Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 368821

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Re: email contact after termination fallsfall

Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:18:54

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by fallsfall on July 22, 2004, at 8:21:51

Falls,
Your "rules" are very helpful. I feel like I can use them to come up with a response that will be validating and yet maintain boundaries.

And thanks for the kind words. You are so sweet and helpful!

Thanks again,
gg

 

Re: email contact after termination Miss Honeychurch

Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:22:20

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 22, 2004, at 8:36:05

Miss Honey, I doubt that Bean would ever forget you, but it sounds like you have a good plan!

Take care,
gg

 

Re: email contact after termination pegasus

Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:25:18

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by pegasus on July 22, 2004, at 12:46:54

Peg,
It sounds like your situation was very painful. I'm glad your T maintains contact with you. And it sounds like it's a good thing (yikes, I sound like Martha Stewart!) I'm impressed by everyone's ability to maintain contact with a former T and yet build a strong relationship with a new one. I don't know why I think that is counter-intuitive to me, but I'm glad to see it works well for you.

Take care,
gg

 

Re: email contact after termination daisym

Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:28:41

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by daisym on July 22, 2004, at 12:55:36

That reunion picnic sounds like so much fun! And it makes sense to me how keeping contact with your son's T helped him return. I think I may ask my T if I can stay in touch with him when we are done. Whenever that is! :)

Take care,
gg

 

Re: email contact after termination pinkeye

Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:36:54

In reply to Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl, posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2004, at 13:36:43

Hi pinkeye,
I like your comments about therapy not being a business relationship. I agree. Even though there is a business aspect to it, it's the personal relationship that is important. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I actually can't continue to do therapy via emails, as I am not yet licensed. But I do think I will reply to her.

Thanks again,
gg

 

Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl

Posted by jane d on July 23, 2004, at 13:50:56

In reply to Re: email contact after termination Susan47, posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 0:36:31

> And I do trust this client. I think that must be why I gave her a business card, which was a personal card, not related to the center where I was working. I think it was all I had on me to write on at the time. But I knew she would not abuse having my email addy or I would not have given it to her. So my intial reaction is to

GG,
I see you have already made your decision but I was so interested in the question and in all your answers that I wanted to jump in too.

I'm like Susan in that I like to be trusted. And it bothers me that trust seems to be lacking in my dealings with mental health professionals. I know that they may have different rationales for it but the secrecy about their private life always makes me feel like they expect me to suddenly turn into a stalker. Prohibitions on future contact would too. With my dentist or a doctor that I have seen frequently so something unrelated I would have no hesitation with staying in touch. A relationship was established over the years just thru the frequent contact. And I know a great deal about their lives in passing too. That feels normal. That therapists in general would react differently feels stigmatizing to me.

I definately can see a benefit to me to knowing that the option for contact was there. I already find myself thinking about her opinions on my actions and end up being influenced for the better. A bit like she's looking over my shoulder. And I would expect that feeling to continue in much the same way that you want to show the professor or mentor who's gone the extra bit for you that you've done well. I don't know that I'd ever actually have to get in touch to get that benefit - just know that it was possible. (Of course this is a bit exploitative - getting use out of your therapist without paying. :) ).

That's me as a client. However if you were my sister my thoughts would be a little different. If your job exposes you to risks you have to protect yourself in your private life. If you think that your clients might become stalkers then you need to do everything you can to prevent that - whether your trustworthy clients like it or not. You can tell them it's professional policy and why it exists while making clear you know it doesn't apply to them if you must explain that. Protecting yourself includes people who aren't threatening physically but want to intrude on your personal life. Or who want you providing therapy and supporting them when you are off duty. You'll need that off duty time.
And of course, you need to protect yourself legally and with your licensing board. And finally, though I argued at the start that you should trust people I'd also suggest hedging my bets. Use a different email address for your clients and former clients. And save the emails you send and receive. I don't know whether it's appropriate to put them in the clients file. I seem to recall someone being very upset about that - but it might be professional standards. But if you don't do that set up another file just for these contacts. Just in case you need to defend yourself down the line.

So much for trust.

