Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 360159

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I love gifts and I love giving (life is a gift):) (nm)

Posted by shadows721 on June 26, 2004, at 20:11:23

In reply to Therapy and gifts, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 25, 2004, at 8:23:17

 

Re: I love gifts and I love giving (life is a gift):)

Posted by rs on June 26, 2004, at 20:21:42

In reply to I love gifts and I love giving (life is a gift):) (nm), posted by shadows721 on June 26, 2004, at 20:11:23

Have to share on gift giving. When started with this therapist other parts did not like him neither did I. Anyway would hear many times how he was disliked inside. One day while was out shopping saw the perfect thing. This little bear and the saying was "I hear voices that say they do not like you." On the bottom was stamped with Sybil. It was just perfect and it sits on his shelf. So this was perfect at the time.

 

I am sorry

Posted by Believe on June 27, 2004, at 0:12:51

In reply to Re: Stalking comparison » Believe, posted by TofuEmmy on June 26, 2004, at 15:42:43

I am sorry for the posts I wrote earlier. All I wanted was a cyber spanking from Dr. Bob (transference much, huh?)

I've been lurking around this site for a couple of months now, and I picked this thread because I think - no, know - if I gave a gift to my therapist he would either reject it or want to talk about the "why" and "what was I hoping to get out of it". So I guess I envy those of you who can be that open with their therapists. And if I am brave enough I will let my therapist know about this and then one day post again.

Again, I am really sorry. It was bratty, rude and irresponsible behavior.

 

Re: I am sorry » Believe

Posted by fallsfall on June 27, 2004, at 8:34:43

In reply to I am sorry, posted by Believe on June 27, 2004, at 0:12:51

Welcome to Babble.

I accept your apology.

I hope that you will want to post on Babble to get support, information and validation. We really are pretty good at those things.

It can be frustrating when the therapist always wants to know "Why do you want to do this?" or "Why now?". If you can be honest with your therapist and really try to answer those questions (as annoying as they are...) you can often learn a lot about yourself.

I'm hoping that you can start focusing more on learning and less on seeking punishment.

 

Re: nope, I am sorry » Believe

Posted by karen_kay on June 27, 2004, at 9:01:47

In reply to I am sorry, posted by Believe on June 27, 2004, at 0:12:51

i spoke out of anger and without thinking.

i think sometimes (for me, more than sometimes) we post things were we didn't mean, didn't actually read well enough for the intended mesage, or just plain didn't think about. i'm not suggesting you did, i'm suggesting i did and i'm sorry for that. i really am.

please don't think that babble isn't a very forgiving and understanding place. it certainly is, or i might not be around still.

please don't let this stop you from posting more. we all make mistakes, and i did this time.

if you need anything, please to feel free to email me at karen_kay12 at yahoo.com

i hope to see you around very soon! or, at least hear from you via email (ha ha ha! so i can tlak you into coming back :)

take care,
kk

 

Re: I am sorry » Believe

Posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2004, at 10:18:41

In reply to I am sorry, posted by Believe on June 27, 2004, at 0:12:51

Wow - dang good apology! I love those. Welcome to the "Oy, Did I Mess Up Club"! I was once given their Lifetime Achievement Award. And an excellent job of self reflection. I'm impressed. :-)

Em

 

i am a card-carrying member » TofuEmmy

Posted by karen_kay on June 27, 2004, at 10:58:58

In reply to Re: I am sorry » Believe, posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2004, at 10:18:41

what mistakes can we make today? let's try to find out, shall we? oy! perhaps they aren't as bad if we make them together?

 

Re: I am sorry » fallsfall

Posted by justyourlaugh on June 27, 2004, at 14:07:56

In reply to Re: I am sorry » Believe, posted by fallsfall on June 27, 2004, at 8:34:43

"i hope you can start focusing more on learning.."
wow, i feel this statement was uncivil..
what makes you think because b has a point of view that is not like yours, she/he is not "focusing on learning"?
i hope b was not feeling put down and will return.
jyl

 

Re: I am sorry » justyourlaugh

Posted by fallsfall on June 27, 2004, at 15:25:52

In reply to Re: I am sorry » fallsfall, posted by justyourlaugh on June 27, 2004, at 14:07:56

Wow, JYL, your post has certainly taken me by surprise.

