Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 439682

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Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE Fallen4MyT

Posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 18:35:48

In reply to Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE Dr. Bob, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:19:05

Fallen I am VERY HAPPY for you. I don't understand others' negativivty because I personally see it as a blessing that the two of you found each otehr! I am sure there are others who share my feelings.

But... I am really ENVIOUS of the BEAUTIFUL ring! LOL

rain xoxo

 

Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE rainbowbrite

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:17:11

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 18:35:48

Awwww Rain thank you....I got offline to exercise and eat but am back for a bit and this was such a gracious and kind letter...thank you. You made my day...Kinda like cotton candy for the brain :P I do not expect everyone to be happy for us or me...but it would be nice to get some support mega thanks :)

> Fallen I am VERY HAPPY for you. I don't understand others' negativivty because I personally see it as a blessing that the two of you found each otehr! I am sure there are others who share my feelings.
>
> But... I am really ENVIOUS of the BEAUTIFUL ring! LOL
>
> rain xoxo

 

Relationships

Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2005, at 19:19:25

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 20, 2005, at 18:35:48

Hmm. I would be interested to hear his perspective as well.

I have been in a similar situation. I had a relationship with someone who was my teacher from high school. We ended up together for 4 years. I left and went to a different school and so did they but that was a direct result of their x partners bringing the issue to the attention of the board of trustees...

They really were a brilliant teacher. Ended up with a much better position in a different school. Almost lost their job because of this though.

My partner got involved with me with the best of all intentions. And so did I.

But things didn't work out for us. I don't mean to be a harbinger of doom and gloom but they got a bit too into the 'rescuing' role and I got into the 'yes please do' and we simply mistook that for an equal relationship because being together made both of us feel so good.

I think the rules are there for a reason.
I think the intention behing the rules is equally important.

I do not think that an equal relationship could ensue from meeting each other in roles that have an inherent power imbalance. But then maybe equal relationships aren't everyones ideal anyways....

 

Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? DR BOB

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:20:26

In reply to Dr Bob / WORRY AND MORE Dr. Bob, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 17:19:05

Dr Bob I read my posts and think they are all civil but it can be such a slender thread to walk so just in case...though I doubt I said an uncivil thing I am sorry if I did...and again sorry I cannot answer as to what another non babbles would say.

HUGS

 

Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? Fallen4MyT

Posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 19:51:50

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? DR BOB, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:20:26

"I cannot answer as to what another non babbles would say."

You could tell him that Dr. Bob asked for his perspective. Perhaps he'd like to offer it?

Fallen, he may KNOW the APA rules, but he is surely not following them. They specifically state no intimate contact for two years. There are no exceptions for that rule. (I actually remember you agreeing with that rule last spring). Despite whatever his superiors at the agency say - that rule still stands.

Please take care and enjoy your happiness.

emmy

 

Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? TofuEmmy

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 20, 2005, at 19:55:03

In reply to Re: Dr Bob / / OOPS???? Fallen4MyT, posted by TofuEmmy on January 20, 2005, at 19:51:50

<Please take care and enjoy your happiness.

emmy >

Thank you Emmy.

 

Re: Relationships alexandra_k

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 0:24:28

In reply to Relationships, posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2005, at 19:19:25

Oops my post may have been lost cause I did reply earlier. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out. It is a fact of life that not everything goes how we wish so I know anything can happen..Part of that everything may just be I will continue to be happy with him. As to rules some are meant to be broken....once many years ago women were not allowed to vote and gays today cannot marry in most states.....also in many churches and states certain very practiced sex acts are considered immoral....Fact is I am happy and I am enjoying it :) Still I am sorry your relationshiop did not work out.

