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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 86 to 110 of 116. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2004, at 19:57:11
In reply to Re: please be civil/ SORRY CORRECTED, posted by Fallen4myT on March 6, 2004, at 19:10:33
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2004, at 19:57:31
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by tinydancer on March 7, 2004, at 8:21:25
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2004, at 20:02:12
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Apperceptor, posted by confetti on March 6, 2004, at 16:28:05
> I don't believe your post was the "inappropriate" part of this thread.
I'm afraid the above could lead others to feel their posts were inappropriate.
If you have any questions or comments about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
or redirect a follow-up to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Posting something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might help others respond to you supportively.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2004, at 20:05:02
In reply to Re: thanks for the heads up, gg » Fallen4myT, posted by Apperceptor on March 6, 2004, at 18:34:17
> "The arrow shot by another's bow is only barbed by our own thoughts."
How about no arrows here, even if unbarbed? :-)
Bob
Posted by Apperceptor on March 7, 2004, at 21:19:17
In reply to Re: arrows, posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2004, at 20:05:02
I'm sorry, yes, I agree.
The main reason I shared that statement is because it's been of great help in my own experience...in everyday life, where we don't have a Dr. Bob to moderate our responses.
It's from Sunday School, by the way...I guess that wasn't all nonsense :-)
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 8, 2004, at 18:29:21
In reply to Re: arrows » Dr. Bob, posted by Apperceptor on March 7, 2004, at 21:19:17
> > "The arrow shot by another's bow is only barbed by our own thoughts."
>
> The main reason I shared that statement is because it's been of great help in my own experience...in everyday lifeI can see that, but it may be less effective coming from the archer. :-)
Bob
Posted by obSession on March 10, 2004, at 18:11:26
In reply to Re: thanks for the heads up, gg » obSession, posted by emmaley on March 7, 2004, at 17:40:38
thanks for the message emm :)
yes it does answer your question...thanks :)
Posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 11:14:11
In reply to Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:30:37
Wowwwww... I am so jealous of those of you who have pics -- and especially Pegasus (your video sounds so sweet!!!). I have searched and searched for a picture of mine, with no luck :( His bio is on the school's web site (he is at my school's student health center), but they don't have any pics, and he doesn't advertise. I would definitely not be comfortable about asking him for a pic, though I want one so badly.
I do have a small collection of things he wrote on, including some appointment slips where he wrote down the date and time of my appointment, and his name (I have one that says "Dr. [lastname]," one that just says "[lastname]," and one that just says "[firstname]," in chronological order). When I went for the initial consultation (before I knew that I would be continuing with him specifically), he was not yet licensed, and we both had to sign a statement about him working under the supervision of a licensed psychologist. So, I have his signature (which is soooo messy that one would never be able to figure out his name if it wasn't also typed). Also, at that time, he did not have his own business cards. He had cards from the health center (with their phone number, URL, etc.) with a blank spot where he had to write in his own name. I have noticed that he now has his own business cards with his name printed on them, so I guess mine is a "limited edition" :).
P.S. I have actually read every post in this entire thread, but I guess the issue has pretty much been beaten to death; I don't even know if anyone is still reading it at all... Oddly enough, I found Apperceptor's post somewhat helpful (though of course a bit offensive). I think it was sort of like a reality check for me. For some reason, in a way I am comforted/relieved by this kind of statement of brutal honesty, even if it may sting.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 21:18:46
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 11:14:11
Lol I bet if you try hard enough you can find a picture, Try newpapers too OLD ones....and also try more than Google..even the school site...old yearbooks... Its nice to have one and fun.,.,
Posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 21:38:41
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » lonelygirl, posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 21:18:46
I'm not sure about that... I have tried the school's web site and they don't have photos of the psychologists... What kind of old newspapers? I don't think he has ever advertised, because he just got his Ph.D. in 2003 and has been working at the student health center all along (they bring in enough people that he would not have to advertise himself). And what do you mean, old yearbooks? I think he went to high school in a different state and I don't know hoe I could get ahold of a yearbook (even if I could figure out where he went to school) without, well, stalking him... Have any suggestions? I would love to have a picture of him.
Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention before: I have 2 messages from him on my answering machine.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 21:57:06
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 21:38:41
Marriages and births wow many things are public record..and you can try to get the info and see if any pics...he may not have had ads BUT he may have been in the newspaper for graduating and or working on that building ...sooo many things :) I do not know his age but if he has grown kids they may be in the paper for some reason and sometimes the parents get a mention and pics with the kids....you need to look in the old news archives...look with and without the DOCTOR deal....I could write a lot on this but you can find a pic just have to work at it. I have even had my pic and name in the paper so he has to have been also. Maybe donations he has made to charity...You can go down or call the paper where he lives or grew up and ask to do a search..sometimes it can be done on the web...You may want to casually ask him someday if he grew up in the area..Heck I even know where my T;s parents are and HE told me :)
Posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 22:10:15
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » lonelygirl, posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 21:57:06
Thanks for the suggestions... Where do you go to get marriage records? He may have been married in a different state. He is in his late 20s and I am pretty sure he doesn't have any children. I doubt he has made any big donations to charity, because he might even still be in debt from school (I found out how much the school pays for its post-doctoral residents, which he was last year, and it's $26,000). He got his Ph.D. in 2003, and I found his NAME in a few places for it, but no pic. I also found his name for getting his license, but no pic :(
I think I know where he grew up (in a different state), and I have even found what may be an old address of his in that area (but it's hard to say, because as I've found from googling, there are other people with his same name -- and I have searched every possible permutation of his name, too).
I don't want to do anything that would cross over into stalking... I do want a picture of him, but not badly enough to do something that he could find out about. I don't want to freak him out or anything.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 22:19:09
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 22:10:15
Youre welcome.,,,no we dont want him to know or freak but you can slyly ask him if he lives around the school...you know where he got his degree...so you want to get to those newspapers and see IF he was married...trust me you can do this and can do it no name given and most likely in person. ONCE I didnt like this girl and wanted to know if she owned the place she lived at so i went to the county building and researched the house....taxes are public record too as is real estate
> Thanks for the suggestions... Where do you go to get marriage records? He may have been married in a different state. He is in his late 20s and I am pretty sure he doesn't have any children. I doubt he has made any big donations to charity, because he might even still be in debt from school (I found out how much the school pays for its post-doctoral residents, which he was last year, and it's $26,000). He got his Ph.D. in 2003, and I found his NAME in a few places for it, but no pic. I also found his name for getting his license, but no pic :(
>
> I think I know where he grew up (in a different state), and I have even found what may be an old address of his in that area (but it's hard to say, because as I've found from googling, there are other people with his same name -- and I have searched every possible permutation of his name, too).
>
> I don't want to do anything that would cross over into stalking... I do want a picture of him, but not badly enough to do something that he could find out about. I don't want to freak him out or anything.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 23:35:21
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » lonelygirl, posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 22:19:09
Hehe, I already know where he lives, and I know that he is married (he has mentioned his wife a couple of times, and he has a picture of her in his office).
I guess I will try some more using your suggestions... I'll let you know if I have any luck :)
Posted by fallsfall on March 20, 2004, at 23:40:42
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 22:10:15
Or you could tell him that you would like a picture of him so that you can feel more of a connection when you can't see him.
I did some googling in the past, and connected it with some information that I had legal access to. I'm not proud of what I did - but I desperately wanted more of a connection with her. She got mad. And while I only used information that was easily accessible to me, I do feel badly because I really did go out of my way to find some things out. I never invaded her personal life, and she probably shouldn't have been mad. But she was. And it made me spend some time thinking about what a therapist's privacy must be for them. I am a needy patient - and that's OK because that is a significant part of my illness. So, I do ask a lot from my therapist. I think that it is important that when they go home, that they feel like they can stop working and be home with their own life. If I were in her position, I certainly couldn't handle my level of neediness 24 hours a day 7 days a week. In order for her to be able to continue to help me, she has to take care of herself.
So, *CAN* you find out all sorts of information? Sure, it is possible. But is that really fair to them? What I did wasn't fair to her (even though I did nothing *wrong*). It still wasn't fair to her, because it made her feel less safe.