Jane

 

Re: email contact after termination jane d

Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 17:48:40

In reply to Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl, posted by jane d on July 23, 2004, at 13:50:56

Jane,
You bring up some good points that I think were resonating in my gut, but I hadn't articulated. I actually know of a fellow student who had a former client track her down at home and start writing and calling her. It was a difficult situation. I don't have that vibe from this person, and I am comfortable with the idea of responding, but I think we all do worry about people like the Bob character from "What about Bob." :)

And my silly school publishes our home information in the directory unless you request privacy in writing on the third Tuesday when the moon is full, on paper you can only get in Botswana every third decade. sigh

Thanks,
gg

 

Re: email contact after termination

Posted by pegasus on July 23, 2004, at 19:20:27

In reply to Re: email contact after termination pegasus, posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:25:18

Hi GG,

I can see why you might think it was counterintuitive. It was confusing for me at first too. But, in my situation, if my former T had not allowed any contact after he moved, I wouldn't have dared risking going into another therapeutic relationship. So, even though it may slow down forming a relationship with the new T, in my case, the alternative was no therapy at all, and feeling betrayed, abandoned, and deeply hurt by my one long-term therapy experience. Therapy would have seemed far too dangerous to risk again. It's only because he allowed me to see that his caring was real and not just by contract, and that my trust in him was not misplaced, that I could even imagine talking to another T again.

I think those who advocate hard and fast rules about never contacting clients after termination are potentially doing a grave misservice to those clients. There are situations where I think contact is the only ethical choice. On my end, I don't even know that I would have survived under those cirucumstances.

pegasus


 

Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl

Posted by Raindancer on July 24, 2004, at 11:44:51

In reply to email contact after termination, posted by gardenergirl on July 21, 2004, at 23:56:47

Hello gardenergirl,

I 'm training to be a T and will have my first clients early next year. I hope some of them will want to remain in contact with me after therapy is over. It's a tremendous compliment. My own T says that if I write to him after therapy, he will always reply and this is a terrific comfort and makes me feel less dependent rather than more so.

Being who you are, I believe that you will go with your gut feeling and reply to your client while not holding out the hope of very frequent correspondence. You obviously have to take care of yourself in this and not write to all your ex clients, otherwise you won't have time to do any therapy!!

I think anyone is really lucky to be in therapy with you. All the very best.

Raindancer

 

Re: email contact after termination Raindancer

Posted by gardenergirl on July 24, 2004, at 12:11:52

In reply to Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl, posted by Raindancer on July 24, 2004, at 11:44:51

Awwww, thanks Raindancer. That's very sweet. I'm glad you have already talked about this with your T. I plan to have a similar conversation once we get closer to termination, whenever that might be.

Good luck with your training. Seeing clients is so rewarding, and you learn so much from it. I'm sure you will be a natural.

Feel free to email me if you ever want to chat about training or wearing two hats on this board, or anything... gardenergirl 88 at yahoo dot com

Take care,

gg

 

Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl

Posted by Raindancer on July 25, 2004, at 6:24:44

In reply to Re: email contact after termination Raindancer, posted by gardenergirl on July 24, 2004, at 12:11:52

Thanks gardenergirl, I shall be glad to. Warmest wishes.
Raindancer.

 

Re: email contact after termination

Posted by pinkeye on July 26, 2004, at 14:30:09

In reply to Re: email contact after termination rs, posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 8:03:20

GG,
I have a question for you. As a T, do you like hearing from your old patients? What do they mean to you? Do you feel you are bugged when you receive lots of emails? I am asking this to see what my T would have felt.
Pinkeye.

 

Re: email contact after termination pinkeye

Posted by gardenergirl on July 26, 2004, at 15:51:00

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by pinkeye on July 26, 2004, at 14:30:09

Well, I've only heard from two clients after termination, but my clients from last year are in nursing homes, so it would be unlikely to hear from them. My clients this past year may be more likely, so we'll see as time goes by.

I didn't mind hearing recently from an old client. In fact, I was delighted. And last fall I ran into my old supervisor who filled me in on how my clients from the nursing homes were doing. I was happy to hear that too.

So right now, I'm not feeling bugged at all. I suppose if I were to get very frequent emails from a few clients, I might feel overwhelmed and would also be worried that the clients had not successfully terminated.

But I'm just guessing...not enough experience to say...

I can say I genuinely care about my clients, so knowing how they are doing is nice. But perhaps if I heard that they weren't doing well, I might be more concerned and feel some sense of responsiblity to try to help. Although I would not be able to resume therapy with them, so it would be a difficult feeling to cope with.

I'm just rambling...hope this helps.

gg

 

Re: email contact after termination

Posted by pinkeye on July 26, 2004, at 16:22:17

In reply to Re: email contact after termination pinkeye, posted by gardenergirl on July 26, 2004, at 15:51:00

Thanks GG, that helped to know that you liked hearing from your old client.

