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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shortelise on March 30, 2005, at 13:13:36
Someone recently apologised in a response to another's post for talking about herself.
In response to what others write, I do this all the time.
It's not that it's about me, but because I only know for sure how I have gone through things. Does that make sense?
If someone says they see pink elephants when they stand on their heads and drink vodka, I might say that when I stand on my head, for me gin is a better choice as the elephants are blue and I prefer blue.
Whoa, that's a goofy example. But maybe you see what I mean.
I don't want to say "If you drink gin instead, you'll see blue elephants" because I can't say what your experience might be.
Any opinions about this?
Thanks
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on March 30, 2005, at 15:37:47
In reply to Using ME as an example, posted by Shortelise on March 30, 2005, at 13:13:36
I think it's a normal way to have a conversation. If we didn't give out information about ourselves we'd be therapists!
On the other hand, maybe it's not so polite to hikack a thread for one's own purposes - but then I haven't seen very much of that. Certainly people sometimes go off on tangents that relate more to their own experience than to the subject of the original post, but the same thing happens in any social context. I don't think it should be a problem.
But what would I know? When I stand on my head I drink wine and see hippos in football shorts!
Tamar
Posted by gardenergirl on March 30, 2005, at 23:01:16
In reply to Re: Using ME as an example » Shortelise, posted by Tamar on March 30, 2005, at 15:37:47
snort, you two are so funny!
And I do this too, so of course I think it's fine.
But I've often wondered the same thing.
gg
Posted by 10derHeart on March 30, 2005, at 23:04:13
In reply to Re: Using ME as an example » Shortelise, posted by Tamar on March 30, 2005, at 15:37:47
> But what would I know? When I stand on my head I drink wine and see hippos in football shorts!
Okay. That's an interesting order of events :-)
I'm sure if I ever see hippos in football shorts, or find I'm standing on my head, I shall probably want to drink some wine as well. Immediately, if not sooner ;-)
--10derHeart (indulging my periodic need for silliness and awful humor...)
Posted by daisym on March 31, 2005, at 0:00:33
In reply to Using ME as an example, posted by Shortelise on March 30, 2005, at 13:13:36
I think we all do this. I see nothing wrong with it as it is usually done in a very polite way here. It is respectful that your experience is "X" but someone else's might be "Y".
But...I want to see blue elephants but I like whiskey instead of Gin. So, do I get gold ones?
:) weak smile
Posted by messadivoce on March 31, 2005, at 0:10:48
In reply to Using ME as an example, posted by Shortelise on March 30, 2005, at 13:13:36
From my experience here, I can say that it's honestly been helpful. People are very respectful and realize that what works for them may not work for me, and how they feel may not be the same thing I feel. I know I've been heartened by hearing other people's stories of how they lost their T's, and how they dealt with it. It helps so much to know that there are people out there who know *exactly* how I feel, even if they deal with it differently.
But IRL, this gets trickier for me. I don't like it when I tell someone something and they immediately tell me what happened to them. But for some reason, on Babble, I've never felt that way about what people said to me.
Posted by Shortelise on March 31, 2005, at 11:49:24
In reply to Re: Using ME as an example » Shortelise, posted by messadivoce on March 31, 2005, at 0:10:48
Yes, yes, that's absolutely true for me too, that IRL when someone immediately launches into themself when I've told something about me, instead of asking, oh, and then what happened, or, gosh, that's awful, or, wow, what a wonderful experience! Instead they jet off into their own experience as if I hadn't spoken, or as if the 30 seconds it took to explain that my cat just died was enough, and they should tell me all the gruesome stories about dying cats they can think of.
Precisely that happened to me when one of my cats died. I was so sad, it was a tragic death, and people always countered with terrible stories of other tragic cat deaths. It was awful! After that happened a few times, though I had to continue to explain my very evident sadness, I was very clear with people that I didn't want to hear any cat death stories.
Sorry for the tangent. But yes, here it is helpful to me, because it's usually about what I'm going through. IRL, if I say I'm depressed because my cat died in this tragic manner, and the person responds, it can sound like: oh, well, that's nothing compared to blah blah blah. Or it can sound like: I know exactly what you mean - my cat died and I couldn't eat my cookies and milk that day.
Thanks.
Posted by Shortelise on March 31, 2005, at 11:51:31
In reply to Using ME as an example, posted by Shortelise on March 30, 2005, at 13:13:36
The standing on one's head and drinking of liquor obviously needs more research.
Thanks all.
Posted by littleone on March 31, 2005, at 14:50:21
In reply to Re: Using ME as an example » messadivoce, posted by Shortelise on March 31, 2005, at 11:49:24
Your cat story is a good example of the differences between real life conversations and babble. I think the big difference is that on babble, even when we're using our own examples, we also usually include some empathy in our posts. I guess that's the luxury of being able to write a post. You can include many points at once.
In real life, a conversation (generally) goes back and forth and it evolves. You might have a chance to raise one point and then the other person will respond and then you respond to that and so forth. You miss your opportunity to raise all those other points. And I guess, in that way, if empathy wasn't your very first point, it would be easy to fall to the wayside.
I know (in my case at least), I feel a bit of a pressure to keep a conversation going. I'm not the best people person. So I might launch into another dead cat story because I'm not smart enough/quick enough to think to be empathetic.
By the way, sorry about your puss. It's heartbreaking when your kitty dies.
Posted by PM80 on March 31, 2005, at 15:45:00
In reply to Re: Using ME as an example » Shortelise, posted by littleone on March 31, 2005, at 14:50:21
I think you all just proved the point :) !!!
And from my point of view, and what I think, and in my experience (haha) - you're all correct!Oh and thanks for the tips - I've been using a bottle of merlot and the elephants NEVER come when I stand on my head, blue or pink!!! I'll have to buy some vodka as I prefer pink. :)
Posted by Shortelise on April 1, 2005, at 18:18:34
In reply to Re: Using ME as an example, posted by PM80 on March 31, 2005, at 15:45:00
It takes way more merlot to see elephants. I think with merlot you just tend to see frogs.
ShortE
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