 

Re: Fallen4MyT

Posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 0:49:12

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT just plain jane, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 20:55:40

> >>and bla, bla, bla
>
> Anyway... it was your choice of name here, where so many people have T's that they may be having transference problems or abuse problems with that triggered me.
>
> And, now that I've been triggered and gone off, I can sit and watch the smoke curling up, wafting about, riding the currents of the wind.
>
> just plain jane
> >>>
>
> I am kind of lost by what you mean by the above part of your post

>>I meant to simply comment, having no opinion as to it being a "good" or "bad" name... it's just a name.

>but so you are in the loop my T has filed for a divorce (I have seen the papers) and we are engaged to be married.

>>I read that in one of your posts. Congratulations! I appreciate your effort at getting me "in the loop". However, I didn't expect an explanation from you, I sincerely consider your life to be your life, your choices, as you are the only one who knows what has gone before and how you feel. You are a grown individual and I gladly defend your right as such to do as you believe is right for you. As I said, I wish you well.

>>There will be no smoke and if there is I will get out safely. I am not so fragile.

:)) Misunderstanding here. My reference to smoke was the smoke of my trigger having gone off... like when you shoot a gun, smoke from the barrel. Not thinking of you as fragile or not fragile, neither crossed my mind.

>>I have been on this site maybe 2 years give or take, My screen name is and was acceptable to Dr Bob...

I have no problem with your screen name, sorry if you assumed I do. It simply triggered a reaction in my mind and I recalled the book I had read about that NYC T, and other accounts I have read of similar abuses by therapists.

The majority of my post was not directed to you other than the reflection of one person's *first* reaction to the name. In this following quote from my post:

"Sadly, in your case, you are both married and will have to finish the destruction of those marriages to construct the one you are planning. A most unpleasant situation to be in. However, I don't believe that the destruction was wrought, in either case, by your relationship. Marriages that destruct generally have faulty foundations or no supportive structure."

I was not indicating sadness about you and your situation pesonally. I was using the mechanics of your situation to illustrate that when two marriages come apart so that one partner from each can join, the initial two marriages must be completely disassembled (destruction, as literally the opposite of construction, in mechanical terms). It is a sad and difficult situation in general, I have been there, too. Further, I said that I do not think the disassembly (destruction) of either of your marriages was as a result of you two getting together, but as a result of your two initial marriages being unsatisfactory and commented that generally marriages that come apart, come apart due to problems within, not causes from outside the marriage.

>I guess anything can trigger anybody even your name....

Yep, I'd have to agree with you on that, anything can trigger anybody, and the concept of triggering can be different from one person to the next. For me a trigger is the stimuli which causes a reaction. Nothing more, not positive or negative, just a reaction.

>just plain seens so sad, to me.

not surprising, just plain does kinda sound like it could be a sad thing.

From my post: "Now that I know a bit of your story, I can say I understand how you feel, both about your love, and about being criticized, or at least feeling that way, for it."

Means I don't see any problem, I understand and empathize with your love in your situation and in the discomfort of being criticized or feeling criticized, both.

I have no "judgement" feelings about what others do in their personal lives, unless it is obviously abusive and should be stopped for the safety of the victim. Yours is not such a case. Therefore, I have no concern.

I truly wish you well. Marriage can be heaven, or heII or anything in between. I hope your upcoming one is incredibly better than either of your or his previous marriage.

I am hyperanalitical. It has driven me nuts. Thanks for reading this and thank you for you good wishes.

oh, yeah, the "plain jane" part of my name is a nickname I have had since high school, it is a good thing, not a sad one, for me, and the "just" is used for effect.

I'm sorry if it gave you cause for even a glimmer of sadness. None of us needs any added to that we've already had.

"and bla bla bla" is my way of saying, mainly to myself "ok, ok, that's enough"

a compulsion.

:))

just plain hoping it's clearer now and I didn't just make it muddier, jane

 

Re: Fallen4MyT -- Holy Wah!!! -- Fallen4MyT

Posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 1:05:45

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT Gabbix2, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 19, 2005, at 23:08:21

Which, where I live means something like Oh my Goodness or Holy Cow, along those lines.

