Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 362073

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Daisy! I got a writing assignment!

Posted by Racer on June 30, 2004, at 16:28:35

Just like the Big Girls! My new therapist asked me to write out what I want to get across to Dr EyeCandy. (Although we never discuss him by name, of course, just "The Doctor" -- and please pray to all the gods there be that I never use that name in her office!) I was so excited! "Whoohoo! Now I can be like Daisy and the other Big Girls!"

Now, of course, I'm kinda lost with it all. We talked today about what I need and what I want -- I *need* meds, but I *want* to be treated with basic respect. The problem for me is that the *want* really is preventing me from getting the *need* met -- my reaction to the treatment I've received (not directly from Dr EyeCandy, by the way, although sometimes attributed to him by the people actually involved) is so overwhelming and so negative and creates such a state of panic for me that I can't even go to his office. It is so frightening to know that I have to go, to go, to be in the lobby, etc; that I spend days dreading it and feel sick when I do go. Now, he, himself, has never been horrible to me -- but the things I've heard now from so many other people within the agency have just-well, I don't what they've done, but they've done it well and left me at a loss for words. I almost wrote "I know he's frustrated with me" and I suspect strongly that he is, but since he seems to be working off what other people say and not listening to me; and since I'm hearing most of this second hand, too -- makes for a situation where I feel as if we'd do a lot better if I could use fax appointments or something, you know? May as well do it in writing and save me a trip through hell, you know?

Anyway, just wanted you to know that I can join your club now -- I want a key to the clubhouse and someone better teach me the secret knock.

 

Knock Three times on the Ceiling...

Posted by daisym on July 1, 2004, at 13:05:46

In reply to Daisy! I got a writing assignment!, posted by Racer on June 30, 2004, at 16:28:35

Racer,

I'm excited for you. Sometimes writing is sooo cathartic. But I know you...don't obsess that it needs to be perfect. Just get the words down. You can clean it up later!

Share if you want. :)

 

Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment!

Posted by gardenergirl on July 1, 2004, at 23:20:19

In reply to Daisy! I got a writing assignment!, posted by Racer on June 30, 2004, at 16:28:35

Yeah Racer! Sounds like a good assignment. And it makes sense, too. I don't think my T would ever give me an assignment, so, I'll have to be an associate member of the club. No secret knock, buy maybe I can work vicariously through others' assignments.

Actually, I don't know that I would want an assignmment, except maybe to write down what the heck we talked about. It seems I often can't remember, even the important stuff. What's up with that?

Take care and good luck. This isn't for a grade or even pass/fail. It's a process assignment. At least that's how it sounds.

gg

 

Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment! » gardenergirl

Posted by mair on July 2, 2004, at 9:55:11

In reply to Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment!, posted by gardenergirl on July 1, 2004, at 23:20:19


"Actually, I don't know that I would want an assignmment, except maybe to write down what the heck we talked about. It seems I often can't remember, even the important stuff. What's up with that?"

I see my therapist on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can usually remember what we talked about during the Tues-Thurs interval, but I almost uniformly forget from Thursday to Tuesday, even if it was an important session for some reason, and even if I thought alot about it on the drive home. It used to sort of embarrass me and made me feel that therapy wasn't important enough to me to be able to hold onto the thoughts. My therapist has observed that when times are tough and therapy difficult, it's probably fortunate that I let go thinking about it so I can function at work and home without obsessing about things too much. She also thinks that it is sometimes a defense.

I've come up with all kinds of theories, but it probably boils down to just having too much going on in between sessions - and, of course, advancing age and generally tending to being muddled under the best of times.

I'm sure it would be better if I journaled, but it just doesn't appeal to me. My therapist takes copious notes during our sessions and I really hate it when she reads what I've said, back to me. I don't like to hear what I've said, and I probably wouldn't like to read what I'm thinking either.

mair

 

Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment! » gardenergirl

Posted by daisym on July 2, 2004, at 11:38:54

In reply to Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment!, posted by gardenergirl on July 1, 2004, at 23:20:19

GG,

We've talked about that forgetting thing too. My therapist thinks that when sessions are powerfully loaded with emotions they become muddled. The words are hard to remember because we can't sustained the intensity and they slip away with our feelings. Sort of like dreams.