You could tell your therapist that you've been reading a thread on a message board where some of the people have pictures of their therapists. And that you would kind of like to have a picture, too. You can talk about what you think it would mean to you to have a picture, where you would keep it, when you would look at it. You could say that it seems like some therapists don't mind their patients having pictures but others do mind. If you explain that you know that your therapist has the right to say yes or no, and that you know that his answer will have more to do with how *HE* feels about his patients having pictures - and that his answer won't really have anything to do with who *you* are - that you assume that his answer would be the same for any patient. Then you are giving him a choice, and giving him your respect.
When I was researching my therapist I was doing it because I had a desperate need. I think now that my need would have been better met by telling her about it. This stuff can be fun, and I know that it is OK to have fun with your therapist (though, to be truthful, I'm not very good at having fun). But I think that it is very important to allow them to have their own lives, and to set the boundaries for their own life.
I never had a picture of my first therapist. It honestly didn't occur to me to ask her for one. Near then end, I hinted that that was what I hoped to find when I googled her. But by then it was too late.
I have a picture of my current therapist - it was on a website about a company that he worked for - complete with a small bio and everything. I told him I have the picture, and that is OK with him. The picture is comforting to me when I feel needy.
I guess that, from my first therapist, I learned that just because you *CAN* do something doesn't make it a good idea to do it.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 23:53:02
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 23:35:21
Lol cool cause you have a foot in you know he is married and her name would help....always they have wedding announcemnts its in the legal news some bride and grooms have their pics taken after or even an engagment pic...good luck and keep me posted :)
> Hehe, I already know where he lives, and I know that he is married (he has mentioned his wife a couple of times, and he has a picture of her in his office).
>
> I guess I will try some more using your suggestions... I'll let you know if I have any luck :)
Posted by lonelygirl on March 21, 2004, at 0:58:42
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » lonelygirl, posted by fallsfall on March 20, 2004, at 23:40:42
Thanks... You have really expressed the feelings I have about neediness. I have read that, ironically, mental health professonals have a very high rate of suicide compared to other professionals. They are human; they can't "be" the job all the time. I guess the expectations that are placed on them can be a burden sometimes. It must be hard for them when they have to deal with a conflict between being supportive of their patients and taking care of their own needs.
Anyway, I don't feel comfortable at this point asking him for a picture... Maybe in the future, though.
Posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 10:54:49
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by Fallen4myT on March 20, 2004, at 23:53:02
Gosh, I had no idea that some people researched their T's like this. Wow, am I ever feeling naive! I really appreciate people's honesty here.
But, if you have ever felt hurt that your T doesn't answer a personal question....re-read this whole thread. Seems they may have good reasons to be cautious other than the age-old "blank slate" transference booster.
Thus far in my career I've worked only with the chronic in-patient population (my very favorite - I love em!) No internet access there. Phew! Of course, patients do improve and leave. If one showed up on my doorstep, I'm not quite sure what I would do. Tea and cookies? Hmmm....I'm thinking no. Meds review? Hmm...maybe! :-)
Emmy
Posted by lonelygirl on March 21, 2004, at 12:24:25
In reply to Ever wonder why your T is evasive?, posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 10:54:49
You know, I actually think that if he would just come right out and tell me about himself, I would be much less inclined to "research" him. If he just gave me a brief autobiography (and maybe a picture) at the beginning, and made me feel comfortable in asking about him about himself occasionally, I probably wouldn't feel compelled to go research him in secret. It is weird -- and difficult -- to "open up" to someone about whom you know practically nothing.
He is not the only one I "research," by the way. I google practically everybody I meet (including people I DISLIKE). I have nearly 100 people on my AIM buddy list, the vast majority of whom I have never IMed, and I always read people's away messages (have you ever noticed that some people give WAY too much information on these things? Some even give their cell phone numbers! The WHOLE world can read these, people!). I read the Live Journals of some people I know from school, and they have no idea that I'm reading (to be fair, they used their last names, and in one case, his full name, as their user names, and they put links in their buddy profiles, so it's not like they made them hard to find). I guess it's in large part because I don't have any friends or real relationships at all, so how else can I find out about people? It almost gives me a feeling of power to be able to find out stuff about people without having to wait for them to tell me (they usually never do).