I just, just read a few of the posts along this thread and Geezzz, woman! It sounds like some people have actually been bringing you to task for what you are doing with your life!

I'm guessing that's why I felt perhaps a hint of defensiveness in your post. And Gabbix's, nice to have a defender!

I hope you understand mine better now and realize I don't have an issue with what you do or with your name.

The original topic of this thread was what pushes people's buttons and it was to that which I wrote. Simply it "pushed a button" to wonder what it meant, was the person in rough shape because of it. But since I've been here, I have read enough in Social to see you were not in distress.

But I can see how some of these posts could give you reason to feel distressed.

((Fallen)) I'm sorry you have had your comfort in PB so unnecessarily disrupted.

plain jane

 

Re: Fallen4MyT -- Holy Wah!!! -- just plain jane

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 1:19:10

In reply to Re: Fallen4MyT -- Holy Wah!!! -- Fallen4MyT, posted by just plain jane on January 21, 2005, at 1:05:45

AWWW THANK YOU JANE THIS post meant a lot to me and I appreciate that you GET IT that in THIS case with THIS (me,,,,hehe you're truly)I am not needing saving and yes I feel very critized.I have been on the boards a good while and many know I know the rules and all....but not everything fits in a neat box. I am so grateful for this post to see yet another person see's what I feel and why. I have gotten a lot of babblemail support not saying HAVE AT HIM :-) but saying ..basically man youre taking a beating and are a strong person etc..I really have spent most of my time on babble being helpful..lol or trying and supportive or others and have issues with all this negativity...so anyhow my neck hurts hahaha I have been laying on the sofa typing all night. I appreciate what seems to be a very supportive and *sensitive* post to me. I needed this :) YOU GET IT ...Someone GETS ME AND IT...THANK YOU!!!! Also as to your name cool cause I thought maybe you were down on yourself screen names can be hard to get sometimes..Thanks for the whew someone in here see's ME reply Have a good night


> Which, where I live means something like Oh my Goodness or Holy Cow, along those lines.
>
> I just, just read a few of the posts along this thread and Geezzz, woman! It sounds like some people have actually been bringing you to task for what you are doing with your life!
>
> I'm guessing that's why I felt perhaps a hint of defensiveness in your post. And Gabbix's, nice to have a defender!
>
> I hope you understand mine better now and realize I don't have an issue with what you do or with your name.
>
> The original topic of this thread was what pushes people's buttons and it was to that which I wrote. Simply it "pushed a button" to wonder what it meant, was the person in rough shape because of it. But since I've been here, I have read enough in Social to see you were not in distress.
>
> But I can see how some of these posts could give you reason to feel distressed.
>
> ((Fallen)) I'm sorry you have had your comfort in PB so unnecessarily disrupted.
>
> plain jane

 

Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Fallen4MyT

Posted by Pfinstegg on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:23

In reply to A COMMENT TO ALL PLS?, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 18, 2005, at 18:20:01

Your situation brings up very conflicting feelings in me. On one side, I feel very glad for you. I know that you and he really are in love- and love is so precious wherever you find it.

On the other side, I am very uneasy about how everything happened. It seems to me that, once he knew that he loved you, he should have referred you to another therapist for therapy, and should have waited two years before entering into a relationship with you. Then, he would have been following the minimum APA guidelines. It would also have given you both the chance to develop an equal relationship in which therapy is not playing a part. The waiting period would also have given you both confidence that the relationship was solidly based and would be long-lasting.

I don't think anyone here is questioning or resentful about the fact that you love one another, at all. I do feel that he allowed things to happen in a way that may be dangerous for you both.

