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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lifeworthliving on June 25, 2004, at 20:17:46
i don't respond or post much because i don't think i've got much to contribute. recently i've enjoyed the conversations re transference... it can be such a pita to deal with. i hate crying when she leaves town. i hate missing her. i feel like such an emotional retard at times. anyway, my beloved t is out of town again. i won't see her for ten whole lonely days of intense longing. i can think that this is ridiculous behavior but tell that to my broken heart! i didn't ask for her socks this time... i wanted something different: permission to drive by her house! she started laughing and said it was ok if it would make me feel better. i live just a few minutes from her but have managed to resist this temptation for two years. i didn't ever want to tell her that i did it (for some reason i'm a compulsive confessor in therapy). she also told me where she is going and gave me the phone number. also said she would check email IF she had the opportunity. she said twice i could call and that she would call back if i left a message. previously she has called me while away to check in. as much as i love her the calls felt too dorky. i don't imagine i will ever call her but knowing where to find her when she is gone makes me feel so much better. last time she apologized for not letting me know where i could find her. its the hardest part of her being gone: not knowing where to look if i need her?
Posted by LG04 on June 26, 2004, at 16:15:52
In reply to another therapy break, posted by lifeworthliving on June 25, 2004, at 20:17:46
wow you are lucky. my therapist does not give me her phone number when she goes on vacation. she's just gone. i know she feels strongly about this boundary so i don't want to try to negotiate it with her. this summer i will be in america for two months, and she is taking a one-week vacation while i am gone, and i am already worried about it, and i won't even be here!!!! (though i will be calling her from the U.S.) I HATE her vacations, I HATE when she is unavailable. Luckily she doesn't take them often. Today I knew she was unavailable if I wanted to call because her son had a Bar Mitzvah today. I actually did very well, I totally surprised myself. It gave me hope that it isn't ALWAYS so hard.
It's ironic that you brought up driving by her house. I just drove by my therapist's house last weekend for the first time. I did drive thru her neighborhood once and told her about it, she didn't mind. But I was too nervous to look very hard for her house. This time I specifically went to look for her house. It has helped me...I have a better picture in my mind of where she is. I think I needed to do it because I am going away and wanted to be able to picture her better. I haven't told her yet but I will. I am nervous about it.
I totally understand the vacation thing and the transference. You say you feel like an emotional retard. I always say I feel like the biggest baby. I think if we are more gentle with ourselves we can understand why we feel the way we do. And it's okay.
LG
Posted by lifeworthliving on June 26, 2004, at 21:06:20
In reply to Re: another therapy break, posted by LG04 on June 26, 2004, at 16:15:52
>>>>wow you are lucky. <<<<<<
yes, i agree, i am lucky. i think my therapist must know that i wouldn't call her unless it was really important. in over two years of therapy i've never called her other than the few times to reschedule or cancel, etc. i know she doesn't do this for everyone; it's a case by case decision. she knows her vacations are difficult for me and that most of the anxiety is from not knowing where to look if i think i need her. when i know where i can find her i don't feel so desperate and then don't really need the number. i'm grateful she is who she is, and has the boundaries she does. she is so perfect for me that i wonder where'd i'd be if i hadn't found her?i often am surprised by my feelings since i started therapy. i didn't know about any of this (transference stuff, or that i would cry, etc) and everyone in my life would be surprised by the part of my life they don't know about (twice a week therapy, etc)
Posted by LG04 on June 27, 2004, at 5:24:51
In reply to Re: another therapy break, posted by lifeworthliving on June 26, 2004, at 21:06:20
It's interesting because I was thinking about it, and it's probably good based on my relationship with my therapist and how I am with phone calls that she doesn't give me her number when she's gone. I'd probably spend most waking minutes trying to figure out if I was in a bad enough place to call her or not. I'd pick up the phone and put it down, pick it up and put it down, and drive myself crazy. It's better for me I think to know that she is gone, I can't call her, I have to rely on my other supports, and then she will be back. (It's taken me a very long time to believe each time that she will come back. Sometimes it's still hard...) I call her often during the week so it's different than your relationship with your therapist, where you hardly call her.
It's nice to see that therapists are sensitive to the unique relationships they have with each client and make decisions based on the specific relationship.
LG
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