I believe it was in my initial consultation that he asked me about my relationships with my family, and I didn't say much, so he said, "Well, when I go home, sometimes one of my sisters will think that my other sister has done something irresponsible, and ask me what I think about it..." (I can't remember the whole story). Then I asked, "How old are they?" The instant I asked it, I felt, "Uh oh, I crossed the line, didn't I?" He answered, politely (I thought, from his story, he only had 2, but it turns out he has 4 or 5, ranging from my age to mid-30's -- unfortunately, I didn't even like him at the time so I didn't pay much attention), but I still felt like I had asked something inappropriate.
Of course, I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want to disclose a lot about himself; maybe there are other people who would just take that information and use it to stalk him even more. I guess by using what little information he gave me to search on him, I have sort of "proven" this myself, except that I really think it's only because he hasn't given me enough. It's just that he is the closest thing I have to a friend, and he acts like he is in some ways (being nice to me and paying attention to me, for example), but it's totally one-sided, and I want to know about him, listen to him, hear about his life. I know it isn't his job to be my friend, but I still wish he were.
Posted by terrics on March 21, 2004, at 14:34:50
In reply to Ever wonder why your T is evasive?, posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 10:54:49
My T is not the least bit evasive and to be honest I think therapy would be alot more successful if she shut her mouth once in awhile. Who's therapy is it anyway? terrics
Posted by terrics on March 21, 2004, at 15:18:44
In reply to Re: Ever wonder why your T is evasive? » EmmyS, posted by terrics on March 21, 2004, at 14:34:50
guess I am in trouble for saying 'shut her mouth'
Posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 17:16:42
In reply to Re: Ever wonder why your T is evasive? » EmmyS, posted by lonelygirl on March 21, 2004, at 12:24:25
I completely understand that wierd feeling of being out-of-balance in the therapeutic relationship. It took me ages to get used to it with my T. I don't warm up to people easily, so that added to my trouble. I probably spent the first year just talking about friends' problems, and siblings' problems....but rarely my own problems.
After about a year, I finally felt comfortable enough to start talking about my problems. It took that long to just get used to the idea of that wierd imbalance.
Of course, during that year I also had a nasty case of the "Help me god I'm in love with my therapist!". My T helped me get through that by encouraging me to talk about it whenever the feelings got in the way. Horribly terribly embarrassing at the time. But he was great through it all. Solid as a rock.
I hope my previous post didn't sound critical of anyone. It really wasn't meant to be. If I offended anyone...I'm really sorry.
Emmy
Posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 17:20:27
In reply to Re: Ever wonder why your T is evasive?, posted by terrics on March 21, 2004, at 15:18:44
I don't think so, unless your T is a poster here! Maybe at the end of your session you could hand her a bill for your time?
Posted by pegasus on March 21, 2004, at 17:49:48
In reply to Re: Ever wonder why your T is evasive?, posted by terrics on March 21, 2004, at 15:18:44
I can relate. My old T would sometimes just take off on some topic, and I'd usually sit there and observe him, thinking "why is this so interesting to him?" and wondering when I'd get a chance to say anything. I spent a little more time daydreaming through his lectures than I was really comfortable with, considering that I was paying him a fair amount. I never did figure out how to tell him I'd rather talk about something else. And now he's gone and my new T is right with me all the way. No lectures at all so far. But I still miss him. He was a great guy :(
sorry I digressed
- P
Posted by pegasus on March 21, 2004, at 17:53:03
In reply to Ever wonder why your T is evasive?, posted by EmmyS on March 21, 2004, at 10:54:49
Yeah, I have to agree with others that maybe it's the evasiveness that promotes the stalking, to some extent. I'm using my terminology loosely here. But I do think that it's the fact that I could find out so little about him that encouraged me to dig for more info. I think it's a power imbalance thing. He knows all this stuff about me, and I know next to nothing about him. That is really uncomfortable. When he told me more about himself, our therapy went more smoothly, and I was less tempted to search for info about him.
But it's probably somewhat of a chicken and egg argument. I can see your point about how after having been stalked, one might keep their personal information close to the chest.
-p
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