I did not say (or imply, as far as I can tell) that Believe was not "focusing on learning". I DID mean to imply that I thought that s/he was focusing MORE on seeking punishment than s/he was on learning. I based this assumption on his/her own statement "All I wanted was a cyber spanking from Dr. Bob (transference much, huh?)" If I misinterpreted his/her post I certainly apologize to him/her.

I guess I'm also confused as to which points of view you think that s/he and I disagree on.

It was certainly not my intention to be intolerant of his/her views (although I do have a tendency to believe that if people disagree with me that they are "wrong" and I am "right" - this is something I work very hard on, and still have a long way to go with...). My intention was to welcome him/her to Babble and to encourage him/her to look for support here. I guess it didn't come across the way I wanted it to (since, at a minimum, you got the opposite message from my post).

So, my deepest apologies to Believe. I thought his/her apology was really wonderful, and I hope that s/he decides to be a regular poster.

 

Re: I am sorry » Believe

Posted by daisym on June 27, 2004, at 18:41:02

In reply to I am sorry, posted by Believe on June 27, 2004, at 0:12:51

You know what? I'm going to do something completely out of character for me. You really hurt my feelings and caused a great deal of upset. Self-reflective or not, your apology doesn't make it better for me. I guess I'm just not "enough" to get past it right now. I have too much of this kind of stuff to deal with IRL.(Maybe this is my own transference.)

Please don't post to me if/when you return.
(I've never asked anyone that before)
Daisy

 

Re: Therapy and gifts » Miss Honeychurch

Posted by Pfinstegg on June 27, 2004, at 21:39:16

In reply to Therapy and gifts, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 25, 2004, at 8:23:17

My analyst does not accept any gifts. There are times when I really want to give him something, and get so excited thinking I have found something he will really like, but instead, I get to talk about how grateful and loving I am feeling, or worse, that I might be trying to undo hostile or negative feelings- that's all, unfortunately! But I do love hearing about all the delicious and happily received cookies, etc.!

 

Re: posting under more than one name » Believe

Posted by Dr. Bob on June 28, 2004, at 7:43:36

In reply to Re: Yikes, are gifts really a boundary issue?, posted by Believe on June 25, 2004, at 21:27:37

> I just have one question...

Please don't post under more than one name at the same time. If for any reason you feel you need to change your posting name, follow these steps:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#names

Thanks,

Bob

 

I think I've decided what to do

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 8:39:02

In reply to Therapy and gifts, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 25, 2004, at 8:23:17

Thanks all for your ideas, opinions, and insight. I know I don't even have to ask my T about his feelings on gifts. I'm sure it would make him uncomfortable. I don't even need to talk to him about it.

So I'm thinking of taking the funny way out and giving him a card wishing him a happy Canada day (I live in Virginia). July 1 is Canada Day. A goofy idea, but at least it will be funny and maybe I can write some heartfelt prose in there.

However, it will be tricky trying to find a Canada Day specific card here!

 

I am sorry, everyone

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 8:49:03

In reply to I think I've decided what to do, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 8:39:02

I feel truly bad that my topic of discussion caused others pain (inadvertently thru the postings of another). I hate it when this happens.

This is a place for support and ideas and respect. I just don't understand it when others don't follow these rules.

So I'm sorry to everyone who was hurt by this thread. I know it is not my fault, but it is MY thread and I get so mad when someone comes in and ruins it and hurts those who are trying to help me.

 

Re: posting under more than one name

Posted by fallsfall on June 28, 2004, at 8:53:14

In reply to Re: posting under more than one name » Believe, posted by Dr. Bob on June 28, 2004, at 7:43:36

I feel slapped in the face by "Believe".

But, I refuse to be bullied into not providing support and encouragement when they seem to be needed.

