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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 11:23:58
Therapy left me very sad today. I can't really put my finger on why. I'm just inconsolable.
Do we ever get to actually have our needs met or do we just get to figure out that they never were and learn to accept it? I want a mommy. I want to be cuddled. I feel so much like I will die without it.
Posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 11:30:44
In reply to very, very sad, posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 11:23:58
i'm tempted to just go back to bed but will that just make things worse?
Posted by DaisyM on February 17, 2004, at 11:33:44
In reply to very, very sad, posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 11:23:58
I am wondering the same thing and feeling very much the same way. I think, in some ways, I was supposed to have chosen a spouse who could/would do this for me, at least partially, but I didn't. I'm sure for lots of reasons, including the fact that I never have been "cuddled" emotionally or otherwise. I've said it before, I wish I had gone into therapy in my early 20s, then maybe I would have made different choices.
Maybe that is why I miss my kids being little. I could and did cuddle them. Maybe I was filling my own need, in addition to theirs?...Just occured to me.
I'm sorry, I wish I knew how to make it better. Ultimately we do have to learn how to cuddle ourselves. At least we are always with us!
Posted by tinydancer on February 17, 2004, at 11:41:23
In reply to Re: very, very sad » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on February 17, 2004, at 11:33:44
I go through this sometimes. I know how painful it can be. It is horrible. I have asked my T what I am doing wrong, what could I do better to make him love me....It's so hard to understand these feelings but try writing them down. I feel better when I write my T a letter.
Posted by fallsfall on February 17, 2004, at 13:39:17
In reply to very, very sad, posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 11:23:58
I understand so clearly how you feel. My need is so huge that I'm afraid to see all of it - I think that it will swallow me up like a black hole.
I'm hoping that my therapist can help contain my need, and help me learn that if it doesn't all get filled that I WILL survive, and help me learn how to get the rest of it filled. In a way, this is "accepting" that we can't have it - but not just a mean "Too bad for you" kind of reaction - more of a learning to cope reaction.
Does your therapist know how deeply you feel about this (about how you feel like you will die without it)? I told my therapist yesterday - and I believe that he now knows how much I am hurting, and I believe that he will help me learn how to deal with this, and I believe that he is strong enough and skilled enough to contain my need so that it can't consume me. I'm still terrified, but at least I feel like he knows what is going on and that he will stay with me and keep me safe. If you haven't told your therapist how you REALLY feel, I think that you should. That's the only way that he will be able to help you.
You are not alone.
Posted by KindGirl on February 17, 2004, at 14:04:26
In reply to Re: very, very sad » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on February 17, 2004, at 13:39:17
Hi Crushed...
Wanna come over and climb into my big king sized bed and cuddle? I want a mommy too....it is the cry of my heart every waking moment of my life. I am in my 30's now and it seems to be getting worse the more I am in t. My t. is female and older than me and her nurture and care causes me to free fall inside too....it is like a never ending pit that I fall into...and the days after t. are always worst.It is like a deep cleaning of a very deep wound and it DOES hurt. You are right on that one. It hurts so bad you wanna die.
Today I wanted to climb in bed....and I fear like you that I won't get up ever again...the depression will take over and I will never leave.
But maybe you DO need some rest...take a nap...take care of yourself...a bubble bath?...soft music...an ice cream?Does it ever go away? I don't think so....and there are just days you want to die inside. I send love and prayers your way because I am there today myself. I am sorry you feel this way because I know it is hell. I hope it passes soon for you and for me.
Posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 14:19:15
In reply to Re: very, very sad, posted by KindGirl on February 17, 2004, at 14:04:26
yes please, that sounds so nice. we could mommy each other. i will find that someday, i think. someone to mommy me who i can mommy, too.i did take a nap and had really interesting dreams. one in which my t did cuddle me (and hold me and kiss me -- the only thing we didn't do is get completely naked and have sex) and then we went swimming together. it was really nice but i was scared she was going to realize she's was doing something wrong and then stop. in my dream i felt she couldn't resist my need.
i guess i needed to be cuddled by my t, so i went to sleep and dreamt about it. amazing, the unconscious, isn't it? then i dreamt i lost my cat. that's a recurring dream for me and i'm still trying to figure out what the heck it's supposed to mean.
i'm still pretty sad -- more depressed now, i guess. but a little bit better, maybe?
> Hi Crushed...
> Wanna come over and climb into my big king sized bed and cuddle? I want a mommy too....it is the cry of my heart every waking moment of my life. I am in my 30's now and it seems to be getting worse the more I am in t. My t. is female and older than me and her nurture and care causes me to free fall inside too....it is like a never ending pit that I fall into...and the days after t. are always worst.
>
> It is like a deep cleaning of a very deep wound and it DOES hurt. You are right on that one. It hurts so bad you wanna die.
>
> Today I wanted to climb in bed....and I fear like you that I won't get up ever again...the depression will take over and I will never leave.
