![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Still Hurting on February 17, 2004, at 3:19:19
Hi Board,
for those who have been keeping up to date with my saga and to those traveling similar paths, well let me tell you the lastest upheaval to this drama; my ex-therapist is taking me to court so that I'll leave her alone.
To those that don't know the details, unfortunately last year my therapist gave me the surprising shocking news (over the phone) that she no longer wanted to be my therapist. This new came along with it that neither could I have any further contact with her whatsoever.
Obviously this news shattered my universe. For closure and understanding I've continued to contact her to no avail. I've asked her to met with me and another therapist, but she resists. I don't know how I became so obsessed over this woman. Past lovers and friends never came that close to the mental obsession I've struggled with over her. Maybe it's because I gave her so much of myself and trusted her to such an overwhelming degree. Actually, never in a million years would I have thought this woman would have hurt me because she saw the hurt and pain I was already experiencing and showed a sign of expression that she would never do the same. But she did.
Nevertheless, as I've been in this room many times, I've noticed that many of you too have struggled with similar issues as closure, attachment and transference with your past therapists, so although I can be private at times, because now I'm going to court I thought that to prevent many of you from tredding similar ground, I would advised you to get help. Some kind of help to break the attachment before it gets worse. Termination brought out the worse in me. And what made it worse was my inability to contact her for closure. I knew she felt threatened by me but termination only meant rejection and abandonment. She was the breath of life to me. She was the wings beneath my wings. I am mad at myself for giving her so much of my power. I don't know if therapy gave her all that power, my sick heart, or both.
Termination didn't deal with my attachment although I guess to her it did. Instead I would continously call her for understanding as to why and how she did what she did. And when I discovered her home info, I used it. From her point of view I understand why she perceives my behavior as threatening. Nevertheless, she avaded a crying client's pleas for help. She wouldn't help me close the door for whatever reason. She just ensured that I couldn't reach her although I knew how. She told her boss that a four minute conversation with me (over the phone might I add) was her polite way of granting me closure. She insists that because the 4 mins. call wasn't enough for me that proves I needed another therapist for closure. And crazy enough her boss bought into that.
How can two intellects not sit down together and close a door on a therapeutic relationship that went bad? Nontheless, I don't want to go into the whole drama.
All I came here to do today is to warn my fellow board members that with transference, attachment and closure to be extremely careful because I don't want any of you to travel into my similar sad paths which only lead into court proceedings.
Posted by fallsfall on February 17, 2004, at 7:28:08
In reply to Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by Still Hurting on February 17, 2004, at 3:19:19
My heart goes out to you. Your pain must be excruciating.
I hope that, for your sake, you have found a sympathetic therapist who can help you work through this traumatic loss. I know this is possible because I had a traumatic loss as well, and I now have a new therapist who has helped me survive that loss, and move forward in my therapy. If you do not have a therapist who you find helpful to you right now, I sincerely hope that you will find one. Interview a number of therapists until you find one who feels comfortable to you, who is not scared by the postion you find yourself in, and who is strong enough to help you out. They are out there.
I was so terrified when I repeated with my new therapist the things that I believed had made me lose my old therapist. But he kept telling me "I am NOT your old therapist. I am me". Over and over he told me that he was NOT my old therapist and that he would not behave like she did. It's been 8 months and I just about believe him.
So, did I do anything wrong with my first therapist? Probably - if I had no problems I wouldn't need to be in therapy, would I? But I can be forgiven for what I did, and I can learn to control myself better in the future - and I will. Did my first therapist do anything wrong with me? Probably - she is human.
But, with the help of my new therapist, I am growing and learning and hopefully, eventually, I won't need to make that mistake again - I can go on to new and different mistakes! Isn't life grand?
I'm sorry that she took such a hard line with you and felt the need to take this to court. Please understand that she feels that she needs to enforce her boundaries (and she does have the right to do that). Your job, now, is to figure out how to survive outside her boundaries.
I wish you the best.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 17, 2004, at 8:02:58
In reply to Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by Still Hurting on February 17, 2004, at 3:19:19
I think that the best thing to help you "close the door" is to begin seeing a new therapist. Just as Falls said, life is grand in that we are able to continue on!
A new therapist will help you learn to trust again as well as help you to recover from your obsession (in your own words) with your former therapist.
Also, a good lawyer may be able to help in court. Don't worry about hurting her feelings during a legal dispute, worry about saving yourself money, reputation, jail time.... Whatever is up for grabs!!!
I encourage you to give therapy another shot. Not only to heal your old wounds, but now the new ones that have opened up from this situation.