Maybe I can write to him once in a while and not often.
Thanks
Pinkeye

> Well, I've only heard from two clients after termination, but my clients from last year are in nursing homes, so it would be unlikely to hear from them. My clients this past year may be more likely, so we'll see as time goes by.
>
> I didn't mind hearing recently from an old client. In fact, I was delighted. And last fall I ran into my old supervisor who filled me in on how my clients from the nursing homes were doing. I was happy to hear that too.
>
> So right now, I'm not feeling bugged at all. I suppose if I were to get very frequent emails from a few clients, I might feel overwhelmed and would also be worried that the clients had not successfully terminated.
>
> But I'm just guessing...not enough experience to say...
>
> I can say I genuinely care about my clients, so knowing how they are doing is nice. But perhaps if I heard that they weren't doing well, I might be more concerned and feel some sense of responsiblity to try to help. Although I would not be able to resume therapy with them, so it would be a difficult feeling to cope with.
>
> I'm just rambling...hope this helps.
>
> gg

 

Re: email contact after termination

Posted by li hing on September 22, 2004, at 2:29:57

In reply to email contact after termination, posted by gardenergirl on July 21, 2004, at 23:56:47

Wow I read all of the posts under this thread and I must say that some of you had such nice therapists.

My counselor was a
major butthead. She told me that I could contact her after termination.
I e-mailed her and she got angry because I was writing too much. I had
thought that we had a close counseling relationship. We saw each other
for 2 years. She never responded to any of my e-mails and ended up
sending me a nasty letter in the mail telling me not to write and that she
won't read anything that I send her.

This caught me by surprise and a lot of hurt. I cried for months and
days.

Recently I got to see my file that she kept for me. I found out she never
read the letters that I sent to her in the snail mail after termination.
Letters she promised she would read and that she would "love to hear from
me" I guess after all the e-mails, she decided that she hated me and
shoved my unopened letters into my file. I am so angry.

In any case for therapists who respond to their clients after termination, I wish you were my therapist. I mean a simple, hello would have been all I needed as a client.

okay, enough for now!

 

Re: contact after termination(a bit long..) li hing

Posted by 10derHeart on September 23, 2004, at 19:29:29

In reply to Re: email contact after termination, posted by li hing on September 22, 2004, at 2:29:57

I totally understand why you are so angry with your ex-T. That was a pretty awful series of truths you had to discover about her. Sadly, it's not the first time I've read of such a response to contact after termination on these boards. I am one of the blessed folks who had a wonderful T. I *concluded* (to steal from another poster - hate the word *termination* !)my work with him about 3 months ago (he took a new job in another state). I asked if I could write (yes), wrote 10 days ago and just today, he answered with a sweet, friendly-yet-professional email. He knows I know we won't correspond often or do therapy by email. But, we shared something extraordinary that ended before either of us was ready (although I'm doing well), and it didn't escape him how much he means to me.

As you said, the smallest "hi" would have been enough. He promised a future address and made sure I got it. He also said he'd "love to hear how I was doing", meant it, and the most critical - followed through. It was incredibly important. In fact, I'd dare say his reliable, steady follow through now, when I am NOT a patient and he has a totally new life, may be one of the most deeply therapeutic things he's ever done!

I think it was very wrong of your T. to use such phrases and then act as she did, that must have hurt like crazy. Therapists, more than anyone, must be careful about such powerful words. And, we'd hope, sensitive and discriminating enough to tell which clients are most deeply attached, in order to be the gentlest with them. Wish that were always true, but it's not, as you found out the hard way. Even if your ex-T. was at a point she thought you were writing too much and she needed to say that, and maybe be sure you didn't expect therapy by mail, her harsh treatment was NOT the way to go about it.

Seems many Ts who do well to help us heal *during* therapy have a weak spot when it comes to handling endings with skill, warmth and care. I was wondering...was your T. young and/or new to her profession? If so, that may be part of the reason, but only part. We only have to read gardenergirl's caring posts to see there are T's -even while still training-who do "get it" and are committed to handling letters, email, etc., the best way possible for each client.

So sorry you had to live through this, especialy after 2 years with someone. It's just plain awful. If you feel like saying, how are you doing overall now? Please post more if it helps.((li hing)) - 10DerHeart

 

Re: contact after termination(a bit long..)

