Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 479688

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning

Posted by Susan47 on April 4, 2005, at 14:00:44

Wandering through my morning, choring and thinking, and realizing the truth of how cognitive impairment is passed on from parent to child.. not through genetics so much, as womb life (picking up mother's anxiety, stress hormones BANG even as the brain is developing), and then onto behaviours copied and imprinted, ways of thinking and being, forever THERE FIRST ... no matter how hard you try .. and try, you must, forever and ever.
Because THESE Children, the ones I have now, cannot suffer the same fate as I did, they need me here to unteach them what I already unknowingly, unconsciously, gave them.
Oh, Ouch. Oh this hurts so much, can anyone understand.............

 

Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning Susan47

Posted by pinkeye on April 4, 2005, at 14:32:21

In reply to Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning, posted by Susan47 on April 4, 2005, at 14:00:44

I can relate to that so much. Every day I wish my mother had little less anxiety of her own so I don't have to deal with so much anxiety myself.. and that my fahter was a little more emotionally mature person. My mother used to be terrified of illness all the time, every day she will complain of some new illenss, and I am realizing I am picking up the same habit.. and my father used to terrorize me and my mother all the time.. and it is taking forever for me to break the patterns.


I wish they had been little more mature and wise, so I don't have to struggle so much.

But maybe it is never late, CBT says that people learn throughout their life.. childhood is very important but it doesn't mean the end of the world if things go bad. Maybe you still can change and show them what a great life they can.

 

Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning

Posted by mair on April 4, 2005, at 17:50:55

In reply to Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning Susan47, posted by pinkeye on April 4, 2005, at 14:32:21

It causes me great pain to see so much of me in my son. I feel that I've passed along this horrible legacy and have doomed him to a lifetime of emotional struggles.

 

Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning mair

Posted by pinkeye on April 4, 2005, at 19:53:35

In reply to Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning, posted by mair on April 4, 2005, at 17:50:55

IT isn't so bad.. All you need now to be is to be honest with him. Acknowledge the mistakes that you have done in brining him up, and sincerely tell him that you do not wish him carrying on the legacy. That would really help your kid. If he understands you didn't mean to hurt him, but just clueless, it will really really help.

That is what helps me in case of my parents. At the end of the day, I know they love me very much, and whatever mistakes they made, they made because they didn't know better. And that now, that I have access to all these knowledge which they didn't have, it is my responsibility to grow up without blaming them further.

I wish they were mature in the first place, but atleast knowing that they don't want me to suffer is second best.

 

Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning mair

Posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2005, at 20:51:15

In reply to Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning, posted by mair on April 4, 2005, at 17:50:55

When I see my children repeating my painful mistakes, I teach them the "right" way to do it (I understand these things, I just can't do them myself). My kids learn so much easier and better than I do! And I understand it better because I needed to teach it to them.

I'm really hoping that I can learn and teach enough so that they won't have the pain I have had.

 

Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning

Posted by annierose on April 4, 2005, at 21:00:43

In reply to Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning mair, posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2005, at 20:51:15

I am fearful of passing down bad parenting as well - but it's being aware that helps me make better choices (most of the time) and talking about parenting issues with my T helps a great dealv too. I like her perspective and the questions she ask, help me answer my own questions.

-Annierose

 

Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning

Posted by Dinah on April 4, 2005, at 21:13:38

In reply to Re: Parent/Child Cognitive Functioning, posted by annierose on April 4, 2005, at 21:00:43

I may have passed on the genes, but I think I make few of the same parenting choices of either parent. (except high expectations, I guess) I parent by sitcom, and by parenting books.

I always try to remind myself of all the wonderful things I passed on to my son as well as the troublesome things, and that they are two sides to the same coin.

And I also try to remember that I'm going to screw my son up somehow. It'll be found fifteen years from now that sitcom/parenting book parenting is all wrong, and I've scarred him irreparably.


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