Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 478144

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

About quitting....

Posted by LittleGirlLost on March 31, 2005, at 12:05:08

First, I hope this doesn't come out wrong, as that is certainly not my intent.

I know many of us, myself included, have felt like quitting therapy at one time or another. I've learned a valuable lesson from the experience of another fellow poster that I felt was worth sharing. Maybe we shouldn't say we want to quit, unless we truly mean it and are ready to deal with the consequences. I myself, had the "thought" of quitting not too long ago, and now I am thanking my lucky stars that I didn't because although it may have been what I "felt" at the time, I now see that it wasn't really what I wanted, because I would not have been able to deal with the repurcussions.

Again, this is something I learned through the experience of someone else and just thought it was worthy of sharing.

LGL

 

Re: About quitting.... » LittleGirlLost

Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2005, at 14:08:17

In reply to About quitting...., posted by LittleGirlLost on March 31, 2005, at 12:05:08

I know how very lucky I was that my therapist always took me back. There was a pdoc that didn't.

I don't think I'd take the chance again.

But I think for many of us (myself obviously included) there is this drive to see if our therapists can accept us at our worst and we can't feel really safe until we see that they can.

I wish all therapists saw it that way, instead of seeing it as a manipulation. Or if they must see it as a manipulation, to see it as a manipulation that has important meaning to us.

I wish therapy training included more feedback from us. Maybe therapists in training should have to read boards like this one.

(Or would that send them screaming into the night?)

 

Re: About quitting.... » Dinah

Posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2005, at 18:26:44

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2005, at 14:08:17


> I wish therapy training included more feedback from us. Maybe therapists in training should have to read boards like this one.

Yes, I so agree. Or something. Because they just don't get it, alot of the time.
>
> (Or would that send them screaming into the night?)

Well, if so, it could serve as a good weeding out process. Maybe some would find they'd chosen the wrong profession. Because Babble is certainly the real thing, with all the pain, pleasure and everything in between.

 

Re: About quitting.... » Dinah

Posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 18:42:08

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2005, at 14:08:17

I think, honestly, it would send them screaming. I seem to be able to do that just by breathing. :]

 

Re: About quitting.... » Susan47

Posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2005, at 18:50:07

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » Dinah, posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 18:42:08

stop that. please.
he was one man. one imperfect being. one therapist out of all of them.
don't Susan...instead, give yourself a hug for me plz, a real one, 'cause this cyber one isn't good enough..((((((susan47)))))

you make the world - and Babble - a better place just by breathing
10derHeart Has Spoken!!!!

 

Re: About quitting.... » LittleGirlLost

Posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2005, at 18:55:40

In reply to About quitting...., posted by LittleGirlLost on March 31, 2005, at 12:05:08

You make some good observations. And this is a thread I don't recall seeing before - this exact topic, I mean. Put the way you did.

I haven't ever quite reached that point - too scared to really quit, but I can imagine it happening. So I appreciate the posts about it now in case I need to remember later.

Therapists have an incredible amount of power, and sometimes they go ahead and wield it as they see fit, based on things we've said and done...and then, well, what happens to some clients in the end doesn't *look* very therapeutic to me. I don't know. These things can be a mess. :-(

 

Re: About quitting....

Posted by Daisym on April 1, 2005, at 10:46:27

In reply to About quitting...., posted by LittleGirlLost on March 31, 2005, at 12:05:08

Don't you think telling your therapist you want to quit is an honest expression of how you are feeling? It doesn't matter if it is because you are frustrated, scared, resentful or even if it is a cry for attention or a test...

I've brought this up tons of times. "It is too painful to keep going", or "I miss you too much in between and that isn't healthy" or "I feel too overwhelmed at work" or some other reason. My therapist is always respectful but firm about exploring the "why". And he'll ask me after a discussion, "did I pass the test?" if he thinks it was little daisy somehow testing his commitment.

I don't know. It seems to me that a good therapist would know where THEY are in regards to the therapy and if the client feels the need to stop, and they agree, then this is still discussed. And if the therapist was frustrated and/or thinking the therapy wasn't effective or that it was stuck, THEY should bring it up and talk about transferring or some other way to help the client. Therapists are human, there are times when they have done all they can. And I guess there are times when they get angry too. But I think it is their job to be able to hear "I want to quit" without taking it so personally that they react with an all or nothing attitude.

I guess ultimately I don't think it is therapeutic to hold back (this is a do as I say, not as I do) such important feelings out of fear. And it is a common part of therapy for clients to quit in anger and then calm down and need to keep working on stuff.

Therapists should never use our feelings as weapons against us.

 

Re: About quitting.... » Daisym

Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 13:46:57

In reply to Re: About quitting...., posted by Daisym on April 1, 2005, at 10:46:27

They shouldn't.

But some clearly do. :(

 

Re: About quitting.... » Dinah

Posted by pinkeye on April 1, 2005, at 17:31:30

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » Daisym, posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 13:46:57

I think asking for complete perfection from a therapist might be asking for too much.

If I were a therapist and my client keeps saying she/he wants to quit, I might also be concerned over whether he/she really likes me or wants to go a different therapist. One of the things therapist wants clients to do is to take responsibility for their healing. IF I were a therapist, I wouldn't want to force a client to keep coming to me even after repeated attempts to quit by a client. If once the client talks out of frustration, I might try to explore and find out what is really going on, but if the client keeps saying it again and again, I wouldn't really think it is my job to keep the client as my patient. I might also think maybe the client is not thinking I am a good fit for him/her or she is not capable of dealing with therapy right now and I don't want to push it etc.

 

Re: About quitting....

Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 18:13:48

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on April 1, 2005, at 17:31:30

My therapist never ever tried to keep me, other than always insisting on a final session to talk over what was bothering me. But when I slunk back to him, he always took me back, and didn't take out any feelings he might have had about my inconsistencies on me.

I think therapists are, or should be, trained that when dealing with people who have had insecure attachments in their early life they're in for a fair amount of testing.

They may heave a deep sigh. Or smile an understanding smile. Or limit their practice to a certain number of difficult clients at a time. Or limit their practice to clients who aren't, as one therapist so delicately put it (if I remember correctly) oozing transference.

I am so very happy that my therapist was willing to be there, a safe and steady refuge, even when I was unreasonable, contradictory, annoying, hurtful, and even when he didn't understand me or why I was doing what I was doing. And I didn't understand either.

I'm not sure that's expecting perfection. I think that's expecting adequate training in therapists who do analytic work or interpersonal therapy. I imagine a fair number of CBT therapists just avoid clients who ooze transference (smile) since they view themselves as teachers.

My therapist views the relationship itself as the means of change.

 

Re: About quitting.... » Dinah

Posted by pinkeye on April 1, 2005, at 19:29:44

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2005, at 14:08:17

I wanted to say that I really liked what you have said here.

> But I think for many of us (myself obviously included) there is this drive to see if our therapists can accept us at our worst and we can't feel really safe until we see that they can.
>
> I wish all therapists saw it that way, instead of seeing it as a manipulation. Or if they must see it as a manipulation, to see it as a manipulation that has important meaning to us.

 

Re: About quitting.... » pinkeye

Posted by Susan47 on April 1, 2005, at 20:37:58

In reply to Re: About quitting.... » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on April 1, 2005, at 19:29:44

This is ridiculous. I keep opening and closing this post, thinking, I'm going to reply, no I have nothing to say, I'm just drawn over and over to Dinah's words. How strange. I'm so so tired.


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