Posted by li hing on September 24, 2004, at 3:07:38

In reply to Re: contact after termination(a bit long..) li hing, posted by 10derHeart on September 23, 2004, at 19:29:29

I hurt so much from my ex-T. The letter she sent me was really cold. I trusted her and I thought she really meant it when she said that she would love to hear from me to see how I was doing.

I felt so hurt. I cried a lot. Yeah, she told me she would block and delete my e-mails if I e-mailed her again.

Then I called her to ask her if she would see me again and she got really angry. She told me really sarcastically that I need to work on my relationships with other people and that if she knew it was me that was calling she might not have answered the phone. I hung up so confused and hurt. She told me that she would see me again if I was elgible for the center again and then she rejected my request telling me I'm a much "bigger problem" than she thought I was and that I needed someone long term.

About 2 weeks ago, I got to see my file that my old T kept for me at the center. I saw a bunch of my letters thrown into my file unopened. It felt like a dagger went through my heart.

My T was older than me but she was a young T. I guess we're both young.

I hurt so much.

Our T relationship was so intensely close and warm, after termination she was just really mean to me. I showed my new T my letters and he said that my letters were really nice and he doesn't understand why old T reacted that way.

In any case, if my old T is reading this I want you to know that you really hurt me a lot.

> I totally understand why you are so angry with your ex-T. That was a pretty awful series of truths you had to discover about her. Sadly, it's not the first time I've read of such a response to contact after termination on these boards. I am one of the blessed folks who had a wonderful T. I *concluded* (to steal from another poster - hate the word *termination* !)my work with him about 3 months ago (he took a new job in another state). I asked if I could write (yes), wrote 10 days ago and just today, he answered with a sweet, friendly-yet-professional email. He knows I know we won't correspond often or do therapy by email. But, we shared something extraordinary that ended before either of us was ready (although I'm doing well), and it didn't escape him how much he means to me.
>
> As you said, the smallest "hi" would have been enough. He promised a future address and made sure I got it. He also said he'd "love to hear how I was doing", meant it, and the most critical - followed through. It was incredibly important. In fact, I'd dare say his reliable, steady follow through now, when I am NOT a patient and he has a totally new life, may be one of the most deeply therapeutic things he's ever done!
>
> I think it was very wrong of your T. to use such phrases and then act as she did, that must have hurt like crazy. Therapists, more than anyone, must be careful about such powerful words. And, we'd hope, sensitive and discriminating enough to tell which clients are most deeply attached, in order to be the gentlest with them. Wish that were always true, but it's not, as you found out the hard way. Even if your ex-T. was at a point she thought you were writing too much and she needed to say that, and maybe be sure you didn't expect therapy by mail, her harsh treatment was NOT the way to go about it.
>
> Seems many Ts who do well to help us heal *during* therapy have a weak spot when it comes to handling endings with skill, warmth and care. I was wondering...was your T. young and/or new to her profession? If so, that may be part of the reason, but only part. We only have to read gardenergirl's caring posts to see there are T's -even while still training-who do "get it" and are committed to handling letters, email, etc., the best way possible for each client.
>
> So sorry you had to live through this, especialy after 2 years with someone. It's just plain awful. If you feel like saying, how are you doing overall now? Please post more if it helps.((li hing)) - 10DerHeart

 

Reading a file after termination

Posted by li hing on September 24, 2004, at 3:16:38

In reply to Re: contact after termination(a bit long..), posted by li hing on September 24, 2004, at 3:07:38

I also got to read my file that my old T kept for me. Yeah, I went back to the center and asked to see my file.

My T that I thought cared about me and enjoyed working with me wrote so much mean stuff about me in there. It hurt so bad. It said stuff that I was noncomplient with antidepressants, that I had suicidal ideation. Nothing nice about me in there, yet in sessions she acted as if she liked having me as a client.

She left the center. I'm so mad that she hurt me like this.

 

Re: Reading a file after termination li hing

Posted by Lonely on September 25, 2004, at 16:40:21

In reply to Reading a file after termination, posted by li hing on September 24, 2004, at 3:16:38

My therapist died suddenly after 3 years with her. That really made things difficult because there were so many loose ends and no one else who knew about the relationship.

I asked the new therapist to get my records and even wrote a letter for her but she allegedly was not able to get them.

