Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 359879

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler

Posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 15:51:09

This really is about psychology...

Yesterday, while I was able to *say* many of the things on my mind, I wasn't really "there" saying them, if that makes sense. It was all that intellectualizing recitation, nothing touching me. I'm assuming most of you understand what I mean by that.

I'm feeling like an egg subjected to the device named in the subject line. (Remember those? Shows your age.) I may look solid on the outside, but inside there's a scrambled mess. It's very painful, and I'm suffering a bad case of the failures right now which that session contributed to. Yes, I did tell myself that I could call it a limited success, because I did say those things. Alas, that don't do much for me -- except start up the 'you make it so easy for yourself -- here you're calling this failure a limited success' stuff. In other words, please don't try to convince me that saying it counted, because I've already tried that on myself {{wan smile}}

Now here is a question that I would like input on:

For anyone who has also gone through this intellectualizing instead of feeling routine in therapy, do you think that, in the end, saying it in ANY manner was helpful in the end? Does anyone have a theory about the mechanism for how that works? (By the way, many of my 'successes' in life have involved doing something the 'wrong' way according to everyone around me only to have it work better my way than the 'right' way would have made possible. I do believe that sometimes demanding that something be done the 'right' way is only a lack of imagination.) Can it be good because it does get the issues on the table, even if they can't be processed, for example? Or is it -- as a therapist once told me -- just wasting time in therapy?

Thanks for all your input on this one.

 

Re: The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler

Posted by antigua on June 24, 2004, at 16:29:06

In reply to The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler, posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 15:51:09

I'd forget about the T who said you were wasting your time. For years I've simply recited the facts and have been able to intellectualize rather than feel. Then, one day... something will be triggered and I will actually feel what I'm talking about. For me, as long as I get it out, that's progress, because it always comes up again and that means she knows what I'm talking about.

I often feel like an emotional robot and I'm so sick of being told (not by my current T) that I have to FEEL rather than just say it, but frankly, at times I just don't see the difference. I'm not sure I really know how to feel. That's where EMDR has been helpful. It reminds me what feeling actually is.

Or, have you ever been told to "just sit w/your feelings." That's another one I've never been able to understand.
antigua

 

Re: The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler » Racer

Posted by daisym on June 24, 2004, at 19:08:59

In reply to The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler, posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 15:51:09

Racer,

I agree with Antigua. It is always useful to "get things out there" even if they aren't loaded emotionally. It helps in another way, and that is, your Therapist begins to figure out how you put words together to describe things. I believe we all have our own "code" so to speak, so she needs to figure out yours. The shared experience of talking helps build trust and not every exchange needs to be emotional.

Once she knows your story and you've built the trust, she can help get to your feelings if and when she thinks this is helpful and necessary.

When I went to therapy today, I told my therapist I should be mad at him because yesterday he made me cry. He said he figured I would be, since he had pulled out his psych. crowbar and pried my feelings loose but he said he felt it was best for me if he didn't allow me to pretend I was "fine." (I have a daily trigger going on that I can't avoid right now.)

Yesterday I told him that the reason I needed to contain the feelings and just stay with the facts was because these deep feelings were from the little girl inside and they threatened to overwhelm everything (I think I called them a tidal wave) and drown her and me and everyone I shared them with. He told me I had to trust that he could handle them, that he had taken advanced lifesaving and was a strong swimmer and he wouldn't let her, or me drown. He was using his best, gentle voice, talking to her about how hurt she was and how betrayed she must feel...THAT'S what made me cry!

But, he didn't do that to me when we first started together. He "just" listened and let me talk about stuff. You can't "race" to the finish line of feeling better. Unfortunately. So don't beat yourself up about what you didn't do yesterday. Congratulate yourself for what you did do!

I think you were very brave!
Daisy

 

Answer, YOU, sit with my feelings » antigua

Posted by daisym on June 24, 2004, at 19:16:28

In reply to Re: The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler, posted by antigua on June 24, 2004, at 16:29:06

I just had to respond to that! When I first started therapy, I didn't even have a language to describe my feelings. It was so far out of my realm of experience. I felt haunted by sadness, like ghosts were trying to tell me something really important. My therapist kept telling me those were my feelings that had been exiled for most of my life and he wanted me to just "sit with them". In fact, I think I even posted about how frustrating I found that. I think I could do it for 3.4 seconds.

Everyone once in a while, he'll still say that. Or he'll say, "try to stay with that feeling" because I'm apt to change the subject when things get hard. I don't like to sit in silence. One time I actually snapped at him and said, "YOU sit with my feelings." He, of course said, "I would if you would share them with me"

I can't win with him...

Yesterday I challenged him to call someone I was avoiding (You think it's so easy? YOU do it!) and he said, "give me the number"

I should have known better by now. :)

 

I love your therapist » daisym

Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2004, at 20:02:04

In reply to Answer, YOU, sit with my feelings » antigua, posted by daisym on June 24, 2004, at 19:16:28

Maybe I could move to your area.

