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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 1:04:42
To those of you who gave me so much good and heartfelt advice (esp fallsfall and spoc) THANK YOU AGAIN! I am not sure that I would have been able to address this at all if you all had not lent me your support.
(I had posted about being dissatisfied with the talk therapy I have been having. God, I am still so nervous!!!) The post was on 3/30 as part of racer's thinking about quitting therapy)
(btw: racer, I am sorry i just jumped in on your thread...bad judgement call on my part...really, I did it all in the wrong way)
I kind of feel awful because I know that I didn't give him all of the respect he is due, because I stated my feelings on his voice mail, but it was the only way I could get the ball rolling...and I just HAD to at least begin a dialogue about seeing him only for the purpose of meds. Since he is 50 miles away and I have no car, it would have been at least another week before I could see him, and I was afraid I would chicken out. I am not proud that I had to leave a message at 1 in the morning rather than talking to him face to face, but I will just have to learn to live with that, I guess.
(HOLY RUN ON SENTENCE!)
I'm pretty scared that he will just leave me kind of high and dry...almost as if he would spite me...dumb, because he has only shown me great kindness...
I don't want the relationship to end entirely, but I kind of think i just might owe it to myself to try to get talk therapy with someone who might be able to give me more of what I need...I wish I werent; being such a freak about this: all I want is to change the nature of a professional relationship, and I am acting like I am breaking up with a boyfriend who really needs me!!!
Anyway, I can't keep things straight in my head here, so I guess I better just stop typing ;-)
I really appreciate this forum. Thanks for listening....
Diane
Posted by gardenergirl on April 9, 2004, at 1:46:40
In reply to I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 1:04:42
Not sure I can tell how he reacted from you post. But then, it's really late.
Posted by fallsfall on April 9, 2004, at 9:14:31
In reply to I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 1:04:42
You talked to him the way that you thought you could do it best. That took a lot of courage. Sometimes not being face to face is the only way that we can get the ball rolling.
Please let us know how he reacts. Did you ask him to call you? or not to call you? or say that you would talk to him about it at your next session?
Do you know what kind of therapy you *are* looking for? I found it really valuable to interview a number of therapists (I saw 5) before making my decison.
It's really important to speak up and let your therapist know what you are thinking and what is and is not working for you. You did that!
Posted by Racer on April 9, 2004, at 13:22:06
In reply to I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 1:04:42
Hey, not a problem at all jumping into my string. That's what makes this place a conversation -- you know, conversational give and take.
I'm with fallsfall: it doesn't matter how you did it, what counts is that you *did* it. If you had to leave a voice mail message, you had to leave a voice mail message. Sure, someone out there might have waited to see him and said it face to face -- but that person is obviously unnatural (<<joke) Here's the Racer Revelation: what you do counts for more than how you do it. You said something that you needed to say, in a way it was possible for you to say it. That counts as A Good Thing, so you can take credit for it. (I'd give you the Racer Seal Of Approval, but it eats an awful lot of herring...)
So, congratulations, and good luck. Interview a couple of therapists, and find one you can work with. Remember: this really is about you, it's not a give and take relationship, so you can reject someone without guilt.
Posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 13:42:45
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by gardenergirl on April 9, 2004, at 1:46:40
I had just left a message on his v/m. He hasn't called me back yet.
Posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 14:03:20
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered) » platinumbride, posted by fallsfall on April 9, 2004, at 9:14:31
Herring or not, I appreciate the Racer Seal of Approval ;-)!!!
I kind of asked him to call me back, because I need to know if he will agree to see me on the new terms (only for meds and occasional evaluations), and I have no appointment coming up with him. If he doesn;t call back by Monday, I will write him a letter, stating how much I have appreciated a lot of things about him. (I wish I had said that on his machine, but I was so focused on making my point unequivocal that I did not)
I'm kind of glad that he hasn't called back yet. I hope that my husband is around when he does, because he has given me a lot of support about this too.
I know that this is a professional relationship, but I still feel all kinds of guilty. I know that that, in and of itself, is something I will have to talk about with a new therapist....the whole overly neurotic guilt thing...
I think I would like to give the former therapist of a friend a try. One thing is for sure: I don't want to feel obligated to a therapist in the future. I know it is really a kind thing of this guy (let's call him Bob) to have let the money thing slide, but, as someone pointed out, money can be a power thing. Accepting charity can make a person feel terribly obligated.
Thank you all so much again.
Diane
Posted by Racer on April 9, 2004, at 15:25:41
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 14:03:20
Ah, yes, my old companions, Guilt and Shame... They're visiting you right now, because now that I have a new therapist, I can be a bit more honest about how really terrible my now former therapist made me feel. I was feeling so guilty for not responding to her, when she so wanted to help me -- I mean, she kept saying it over and over and OVER again! "I want to help you, dear..." Well, maybe listening to me would have been a start? (And it's not as if I made any kind of secret of that: "One of my biggest problems is feeling as if no one hears me...")
Again, good for you for doing this, and good luck on getting good understanding from him.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 10, 2004, at 10:38:51
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered) » gardenergirl, posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 13:42:45
> I had just left a message on his v/m. He hasn't called me back yet.
I'm sorry platinumbride. I realize my first post was really blunt and rude. I blame it only in part on being up late and being irritable. But that's certainly no reason for me to take it out on you. I cringed when I read it again this morning.