During the time I was seeing "C" (the therapist) we had many conflicts. Many of them revolved around things like "why do you think so and so said this or that OR why do you think that happened?" and the fact that I found it rather insulting and finally came to the point where I flat out told her that I didn't know and didn't really care. She informed me that she was putting that in my file. And she didn't say it in a nice way, either. She was putting other negative things in there too - I can't remember what all it was - but I think part of it had to do with the fact that she really shouldn't have been seeing me and needed to justify it. She was, I've come to realize and by remembering back on some sort've off-hand comments she made, keeping me there because she couldn't see me otherwise. There was also the fact that we miscommunicated often. We could use the same words and phrases but they obviously had different meanings and implications. I was often overwhelmed; she didn't make sense to me quite often. At the same time, there were definitely times of intense caring emotion between us.

The new "T" asked me if I wanted to see the records (I did not) and was concerned because, as she explained to me, often the things that are written in a patient's record can make the situation even more painful.

That brings up some other issues that I guess I've just stumbled on in my own thinking ... therapy and Al-Anon seem to focus mainly on "what's wrong" or negativity (whether it really is or not) rather than on support and emphasizing the positive. No wonder I never did really well with either one.

In my professional life I've come across a new concept called "Appreciative Inquiry" which is sort've based on the Pygmallion effect - people respond to images other people have of them. That's what therapists need to have more of. Unfortunately, I've found therapy to usually be anything but theraputic. Maybe therapists need to be evaluated more by their patients - kind've like the concept of 360 degree management.

> I also got to read my file that my old T kept for me. Yeah, I went back to the center and asked to see my file.
>
> My T that I thought cared about me and enjoyed working with me wrote so much mean stuff about me in there. It hurt so bad. It said stuff that I was noncomplient with antidepressants, that I had suicidal ideation. Nothing nice about me in there, yet in sessions she acted as if she liked having me as a client.
>
> She left the center. I'm so mad that she hurt me like this.

 

Re: contact after termination(a bit long..)

Posted by lonelygal on September 25, 2004, at 18:31:05

In reply to Re: contact after termination(a bit long..), posted by li hing on September 24, 2004, at 3:07:38

hi li hing.
i'm so sorry you had to go through this. unfortunately, i really really know how you feel. i had an awful termination with my old t and i am in the process of trying to receive my records from her. after reading your posts, i'm even more scared to see what she has to say about me- i'm sure a lot is not going to be nice, either.
i hope you feel better. i really feel for you, but i don't really know what to say that might help.

 

Re: email contact after termination gardenergirl

Posted by Lonely on September 25, 2004, at 20:46:12

In reply to email contact after termination, posted by gardenergirl on July 21, 2004, at 23:56:47

Many decades ago (!!!) I saw a therapist at the University counseling center for a semester. He was actually the head of the group and I was lucky to get in to see him. He was really good. Somehow, I found out that he was leaving the university and moving across the country. I was crushed ... really crushed. Panicked. We didn't have antidepressants then and no doubt the theories and practices were different too. I went through various benign "antics" including anger and grief. I even suggested that he take me to lunch which we did - and he paid for it and it was in the faculty dining room! I'm laughing as I think back because that was really pretty brazen for me. I'm a shy person.

Anyway, I did write to him and received, I think, 2 letters back from him. One line I still remember from his letter, paraphrased, was to not let my dad get me down as he was mean and good at that type of thing. I needed to hear that. There probably were a couple other letters that he did not reaply to; I don't know.

A couple years later after I had graduated and moved across the country myself, I called him on the phone. He remembered me. We had a nice visit and I remember him asking me if I was dating yet. I wasn't but a couple months later was engaged! I think that was my last contact with him.

I assume he's probably deceased now although I still think about him and wish I could talk to him again.

But, back to YOUR question (and my apologies for taking over with my stuff here!) I still don't see anything wrong with a T having a platonic contact with a patient after therapy. I'm sure that if you saw it was becoming truly dependent in an unhealthy way you could redirect her and explain what was happening and why and then let it go. I guess the other issue is that you DO feel comfortable with her so that also makes it more affirmative to have friendly limited contact with her for whatever period of time.


I'm curious about how all this works out several months down the road since you are a T. It's good to hear that perspective.


