, at 11:37:10

In reply to exhausted but better. **possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on April 19, 2005, at 9:25:17

 

Re: exhausted but better. **possible trigger** » B2chica

Posted by Tamar on April 19, 2005, at 14:29:10

In reply to exhausted but better. **possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on April 19, 2005, at 9:25:17

Congratulations on your courage! It’s so hard to get that stuff out, and I’m very familiar with the feelings of disgust and shame, so well done for fighting the nasty voices!

I thought about definitions a lot when I was talking to my T about what happened to me. I couldn’t use the R word for a long time. And then when I started reading about it, it seemed to me that the distinctions were purely legal ones, based on historical ideas about people’s behaviour. That’s why in law (in some countries) forced oral sex is considered to be less serious than rape (because there’s no risk of pregnancy). But in terms of people’s experience, it’s impossible to make distinctions. It’s no worse to experience rape than to experience forced oral sex or molestation. They’re all bad. The only purpose of different words is to describe different (equally nasty) events. Therefore a lot of people use the term sexual assault, no matter what exactly happened, so as not to minimise the consequences for the victim.

Something that helped me was a thing I read somewhere. One woman said to another: “Even if you danced naked in front of him, he had no right to assault you.” In other words, no matter what the provocation, men are not allowed to behave violently or take advantage of women. It helped me to realise that there is absolutely no excuse for sexual assault – and that it is NEVER the fault of the person who was assaulted.

(((((B2Chica))))) Keep taking care of yourself.

Tamar

 

Re: exhausted but better. **possible trigger**

Posted by antigua on April 19, 2005, at 14:56:01

In reply to exhausted but better. **possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on April 19, 2005, at 9:25:17

That's incredible. I'm glad you feel so good about getting those memories out. They aren't a secret anymore, and you're right, no matter what it wasn't your fault. Make good use of your power today!
best,
antigua

 

Re: exhausted but better. **possible trigger** » B2chica

Posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:33:36

In reply to exhausted but better. **possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on April 19, 2005, at 9:25:17

Hi B2Chica,

You keep knocking anybody who tries to take you on on their @$$es. You have found strength and you are empowered to take on those horrible memories.

Send a little strength my way, if you can spare a little bit. Maybe I can help it grow and get the bad stuff to come out, too.

I am so proud of you! Go B2chica!

Poet

 

Re: **possible trigger** tamar/antigua

Posted by B2chica on April 20, 2005, at 9:35:47

In reply to Re: exhausted but better. **possible trigger** » B2chica, posted by Tamar on April 19, 2005, at 14:29:10

Tamar
thanks for you encouraging words.
for years i've viewed the Osex for offensive because i was forced down on him-trying terribly to get off him but he had my hair and was forcing me hard-i was crying and choking. with the first time(reg.sex) i froze and sort of removed from what was happening. it seemed like that was less on him and more on me cuz i froze. my T said that no man nomatter what should NEVER assume a woman wants him especially if she says no even once (which i did but my voice started to get lost- along with me). he says that i probably dissociated at that time.
What's strange is if someone were to tell me the exact same story that happened to them i would deam it as R no question...but me?...there were just so many 'out's' that i see i could have taken but didn't.
thank you for caring.


Antigua,
felt good yesterday, feeling not so good today. but i see T tonight. i'm glad...i need him. (see, i can say that now at least...that i need someone) anyone heard U2's new song..."sometimes you can make it on your own". admission is half the battle right???

b2c.

 

Re: exhausted but better. **possible trigger** » Poet

Posted by B2chica on April 20, 2005, at 9:41:07

In reply to Re: exhausted but better. **possible trigger** » B2chica, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:33:36

(((((((Poet)))))))))
i'm so glad you chimed in. i've been thinking about you and your 'battles'. i need you around. i feel like there's a bit of an overlap with some of our 'issues', and it feels SO good to not be alone. when i feel alone with these sickening memories...well, i feel even more alone.
being on babble helps me to not feel alone, but also, not more shame since no one knows my IRL identity.
it's such a safe haven for me here. i hope you see that too.

and here's all the + vibes i can give today. maybe sharing my vibes will help me to grow more...i feel i really need them today.
here ya go sweetheart.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
b2c.

> Hi B2Chica,
>
> You keep knocking anybody who tries to take you on on their @$$es. You have found strength and you are empowered to take on those horrible memories.
>
> Send a little strength my way, if you can spare a little bit. Maybe I can help it grow and get the bad stuff to come out, too.
>
> I am so proud of you! Go B2chica!
>
> Poet

 

Re: **possible trigger** tamar/antigua

Posted by Tamar on April 20, 2005, at 10:50:53

In reply to Re: **possible trigger** tamar/antigua, posted by B2chica on April 20, 2005, at 9:35:47

Hi B2C,

> with the first time(reg.sex) i froze and sort of removed from what was happening. it seemed like that was less on him and more on me cuz i froze. my T said that no man nomatter what should NEVER assume a woman wants him especially if she says no even once (which i did but my voice started to get lost- along with me). he says that i probably dissociated at that time.

Yes, I can imagine you dissociated, especially if it happened after the forced oral sex. And it’s true: if you said no he shouldn’t have done it. Actually, even if you didn’t say no, he should have realised that you weren’t participating and he should have stopped. It’s not actually difficult for a man to notice that a woman doesn’t want sex. If he just doesn’t care then it’s abuse.

> What's strange is if someone were to tell me the exact same story that happened to them i would deam it as R no question...but me?...there were just so many 'out's' that i see i could have taken but didn't.

Well, it’s easier to see ‘outs’ after the event. At the time, though, it’s almost impossible to move. Even before the assault starts, the atmosphere of the situation usually means it’s too frightening to run away. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It really wasn’t your fault that you froze. It’s very normal and happens to many many women in that situation. It was the same for me.

I hope your appointment tonight with your T goes well.

Tamar

 

((((((((((tamar)))))))))))) (nm)

Posted by B2chica on April 20, 2005, at 11:08:54

In reply to Re: **possible trigger** tamar/antigua, posted by Tamar on April 20, 2005, at 10:50:53

 

(((b2c))) (nm) » B2chica

Posted by ghost on April 21, 2005, at 20:12:46

In reply to exhausted but better. **possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on April 19, 2005, at 9:25:17


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.