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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 1:31:38
hey everyone it is just lil old me lol ...
i have a big problem that i have never had to deal with ... i started cutting ... i am trying to release the pain on the inside that my former t has induced on me ... it works for a lil bit and i feel better ... when i cut i am hoping in some way he is feeling the pain i am inducing on myself ...
i want him to feel the pain i feel ... i want him to suffer the way i am ... i dont want him to smile at me or even to speak my name .... when i see him i go str8 in the restroom and if i dont have anything to cut with i will go home and cut on my arms and my rist and my legs as i am doing this i am crying and asking the lord above why do i have to be in this pain and why aint he suffering ...
is this a cry for help ?
does this mean i want to kill myself ?
i am so confused .....
this is something i feel from a movie i saw GIRL INTERUPPTED
i know how it hurts to smile ...
i know what it is like to want to die
you try to fit i n but you can't....
how you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside ...
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 18, 2004, at 4:15:56
In reply to i started cutting ..., posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 1:31:38
((((toomuchpain))))
I'm so sorry about what's happening.
It just isn't fair that you should be hurting so much. I think I understand if you mean that you are cutting to help stop feeling the pain inside for a little while.
I read somewhere that women turn their pain and anger on themselves in cutting or depression, where a man would go and hit someone else or smash something up, so I don't think it means you want to kill yourself, just that you want to relieve the hurt inside.
Can you avoid even seeing this person who is causing you so much pain? (Though my guess is that he didn't have a clue what he was doing.)
You said before that you were looking for another therapist so I hope that a different one will be able to help.
I feel so angry and sorry at what's happened to you. You deserve so much better than this.
Love and thoughts.
ch
Posted by Dinah on March 18, 2004, at 10:09:06
In reply to i started cutting ..., posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 1:31:38
Oh, I am so sorry. Please try to do something to short circuit this really addictive behavior before it gets too strong a hold on you.
I know it's hard to find a new therapist, and you said you'd have to drive a distance to get a different therapist, but I really think you should give it a lot of thought. It's obviously causing you a lot of pain to be constantly thrown into your prior therapist's path. Can you print out that post and bring it to your current therapist, and talk to her about whether it might be better to transfer to a different therapist even if it's a longer drive? I have to leave an hour before my appointment to see my therapist, and it generally is at least a 45 minute drive home. And from what you've said, you don't really have a strong bond with your new therapist yet.
Posted by cubic_me on March 18, 2004, at 10:36:55
In reply to i started cutting ..., posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 1:31:38
Hi there,
I'm really sorry that this is hurting you so much (emotional and physical). I think that the other suggestions that have been made are very valid.
What triggered you to cut when you first did it? What was it that made you cut instead of something else? Hurting yourself is hard to understand, I started when I was 12 and didn't even know that other people did it too. I don't think it means you want to kill yourself - for many people it is a way of coping without having to kill themselves. It's definately best to start tackling this problem before it becomes habbitual, once you are in the cycle it's very hard to get out of. I find that if one thing puts me off cutting, it is the scars that I will be left with - I just don't want them, and it's a real incentive not to do it.
>
> i want him to feel the pain i feel ... i want him to suffer the way i am ...Cutting yourself isn't achieving what you want to achieve, doing this to yourself will not make him feel this terrible pain you are feeling.
Have you talked to your current T about this or about how triggering you find it to see your old T?
*hugs* _me
Posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 11:41:51
In reply to Re: i started cutting ... » toomuchpain, posted by cubic_me on March 18, 2004, at 10:36:55
i have talked to my new t about this and she said that i am basically juts doing it for attention which i am not i am trying to kill the thing on the inside ... i am sick of feeling pain on the inside....
i am going to meet with another therapist soon as the other center calls me back i have been calling them everyday ... sooooo it may get batter being out of there soon ....
Posted by whisper55 on March 18, 2004, at 18:52:52
In reply to Re: i started cutting ..., posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 11:41:51
Oh I too am sorry for the pain you have, and this is not for attention. I have went through glass windows and doors, punched glass right out with my fist, my therapist first concern was my saftey
and then in the session she explained It was easier for me to identify that pain topical then the underlying unknown pain deep below. Denial, she also said it dilutes sucidal impulses. Coping mechinism we needed to defend ourself but as an adult it is no longer needed in that manner. Then my T is helping with what to do in those spot.
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 19, 2004, at 4:51:28
In reply to Re: i started cutting ..., posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 11:41:51
Posted by terrics on March 19, 2004, at 17:38:59
In reply to i started cutting ..., posted by toomuchpain on March 18, 2004, at 1:31:38
I just wish that when someone first starts cutting, no matter the reason, that I could help you see what I see now. We think we have such control over it, but if you continue it takes control over you. A really lame comparison is: It is like eating potato chips. It helps while you are eating them. They are a nice comfort food. And then you get fat. Same with cutting, only you do not simply get fat [which can be resolved quiet easily], you become mutilated. You have to hide your body from your boyfriend, parents, friends etc. depending on where you cut. The mutilation is not easily corrected and if you do it bad enough you will have to live with it forever unless you can afford a pricy plastic surgeon. Sorry to be so harsh, but I know from experience. terrics
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