> Hello,
> I just wanted to ask for some input on contact between therapist and client after termination. I received an email today from a former client. It was lovely to hear from her, and she seems to be doing well. This client was someone I worked with all year during my placement, and I enjoyed working with her. Termination was difficult for me with her, as I was aware that I would want to know how she does in the future.
>
> She also had become somewhat dependent for the majority of our working together, but had worked through some of that before termination. Termination happened because she was ready, but also because of the end of my placement at the agency. When we terminated, I used a model set forth by one of my professors, saying, "I would always enjoy hearing from you and how you are doing, but I may not be able to respond to contacts, once our therapy relationship ends." I'm not sure I am totally invested in this approach, but I did try it on for size.
>
> Anyway, I would like to reply, but I am a tiny bit concerned that it could trigger some of the dependency. On the other hand, it could reinforce her internalization of her therapist which helps her with moving forward indpenendently.
>
> What do y'all think? If you've contacted your former T's in the past, have they responded? If they did or did not, how did that feel? What were you looking for in the contact?
>
> Thanks in advance,
> gg

 

Re: contact after termination(a bit long..) lonelygal

Posted by fallsfall on September 25, 2004, at 20:51:17

In reply to Re: contact after termination(a bit long..), posted by lonelygal on September 25, 2004, at 18:31:05

Therapists often recommend that you don't read your chart without a therapist present (either the one who wrote the chart, or a different one).

Sometimes what they say sounds cold, but is meant to be "clinical". Some of their jargon can be easily misinterpreted by those of us not in that field.

There are many reasons *not* to read your chart. I think that I would want to talk with a therapist about why I *did* want to read the chart fairly extensively before viewing it.

That said, you do have a legal right to read it. It makes sense to me to have someone there if you choose to do so.

 

Re: email contact after term - ever friends ok? gardenergirl

Posted by Lonely on September 25, 2004, at 20:58:11

In reply to email contact after termination, posted by gardenergirl on July 21, 2004, at 23:56:47

Hi ~~~

Just had one more thought/question that I'd like to pose if I may.

My T that died was always talking about "boundaries" which I noticed is going through your mind a great deal too. I'm wondering ... is it ever okay to become real true personal friends with someone that one once knew as a T?

Under some circumstances, I really think it would be okay. I'm not talking about a sexual relationship here - rather, just plain being friends and doing the things together friends would do - shop, go to a play, have lunch together, take them to the doctor when they're sick, etc.

Before my # 1T died, I went to another T one time as a consultant because the #1 T and I were not getting along well. The #2 T also happens to be my husband's T so of course that relationship cannot go on in any form. However, at the memorial for my #1 T, the #2 T was very kind to me, came up to me, hugged me and explained who the other people were there. It was a major humane help and I needed that. Some day, if my hubby died or was no longer seeing her for a period of time, I'd like to be friends with her.

Sorry for my babbling. Best of luck as you continue on!


> Hello,
> I just wanted to ask for some input on contact between therapist and client after termination. I received an email today from a former client. It was lovely to hear from her, and she seems to be doing well. This client was someone I worked with all year during my placement, and I enjoyed working with her. Termination was difficult for me with her, as I was aware that I would want to know how she does in the future.
>
> She also had become somewhat dependent for the majority of our working together, but had worked through some of that before termination. Termination happened because she was ready, but also because of the end of my placement at the agency. When we terminated, I used a model set forth by one of my professors, saying, "I would always enjoy hearing from you and how you are doing, but I may not be able to respond to contacts, once our therapy relationship ends." I'm not sure I am totally invested in this approach, but I did try it on for size.
>
> Anyway, I would like to reply, but I am a tiny bit concerned that it could trigger some of the dependency. On the other hand, it could reinforce her internalization of her therapist which helps her with moving forward indpenendently.
>
> What do y'all think? If you've contacted your former T's in the past, have they responded? If they did or did not, how did that feel? What were you looking for in the contact?
>
> Thanks in advance,
> gg

 

Re: contact after termination(a bit long..)

Posted by li hing on September 25, 2004, at 21:08:42

In reply to Re: contact after termination(a bit long..), posted by lonelygal on September 25, 2004, at 18:31:05

Hi lonelygal,

I have to warn you that looking at your file is going to be tough. There was a ton of clinical jargon about me in my file and seeing something like that for the first time was really tough.

My old T was from a University counseling center. She hurt me so much, I hate her.

 

Re: contact after termination(a bit long..)

Posted by lonelygal on September 25, 2004, at 22:38:58

In reply to Re: contact after termination(a bit long..) lonelygal, posted by fallsfall on September 25, 2004, at 20:51:17

yes, i realize i will probably get upset, but i am dying to find out what she really thinks or thought, whatever. i want to see her unedited view of me. i think whatever i see will have a major effect on whether i will trust or not trust new t. maybe i wont' want to be in therapy all together after reading it (heck i'm not sure i want to be in therapy even right now), but i have to see it.


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