Please accept my apologies, and I hope you are able to find what you need in your search for a new situation.
gg
Posted by platinumbride on April 11, 2004, at 0:29:23
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by gardenergirl on April 9, 2004, at 1:46:40
Gardengirl, I didn't take any offense at all!!! But how kind of you to make an apology, really. But I hope you won't think of it anymore. I got no vibe from it whatsoever.
Oddly, he called me today while I was out. He just said he'd try me again. My husband thinks that he might be a bit worried that I am leaving before some kind of breakthrough and that I might have to defend my position again.
He is truly a kind man!!! So I feel - yes racer, more GUILT AND SHAME!!! :-(
Diane
Posted by platinumbride on April 12, 2004, at 12:45:20
In reply to I dropped the bomb on my doc (long and scattered), posted by platinumbride on April 9, 2004, at 1:04:42
This is becoming too much.
He called me this afternoon and said in his super-calm and super-nice way "yeah, well,obviously I got your message, but I think this is something we should talk about face to face rather than on the phone".
How could I deny that he was right?
Actually, I WOULD have denied that he was right if I didn't still want him to manage my medication! And the problem is that there is only ONE psychiatrist in the area in which I live who is on my insurance plan! Amazing....a college-town, full of brilliant but crazy academics and PhD candidates,and there is only one pshychiatrist on the plan...
My stomach turned in fear as we made an appointment time...
And now, as I write, I am feeling kind of pissed! Why do I have to wait another 2 weeks in knots, wondering if he will manage my medication or not??? I could spend these two weeks trying to find a primary care doctor who might be willing to prescribe for me! (I'm new to this area...I have no relationship with any physician or therapist here...
I wish I didn't feel so guilty and out of control with all of this guilt - powerless in the face of his calmness.
I mean WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT???? Is the guy just waiting for me to go nuts on him about how I feel he is just totally inept with me? I can be pretty mean! Does he want to see me get bitchy and mean? Is he going to use this as a power play? Does he just want to see me feeling great discomfort? Will he use this as a swan song to say a bunch of things that will cut to the core of me?
Or does he just want to get it all straight face to face? It could be just that simple....
I mean I feel as if he is the last guest at my party and he just WILL NOT LEAVE!
I know I am saying all kinds of things here that, of course, no one really has any answers to.
I just thought it was nearly over, and now I am going to have to endure a long bus ride - feeling like I am having a panic attack - and I guess I am just afraid that he's going to take control and have me agreeing that we should continue psychotherapy and then KICKING MYSELF for agreeing to it!
Sorry for the rant,......thanks for listening.
Diane
Posted by fallsfall on April 13, 2004, at 12:51:41
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (rant), posted by platinumbride on April 12, 2004, at 12:45:20
How frustrating!
> And now, as I write, I am feeling kind of pissed! Why do I have to wait another 2 weeks in knots, wondering if he will manage my medication or not??? I could spend these two weeks trying to find a primary care doctor who might be willing to prescribe for me! (I'm new to this area...I have no relationship with any physician or therapist here...
*** Two ideas: Call and ask him to notify you if someone cancels and you can take their slot. You probably should find a GP ANYWAY - maybe this is a good time to do that (and then when you do see him you will feel like you have more options because you WILL have someone to do your meds if he won't).
> I mean WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT???? Is the guy just waiting for me to go nuts on him about how I feel he is just totally inept with me? I can be pretty mean! Does he want to see me get bitchy and mean? Is he going to use this as a power play? Does he just want to see me feeling great discomfort? Will he use this as a swan song to say a bunch of things that will cut to the core of me?
>
> Or does he just want to get it all straight face to face? It could be just that simple....
>*** If you can, you should prepare an honest list of the reasons that you want to leave. Try to keep them factual, rather than emotional. Don't hold things back because you don't want to hurt his feelings. You need to tell him clearly exactly why you want to leave. (Go back and read your posts, you can get a list from there)
>I guess I am just afraid that he's going to take control and have me agreeing that we should continue psychotherapy and then KICKING MYSELF for agreeing to it!*** Bring your list, and find a doctor who can do your meds. You have good reasons for wanting to leave. Explain those reasons. If I recall, you wanted a less analytic kind of therapy - that is completely reasonable. If he tries to talk you into staying, then you could say that you will find a therapist for a consultation, and decide after you speak to her/him on the consultation. Then you make an appointment to see someone (we can talk about how to figure out who to see) and tell them your story and they will try to help you sort it out and decide what is best. That way you are not refusing to consider that you should stay in therapy with him (which can be a symptom of some illnesses) - but also someone impartial is looking at what is happening (i.e. it isn't HIS decision to make).
Best of luck.
Posted by Dinah on April 13, 2004, at 21:25:14
In reply to Re: I dropped the bomb on my doc (rant), posted by platinumbride on April 12, 2004, at 12:45:20
I wouldn't assume that he's going to do anything but discuss it in person. Whenever I quit my therapist, he always wanted to do it in person. One time he even offered to see me for free to do it, since I didn't want to pay for a session to terminate.
It was never horrible. He just wanted to check out what I was thinking about termination and tell me how much he had enjoyed working with me. Maybe point out a few reasons that it would be better for me to stay or reasons I might have for wanting to quit before I was ready. But it was never horrible or anything.
So assume it might be a bit uncomfortable, but nothing to dread. And if by chance, he isn't as wonderfully professional as my therapist, at least you won't have two weeks of worry as well.
And you can spend the way home composing a post to us, telling us all about what happened.
This is the end of the thread.
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