Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 480695

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 44. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I have a question

Posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 11:58:10

is it possible to have gone through years of therapy without an underlying "specific" reason coming out?

I mean, if my memories are so buried that I can't get to them, is it possible I have answered their questions wrong and thus not actually received the correct therapy? Like the "have you ever experienced..." or "has anyone ever..". If I answered "no" or "I don't remember any of that", is it possible that the underlying cause (or nurture part of the equation)was never suspected, diagnosed, or treated?

Am I just being ridiculous in thinking this could have happened in my off and on years of therapy?

Any responses at all would be appreciated, thanks,
Sunny10

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 12:55:11

In reply to I have a question, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 11:58:10

I think it is possible, I had years of counseling and most people missed my bipolar until my medical doctor caught it when I was 16. Then he still missed my ADHD until this last year. Then entering new counseling this year - I find out about the borderline, I see it in my doctors records, but he NEVER said anything to me!!! Never told me I needed counseling for this problem - that makes me very mad.

Yes it is very possible to not answer or understand questions properly to answer correctly.

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 13:40:42

In reply to Re: I have a question, posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 12:55:11

yes, I'm starting to feel like I may have wasted approx. 20 yrs of off and on again therapy...

I am asking this because my sister, 3 yrs older than I, just told me on Saturday that our now dead dad sexually abused her when we were young... I'm wondering if this is what is buried in me, too....

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 13:45:46

In reply to Re: I have a question, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 13:40:42

Check with your counselor for a diagnosis of PTSD see if that is possible. I also always thought hypnotisim would be good idea in cases where you can't remember.

I have been sexually abused too, and I know where you are coming from on that one. It is hard knowing what contributed to what, or what symptoms are resulting to what diagnosis.. that is what I have trouble with now myself.

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 13:53:18

In reply to Re: I have a question, posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 13:45:46

I was just talking to my SO last night about all of this sh*t that is possibly in my head and we talked about hypnosis, too.

At this point, I don't even care to know what the memories ARE... if I could get someone to hypnotize me to believe that I am a good person, I am loved, loveable and loving, deserving of respect and that I don't like to smoke, I'd be all set...(smile)

Of course, I'm sure you all will tell me that if that actually worked we wouldn't all (mostly all) be in therapy...

A girl can dream, can't she?!?!?

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 15:32:57

In reply to Re: I have a question, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 13:53:18

I had a good friend that didn't know she had been abused sexually until years later through hypnosis, so anything is possible.

They can also supress memories if you don't want them coming forward. I have no idea how much that kind of service would run for.

Oh I am with you on the smoking, but I would also convince myself I was going to loose some weight while I was at it to. lol

 

Re: I have a question (**trigger**) sunny10

Posted by Tamar on April 6, 2005, at 16:03:26

In reply to Re: I have a question, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 13:40:42

This is such an interesting question. I know the subject of recovering memories is hotly debated, especially when hypnotism is involved. If I were you I'd be very cautious about trying to recover your memories by hypnotism. But of course, I'm not you, and you can make your own decisions!

The reason I'm so interested in your question is because I'm certain that some kind of molestation happened to me in my childhood (which is why I added the trigger in the subject line)... But I don't actually remember it. I remember many other things that point to it, but I don't remember the actual event.

I keep wondering if I'm adding it up all wrong; if there was nothing really, and all the stuff I actually do remember is insignificant. But there's just so much that I can't believe I'm imagining it.

I looked into the possibilty of hypnotism, but it does seem to be associated with the whole false memory syndrome debate, and I really don't want to find myself with memories that aren't reliable. What do you think? Is it worth the risk?

I would definitely try hypnotism for smoking though!

I'm very sorry about your sister. I can imagine that's elicited a whole lot of fallout. I hope it all stays manageable.

Tamar

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by daisym on April 6, 2005, at 16:05:49

In reply to Re: I have a question, posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 15:32:57

Sunny,

How do you feel about what your sister told you? Was there any intense reaction, internal supression, suprise or total belief? It is widely believed that sometimes you just *know* -- even if you can't *remember* it.

