Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 314189

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Emotional attachment, eh?

Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 17:07:11

OK, so I've been accused of not being able to form emotional attachments with people. And I agreed to a certain extent. I found out yesterday that my best friend ever (Elle, it's Shorty) is in the hospital. She tried to kill herself, and this is the second time. I have no emotions about it. I just feel like, "Well, that's Shorty." I'm not really sad or anything about it. I'd like to go see her, but just to see her. Not because she almost died... And she was in intensive care for quite a while. Now, is this a sign of just emotional numbing from PTSD or is this a sign that I'm not able to form emotional attachments? Doesn't it get confusing when you have more than one dx? Am I just cold hearted? I wish I felt something, but I don't. Of ocurse I'll send flowers and a card but I jsut don't feel anything. Not even frustration.....

 

Re: Emotional attachment, eh? » Karen_kay

Posted by Dinah on February 16, 2004, at 17:27:51

In reply to Emotional attachment, eh?, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 17:07:11

Ok, I can speak with some experience here. Because this is part of what got me my schizotypal diagnosis. My therapist and pdoc thought I was incapable of emotional attachment. My pdoc even told me (and son, if you ever read this in the archives he was wrong, dead wrong, and I hate him forever for saying this) that I shouldn't worry if I couldn't form an emotional attachment to my child because I wasn't capable of it.

It was wrong. All of it. My therapist says he would never say that about me now. My emotions were frozen for a long time. It didn't feel safe to be attached to any one thing in any deep and meaningful way. But as I got in touch with my feelings in therapy, I realized how much was simmering under the surface.

That being said, I still have trouble sometimes. My best friend died two years ago. I sat at the hospital every day while she was in intensive care. And when she died I felt numb. I didn't feel like I was feeling the "right" things. But then some of my bosses were talking as I came in and started asking me questions not because they cared, but because they were wondering how long they could maintain her on the payroll. And I blew up big time. Those emotions were there all right, I just have trouble accessing them.

So think of it more along PTSD lines. You are obviously a caring person, Karen. You just don't "feel" it the way you think you should.

 

Re: Emotional attachment, eh? » Karen_kay

Posted by Elle2021 on February 16, 2004, at 21:50:48

In reply to Emotional attachment, eh?, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 17:07:11

I think maybe your just used to Shorty's constant suicide attempts. It's probably becoming common-place for you. I don't think it means that you aren't able to form emotional attachments. You seem to have obvious concern about her attempts. Could it be that you are just not an overtly emotional person? People accuse me of being cold and distant, when I feel warm and close. I just don't openly tell people all the time how I feel about them, unless they ask. I feel like I don't really need to mention anything, my actions speak for themselves. Of course, I've had boyfriends who accused ME of not sharing enough emotion, feelings, etc. Isn't that a change in stereotyping! Usually it's the women who accuse their bf's of things like that. But, that is me. I think you have an emotional attachment to Bubba and to your old man. Maybe we should look up the clinical definition of what an emotional attachment is. Perhaps we both me the criteria and just don't know it. :)
Elle

 

Re: Emotional attachment, eh?

Posted by shortelise on February 17, 2004, at 2:06:40

In reply to Re: Emotional attachment, eh? » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on February 16, 2004, at 21:50:48

If this friend puts you through this sort of stuff, you might have a few defenses keeping yourself safe. We erect defenses fo good reasons sometimes, don't we? Sometimes, then, it can be appropriate not to invest deeply in someone, despite caring about them.

ShortE


 

Re: Emotional attachment, eh? » Karen_kay

Posted by cubic_me on February 17, 2004, at 5:32:50

In reply to Emotional attachment, eh?, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 17:07:11

I think I might agree with Elle a little bit here. My bestest friend attempted suicide seven or eight times within a 2 year period and I became numbed to it. I didn't want the emotions attached to it, so I didn't have them. It wasn't that I didn't care, I just wanted to stay at a distance emotionally. She eventually succeeded, and I hardly felt anything. I didn't cry, didn't shout or get upset. I did everything in a matter of fact way, from letting her other friends know what had happened to 4 hour interviews with the police about it. People called my cold hearted and a-emotional, but I knew that wasn't true, it was that I couldn't deal with it.

Through therapy I've dealth with some of the issues surrounding that time, but I still never show emotion. I think we're all different and to a certain extent we have to accept how we deal with things for the moment, even if we want to change them in the future.

I hope Shorty is OK, and that you are OK. x

 

Re: Emotional attachment, eh? » Karen_kay

Posted by Penny on February 17, 2004, at 9:43:43

In reply to Emotional attachment, eh?, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 17:07:11

I agree with Dinah - I don't think the emotions aren't there. You are obviously, from your posts on this board and from your ability to question your feelings, able to empathize with others.

But, as was said, you have put up defenses to keep you from getting hurt. It's not that you are incapable of feeling the emotions, it's that you are, in a way, choosing not to at this time. And that's okay - if it keeps you from harm, that's okay.

But cold hearted, KK, you are not. Cold hearted people don't worry about whether or not they can form emotional attachments...

P

 

Re: Emotional attachment, eh? KK

Posted by Pfinstegg on February 17, 2004, at 17:08:01

In reply to Re: Emotional attachment, eh? » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on February 17, 2004, at 9:43:43

With those of us who have Complex PTSD, I think what actually happens is that we dissociate under stress- just detach from what otherwise might be very disturbing, because of the reverberations it will cause in our own lives. Once we've dissociated, we*do* feel cold and detached, which is such a painful state. But, really, there isn't a cold, detached person on this whole website, in my opinion! On the contrary, everyone here has shown how loving and empathic they really are- that includes you, for sure!


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