I won't discuss trolls, posters posting under multiple names etc. because I will not give "Believe" the satisfaction of causing consternation on this board.

I am happy to discuss gifts, though. I used to make cupcakes for my therapist for our anniversaries - I would write the number on top with frosting. Then I started getting lazy and got Boston Cream Donuts (and wrote the number on top) - we both really liked the donuts, so I try not to feel too bad that I didn't "bake" for the occasion (one year I got two cupcakes from my mother and used those!?).

This year my current therapist and I were in the middle of a major crisis when our 1 year anniversary rolled around. I barely made it to his office, never mind baking or "reflecting" during the session. Maybe when the crisis settles down, we'll have a belated celebration. I wonder what it means that I was "rageful" (perhaps for the first time in my life) at him on our anniversary??

 

Re: Using 2 names » Believe

Posted by TofuEmmy on June 28, 2004, at 9:52:31

In reply to I am sorry, posted by Believe on June 27, 2004, at 0:12:51

We REALLY did not need this at this time. I feel, I FEEL, hmmm....just sad. Em

 

Re: I think I've decided what to do » Miss Honeychurch

Posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:00:18

In reply to I think I've decided what to do, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 8:39:02

> So I'm thinking of taking the funny way out and giving him a card wishing him a happy Canada day (I live in Virginia). July 1 is Canada Day. A goofy idea, but at least it will be funny and maybe I can write some heartfelt prose in there.
>
> However, it will be tricky trying to find a Canada Day specific card here!

Ooh, ooh! Perfect opportunity to make it yourself.

http://www.dltk-kids.com/canada/mcanadapaper.html

Or, maybe you could enlist the help of one of our Canadian friends?

I think it's a cute idea and I think having a way to express your feelings through your writing will be excellent for you. I'm sure he will appreciate what you write to him.

Let us know how it goes. If you'd rather, I'm at alldone72@yahoo.com.

Take care,
Laurie

 

Re: I am sorry, everyone » Miss Honeychurch

Posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:09:08

In reply to I am sorry, everyone, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 8:49:03

Please don't worry for one second about starting this thread! Trust me when I say I was about one minute behind you. I had the same issue and was ready to post myself. So, if you hadn't, I definitely would have anyway.

(((((Miss Honey)))))

I know there are many regular Babblers still around to offer the good support, ideas, and respect. You just might have to work a little harder to find them right now.

Do you visit Open. Or, if you ever want, you can e-mail me. I'm at alldone72@yahoo.com.

Take care,
Laurie


 

One T's opinion and reaction

Posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:43:53

In reply to Re: Therapy and gifts » Miss Honeychurch, posted by All Done on June 25, 2004, at 10:56:29

> This time, I'm thinking of branching out to a gift. Actually, I already bought it. It's a small, handcrafted wooden box. It's about the right size to hold a deck of cards or a pack of cigarettes. (Gosh, I hope he doesn't smoke, though :(.) Anyway, I'm going to couple it with a letter thanking him for giving me a safe place (him) to keep my most innermost thoughts, concerns, joys, etc. I want him to have a nice place to keep his valuable things, too. Hmm...I'm still not sure I have enough courage to give it to him, though.

I started out my session by mentioning that it was my/our one-year therapy anniversary and telling him that I wanted to find a way to show him that I appreciate the way he does his job and the work we have done together. I said I wasn't sure if he could accept gifts and I understood if he couldn't, but he asked if I wanted him to open it right then and I said yes (question answered).

But first (of course)...he wanted to talk about it all. We discussed a comment I made about boundaries. We discussed why I wanted to give a gift. And we discussed my comment about him doing a "good" job and what "good" meant to me. It was a nice discussion and really made me feel good to be able to tell him how I feel about our work together. (There were a few disclaimers such as, "most of the time". I mean there are always moments of feeling not so great. I don't have to tell any of you that therapy can be hard, too.)