I don't think therapy is wasted if you are working on issues instead of events or if you are "just" trying to feel better. Not everyone goes into therapy because they are hurting. Lots of times people go in to look at themselves, to make decisions or to work on knowing themselves better. I wish I had done this 20 years ago.

I'm sure you might feel let down if you were abused and it never came out during therapy. But my therapist tells me over and over again that the psyche has its own timeline and you never can be sure why things come up *now*. You just have to respect the self-protection mechanisms and work with them. Pushing is very dangerous.

I'm sorry Sunny, I should remember but I don't. Are you in therapy now? If so, I hope you share all of this with your therapist. If not, you might want to consider it again. Trickles of memories can quickly turn to floods.

Take good care.

 

Re: I have a question sunny10

Posted by fires on April 6, 2005, at 16:57:47

In reply to I have a question, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 11:58:10

I suggest you read the following link before making any decisions about your memory:

http://skepdic.com/repressedmemory.html

Good Luck

 

Re: I have a question (**trigger**) Tamar

Posted by antigua on April 6, 2005, at 17:24:24

In reply to Re: I have a question (**trigger**) sunny10, posted by Tamar on April 6, 2005, at 16:03:26

Hello, I don't think I've met you....

I spoke w/my T about hypnotism again today in an effort to bring the csa memories forward. As expected, she was strongly against it because she is afraid that I might not be able to handle what comes up. As much as I want to remember and move on, I can't just make it happen. Since I've been with her for all these years, I'm going to stay away from the hypnosis.

I did find EMDR helpful with some of the memories, though, mainly in how I felt at the time as a very young girl. I now know what she felt surrounding the events, but I'm still missing big chunks of memory.

antigua

 

Re: I have a question sunny10

Posted by Poet on April 6, 2005, at 18:57:56

In reply to I have a question, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 11:58:10

Hi sunny10,

My memories of childhood abuse were never buried so deep that I couldn't remember them. I just denied for decades that it ever happened. Kind of misguided self protection.

I got into therapy because I feel that I am a career failure. I still am a career failure, but therapy has helped me to talk about other things: depression, bulimia and CSA. Though I now think of myself as a therapy failure, because it's do hard to talk about all of the above, especially CSA.

If you feel comfortable talking to your sister about what happened to her, it might help you to explore what might have happened to you. Some things are so bad that they get buried even just under the surface enough to deny their existance.

Take care.

Poet

 

Re: I have a question

Posted by Susan47 on April 6, 2005, at 21:15:19

In reply to Re: I have a question sunny10, posted by Poet on April 6, 2005, at 18:57:56

My experience of my messed-up self is as Poet describes a traumatic memory to be; I knew I was messed-up but at the same time I continued to be that because I denied I was that. I knew it, denied it. Knew it, denied. Denial was completely automatic after a time; I don't know when, but quite young in life, I do know that.
I'm realizing, lately, that there's memories I have that I look at once in awhile and I know there's something about them, there's a reason they keep coming up, the same car ride, the same conversation, the same tantrum, the same .. something. And there's memories that're good, and there's ones that I can't describe the flavour of, except that it has fear involved, and I know it's there but not why, and I don't really need to know why either. That's why I think I'm a good candidate for EMDR and from what you've told me about yourself I think you might be as well.

 

Re: I have a question (**trigger**)

Posted by Tamar on April 7, 2005, at 13:54:47

In reply to Re: I have a question (**trigger**) Tamar, posted by antigua on April 6, 2005, at 17:24:24

Hi Antigua. It's nice to meet you.

> I spoke w/my T about hypnotism again today in an effort to bring the csa memories forward. As expected, she was strongly against it because she is afraid that I might not be able to handle what comes up. As much as I want to remember and move on, I can't just make it happen. Since I've been with her for all these years, I'm going to stay away from the hypnosis.

I tend to agree. I think there are all sorts of potential problems with hypnosis.

> I did find EMDR helpful with some of the memories, though, mainly in how I felt at the time as a very young girl. I now know what she felt surrounding the events, but I'm still missing big chunks of memory.

