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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 14:43:47
What does it mean that I haven't experienced transference with my T? I feel extremely comfortable with her, not the least bit troubled by not being able to talk about any subject. She has gone on a couple of trips and has had to reschedule a few appointments. Sometimes I'm disappointed, because I might have been bursting to tell her something, but I haven't been distressed. I'm far more comfortable speaking with her than with anyone else, and I mean anyone.
So what am I missing about transference? Does everyone experience it? Am I and I don't know it?
p.s. to fires: please do not respond to any of my posts. Thanks!
Posted by antigua on June 24, 2004, at 16:21:38
In reply to Stupid T question (not the T that's stupid!), posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 14:43:47
How long have you been seeing your T?
antigua
Posted by joslynn on June 24, 2004, at 16:21:55
In reply to Stupid T question (not the T that's stupid!), posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 14:43:47
Hi Partly Cloudy,
Well, all I can say is my own experience. I have two therapists, a regular MSW female therapist whom I see twice a month for about an hour and a male pdoc whom I see once a month for an hour (though I did see him every day for a few weeks during a severe depression).
With the female MSW, I feel comfortable, sometimes a bit "challenged" and stubborn, but all in all, I do not have a deep, yearning transference. I think that is because I have a good relationship with my mom and female friends, so there is not much to "work out" with women.
With my male pdoc, on the other hand...look out! I am very sensitive, fear abandonment, tend to idolize him them villify him, etc. Most of the time, he is incredibly supportive and nice, and respects my intelligence, yet I keep expecting him to turn into a jerk or to leave me. I also feel crush-like feelings sometimes, other times I want him to protect me like a parent. All transference, IMO.
I think with him, I feel the transference because I was afraid of my father growing up, because of his verbal abuse and alcoholism. I also have not had the greatest dating relationships. So I am guessing the transference with the male pdoc is because of male "issues." I don't think it would be there if he were a woman.
I don't think lacking transference means therapy is going wrong or somehow offbase, unless you feel really disconnected or apathetic. But one thing I can say...I do learn a lot through the transference, and my male pdoc is a "safe" person to practice with, when I communicate something or share something.
But it is interesting, same client (me) has transference with one person, not with the other, and I think it is because one is a woman and one is a man. They are both very skilled therapists.
Is there something you think is missing?
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2004, at 19:55:46
In reply to Stupid T question (not the T that's stupid!), posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 14:43:47
Surely therapy has taught you that no question is stupid. :)
You probably actually represent the majority of therapy clients. My therapist says that most of his clients don't develop a really strong transference. They just don't end up on Psycho-Babble Psychology as much.
Just like there are different types of romantic relationships, romantic, companionate, a bunch others I can't recall, there are probably different types of therapy relationships.
If you feel she's helpful to you, if you feel that you are learning and growing, if you have a strong therapeutic alliance, don't worry about the lack of the therapeutic equivalent to passion in the relationship. In fact, maybe you should count yourself lucky. :)
Posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 20:06:27
In reply to Re: Not Stupid T question » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2004, at 19:55:46
I just came from an appointment with her. I've been seeing her since last October, and have had 2 other T's earlier in my illness. This one recommended the EMDR with an associate in the same practice.
I had immediate results with my first treatment. While telling my T about the experience, she said that I might decide to ultimately just go to the EMDR T, but she wasn't pushing me. She said she wants her clients to get well, no matter who the T is.
I see the EMDR T next week. I plan to take it slow, as the first appt. had me panicking a few days later when the shockwave caught up to me. I don't expect next week's experience to be like the initial, including whether I feel it's successful.
I have to say that I do feel particularly well looked after by the therapists and my p-doc. They are all women, someone on which I insisted (and it didn't present a problem), we haven't even GONE there yet...
Posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 20:45:57
In reply to Re: Not Stupid T question, posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 20:06:27
...thanks for your replies. I can acknowledge that she is someone's whose opinion means a great deal to me. On the other hand, I came to her looking for help, and that's exactly what she does.
And I thought about the all-women medical care thing and realize that I automatically anticipate a better rapport with a doctor who shares the experiences of the same body parts :)
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2004, at 20:48:20
In reply to Oh, and..., posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 20:45:57
While I've definitely got a protective daddy paternal transference thingy that causes me to prefer men. :)
That's why they come in both genders, I suppose.
Posted by tterees on June 24, 2004, at 22:08:15
In reply to Re: Oh, and..., posted by Dinah on June 24, 2004, at 20:48:20
> While I've definitely got a protective daddy paternal transference thingy that causes me to prefer men. :)
>
> That's why they come in both genders, I suppose.
>
>Right there with ya!
Posted by toomuchpain on June 24, 2004, at 23:35:09
In reply to Re: Oh, and..., posted by tterees on June 24, 2004, at 22:08:15
personally ... i dont think ur missing anything from not having transfernce i went through it and now i wish i never did ... it was way to painfula ndi am sure alot of ppl will say it is painful to go thruogh even though my circumstance was a lil different and very involed .. my opinion is that i think that if i would have neevr wentt hrough transference and my therapist never experinceed counter transferece i think i would be alot futher in therpy then i am today ..
Posted by partlycloudy on June 25, 2004, at 7:05:58
In reply to Re: Oh, and..., posted by toomuchpain on June 24, 2004, at 23:35:09
((((tmp)))) it's so nice to see you back here. It's funny, sometimes I feel like not experiencing transference has diluted my treatment with my T, like we haven't connected compeltely. I sure felt mixed after yesterday's appointment. Kind of melancholy.
Posted by LG04 on June 25, 2004, at 10:15:27
In reply to Stupid T question (not the T that's stupid!), posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2004, at 14:43:47
Hi Partlycloudy,
I've had several different therapists, and I remember also wondering why I didn't have transference with them. With this one, I have INTENSE transference. Sometimes I can't stand it, it can be so painful and frustrating. Other times I am so grateful for her and for our relationship and how close I feel to her.
For me, the biggest issue is that I always have felt really intense transference with someone outside of therapy, so if I am going to have it, I'd rather have it with her. In fact, all the time I've been in therapy throughout the years, I was always obsessed with and had transference bigtime with someone else. I think that prevented me from having transference with my therapists. for the first 9 months of therapy with my current therapist, I was obsessed with this one guy...once that ended, I began to have transference with my therapist.
Do you have intense transference with anyone else in your life, or a major focus on someone else, that may be taking the place of transference with your therapist?
I have to say that I feel that I learned and grew A LOT with my other therapists. Including one I had the past 5 years before this one, where I felt the same towards her as you do towards yours. It's like Dinah said, it was a different kind of relationship without passion but a very warm, helpful, safe one.
I don't know which is better, or if there is such a thing as "better." Sometimes I yearn for the less passionate one. My HOPE is that my relationship with this therapist will actually become less "passionate"/transference-filled as time goes on and as I work thru issues. It would make it much easier.
LG
Posted by partlycloudy on June 25, 2004, at 12:10:31
In reply to Re: Stupid T question (not the T that's stupid!), posted by LG04 on June 25, 2004, at 10:15:27
I know I've had very intensely emotional fixations in the past, but at the moment, I can pin it down to my alcohol addiction that magically appears when my husband travels for work.
If that makes sense. Thanks so much for your responses, all.
This is the end of the thread.
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