Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 379259

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more therapy drama

Posted by lonelygal on August 18, 2004, at 19:52:17

I posted a week ago I guess about how I moved cross country and had to terminate with my old therapist and start seeing a new therapist. I'm so annoyed. Today I received a letter in the mail from my old therapist, a sort of notice of termination, and I'm so mad. She seemed so cold. I feel like I hate her so much. I am so mad at myself for telling her stuff. I feel like she has so much power over me, and she's not that much older than me, and I'm so ticked, like she never cared, it was all fake, and that she just put up with me and at times was nice b/c that's what she is supposed to be. I met with a new therapist for the first time two days ago, and she seems nice sort of, but I'm very apprehensive of starting therapy again b/c therapy seems to suck. She was already asking me difficult questions, and I don't know her, and I dont' want her to know so much about me b/c I haven't tested her out yet (although apparently I'm not very good at testing b/c I feel completely betrayed by my old therapist now and wish I could take back everything). I'm so mad. I want to cry and just fall apart and disappear. I hate everything. Oh, and I reluctantly gave the new therapist permission to contact old therapist, but now I'm not sure that is a good idea at all- actually it's probably a big mistake cuz I don't want the new therapist to know everything I told the old therapist, that's weird. grrrrr. why does everything suck? :(

 

Re: more therapy drama

Posted by shrinking violet on August 18, 2004, at 20:41:17

In reply to more therapy drama, posted by lonelygal on August 18, 2004, at 19:52:17

I'm sorry ((((lonelygal))))

How was your last session with your old therapist? I think *that's* what you need to hold onto. I tend to do the same, when I receive a letter from my T about something or other (which isn't really that often) I tend to read it as cold or distant -- even if sometimes they are actually fairly friendly -- but most times those letters are just a formality, a part of the business end of therapy, and really has nothing to do with us (or them) as clients (or therapists) or people. I'm sorry it hurt you though. Try to hold onto your old T as a person, not as a letter. And try to think of your new T as a different person to whom you may relate in a different (but not necessarily better or worse) way.
Easier said than done, probably, I know. But try your best.

Peace,
SV

 

Re: more therapy drama

Posted by tryingtobewise on August 18, 2004, at 21:47:38

In reply to Re: more therapy drama, posted by shrinking violet on August 18, 2004, at 20:41:17

Hi...

I just want you to know that I work for a group of therapists & it is standard to send an official termination letter. Closes the case so the client can move on to other providers.

On another note, it is totally your right to decide (change your mind) not to allow your new T to contact your old T. I would fax, write & do telephone confirm of your "retraction of the consent".

Good Luck!
Kim

 

Re: more therapy drama » lonelygal

Posted by mair on August 18, 2004, at 22:04:20

In reply to more therapy drama, posted by lonelygal on August 18, 2004, at 19:52:17

As others have said, I'm sure the letter was just something your therapist felt legally bound to send and not a reflection of how she felt about your relationship. On the other hand, I've had a similar experience and I know how much it sucks.

A few years ago, my pdoc, who had also been my therapist at an earlier time, retired. He sent an introductory letter to my new pdoc which just felt like a slap in the face. It's almost like we weren't part of the same process. I was working with another therapist then (who is still my therapist) and we spent a few sessions processing this letter and how I should correct some of the things he said because I didn't like the impression he was giving my new pdoc. And then more recently, i ran into him at a film screening and it brought to the surface again all of the things I felt about this stupid letter he had written.

I think my therapist reads this letter and doesn't see the same subtle slights I see. So maybe I'm hypersensitive. But I really think part of the problem is that we're not used to seeing ourselves described in clinical terms - it does seem so cold and puts a different cast to a relationship we view more personally.

I would discuss this with the new therapist, perhaps as a backdrop to telling her that you'd maybe prefer her not communicating with your old therapist until the 2 of you have reached a greater comfort level.

Also, just because you've given the new therapist permission to talk to your old therapist, doesn't mean that your old therapist can talk to the new one. You will need to have given your old therapist a written release for her to be able to release info to therapist #2.

Mair

 

Re: more therapy drama

Posted by pegasus on August 19, 2004, at 12:01:53

In reply to more therapy drama, posted by lonelygal on August 18, 2004, at 19:52:17

Oh, I know how that can hurt! If it makes it any easier, I recently learned that it's pretty standard procedure with some therapists to send a termination letter so that it's clear in the records that you are no longer seeing that therapist.

I'm taking a therapist ethics class right now, and we discussed those letters. Most of us agreed that it would feel bad as the client to get such a letter, because it would feel rejecting. But from an ethical point of view, there is an argument for it. It's not meant as a rejection of the client, it's just meant to clarifies for both client and therapist where they are in terms of the professional part of the relationship. But the reality is that it feels rejecting and cold.

I think, if your therapist felt obligated to send such a letter, it would have been nice if she had made the letter more warm and personal. That way it might have been something to cherish, instead of feeling like a slap in the face. I think it's easy for a therapist to overlook that possibility when trying to do something formal and professional. But it's sad for you, for sure.

pegasus

 

Re: more therapy drama » shrinking violet

Posted by lonelygal on August 19, 2004, at 19:23:16

In reply to Re: more therapy drama, posted by shrinking violet on August 18, 2004, at 20:41:17

Thanks SV. Umm, I didn't really have a proper last session. I find myself doubting everything & I'm so confused & feel like I don't know her at all.

 

Re: more therapy drama » tryingtobewise

Posted by lonelygal on August 19, 2004, at 19:32:36

In reply to Re: more therapy drama, posted by tryingtobewise on August 18, 2004, at 21:47:38

Yeah, I wasn't sure if it was something normal or more of punishment b/c I've been calling too much.
Part of me wants my new therapist to talk to my old therapist and part of me doesn't so I have no clue what I should do.

 

Re: more therapy drama » mair

Posted by lonelygal on August 19, 2004, at 19:36:23

In reply to Re: more therapy drama » lonelygal, posted by mair on August 18, 2004, at 22:04:20

Thanks mair. I think you felt exactly how I feel now. I dont' really trust my new therapist enough to tell her anything. She asked me a whole lot of questions in the first session, and I tried to answer trying to be cooperative, but I really feel weird telling her things and in my head I keep thinking this woman is a stranger, what am I doing. I dont' know where I was going with that... hmmmm....

 

Re: more therapy drama » pegasus

Posted by lonelygal on August 19, 2004, at 19:38:55

In reply to Re: more therapy drama, posted by pegasus on August 19, 2004, at 12:01:53

I think I see the letter as her reaffirming that she has so much power over me, and now power not to talk to me or have anything to do with me and saying I'm not her problem anymore. I'm so annoyed and mad and yes, darn it hurt.


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