Posted by terrics on February 17, 2004, at 10:07:50
In reply to Re: Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by Karen_kay on February 17, 2004, at 8:02:58
Good luck in court. Just curious....Has the fact that she has gone as far as taking you to court cured the obsession? I hope for your sake it has. And I hope you find a really competent therapist. terrics
Posted by pinkeye on February 17, 2004, at 13:34:07
In reply to Re: Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by terrics on February 17, 2004, at 10:07:50
I think some attachment and obsession with the therapist is normal, but if it comes to the point where your therapist feels uncomfortable and endangered, maybe it is time for you to back off. Don't push it too hard, and even if you don't get a closure, for now, accept that and go to another therapist. Maybe later, after some time gap (maybe about 6 months), you can call her again to seek for a closure. She might also gain enough confidence in you if you don't contact her for some time and might be willilng to lead you into a better closure in the future.
Instead if you keep pushing, you just risk yourselves with court order etc etc .. all the nasty stuff, and you also lose the chance of ever getting a closure with your therapist.
Sometimes just accepting and letting go is the best way to keep a relationship from turning too sour.
PinkEye.
Posted by Racer on February 17, 2004, at 14:06:20
In reply to Re: Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by pinkeye on February 17, 2004, at 13:34:07
First things first, take care of you. Find yourself a good therapist who can help you tangle out how much of this current nightmare stems from your influence, and how much of it is directly caused by your old T's absolute malpractice as displayed by the four minute telephone call.
Then, get yourself a really good lawyer to advocate for you in court. Public Defenders tend to be overworked and are often not the best choice. BUT the Bar Association chapter in your area can tell you how to find someone to act as advocate in your interests. It's even possible that your best bet in this instance is to countersue her for the pain and suffering her "closure" caused you, as well as the damage that these events have caused in you.
Mind you, this is only after having read your post here. I can't know all the details, but what I see is that you went to a therapist to get help, and were damaged by the "help" provided. Because so much of therapy is intangible, that's a really hard case to win, but the countersuit might be a strategy that would best protect your interests -- not because you'd win it, but because it might be the most likely strategy to get a settlement of the suit against you. (I'm assuming, by the way, that your ex-T is requesting a TRO, rather than actually suing you. Settling the matter through court-ordered mediation or arbitration, without any monetary damages to either side and without a TRO being granted against you, seems as if it would leave everyone better off.)
But, again, that's only my opinion, and remember that I'm nuts. Good luck!
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 19, 2004, at 0:20:31
In reply to Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by Still Hurting on February 17, 2004, at 3:19:19
Hi I understand you have called her a lot correct? And I understand from your post she ended therapy in a damaging way. She didn't close it. But help me as I am semi new and didn't see your other posts, did you follow her? Show up at her home, place of business etc? Or was it just a bunch of phone calls asking for closure to be done in a professional manner??????????? Please help me here for ME as well as you cause if just phone calls shes crazier than I am amd VERY unprofessional. Thanks and sorry if this is asking too much
Posted by Still Hurting on February 19, 2004, at 15:31:14
In reply to Re: Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!! » Still Hurting, posted by Fallen4myT on February 19, 2004, at 0:20:31
I would pretty much telephone her and email her for closure and understanding.
Yet periodically I would drive past her house to see if her car was there and sit in a nearby neighborhood.
It is no doubt she acted unprofessionally. But I can't understand why. Why did fear grab her the way it did? Why then and now she isn't able to face me. Why was she not able to tell me what borders I crossed that made her run? These questions only she knows and I've tried relentlessly to find out but she refuses. And now that she's taking me court so that I'll leave her alone, I guess I'll still never find out.
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 19, 2004, at 21:45:15
In reply to Re: Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!! » Fallen4myT, posted by Still Hurting on February 19, 2004, at 15:31:14
Thank You Still Hurting for telling me. Did she KNOW it was more than calls? I mean I have driven by my T's home but he don't know, if he did he would ask me why and not do as she did. I am so sorry I THINK SHE has huge issues cause this is NOT right she could have just said hey I saw you in my neighborhood and I am uncomfortable or if she didnt see you saying Its all the calls and they crossed the line and that way you would know..PLEASE see a lawyer like someone said and maybe..MAYBE? they in court will clarify what lines you crossed and your new T can maybe say you were abandoned and damaged by it,,I think thats the legal word they use in law when a doc be it a T or doc terminates in an unprofessional way. Like a GP cannot just stop treating you without due notice and a few referrals..Please keep in touch and let me know how it goes..I think shes a WITCH to be like that with you even a letter would do it. Unless she did write or call once and say stop calling and writing so much it bugs me???? I am so stunned and sorry for you its like leaving a kid in a mall....and never coming back then never telling them why they were dumped as an adult when they ask
Posted by obSession on February 23, 2004, at 8:00:02
In reply to Ex-Therapist is taking me to Court!!!, posted by Still Hurting on February 17, 2004, at 3:19:19
hi regarding your therapist taking you to court I can completely relate I have been stalking my therapist for years and years and years....I know EXACTLY what you are going through......im new with this site erm email me if u can private@magicmail.co.za :) kewl would luv to spk to u
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.