Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 457632

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benefits of crying ?

Posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45

I know we get endorphins from crying, or I think we do.

Do any of you find that it feels good to cry?

Is this why we watch tear-jerker movies?

When does it become a bad thing? Or does it?

What about self-soothing? Can crying be a way to self soothe?

How much crying is too much? How much is appropriate?

I am struggling with this.

Could you please write your thoughts, experiences, theories, etc. about crying. If I am not not being clear, it's because I am not feeling very clear about what I am asking.

Thanks!

ShortE

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » Shortelise

Posted by Augustina on February 14, 2005, at 13:00:44

In reply to benefits of crying ?, posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45

ShortE, these are good questions...

For me, I actually give myself permission to cry maybe once a week or every other week. I'm still dealing with a lot of grief issues about my mom's unexpected death almost 2 years ago and I've found that crying buckets over her death allows me to freely release a lot of the sadness, anger about her death, and longing I still have for her.
I believe that crying is very therapeutic and I know that physically, crying releases toxins from your system and actually "cleanses" your body. I think I actually feel better and "lighter" after a good cry.

I've never cried in front of my T however; i know i've cried just before a session w/him, while driving to the appt. but i've always been this "composed" client...sometimes i wish i could just let loose though and not be afraid to cry in front of him.

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » Shortelise

Posted by jujube on February 14, 2005, at 13:34:30

In reply to benefits of crying ?, posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45

I wondered a while ago if crying was more than just an emotional release. Anyway, I found some articles on the benefits of crying some time ago, and held on to this interesting piece : http://www.geocities.com/tcartz/crying.html

Crying definitely feels good to me. I find, once I finish crying, that I feel almost energized (the endorphins I guess) and peace at the same time.

I can't watch tear-jerker movies when I am really sad or when I am feeling really emotional. I don't know what it is, but watching a tear-jerker when I am already struggling with sadness somehow makes me feel really empty and drawn. But, I enjoy a good tear-jerker. I am weird, though, because, sometimes the movies with the really happy, romantic endings can bring me to tears (tear of joy and hope???).

When does crying become a bad thing? That is for the person to decide I guess. If a person is crying about everything, at inappropriate times and it is interfering with their quality of life and their relationships, then I guess it has become a bad thing. Who knows.

I think crying can be self-soothing. It's a release and, perhaps, a gift we give ourselves (the gift of allowing our emotions to flow freely). And, sometimes, at least for me, I don't want to talk to someone about something that is bothering me so allowing myself a good cry helps me deal with any pain or conflicted emotional anguish I may be experiencing. In that regard, for me it is definitely self-soothing.

This is a good topic. Thanks for bringing it up.

Tamara

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by whirlpool on February 14, 2005, at 14:09:59

In reply to benefits of crying ?, posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45


Another interesting article:

http://www.edwardwillett.com/Columns/crying.htm

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 14:47:35

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by whirlpool on February 14, 2005, at 14:09:59

There's so many types of crying, and they all affect me differently.
I can spend years not crying .. I did that.
Then suddenly the tears started coming and they didn't stop. I'm at a point now where I cry several times a week, but it's not frustrated crying it's emotional release crying. Frustrated crying makes me feel angry and leaves me with fallout; emotional crying, for example because I'm sad about my life, or a movie, music, song or prose has sparked high emotion, well that kind of crying makes me feel at peace. Also, there's the late at night crying, when life all of a sudden just seems to short and overwhelming, that crying will lead into a day or more of sadness. Then there's happy crying, which I only can do if I'm slightly stoned or slighty drunk (they used to call it, politely, 'tipsy'). Happy crying is hard to describe. Happy crying is awe and gratitude, fear and sadness, longing and loneliness all wrapped together.

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by LittleGirlLost on February 14, 2005, at 14:52:06

In reply to benefits of crying ?, posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45

This will be an interesting thread for me.

I can't cry, not even alone. There are times when I feel like it, and I feel like it will help, but I just can't seem to. And I've never cried in front of T... although lately I am starting to feel like I might want to.

I'm afraid. Growing up crying was bad; very bad. Made things worse for me too. Just another thing I don't know how to get past. <sigh>

LGL

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 14:58:29

In reply to benefits of crying ?, posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45

And of course I had to make a dissertation on crying out of a few questions and I didn't even answer the questions. Sorry about that Shortelise. I'm pretty sure we get endorphins moving around when we cry. I think I do, too.

Yes, it almost always feels good to cry, except the frustrated crying. That feels bad, it feels like I'm having a tantrum because I can't get my way. It leads to anger at having felt hopeless enough to get frustrated. I mean, really Frustration is such a waste of emotion! So that kind of crying doesn't feel good.

If I were to say to you, that I like or dislike tear-jerker movies I'd be lying because if I'm honest, any movie can have any effect on me depending on my mood. There's that many different ways to see the same thing. That's why I sometimes watch the same movie four or five different times; different moods, different effect. Weird, huh?