So, he opened the card first. I bought a blank card with the Chinese symbol for wisdom and told him I appreciate him sharing his with me. He read what I wrote and said it meant a lot to him to hear it. When he opened the gift, he really seemed to like it and he said it will look very nice on his desk. We talked some more about having a safe place for me and he commented on the thought I put into the gift.

All in all, yahoo! I'm glad I gave it to him and he didn't for one minute seem put off by it.

This was a bit of hard work and there was some stress involved. All worth it, but next time, it's a card and cookies!

Thanks especially to Daisy for your support and ideas. :)

Laurie

 

Re: One T's opinion and reaction » All Done

Posted by gardenergirl on June 28, 2004, at 12:54:09

In reply to One T's opinion and reaction, posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:43:53

Laurie,
What a lovely, thoughtful gift. I'm sure your T was touched. Good for you!

gg

 

Re: I think I've decided what to do » All Done

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 13:44:06

In reply to Re: I think I've decided what to do » Miss Honeychurch, posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:00:18

All Done, thanks for the link! I think I'll have to go the homemade route, but I'll stop at Target and the Hallmark store tonight just in case they have a Canada Day card on hand (which I highly doubt). Do they even have Canada Day Cards? I don't think July 4th cards are popular so maybe the same is true of Canada Day?

As for OPEN, I can never get on. I get to the part where it says it is logging me in and then it just stops. It is very fustrating since I know I would love to be in there chatting with you all, but for some reason I don't have the proper technology.

 

I think I KNOW the answer! » Miss Honeychurch

Posted by daisym on June 28, 2004, at 16:20:46

In reply to Re: I think I've decided what to do » All Done, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 28, 2004, at 13:44:06

Ms. HC -- I had this problem with Open too...

With me, I figured out that I had to click onthe symbol just to the right of the little window that said it was "taking me there". Then I'd get in. Usually I click the link at the bottem of Babble, have to log into Yahoo again and then click chat. but it works now.

Hope this helps.
Daisy

 

Re: One T's opinion and reaction » All Done

Posted by daisym on June 28, 2004, at 16:25:00

In reply to One T's opinion and reaction, posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:43:53

I have a stupid grin on my face for you. I'm glad it went well! I'm sure he loved it and it sounds perfectly appropriate.

Congrats all the way around.
:)

 

Re: Another T's opinion

Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 17:23:35

In reply to Re: One T's opinion and reaction » All Done, posted by daisym on June 28, 2004, at 16:25:00

Funny thing is that I just had this conversation with my therapist. He answered in that careful way that meant he thought he was answering a feeler I was putting out about giving *him* a gift. Basically he said that there were two schools of thought. One school didn't accept gifts of any sort. One school felt it was better to accept gifts graciously. And I told him about the Babble discussions and how much thought and effort people put into cards and gifts, and how painful a refusal to accept might be. And how it disturbs us to have our cards put in our files. He didn't grasp that concept. I told him it made it seem as if the card was some sort of clinical indicator or something. He said it was probably just that because of confidentiality a card couldn't be displayed like cards from business associates.

The reason I brought it up was that it was ten minutes left in the session and I needed to calm down from what we were discussing. And when I saw how careful he was being I laughed and reminded him that I *never* gave him gifts. He said that was fine too, very few clients gave him gifts. I asked him if I could bring a cupcake for him on our tenth anniversary next year and he thought that was fine.

Just another therapist's two cents. (Or let's see, ten of fifty minutes at $110 an hour... considerably more than 2 cents.)

 

Re: One T's opinion and reaction » All Done

Posted by karen_kay on June 29, 2004, at 9:26:30

In reply to One T's opinion and reaction, posted by All Done on June 28, 2004, at 12:43:53

i'm sooooo happy he received the gift the way it was intended, as a display of gratitude and thanks for the safety....

((((((laurie)))))))))))

happy anniversary dear! it's a year well done, if i do say so myself! congrats!!!!! i hope the next year (will you be there for another year?) goes as well dear! think, by that time, you'll be darned near perfect (not that you aren't already of course, just even better!)

p.s. i miss you :( we'll meet up soon enough, right? in open? or, email me dear!


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