 

Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Pfinstegg

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 14:43:03

In reply to Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Fallen4MyT, posted by Pfinstegg on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:23

Thank you for your input PF. We disagree on the fact that some people are resentful of my/our happiness I cannot post their email and babblemails nor other issues as that could cause someone to feel put down and would be uncivil. I do feel this is all getting redundant. I am happy and do not feel in danger, quite the contrary but thanks for your concern :)

> Your situation brings up very conflicting feelings in me. On one side, I feel very glad for you. I know that you and he really are in love- and love is so precious wherever you find it.
>
> On the other side, I am very uneasy about how everything happened. It seems to me that, once he knew that he loved you, he should have referred you to another therapist for therapy, and should have waited two years before entering into a relationship with you. Then, he would have been following the minimum APA guidelines. It would also have given you both the chance to develop an equal relationship in which therapy is not playing a part. The waiting period would also have given you both confidence that the relationship was solidly based and would be long-lasting.
>
> I don't think anyone here is questioning or resentful about the fact that you love one another, at all. I do feel that he allowed things to happen in a way that may be dangerous for you both.

 

thank you Pfinstegg

Posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:50:42

In reply to Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Fallen4MyT, posted by Pfinstegg on January 21, 2005, at 11:00:23

You phrased my feelings so perfectly, something that I have been unable to do. I'm just too close to this and it is still a very painful subject for me.
take care, judy

 

Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 15:51:58

In reply to Re: Relationships alexandra_k, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 0:24:28

Yeah, I thought Pfinstegg's post was good. I apologise if you thought I said anything judgemental or unsupportive to or about you.

I guess I am feeling a bit tied too. On the one hand I want to support Babblers - emotionally, but that doesn't mean I have to condone what you are doing. One the other hand I believe that what he is doing (and the way in which he went about it) is wrong and he should lose his lisence to practice as a consequence of that.

I don't think any rules are 'meant' to be broken. Some of them *should* be changed, however. Is the APA rule prohibiting sexual contact for 2 years after a therapy relationship really a rule you would like to see changed? Just in your case, or just dropped altogether? What do you think the intention of the rule is? Why do you consider your case to be an exception?

You don't have to feel sorry that my relationship didn't work out. I think I learned a lot from it. I think I learned a lot about WHY rules like this are in existence. We were both genuine at the time. We both thought that we genuinely were in love with each other. I really do not believe that there was any malice or intention to hurt in my partners mind. But fact is - years later - I look back on that and consider it an abuse. They abused their power.

Transference and counter-transference responses can masquerade as love. But to ACT on them instead of working through them... Well, IMO your 't' stopped being your t and started looking out for himself at the point where he wasn't trying to help you work through that anymore.

> Oops my post may have been lost cause I did reply earlier. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out. It is a fact of life that not everything goes how we wish so I know anything can happen..Part of that everything may just be I will continue to be happy with him. As to rules some are meant to be broken....once many years ago women were not allowed to vote and gays today cannot marry in most states.....also in many churches and states certain very practiced sex acts are considered immoral....Fact is I am happy and I am enjoying it :) Still I am sorry your relationshiop did not work out.

 

Judy1 judy1

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:04:32

In reply to thank you Pfinstegg, posted by judy1 on January 21, 2005, at 14:50:42

I wanted to say I am very sorry about your relationship with your T and how hurt you were. And to thank you for what you feel is support you were very nice to me in chat. So please know I am sorry for your pain. That being said...I do not live in a cookie cutter world and do not think everything ends up the same. Nor would I be crushed if/when it ends... But again thank you. :)

HUGS

 

Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Fallen4MyT

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 17:10:47

In reply to Re: A COMMENT TO ALL PLS? Pfinstegg, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 14:43:03

I do think it was wrong of him not to refer you on to another therapist at the point where he realised he was no longer considering his response to you to be counter transference. He could have told you that he was referring you on because he believed that he loved you. He could have given you his number or whatever and told you to contact him in two years if you wanted to. That would have given you both two years to really have a think about it. It would have given you the opportunity to talk to another confidant about the situation. Because as soon as he had told you that he really cannot be your therapist any more. Not because he 'isn't allowed' or anything like that - but because he is acting on HIS feelings and desires at that point. Not solely for your welfare. That IMO is the reason behind that rule.