Manipulative crying is a bad thing.

I definitely cry to self-soothe.

Too much is when it makes me look my age and older (almost all the time, lately, like, the last three years or so).

There. ANOTHER essay, sorry. Shhhh Susan ...

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by sunny10 on February 14, 2005, at 14:58:57

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 14:47:35

I, too, find that I have several "types" of crying.

For a little background, I'm the type that cries at the sentimental At&T commercials, anything too happy (sentimentally-like my heart is seizing suddenly and releasing just as suddenly), and then there's "Beaches" crying. (An emotionally evocative, beautiful movie about friendship that I have only seen once because I literally stopped breathing from the emotional crying halfway into it. I couldn't force myself to stop watching, but I will never watch it again.) Or crying when I see someone else being mistreated or just feeling poorly about themselves. I call this "empathy tears". Those, for me, are generally cleansing- kind of like I must have hit a stress level that I can no longer contain and all of the repressed energy is released.

And then there is my completely self-involved pity-party crying. Unless I am in therapy (or otherwise "working through something"), I usually find this type to be exhausting, emotionally draining, and derive no "clensing effect".

So, I guess what I'm saying is that crying can be both good and bad for me, depending on the why and when...

If I could only stop being so angry with my family and cry for my dad, I'd probably feel a lot better right now.... my heart is a huge heavy thumping thing in my chest right now. I could use a cleansing cry...

-sunny10

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » LittleGirlLost

Posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 15:01:50

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by LittleGirlLost on February 14, 2005, at 14:52:06

The work you're doing with your T sounds very positive. I hope you're able to cry again, some day. I have a friend who says she can't cry either, and she really wishes she could. She believe it would release her from a lot of sorrow. But she can't seem to do it. She used to see therapists regularly but stopped when she felt it was doing them more good than it was her, is how she puts it. But I know she's very very sad about something. I hope for her that she'll one day be able to see a good, caring therapist, so that she can cry again too. (lgl)

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » Susan47

Posted by jujube on February 14, 2005, at 15:10:48

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 14:58:29

> Yes, it almost always feels good to cry, except the frustrated crying. That feels bad, it feels like I'm having a tantrum because I can't get my way. It leads to anger at having felt hopeless enough to get frustrated. I mean, really Frustration is such a waste of emotion! So that kind of crying doesn't feel good.

-- I forgot about crying in frustration. You're right - YUK - and not in the least productive and cleansing. Leaves me disliking myself a lot more, especially because I would have allowed someone or something to push my buttons or get under my skin to the point of extreme, internalized anger.

Tamara

 

thanks

Posted by Shortelise on February 15, 2005, at 15:01:10

In reply to benefits of crying ?, posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 12:30:45

Thank you all for the insight.

What would I do without you?

ShortE

 

Re: thanks » Shortelise

Posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 16:50:22

In reply to thanks, posted by Shortelise on February 15, 2005, at 15:01:10

Cry a lot more, maybe? I know I would.

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » LittleGirlLost

Posted by mair on February 15, 2005, at 21:35:19

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by LittleGirlLost on February 14, 2005, at 14:52:06

I can't cry either and maybe because of that, it's something I value highly. I've just come to believe that I would be some much better off if I had that release, and it would make me feel somehow more human or caring.

I have cried at the funerals of friends who weren't particularly close, but still haven't been able to cry over the death last fall of my father. I can tear up in a movie, but I can't even get close to crying in front of my T regardless of how wrenching or painful the topic.

I think if I can ever get there with her, I'll feel that I've crossed some great divide - either that, or I'll be horrified and embarrassed.

Mair

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » mair

Posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 7:59:31

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » LittleGirlLost, posted by mair on February 15, 2005, at 21:35:19

do you know why you don't cry about personal things?

I find it very bizarre that I cry if I throw up. Strange- I don't know why- but for some reason throwing up is something so humiliating to me that I cry.

The why's of doing, or not doing, particular things (normal, human things) really intrigue me.

I'd love to know if you've figured out *why* you can tear up over a movie, but not allow yourself to grieve....

"Enquiring minds want to know", I guess...forgive me if I'm being nosy.

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10

Posted by mair on February 16, 2005, at 13:08:19

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » mair, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 7:59:31

>
> "Enquiring minds want to know",

I love that expression.

I don't really have much of a clue. My father really disliked it when we cried, at least over something he said or did, but I remember him admonishing my sister about that - not me. Maybe not me because even at a very young age, I had learned to hold things in.

After my father died, my therapist spent a few sessions trying to convince me that there was no reason for me to grieve - my father was quite old, had been in poor health for a long time, and had not really been a positive influence on my life for decades. He and I were not close - not visibly estranged or anything, but I just did what I could to keep my distance because he tended to push certain buttons.