> But maybe you DO need some rest...take a nap...take care of yourself...a bubble bath?...soft music...an ice cream?
>
> Does it ever go away? I don't think so....and there are just days you want to die inside. I send love and prayers your way because I am there today myself. I am sorry you feel this way because I know it is hell. I hope it passes soon for you and for me.
Posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 14:21:54
In reply to Re: very, very sad » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on February 17, 2004, at 13:39:17
thanks, fallsfall. i told my therapist today in an email that said the same thing as my original post here. so i guess she knows or will know soon now. i see her again tomorrow so i hope we will talk about this. because i feel such an intense longing. i wish she would actually cuddle me tomorrow, that's what i want. but i guess it's better we just talk about it.
> I understand so clearly how you feel. My need is so huge that I'm afraid to see all of it - I think that it will swallow me up like a black hole.
>
> I'm hoping that my therapist can help contain my need, and help me learn that if it doesn't all get filled that I WILL survive, and help me learn how to get the rest of it filled. In a way, this is "accepting" that we can't have it - but not just a mean "Too bad for you" kind of reaction - more of a learning to cope reaction.
>
> Does your therapist know how deeply you feel about this (about how you feel like you will die without it)? I told my therapist yesterday - and I believe that he now knows how much I am hurting, and I believe that he will help me learn how to deal with this, and I believe that he is strong enough and skilled enough to contain my need so that it can't consume me. I'm still terrified, but at least I feel like he knows what is going on and that he will stay with me and keep me safe. If you haven't told your therapist how you REALLY feel, I think that you should. That's the only way that he will be able to help you.
>
> You are not alone.
Posted by terrics on February 17, 2004, at 16:54:30
In reply to very, very sad, posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 11:23:58
Wish I could help you feel better. I really hope you feel better soon. Keep posting and you will get many e-hugs. Not the real thing, but definitely sincere. I am worried about your T. and you. terrics
{{{Crushed}}}
Posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 16:59:49
In reply to Re: very, very sad » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on February 17, 2004, at 11:33:44
Cuddling yourself just doesn't cut it. It's not the same. :(It helps to know that I'm not alone in wanting this, though. I think.
Posted by Kind Girl on February 17, 2004, at 21:24:35
In reply to Re: very, very sad » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on February 17, 2004, at 16:59:49
Hi Crushed and everyone else here in this stream....
Just a quick thought...my T. tells me to imagine her holding me in bed and she has given me a soft pink baby blanket and a little pillow to help do this.
Whenever I tell her of a dream or a daydream about her she says it is wonderful...a great sign of attachment...and "very very normal and on the road toward healing.".....
Just don't want you shaming yourself for your dream! It sounds like a wonderful naptime dream. Sorry about the cat part! :((((Holding yourself definitely sucks. Hang in there...I am holding you over the internet if that helps.
Posted by crushedout on February 18, 2004, at 6:32:20
In reply to Dreams about T. are good, says my T., posted by Kind Girl on February 17, 2004, at 21:24:35
I slept 16 hours since my session yesterday. I don't think that's really healthy but it was all I could do.
Posted by fallsfall on February 18, 2004, at 8:09:17
In reply to Dreams about T. are good, says my T., posted by Kind Girl on February 17, 2004, at 21:24:35
>she has given me a soft pink baby blanket and a little pillow to help do this.
Oh, I am SO jealous!!!!! I feel lucky to have a tiny picture printed off the internet, and some voice mail messages saved off onto another tape.
Enjoy your blanket and pillow!
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2004, at 9:42:17
In reply to sleeping off the depression, posted by crushedout on February 18, 2004, at 6:32:20
It's often my best way of coping.
Posted by catachrest on February 19, 2004, at 14:15:35
In reply to Re: sleeping off the depression » crushedout, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2004, at 9:42:17
I have a big teddy bear called Major (from Ursa Major - big bear :D), and he's just the right size and shape that when I hug him, his arms are moved so that they hug me back. When I'm feeling lonely and cuddle-needy, he often helps. :) Mom got him for me...when I was 18. :)
Susan
Posted by inthegloaming on February 25, 2004, at 3:14:01
In reply to Dreams about T. are good, says my T., posted by Kind Girl on February 17, 2004, at 21:24:35
> Just a quick thought...my T. tells me to imagine her holding me in bed and she has given me a soft pink baby blanket and a little pillow to help do this.
i dunno... something about that rings kinda wrong to me. like... like your therapist is overstepping a boundary. i guess it's just because... i don't know... when my old T wanted to give me something--usually a notebook cos i'm always drawing--i felt like i couldn't accept it. it made me extremely uncomfortable and i didn't really know what to do. with me and therapists--and i haven't had many good ones-- we have... we have a working relationship, kind of. like... like it begins and ends at the office. sure, i can imagine like hanging out at at my current T's house, maybe, like could consider her a friend but... but she's someone who exists in a certain time and a certain place. like... i dunno, like a rabbi or something.
but hey, that's just me.
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