It seems to me that the APA is being very generous in allowing relationships after two years. It is their concession that maybe transference and counter-transference can develop into a proper relationship. That after time apart a relationship could develop on equal grounds. But why couldn't you both have waited? I would think that if you really love him you would not let him risk his career for you like that. Not when you guys could just wait. I would think that if he really loved you he would want you to be able to take some time on this and really be sure. He would want you to see another therapist to help you with all the stuff you went into therapy for. It is very suspicious to me that there is such urgency and hurry. It may seem flattering but it is not the material that lasting happy relationships are based on.

And this isn't just about you. So many others find themself in this or similar situations.

So while I am happy for your feelings, I really cannot condone what you guys are doing.

I don't understand why you guys can't wait the two years - if you really love each other.

 

Re: Relationships alexandra_k

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:16:21

In reply to Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT, posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 15:51:58

Thank you again and I never said I expected people to condone anything I am doing. I do not like what many posters do but having said it one time I find it unsupportive to keep posting that to the other person. It leads IMO to circle thinking. We just disagree..I don't want to debate the issue of ANY one law it is not what I come to Babble for. I will say I do belive *many laws* need to change and NO not JUST FOR ME <was that sarcasm?> .

The reason I was sorry was at the loss of your relationship is I am sure at the time you broke up you were *hurt*. Your pain at this is what I was addressing. Now on the same vain you posted about how you learned from it maybe I will learn too but that is for me to live out and find out...not be, as a few posters have said critcised for my life style. Certainly Dr Bob as I suggested above..wayyy above could post the APA laws and rules for anyone to read as he has on suicide and maybe SI should be added...a nice link as to not to do it and what to do in it's place...Having tried SI'd in the past I am NOT bashing PEOPLE who SI in here. But disclaimers are helpful , following a poster and pointing out other threads of there just doesn't feel helpful or supportive to me. Thank you again

> Yeah, I thought Pfinstegg's post was good. I apologise if you thought I said anything judgemental or unsupportive to or about you.
>
> I guess I am feeling a bit tied too. On the one hand I want to support Babblers - emotionally, but that doesn't mean I have to condone what you are doing. One the other hand I believe that what he is doing (and the way in which he went about it) is wrong and he should lose his lisence to practice as a consequence of that.
>
> I don't think any rules are 'meant' to be broken. Some of them *should* be changed, however. Is the APA rule prohibiting sexual contact for 2 years after a therapy relationship really a rule you would like to see changed? Just in your case, or just dropped altogether? What do you think the intention of the rule is? Why do you consider your case to be an exception?
>
> You don't have to feel sorry that my relationship didn't work out. I think I learned a lot from it. I think I learned a lot about WHY rules like this are in existence. We were both genuine at the time. We both thought that we genuinely were in love with each other. I really do not believe that there was any malice or intention to hurt in my partners mind. But fact is - years later - I look back on that and consider it an abuse. They abused their power.
>
> Transference and counter-transference responses can masquerade as love. But to ACT on them instead of working through them... Well, IMO your 't' stopped being your t and started looking out for himself at the point where he wasn't trying to help you work through that anymore.
>
> > Oops my post may have been lost cause I did reply earlier. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out. It is a fact of life that not everything goes how we wish so I know anything can happen..Part of that everything may just be I will continue to be happy with him. As to rules some are meant to be broken....once many years ago women were not allowed to vote and gays today cannot marry in most states.....also in many churches and states certain very practiced sex acts are considered immoral....Fact is I am happy and I am enjoying it :) Still I am sorry your relationshiop did not work out.
>
>

 

Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 17:27:09

In reply to Re: Relationships alexandra_k, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:16:21

> I don't want to debate the issue of ANY one law it is not what I come to Babble for. I will say I do belive *many laws* need to change and NO not JUST FOR ME <was that sarcasm?> .