After awhile I convinced her that my inability to grieve was really important to me - that it really bothered me that I wasn't able to tap into or identify with the more positive feelings I had for him when I was younger. We've sort of worked at it from time to time, but without any real success.

This is all maybe just emblamatic of a problem I've had with therapy in general. It's really pretty impossible for me to identify much with any feelings from my childhood, other than maybe anxiousness, even surrounding events I can clearly remember. My T is constantly telling me I must have felt a certain way that I just can't remember.

Sorry I guess this isn't much of an explanation.

Mair

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 13:35:18

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10, posted by mair on February 16, 2005, at 13:08:19

no, it IS a huge explanation....

my mom was a single mom and I was child number three. I imagine she probably wasn't very sweet to me if she had to miss work when any of us was sick... I probably learned that response from watching her reaction whenever my brother or sister was sick and "learned it" just like you did about the crying. It's very logical, now that you gave me a perfectly good example!

I am shocked that your T didn't want you to grieve your dad's death. Grieving is supposed to be about working through loss and, to me, there is no more final proof that things would never be "made better" than one of the parties dying. Also, I was told that I had a right to grieve for what I had hoped the relationship would be, rather than only "face up to not having lost much"! At the very least it is the death of the dream father-daughter relationship, isn't it?

(obviously you can tell that my former T did quite a lot of "grieving work" with me.... sorry if I sort of went off.

And if I've been too.. I don't know; too ME?, I'm sorry...),

Thank you for sharing yourself with me, I truly appreciate it.

sunny10

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10

Posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:11:54

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » mair, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 7:59:31

I cry when that happens too, but it's because I'm so vulnerable; it's a shock to have the contents of your stomach come up like that and have no control, and the shaking that comes with it is so frightening. I'm glad to once again find out that I have so much in common with other humans ...

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » Susan47

Posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 14:37:05

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:11:54

wow, you said it exactly- I never met anyone else who felt the same!

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10

Posted by mair on February 16, 2005, at 14:48:31

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 13:35:18

I'm sure my T would be horrified if my take on what she was doing with me was telling me it was ok not to grieve. I think what she was trying to do was normalize for me my lack of emotional response. She knows how self-critical I can be; she was probably trying to give me one less thing to be critical about.

Now she believes that my father's death triggered something of a crisis for me over the whole issue of my lack of emotional response. Talking about all of this has eventually us to lots of discussions about emotional attachments (or the lack thereof), particularly with her. My father has sort of receded into the background.

Mair

 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by cubic_me on February 17, 2005, at 4:42:12

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10, posted by mair on February 16, 2005, at 14:48:31

i can't cry either. I went 7 or 8 years without crying, then cried a lot for a few months, and since then, nothing. Sometimes I want to cry, but I still feel ashamed when I think about it (back to the good old childhood issues). I never cried in front of my T. I suppose some of my self injury is needing the release that I can't get through crying.

 

Re: I think it's a good place to grow from... (nm) » mair

Posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 11:13:34

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10, posted by mair on February 16, 2005, at 14:48:31

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » cubic_me

Posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 11:14:38

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by cubic_me on February 17, 2005, at 4:42:12

have you gone over this topic with your T?

Can T help you with the releases that you CAN get?

 

Re: benefits of crying ? » sunny10

Posted by cubic_me on February 19, 2005, at 11:52:53

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ? » cubic_me, posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 11:14:38

> have you gone over this topic with your T?
>
> Can T help you with the releases that you CAN get?
>

I did talk about it a little bit with my T, but nothing much came out of our discussions. I don't see her any more because I've moved to group therapy, and I don't feel safe enough to discuss it there yet. Crying is a strange thing, it confuses me totally!


 

Re: benefits of crying ?

Posted by TammySue on February 22, 2005, at 10:38:25

In reply to Re: benefits of crying ?, posted by cubic_me on February 17, 2005, at 4:42:12


I have struggled with this (not being able to cry) on and off for such a long time. in more recent years I've blamed it on the Prozac (which leaves me feeling good (or flat?!) enough that I can't really feel enough to cry) but to be honest, I have ALWAYS had this problem, long before Prozac. I can cry in church sometimes but then it's typically not for myself. but to cry in front of other people horrifies me (the thought of it). there have been a few isolated incidents in my life where I was crying and couldn't stop myself--but mostly I'm able to contain it and then I think after you do that for so long, you stop being able to cry?! I don't know. it's the most horrible feeling in the world. just yesterday I came really close to crying in my therapist's office but of course I was holding it back because I hate the idea of anybody seeing me cry. I don't know. this is a topic that grieves me because I don't know exactly WHAT it is or how to "fix" it. my pastor and a good friend at church believe it's an inability to "let go" but then how do I *make* myself let go?! I don't know.

has anybody had success in getting past this?!

Tammy


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