Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 483641

Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.


Ouch Ouch Ouch

Posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

My only appt with my therapist this week was today. He's going to be out of town next week for a training seminar. (Most likely for his other job.)

I knew there was a good likelihood he'd cancel. I even thought of cancelling myself because no appointment at all might be better than one when we're both stressed to the limit.

He offered to call to try to reschedule, but I don't know that I want to even try. First because of us both being stressed, and second because he will probably have to cancel again, and that would hurt.

I understand, and I'm very sensitive to his position. I was perfectly lovely on the phone.




Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Dinah

Posted by PM80 on April 13, 2005, at 7:59:46

In reply to Ouch Ouch Ouch, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

My therapist has never canceled an appointment or made excuses of being stressed for his behavior. You shouldn't even really know that your T is stressed, and it definitely should not be affecting your theraputic relationship. Your T sounds unprofessional. It does not matter what is going in his life (unless, say, his wife dies or something else of that magnitude happens). He is a doctor, and he needs to be professional so you feel safe. I don't really know your situation, so I can't give you any advice. If it were me, I would try to find another therapist. I would feel like ouch, ouch, ouch, too.


Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on April 13, 2005, at 8:13:19

In reply to Ouch Ouch Ouch, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

Gosh, I'm sorry, Dinah.

And it is harder because you were ambivalent in the first place.

I think I wouldn't try to reschedule - I would want things to be set - I hate uncertainty.

Maybe take a deep breath and see this as an opportunity to focus on getting a lot of work done.

We're here...



Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch

Posted by pegasus on April 13, 2005, at 8:18:08

In reply to Ouch Ouch Ouch, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

ouch is right. and how well i know that pleasant phone manner when you really have a big lump in your throat. your T probably knows it too, or at least that you're likely to act more positive in that situation than you feel. he knows you well enough by now.

and of course, if he were a rookie, or new to you, he probably should handle it a bit differently. but imho the work you've been through together naturally makes it so that when he's especially stressed you know it.

good luck this week, and let us know how we can help.



Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Dinah

Posted by mair on April 13, 2005, at 9:42:21

In reply to Ouch Ouch Ouch, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

Dinah - I know youj're probably stressed about work this week, but sometimes I read your posts and I'm not entirely sure of who's taking care of whom.

When I was young, I used to walk into my house and take the emotional "temperature." If i didn't like it, I'd leave with a book and find myself a comfortable spot outside to hide for awhile. My guess is that you stuck around and tried to make the temperature better by doing whatever was necessary to put one or both of your parents in a better mood. Sometimes it seems like you're always trying to intuit your T's moods and do what you can to accommodate them.

Maybe I'm way out of line here; if I am I apologize. But maybe your loss for the week is Babble's gain if it means you hang around alot more.



Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Dinah

Posted by Tamar on April 13, 2005, at 10:53:08

In reply to Ouch Ouch Ouch, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

Oh dear! Ouch is right!

If it were me (and of course it isn't) I would think about what I actually wanted to say if I were seeing him. If there were something in particular I wanted to talk about, then I would try to reschedule. But if I thought it would be a fairly general session about whatever came up on the day I would probably decide against rescheduling; I would be concerned that it wouldn't be a good session.

Do you normally have good sessions just before he goes away? Or are they usually sessions that feel bad because of his forthcoming trip? Would that make a difference to your decision?

And yes, he might cancel again. If he cancelled today's appointment, what would stop him cancelling again? Unless you could extract a firm promise from him not to cancel... Might he be willing to promise (and keep his promise)?

I hope you manage to come to a decision you feel comfortable with. And we'll all be here for you.



Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Dinah

Posted by Shortelise on April 13, 2005, at 11:20:10

In reply to Ouch Ouch Ouch, posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 7:41:29

That stinks, Dinah. I really dislike it for you. There should be continuity you can count on in your therapy.

My T cancelled once in the last six and a half years, and that was because his Dad died. Appointments that have changed have changed weeks in advance.

I guess this is your T's wart. Mine is that he talks too much sometimes.

I'm sorry.



Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch

Posted by Dinah on April 13, 2005, at 18:06:06

In reply to Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Dinah, posted by Shortelise on April 13, 2005, at 11:20:10

He really didn't have a choice about cancelling. It was a family situation that he couldn't control. But the dynamics were such that I thought it wasn't unlikely that it would happen. He's got a sick family member and he's the only one around to handle it this week. I knew not only that it might be a problem, but also that he wouldn't know whether he could see clients until the very morning I was due to see him at 8 am. No, I'm not clairvoyant, but it's reasonable to make certain guesses based on the situation.

He called back later in the morning and offered to see me later in the day, but that wasn't possible on my end. :(( That made me feel even more rotten, although of course I understand that he felt he needed to offer.

Then I threw kindness to the wind and called back and left a message wailing that I was scared that I wouldn't see him for two weeks, but he didn't need to call me back. Then I called back again and said I lied - I would like him to call back.

He did call back, and said that it was always his intention to offer to see me this weekend if that's the only way he could see me before he left - even if he had seen me today. And that I didn't need to worry about that.

He sounded ok.

I do have an unhealthy urge to gather him up and hold him tight while he's under stress.

And another urge to run away because I don't want to see him under stress, and I'm afraid we'll fight.

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