Nope - no sarcasm intended. I just wondered whether you really did want to see this rule go. I also wondered what you thought it should be replaced with. I am genuinely interested in that. If you don't really want to talk about it then that is ok. I guess that I think it is a good rule but would be interested to hear your point of view.

I agree with you that there are loads of people here whose actions (at times) I wouldn't want to condone. Myself included there :-)

I haven't really been up on the threads. I guess I was wondering whether my kinds of responses were 'unsupportive'. Not sure what other peoples responses have been.

I can see that this is an issue that brings up a lot of stuff for people.

I am not too upset or anything about my relationship ending. It was a lot different in many respects from yours - but I do see points of similarity too.

I think that in my own case if we had waited two years before we got together. Well, if we had waited I think I would have bailed in that time. That would have saved me a lot of hurt (and therapy) later. That would have been an alternative to having to learn the hard way.

Hey if you did wait and then still wanted to be together then I really would be fully supportive :-)

But it feels great to feel loved.
I am happy for you that you have that.
I respect ya :-)

 

Re: Relationships alexandra_k

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:55:53

In reply to Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT, posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 17:27:09

OK ALL I will say on the law and all is I would never expect a law to be altered just for me. I do not know if you overlooked it...,can't blame you for that what started out as a good thread on what pushed buttons got obviously and with regret...pointed over to my thread on social...which then singled me out and makes me feel put down. People have written me in private on this thread taking a bad turn towards ME so it is not me....ok but what you may have missed is I DID SAY WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 2 YEARS...I am not screaming just emphasizing...The doctor's at his clinic who are also memebers of the APA know what is going down and what we are and arent and havent been doing in the mean time. HAHAH Thank you for your respect <g> I feel like a punching bag lately and feel like I do not act towards others like that....Thank you very much..I am going out for suppies lol we are due for 10 inches of snow...gak

> > I don't want to debate the issue of ANY one law it is not what I come to Babble for. I will say I do belive *many laws* need to change and NO not JUST FOR ME <was that sarcasm?> .
>
> Nope - no sarcasm intended. I just wondered whether you really did want to see this rule go. I also wondered what you thought it should be replaced with. I am genuinely interested in that. If you don't really want to talk about it then that is ok. I guess that I think it is a good rule but would be interested to hear your point of view.
>
> I agree with you that there are loads of people here whose actions (at times) I wouldn't want to condone. Myself included there :-)
>
> I haven't really been up on the threads. I guess I was wondering whether my kinds of responses were 'unsupportive'. Not sure what other peoples responses have been.
>
> I can see that this is an issue that brings up a lot of stuff for people.
>
> I am not too upset or anything about my relationship ending. It was a lot different in many respects from yours - but I do see points of similarity too.
>
> I think that in my own case if we had waited two years before we got together. Well, if we had waited I think I would have bailed in that time. That would have saved me a lot of hurt (and therapy) later. That would have been an alternative to having to learn the hard way.
>
> Hey if you did wait and then still wanted to be together then I really would be fully supportive :-)
>
> But it feels great to feel loved.
> I am happy for you that you have that.
> I respect ya :-)

 

Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT

Posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 18:44:53

In reply to Re: Relationships alexandra_k, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:55:53

ok. So have you got another t then?
You have stopped seeing him as a t, right?

If so, then well all the best to ya I suppose :-)

 

Re: Relationships

Posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2005, at 18:50:51

In reply to Re: Relationships alexandra_k, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 17:55:53

Hi Fallen,
I know you know what my stance on this issue is, so I won't post it again. I'm sorry you feel like a punching bag. I can see how "hot" this issue is, and since you are the current Babble "incarnation" of this issue, you seem to be bearing the burden of all of our concerns. I only want to say that I feel bad that you are the one here to bear this burden, when it really is the actions of your ex-T/current fiance that are what many of us seem to be reacting to. I'm certainly not saying that I think he should come to Babble and "tag in", and I'm also not blaming him for you feeling hurt here. But unfortunately, since he is not here (as far as I know) you're like the stand-in "Bobo doll" for those of us who get upset about ethical violations.

