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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewrite1 on August 9, 2004, at 23:53:28
I had a rough session a couple days ago. I have a lot of rage and I have a lot of trouble expressing anger. My T knows this and she pushed me pretty hard. In fact, I screamed at her "Would you back the @!*# off!" She refused (which she's never done before). Things just got worse for me after that. I left feeling like I was going to explode. I avoided contact with people because I didn't want to snap anyone's head off over this. Finally this morning I called my T and told her that "when you leave the cage door open, sooner or later the lion will come out and eat someone." I explained that I'm feeling really angry and it's making EVERYTHING else harder for me. I asked her to call me back if she has any input. She hasn't called. I'm sure she'll call tomorrow, but I guess I'm just not feeling the love. Now I'm wondering if I should have called at all. I've been seeing her for nearly 4 years and this is the 3rd time I've called when it wasn't about scheduling stuff, so I don't do it that often. I'm really feeling hurt that she opened up all this anger and pushed me the way she did and now she can't even find the time to return my call. This is why I doubted calling in the first place.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2004, at 3:21:06
In reply to T didn't return my call..., posted by thewrite1 on August 9, 2004, at 23:53:28
Oh, that sounds like such a tough session. I'm sorry she really pushed you. I hope that it leads to something better, but in the moment and now, it seems like it must feel just really crappy.
And I'm so sorry she didn't call you back. I know dealing with ruptures in the therapy relationship is very important. Perhpas she is gathering her thoughts before she calls, since the session may have been difficult for her, too? At any rate, I hope she calls ASAP, and that the call is healing.
Take care,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on August 10, 2004, at 9:22:10
In reply to T didn't return my call..., posted by thewrite1 on August 9, 2004, at 23:53:28
I completely sympathize with your agony.
I know how important it is to just connect after a session like that. I'm thinking that your therapist understands this, too (I haven't read much of your posts, and so I don't have a feeling for your therapist - maybe I'm just projecting because your session sounds like mine have been recently, and I *do* know that my therapist understands that I need to connect afterwards).
Can I make a suggestion? I have found over my yearssss of therapy that therapists often respond literally to my instructions, even when I want them to respond to my unconscious plea instead. You posted that you said " I asked her to call me back if she has any input." in your phone message. But I think that maybe you really wanted her to call you even if she didn't have any input??? In almost all cases that I've heard about if you leave a message that says "Please call me back", the only time a therapist *doesn't* call you back is if they didn't get the message (which does happen). [The only times I can remember when this wasn't true was when the therapist was trying to wean the client from frequent phone calls - and the therapist was very explicit during the sessions about her willingness to return phone calls. Not that I agree with that... But that doesn't sound like it is your situation anyway.]
However, if I have left a message that says either "call me if you want to" or "you don't need to call" - often I don't get a call back. Could this be the case with your therapist?
Since you don't call often, and she hasn't complained to you that you call too much, I would think that your calling was quite appropriate.
If she doesn't call you early today, you might leave a second message that says that you do need a return call from her - this way if she didn't get the first message she will know you need to talk to her, and if she thought you didn't expect her to call back she'll know now that you do need a call. At one point I asked my therapist point blank "Do I call too often?" - he was flabbergasted, and that reaction told me that I truly didn't call too often, that he thought my calls were quite appropriate. So I know, for me, that I thought I was calling too much, but he sure didn't see it that way.
Your post really struck a chord with me - the rage, difficulty expressing anger, therapist pushing, isolating so you don't bite someone's head off... Your phone call sounds completely appropriate to me. I hope she calls back soon.
Posted by starlight on August 10, 2004, at 11:27:37
In reply to Re: T didn't return my call... ? thewrite1, posted by fallsfall on August 10, 2004, at 9:22:10
I know this is going to probably sound wierd, but love your anger. Watch the feelings that you're having and ask yourself if this has been supressed for years. Then love it, accept it and be thankful for the feeling and release of it, even though you don't want to experience it. Just see what happens. It's great that you can experience it and rather than directing it at others, just be alone for awhile - take a long walk and thank the universe for the ability to FEEL this and cope with it and see what magic happens. Once you acknowledge and love it, it will heal and move on. You have got to love all parts of yourself, even the ones you don't like, the evil twin that has it's issues too. It's a very powerful method for turning things around.
Good Luck,
starlight
Posted by shortelise on August 10, 2004, at 12:17:29
In reply to T didn't return my call..., posted by thewrite1 on August 9, 2004, at 23:53:28
I would call again. With my T once he didn't get the message, another time he forgot - which I can understand because he has a bear of a schedule.
You have the right to call again, you should get a call back, and if she hasn't called, there is a good reason. With my T I would trust that. BUT BUT BUT oh, how I feel for you - I would be howling! Please try again, insist, if you need to talk with her, you could make sure it's very clear in the message you leave.
So sorry.
ShortE
Posted by thewrite1 on August 10, 2004, at 13:50:20
In reply to Re: T didn't return my call... » thewrite1, posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2004, at 3:21:06
I still haven't heard from my T, so I suspect she isn't going to call. I would call her back, but I really wouldn't be comfortable doing that. As someone pointed out, I did leave it open to her as to whether she called me or not, so maybe she didn't think it was needed. I appreciate the support from everyone and I am feeling a little better about things today. My next appointment isn't until Sat. That seems like a year from now to me, but I'm going to give it a day or two and see how it goes for me. Thanks again for the support.
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