I'm getting better at hearing him in my head when I need to. He often tells me to carry him with me so I like to remember how he sounds when he says certain things. My favorite is, "I'm still here."

The flip side to this is I "hate" remembering how I sound during sessions. I sound whiney, young and/or hysterical. Ick.

 

Forgetting sessions Daisy and Mair

Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2004, at 20:37:07

In reply to Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment! » gardenergirl, posted by mair on July 2, 2004, at 9:55:11

You both make a lot of sense. I get embarrassed about it, too, and I'm sure my T notices what I forget and interprets it, at least to himself. I was thinking it was a defense, as well, but it makes sense that with that intensity, especially of the feelings, that it would be hard to remember the verbal stuff.

My T takes no notes. I don't know what kind of documentation he does between sessions, either, although at times I am curious. Not enough to ask and want to see, but curious still. I think it would drive me crazy if my T read back to me from prior sessions. Especially because he is so keyed into exactly what word you use, while I tend to get the gist of things. I think it could come across to me as kind of smarmy. But then my transference is shifting to one where I keep thinking he is disappointed in me somehow. So forgetting topics feeds into that as well.

Daisy, I try not to think about how I sound. But I hate crying through the entire session. Blowing my nose and all. Yuck! I feel like such a baby. But then, I suppose that makes sense given how primitive my hurts are.

Thanks for your input. Gives me something to think about...which is good.

gg

 

Re: Forgetting sessions Daisy and Mair

Posted by pegasus on July 6, 2004, at 11:43:28

In reply to Forgetting sessions Daisy and Mair, posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2004, at 20:37:07

Yes, dang it, I forget my sessions too pretty often. Although, now that I'm seeing an art therapist, I find that I always remember what I was making, so that seems to give me some breadcrumbs back to what we were talking about.

I used to come home and immediately write about what I could remember about my sessions. That was back when I had lots of free time and a strong attachment to my T. I would work my little synopsis all week, until I felt that I'd really captured all that I could remember about my experience. It helped me process my sessions more thoroughly, clarify future things to talk about, recognize my feelings in retrospect, and continue to feel connected to my T throughout the week. But now I don't have the time or motivation for that. :(

pegasus

 

Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment! » daisym

Posted by Dinah on July 7, 2004, at 15:46:46

In reply to Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment! » gardenergirl, posted by daisym on July 2, 2004, at 11:38:54

> The flip side to this is I "hate" remembering how I sound during sessions. I sound whiney, young and/or hysterical. Ick.

Ugh. I hate the way I talk during therapy. It is utterly humiliating to me to remember it. My therapist tells me that those feelings of humiliation are not helpful, and that I should stop berating myself for it. But it's hard when I honestly detest myself at those times. What difference does it make if detesting myself isn't helpful? How will that stop me from doing it?

 

Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment!

Posted by daisym on July 7, 2004, at 23:04:28

In reply to Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment! » daisym, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2004, at 15:46:46

I guess the question to answer is whose voice is it you hear when you detest yourself? I know the adult me would really like to keep the little kid needs and fears underwraps. It is this part of me that "hates" the way I sound in therapy.

I guess the answer to how to stop thinking these negative thoughts about yourself is to accept all parts of you or to integrate those you don't like. I'm a long way from doing either so I have no idea how one does this.

 

Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment!

Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2004, at 16:49:55

In reply to Re: Daisy! I got a writing assignment!, posted by daisym on July 7, 2004, at 23:04:28

Oh, it's definitely rational me that can't stand the whining needy little wretch, right down to the tone of voice.

But while I can sort of understand and accept, I have a lot harder time *liking* or not being embarassed. I feel the same way when I'm with my mother. :) And there I can say to myself over and over (even if I don't really believe it) "People know that I am me, and my mother is my mother. They won't judge me by my mother." It's a little harder to do that in this situation. lol.


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