I'm guessing you didn't sign up for this duty? :(

Best wishes on your engagement. That is an exciting time in a gal's life.

gg

 

Re: Relationships alexandra_k

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 18:57:09

In reply to Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT, posted by alexandra_k on January 21, 2005, at 18:44:53

> ok. So have you got another t then?
> You have stopped seeing him as a t, right?
>
> If so, then well all the best to ya I suppose :-)
>
>

Lol YES...I thought I had made that clear..but maybe not ..I use the word T still as I do not want to use a made up name or use his real name

 

Re: Relationships gardenergirl

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 19:09:38

In reply to Re: Relationships, posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2005, at 18:50:51

Thank you GG and that was a very thoughful post too..I DO understand why this issue is hot My T does not belong to Babble and I thought it out and didn't even ask him what his perscpective is because I know he will say pretty much why are they not working on their issues maybe they should take their concerns on this to their T's (that is just my guess). I have posts above on how I do not tell people in private emails to cross as I am/have whatever but man I am bruised and no I didn't sign up for this I have been very civil on what has triggered me and would never point out another poster like that. I KNOW the poster regrets it she is a sweetie but others have not let it be. To that end I am gonna post my final post on this as I do not feel this is helpful to anyone..we just go in circles.

LOL what is a BOBO doll?? And thank you on the engagement.....I appreciate it :)

> Hi Fallen,
> I know you know what my stance on this issue is, so I won't post it again. I'm sorry you feel like a punching bag. I can see how "hot" this issue is, and since you are the current Babble "incarnation" of this issue, you seem to be bearing the burden of all of our concerns. I only want to say that I feel bad that you are the one here to bear this burden, when it really is the actions of your ex-T/current fiance that are what many of us seem to be reacting to. I'm certainly not saying that I think he should come to Babble and "tag in", and I'm also not blaming him for you feeling hurt here. But unfortunately, since he is not here (as far as I know) you're like the stand-in "Bobo doll" for those of us who get upset about ethical violations.
>
> I'm guessing you didn't sign up for this duty? :(
>
> Best wishes on your engagement. That is an exciting time in a gal's life.
>
> gg

 

Re: Relationships Fallen4MyT

Posted by pinkeye on January 21, 2005, at 19:28:00

In reply to Re: Relationships alexandra_k, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 18:57:09

My opinion is this - you are both adults and while there are rules that are not meant to be broken - it doesn't mean that they are sancrosanct and need to be followed to the letter.
Beyond that, a rule needs to be respected and thought about and given the maximum weightage and evaluation - if after all that you still feel it is a good match, then you probably don't have to obey the rule after that. You guys wait for 2 years and then if you still feel the same, you get married so you don't jeopardize his license.
Rules are manmade - and it is only a guiding principle - if tomorrow the APA comes up with something else, then what? So maybe we should just treat it as a good guideline and let it go at that.

 

APPROVAL

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 21, 2005, at 19:28:01

In reply to Re: Relationships, posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2005, at 18:50:51

It is really not that I want anyone's approval I do not need it...I respect other's opinions as well as belief's and had this thread stayed on the subject and had that someone not accidently kind of pointed MY bracelet THREAD out on Social thus fingering ME out.(and THAT someone was gracious about this later so I have NO issue with her please do not stir that up) then *I* became the topic. I would not have posted but one post in here...But the subject went from what pushes your buttons to me.

....If 7000 posters and just said I am with the APA those T crossings push my button it is bad, illegal and so on I would have never had much to say in here.

Ask yourself if you posted on social..I haven't cleaned my house in 17 years and on this ORIGINAL thread someone said...yes messy houses push my buttons and another said...you know of a messy house...and the reply was yes someone posted to that on social...then you got a lot of babblemail and emails saying basically...WOW WHY ARE THEY GOING AFTER YOU...would it make you feel put down...dirty house or not? I do not expect replies ...just think on it.


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