I'm quite curious about EMDR. I've heard other people mention it and it does seem to help them. I'm having a holiday from therapy at the moment, having finished working with my former T about three weeks ago, but I think I'll need to go back for long term therapy at some point, and I'll maybe look into EMDR then. At the moment I'm not being plagued by bad memories, but if that changes I'll certainly be looking into every possible solution.

Thanks for your advice.

Tamar

 

Re: I have a question fires

Posted by Dinah on April 12, 2005, at 1:04:17

In reply to Re: I have a question sunny10, posted by fires on April 6, 2005, at 16:57:47

Fires, I know how important this topic is to you, and so I wanted to thank you and to express admiration for you for the restrained and sensitive way you communicated your beliefs.

I mean that quite sincerely.

 

Thanks (nm)

Posted by fires on April 12, 2005, at 11:00:14

In reply to Re: I have a question sunny10, posted by fires on April 6, 2005, at 16:57:47

 

Re: thanks everyone

Posted by sunny10 on April 13, 2005, at 10:05:20

In reply to Re: I have a question fires, posted by Dinah on April 12, 2005, at 1:04:17

I don't want to actually remember anything... yes, you're all right, that opens up more than I can handle...

I just wish hypnosis could make me believe that I am a better person than I am, I guess...

I am back from my mini-vacation; had to fly back early after my SO tried to strangle me during a stupid argument. I had nowhere else to go to escape him for the night- he was drunk; I was scared.

I am now homeless, so right now it doesn't matter at all about hypnosis...

 

(((((((sunny10)))))))) sunny10

Posted by gardenergirl on April 13, 2005, at 15:10:30

In reply to Re: thanks everyone, posted by sunny10 on April 13, 2005, at 10:05:20

Oh dear, that sounds just awful. Do you have somewhere safe to stay temporarily? What a curveball. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please take care and let us know how we can help.

Thinking of you.

gg

 

((((((((((sunny10)))))))))) sunny10

Posted by Damos on April 13, 2005, at 16:50:32

In reply to Re: thanks everyone, posted by sunny10 on April 13, 2005, at 10:05:20

I'm so sorry sunny, I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. If I can help in anyway, anyway at all let me know.

(((((sunny)))))

 

Re: update

Posted by sunny10 on April 14, 2005, at 8:11:59

In reply to ((((((((((sunny10)))))))))) sunny10, posted by Damos on April 13, 2005, at 16:50:32

he is now apologizing; says he is ashamed of himself- willing to go into counselling. He is not drinking (he is a self-admitted binge drinker... doesn't drink every day, but when he gives himself permission to "make a night of it", he gets out of control)....

I have found an apartment and move in on Saturday (at least my clothes and bathroom stuff that is all in the back of my vehicle at the moment- furniture will come later).

I find myself willing to be a part of couples counselling- as long as he agrees to anger management training/counselling as well. But I am not getting my hopes up too high. I have to be pragmatic and take care of me first.

 

Re: update sunny10

Posted by Damos on April 14, 2005, at 17:12:02

In reply to Re: update, posted by sunny10 on April 14, 2005, at 8:11:59

Dearest Sunny,

I've followed your posts from the time you and your SO met and haven't really said much if anything, and I'm gonna stick to that now as I know you won't want to hear what I'm thinking.

Just remember not let him talk his way out of problems he's behaved himself into. Promise?

Just please, please, please be careful and look after you. No-one deserves what happened to you and there is never ever any excuse. Sorry, don't mean to preach.

(((((sunny10)))))

 

Re: update Damos

Posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 21:00:13

In reply to Re: update sunny10, posted by Damos on April 14, 2005, at 17:12:02

Yes, he has to behave himself out of things he's behaved himself into, right? That makes so much sense. I never saw things quite in that way before but it's so true. Wow. Where'd you get that, did you make that up?

 

Re: update Susan47

Posted by damos on April 14, 2005, at 22:27:19

In reply to Re: update Damos, posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 21:00:13

> Yes, he has to behave himself out of things he's behaved himself into, right? That makes so much sense. I never saw things quite in that way before but it's so true. Wow. Where'd you get that, did you make that up?