I think mine has run out of ideas.

 

What Dinah said goes for me, too (nm) » daisym

Posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 20:09:48

In reply to Answer, YOU, sit with my feelings » antigua, posted by daisym on June 24, 2004, at 19:16:28

 

Re: The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler

Posted by lucy stone on June 24, 2004, at 22:16:26

In reply to Re: The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler » Racer, posted by daisym on June 24, 2004, at 19:08:59

It can take a long time to learn how to communicate with your T. Mine says that you spend the first year of therapy just learning how to talk to each other. He says it another way, that your first year of therapy is spent just saying hello. It sounds like you and your T know how to talk to each other. He sounds perfect for you.

 

If Daisy's T isn't available ... » daisym

Posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 6:05:24

In reply to Answer, YOU, sit with my feelings » antigua, posted by daisym on June 24, 2004, at 19:16:28

I would be just as happy to go to Daisy. Think you could fit it in your schedule? Of course, you would have to lower your rates since you would be practicing without a license, but that would help cover my expenses to travel to the West coast.

 

Re: The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler » Racer

Posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 6:14:33

In reply to The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler, posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 15:51:09

One of the most helpful insights I received here was when I vented my frustration that I had been in therapy SIX WHOLE MONTHS, and I wasn't getting any where near my true feelings. I was reassured that it takes at least that long to learn to know your therapist and to trust him or her. I think that is so true -- there are people who have been in my life for years I don't open up to. So, I took the leap to talk about my feelings and I did so very detached and clincally. I too wondered the value of it. I learned there is indeed value because in yesterday's session, the emotions flooded me, and I didn't have to say why. I know I could not have gotten the words out in the midst of the pain I felt. So, a lot of our session was us sitting together quietly, my crying a little, and he could narrate what I was feeling because he had the information. He was saying, "I feel a heaviness around you, like every breath is painful." He then said some reasons why based on the "clinical report" I'd given him. So, it was very supporting and comforting and I could just experience the emotion without having to say much. At the end, I apologized for not talking, and he reassured me that my wounded side just needed me to come in and let him feel the enormity of the situation and that was just as vital as talking.

It really does sound like you're off to a good start, but I understand the urgency of wanting to get from A to B quickly when you are in so much pain.

 

Another thought about temperature . . . » Racer

Posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 6:20:54

In reply to The RonCo Inside-The-Eggshell-Egg-Scrambler, posted by Racer on June 24, 2004, at 15:51:09

My therapist, who always doodles when he speaks, drew a thermometer and said that sometimes we share things on the cold end where we're not in touch with the feelings at all and sometimes we talk on the hot end when we are overwhelmed and emotionally flooded. He said the therapeutic change doesn't begin until you are in the mid-range and that it is his job to manage the temperature on any given issue. So, I feel that he really takes responsibility to get me there even though it's not a quick process. My responsibility, I think, is just to come in with a fever or hypothermia and report the situation as it is and let him take it from there.

But then, there's that darn trust issue . . .

 

That's a good analogy » Aphrodite

Posted by Racer on June 25, 2004, at 12:39:19

In reply to Another thought about temperature . . . » Racer, posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 6:20:54

That analogy of the thermometer "feels" right to me, and thank you for it. I'm going to ponder it a bit, too, so I suppose he'll have to send me a bill -- or will you be billing me directly? ;-) Thank you.

You know, the funniest things come up in our marriage counseling sessions that help so much with individual issues -- I know for me, and I think for my husband. That thermometer image alongside something that came up today is more than enough to get me through the next week or so. You might want to add about a hundred feet of rope to that therapy bill ;-D

 

Re: If Daisy's T isn't available ... » Aphrodite

Posted by daisym on June 25, 2004, at 13:19:26

In reply to If Daisy's T isn't available ... » daisym, posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 6:05:24

Ah, thanks Aphrodite. You are too sweet.

I don't know though, I'm pretty directive at times. I want to take action and fix things. I've thought about this. I think I'd be the kind of therapist that would worry about my clients all the time, and would be devastated when they leave. I hate good-bye's! It is such a hard, hard job. I think I'll stick with little kids.

 

That's what I love about this place . . . » Racer

Posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 18:10:06

In reply to That's a good analogy » Aphrodite, posted by Racer on June 25, 2004, at 12:39:19

Something that my therapist shares with me that may or may not resonate personally can be perfect for someone else's situation. I've been comforted by the words of other posters' therapists as well.

Share the love:) Glad it helped.

 

Yep -- this is a self-sustaining ecology :-) (nm) » Aphrodite

Posted by Racer on June 25, 2004, at 18:35:25

In reply to That's what I love about this place . . . » Racer, posted by Aphrodite on June 25, 2004, at 18:10:06


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