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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:50:43
When a T looks at a client in a sexual way, and he's either aware or not aware of it ... and he never says anything about it, and you don't know what to make of it because you know you're sexually attracted to him ... what are you supposed to do? Because thinking he might be sexually attracted to you, makes you a sexual creature, which is lovely and all, but it has a lot of responsibility attached, you know? And what if you think he's attractive but he's not thinking anything special about you, at all, that's just the way he is you see, he does this all the time .. so is he a tease, does that make him a tease, then? Knowing how you feel about him, and he never ever brings it up, he's scared to mention the subject, but it's the ONLY subject, you see, is how you feel about yourself is that you're so ugly you're just humiliating yourself with your feelings. Your desire is unwanted, which partly what makes it so titillating, you know, because you know this is all just a big game in your head, but damn it, if it's only in your head, then when he looked at you That Way, you know, does that mean you hallucinate now, as an adult, when you did it as a child too?
Posted by pinkeye on April 18, 2005, at 14:20:44
In reply to Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:50:43
When we know someone is attracted to us, we automatically develop a little soft corner for them, and sometimes we tend to flirt a little unconsciously, even though that is totally not our intention. I have felt myself getting little warm towards people who said they liked me, even though I never liked them or was attracted to them. But I have caught myself trying to be little more flirty around them. Maybe that is what your T has done. It is just an unconscious response to being loved.
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 14:36:57
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen? » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 18, 2005, at 14:20:44
Possibly, yes.
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 14:38:53
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 14:36:57
But then would you stare at your client's breasts? Or where they're supposed to be, anyway. I guess you might if she were flinging her hands up behind her head, which was a gesture she did often. Hmm. Why? Is that an overtly sexual gesture? Because it never felt that way. Am I being overtly sexual with men and I'm not aware of it? I used to, I think I did. Which would make sense as to why women never trusted me. But the weird thing is I don't believe I ever ever liked that about myself, you know? This is huge. Huge.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 18, 2005, at 14:59:01
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 14:38:53
I think it's possible to unconsciously flirt with someone - it's harmless. I seem to play with my hair a lot in therapy, run my fingers thru it, rearrange it, etc. Apparently this is some sort of mating call. I don't really notice it when I do it, but driving back from a session I remember and am somewhat mortified.
As for the breast staring thing, I would venture to say, and I'm being bold here, that 100% of men do not actually KNOW they are doing it. I have had conversation after conversation about this with my husband.
Either I catch him staring at my boobs or someone else's. When I inform him he was doing it, he really has no idea what I'm talking about. So I don't take much offense at boob staring anymore. I really don't think men know they do it.
That said, I have never caught my T staring at my boobs, and I have a nice rack! Maybe I need to stretch more :)
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 15:04:27
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 18, 2005, at 14:59:01
Well maybe it's your bum he's watching as you walk away. But your post made me realize that I'm definitely a man watcher. Good man-watching material is very scarce, too, I'll have you know. Here in my town anyway. Seems like there's always so many more attractive women than there are attractive men. But my standards are a teeny bit high, now. And that's the way I like it. Just have to find a guy who's as gorgeous outside as he is inside, and wham! I'll have it made. Or at least, a man who has so much inside that his outside doesn't matter. You know what I really hate? It's when men get sloppy. You know, they quit trying. Go around sloppily dressed and unshaved, then think they're really some catch. Yuck.
Posted by Tamar on April 18, 2005, at 16:20:57
In reply to Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:50:43
I reckon that Ts are only human and can't help having some response to people they find attractive. It doesn't mean they're teasing us.
I was often very aware of my T's body language, and if he wasn't attracted to me then I'll have to go back to flirting school and learn the new signals. But it wasn't a constant concern - that would be weird.
If you think your T was attracted to you then he probably was, at least at a biological level. Of course, they can't do anything about it. Maybe it's more likely that we tease them, rather than the other way around!
Posted by annierose on April 18, 2005, at 17:29:28
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen? » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 18, 2005, at 14:20:44
Pinkeye -
I think that is true. I'll even use that with my children to help them foster more loving feelings towards each other, "you know sally, john thinks you are the coolest sister he could ever have." "Really mom?"
Posted by Joslynn on April 20, 2005, at 15:38:07
In reply to Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:50:43
I have gotten That Look from pdocs etc. Not leering or obvious, but definitely That Look. A woman knows.
I used to think it meant some big cosmic connection, but now I realize, sometimes a man just can't help The Look when an attractive woman is in the room. It's like the way we women look at shoes!
You are probably attractive, and it didn't mean the person was purposely teasing you, just subconsciously acknowledging the man/woman dynamic on a level beyond words. Just a guess...
Posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 15:56:32
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Joslynn on April 20, 2005, at 15:38:07
I suppose it's possible, it's really hard to see myself the way I want to though. Because I know my flaws, right? And I was always a very homely child, I think.. I don't know. I just see myself, you know, with this massive worried face always. Little brown eyes, smudges underneath all the time, never a smile, tiny little mouth almost disappearing. It was pathetic. And then I was always teased because I have this obvious skin condition, my skin isn't normal. Although I'm finally learned to manage my eczema.. my daughter's in trouble, I hate that I passed on bad things. But I did. oh dear, see I don't know where this is coming from but it's been so big in shaping me, all of what I'm writing is just so me.. I kind of sickened myself, all my life, you know?
Posted by happyflower on April 21, 2005, at 15:48:33
In reply to Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:50:43
I feel the same way! lol I know he is attracted to me but he would never cross the line. I think he knows I am attracted to him also. There is some friendly flirting ( non sexual) going on, but I feel safe with him. He is a very good T. It feels great and is good for the ego! lol
Posted by pinkeye on April 24, 2005, at 14:11:07
In reply to Re: Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 15:56:32
Susan,
Do you know that eczema is an autoimmune condition? Somehow I feel all these autoimmune conditions are rooted in our feeling hatred for our own selves so that our immune system starts attacking our own cells in a self destructive fashion. I have rheumatoid arthritis and that is an autoimmune condition as well. The real way to cure it is to somehow start to love yourself and accept yourself for what you are.. and I think this eczema will atleast start subsiding. As far as my Rheumatoid arhtirits is concerned, days when I am stressed, or when I don't like myself too much are the days when it flares up. Days when I like myself, and I am peaceful are the best days. Just thought I would share.. there is an amazing amoutn of mind / body connection especially with respect to any of these autoimmune disorders.
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 12, 2005, at 6:02:42
In reply to Teasing T's: Does it Happen?, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:50:43
I pray that it's true :)
This is the end of the thread.
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