Nah, you can thank Stephen Covey for that gem. Probably the only thing I didn't react with "yeah and you're so totally full of sh*t mate" to.

It is true and I try to be aware of my behaviour every minute of every day, fail often and badly, but know that an apology doesn't excuse the hurt.

There was another thing he said that I can't quite remember right but try to carry with me. Something like "it's not so much that what you did hurt me, but that you didn't care enough not to."

I'm a mess today, I'll try and find it for you when/if I go back to the office.

 

Re: update

Posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 7:49:06

In reply to Re: update Susan47, posted by damos on April 14, 2005, at 22:27:19

yes, Damos and Susan47- I very much realize this.

Once the lease termination meeting occurs on Tuesday at 4:30 in the afternoon, I will have my first clue how this will begin to go on...

I told the landlord that he strangled me during an argument and that I was afraid of him therefore we had to break the lease. I told my SO that I told the landlord that he had hurt me physically during an argument (I'm not sure if I told SO that I mentioned the actual strangling part...it's not that I'm trying to lie- I just simply can't remember).

If this assault is referred to in any way during the meeting, my SO's reaction may be the telling factor. Whether during the meeting or in conversations after the meeting, he will give himself away if he is still in denial and has just been "talking the talk". THEN, if he is still honest (with himself and me) and regretful, I will tell him that I expect BOTH of us to enroll in some kind of anger management class/therapy separately before we can even begin to think about trying to work things out. He must fix these behaviors before anything else can happen between "us". Not just talk about it.

As this is something of a personal attack, though true (you are not perfect- you must do "blank" before we can do "blank"), I am very afraid of this conversation. It is a sort of confrontation- which you both know I am afraid of. He may negate the need for such a conversation based on how he may react to the lease termination meeting, anyway.

Chances are he will break my heart all over again by refusing to do these things... But it doesn't matter- I won't be trying again after this one...

I still truly believe in my heart that he is a good person deep inside- behind the pain and depression of loss (lifestyle, friends, house- everything he gave up to come halfway across the country for me). If he would try to work through his actual feelings instead of burying them under coke or alcohol (part of that lifestyle that he had given up- but not even the good part, he admits), there may be a shot for us.

But he's 36 and may be unwilling to allow someone else to teach him to change (a T, a group leader, whatever). And I'm 37 and if I'm still wrong about what kind of person he is inside (strong enough and willing to work through these things), then I have learned nothing in 20 yrs and probably am just incapable of learning anything at this point.

I am attempting to be optimistic, but must be realistic.

-sunny10

 

Re: update sunny10

Posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 9:52:44

In reply to Re: update, posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 7:49:06

I haven't finished reading your post Sunny. You told the landlord he strangled you (not to death, but strangulation is strangulation, look it up). So you told the landlord but you did NOT tell your SO that you told the landlord he strangled you, you told your SO that you told the landlord he HURT you.

Honey, LISTEN UP. If you cannot tell your SO that you are telling people he STRANGLED you, if you have to COUCH it NOW, You are afraid that he will be angry or upset with you if you tell him that he tried to STRANGLE you ... You already know that the truth will upset him. You know he cannot face the truth. He is definitely in denial no matter what he says. Unless he faces the truth, which is that he was thisfar from KILLING you, and unless he can talk to you and professionals about this, drop him. I have been in your shoes and don't be stupid. Please don't ignore the facts to please your SO.

 

Finished Reading

Posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 9:58:29

In reply to Re: update, posted by sunny10 on April 15, 2005, at 7:49:06

Okay, you and I think remarkably alike. I already knew that but this totally confirms it. You're a smart lady and because your heart is involved you're keeping yourself vulnerable. I'm still with you, sweetie. I'm still with you. But remember he has to come off the coke totally and go into a program and keep going to meetings every single week maybe every day. None of that can ever be ignored. He sounds worth saving, Sunny. And I know you won't lose yourself in this, because you love yourself, right? You need to do that, that's your task in the next year or so. No kidding. So smack me if I'm too outspoken. Here, I'll do it for you ...*SMACK* on the left nicely-rounded bum cheek.


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