Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 353100

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by thewriteone on June 2, 2004, at 16:06:35

There's something I've been wanting to tell my T, but I'm terrified to do so. I've been fantasing about a family member that sexually abused me through most of my childhood. I don't know why this keeps happening to me and I can't seem to stop it. I always end up feeling so much guilt and shame afterward, but that doesn't stop it from happening again. I don't know if this is common or what. I really need to address this with my T, but I don't know that I could ever say the words or even have her read them. I've been trying to build up the nerve for weeks, but so far, I haven't. I hope telling you guys here anonymously will help me with that goal.

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by rockymtnhi on June 2, 2004, at 16:48:59

In reply to Why Can't I just say it?, posted by thewriteone on June 2, 2004, at 16:06:35

I am wondering if it would be easier if you told your T on the telephone that you would like to talk about these sexual fantasies in the next session. It might be helpful if he prompted you.

Or...if you could write down your thoughts and then read them.

No matter what you decide, know that your babble friends are supporting you when you are able to talk about this.

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it? thewriteone

Posted by DaisyM on June 2, 2004, at 18:44:09

In reply to Why Can't I just say it?, posted by thewriteone on June 2, 2004, at 16:06:35

I've often said, "This shouldn't be so hard, they are just WORDS." But, I then try to remember that these were forbidden words, secrets that had to be kept. Anything tied to abuse will, of course, be hard to say. It is common for feelings to become confused around all of this. Please don't beat yourself up over it. There are all kinds of ways to "punish" yourself, this might be one on a subconscious level. A sort of self-inflicted torment.

I think leaving a phone message that you would like to talk about this in the next session is a great idea. Writing it down and bringing it in with you might help you also get to it. Sometimes it takes me 2 or 3 sessions to actually "tell" something that is working hard to get out but that there are equally strong protections around not telling. My Therapist has learned to give me lots of space but not leave too many long silences just hanging. He might say, "it is OK if you aren't ready," or "this is the right place to bring all your thoughts and feelings, so we can deal with whatever comes up." I usually finally blurt but that is me.

I hope you find the courage you are looking for. I'm sure it will be a weight off once you get it out there.

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by shadows721 on June 2, 2004, at 22:11:27

In reply to Why Can't I just say it?, posted by thewriteone on June 2, 2004, at 16:06:35

When I am having trouble facing something or talking about something, I do this. I tell the t I have this friend and they are feeling blah, blah, blah. I tell them before I go into all this it's really about me, but this is an easier way to tell it = like a story - like someone else's story. It also gives me a new prespective on my own problem from that of a friend.:-)

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by B2chica on June 3, 2004, at 9:56:40

In reply to Why Can't I just say it?, posted by thewriteone on June 2, 2004, at 16:06:35

thewriteone, sorry to hear you are struggling so, over such a painful issue.
Although i don't have a lot of great advice as i'm struggling with similar issues, please know that we're here to support you no matter what.

your heading certainly caught my attention. Sometimes i think i'm the queen of "Just can't get it out!"
A few here suggested to me that i write down word for word what i want to talk about and even if i talk completely around what i want to say that makes it easier for the next session to say more and more about it. For example sometimes i'll say i have this thing i need to talk about but i can't, i feel angry with myself because i can't and i know i need to, i feel ashamed and guilty about the topic and i know i need help understanding it but i just can't say it outloud.
Then my T and i talk about my feelings and don't dive into the topic itself...this makes it a little easier each time.
I don't know if it will help or not, just a humble suggestion.
Also, sometimes just talking about it here makes it a little easier for me to say something in session. It's like a non-judgemental sounding board with lots of love.
HTH
Best Wishes.
b2c.


> There's something I've been wanting to tell my T, but I'm terrified to do so. I've been fantasing about a family member that sexually abused me through most of my childhood. I don't know why this keeps happening to me and I can't s
eem to stop it. I always end up feeling so much guilt and shame afterward, but that doesn't stop it from happening again. I don't know if this is common or what. I really need to address this with my T, but I don't know that I could ever say the words or even have her read them. I've been trying to build up the nerve for weeks, but so far, I haven't. I hope telling you guys here anonymously will help me with that goal.

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by thewriteone on June 3, 2004, at 14:23:24

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it?, posted by B2chica on June 3, 2004, at 9:56:40

Thanks to everyone for your support and for the suggestions. I like the idea of saying, "I have this friend..." Maybe I'll try that. Writing it down is probably a good idea, too. Maybe if I had it with me while I'm there, I could work up enough nerve to at very least have her read it.

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by joslynn on June 3, 2004, at 14:37:52

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it?, posted by thewriteone on June 3, 2004, at 14:23:24

Or you could say, "I was reading this book/article/web site about SA, and it said that sometimes, the victims have thoughts about blah blah blah. What do you think of that? (or) "Have you encountered that with SA clients in your work?" Then guage T's repsonse and if it seems like an open door, use it as a segue to your sitch.

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it? thewriteone

Posted by Poet on June 3, 2004, at 22:57:21

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it?, posted by thewriteone on June 3, 2004, at 14:23:24

Hi,

I've read things to my T and handed her things to read. Either way I'm more comfortable if I don't look at her until I'm done or she's done. That makes letting her know painful/shameful things much easier for me.

Poet

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it?

Posted by beatrix34 on June 4, 2004, at 11:05:29

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it? thewriteone, posted by Poet on June 3, 2004, at 22:57:21

When I was in an after care program, there was a girl who was in there with me who was also abused by a family member and she was having similar fantasies. The T said that this is normal when you have been through something of this nature. Please try not to beat yourself up about this. You are not alone with these feelings. I know that with abuse comes feelings of shame but know that these feelings are not uncommon.

I feel strange posting about my friend after the above posts but, although I was abused sexually as a teenager, this is actually my friend's story :) Good luck! You can do it! This person doesn't deserve to have any control over you or your thoughts anymore. (((thewriteone)))

 

Re: Why Can't I just say it? UPDATE

Posted by thewriteone on June 7, 2004, at 20:58:43

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it?, posted by beatrix34 on June 4, 2004, at 11:05:29

I went in for my session on Sun. and I told her. It wasn't easy. I ended up spending most of the session avoiding it, but I finally got around to it. I couldn't have her looking at me while I spoke about it. I guess fearing saying it was worse than actually saying it. Thanks to everyone for your support here. If it wasn't for that, I'm sure I'd still be trying to muster up the courage to tell her.

 

I am admire you (nm)

Posted by shadows721 on June 7, 2004, at 22:25:04

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it? UPDATE, posted by thewriteone on June 7, 2004, at 20:58:43

 

Sorry for the typo. above. Still happy for you (nm)

Posted by shadows721 on June 7, 2004, at 22:27:29

In reply to I am admire you (nm), posted by shadows721 on June 7, 2004, at 22:25:04

 

Congrats ((( thewriteone!))) that's a huge step! (nm)

Posted by B2chica on June 8, 2004, at 12:22:00

In reply to Re: Why Can't I just say it? UPDATE, posted by thewriteone on June 7, 2004, at 20:58:43


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