Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 314131

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

fabulous talk with ex-T

Posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 14:18:40

Hi Babblers, I just want to share a happy story. I've been struggling with feeling betrayed, abandoned etc. by my old T, in part because he gives me such brief and inadequate replies to my emails now. Even though he said we could stay in touch, etc. I was talking to my new T on Friday about how crummy it feels to have the closeness and connection just disappear. So we talked about calling my old T, just to make sure I wasn't reading too much into his less than supportive emails, and to make sure he's ok.

So, I called him on Saturday, and he called me back this morning! It was great to talk to him. We laughed and joked about stuff, and I told him how my therapy is going. And he was really excited that I was sticking with it and doing a group and etc. He told me about what a big transition this has been for him, and how he's still in shock and grieving and missing people, including friends and family and clients, including me. So I said, "You miss me?" And he chuckled and said yes.

I won't tell you the entire conversation, but it was really good and supportive, and he told me good and bad things about his new practice. He said it was ok if I call now and then, as long as it doesn't prevent me from connecting with my new T. He said he trusted me, and that it was good to talk to me, and that he thinks about me.

Yay! I feel *so* much better. Mainly, just because I can picture him appreciating his new beautiful home, and I know I'm not being a pain in his ass with the (not frequent!) emails etc.

- p

 

Re: fabulous talk with ex-T

Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 15:13:44

In reply to fabulous talk with ex-T, posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 14:18:40

That's wonderful! I hope I can have a relationship with my therapist once our therapy is over. Not a "relationship" but one like you have. That is so great!

Are you bonding well with your new therapist? Just curious if your relationship with your old one is somehow stifling your relationship and attachment to your new one..

 

That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!! » pegasus

Posted by Dinah on February 16, 2004, at 17:31:29

In reply to fabulous talk with ex-T, posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 14:18:40

And I wouldn't worry too much about it interfering with the attachment with the new therapist. I would think that the feelings of abandonment if he just cut you off as if he didn't care would cause problems in trust that would interfere a lot more with your current therapist.

And kudos to your current therapist for encouraging you to take a risk that paid off.

 

Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!! » Dinah

Posted by rs on February 16, 2004, at 17:42:06

In reply to That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!! » pegasus, posted by Dinah on February 16, 2004, at 17:31:29

Hi Dinah. Your post hit home. My old T that saw for many years once a week moved miles away. No contact what so ever. Hurt yes was and at times still feel that. Did write to him a few months agao after 3 years and did respond. Would love to call him and just say hi. You know yes it does get in the way with new T with trust. Do not want to live that again. He can sit there and tell me over and over that he is not going anywhere but does not matter. So thanks for that post. Maybe some day will get brave and call to just say "Hi."

 

Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!! » rs

Posted by Dinah on February 16, 2004, at 17:50:48

In reply to Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!! » Dinah, posted by rs on February 16, 2004, at 17:42:06

Your story is my biggest nightmare. I'm only too aware that my therapist isn't from around these parts, and if he can move here, he can move away from here. I pray for a happy marriage for him, because she *does* come from here and doesn't want to move.

It would be a huge stretch for me to ever try to trust again.

 

Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!!

Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on February 16, 2004, at 19:58:15

In reply to Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!! » rs, posted by Dinah on February 16, 2004, at 17:50:48

i am happy 4 u i wish i could talk to my former t ..i think it would do me good right about now...

 

Re: please be civil » pegasus

Posted by Dr. Bob on February 16, 2004, at 22:34:32

In reply to fabulous talk with ex-T, posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 14:18:40

> Yay! I feel *so* much better... I know I'm not being a pain in his [*]ss

I'm glad you feel better! And I'm sorry I'm such a prude, but still I need to ask you not to use language that could offend others.

If you have any questions about this or comments about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways to express yourself, please see the FAQ:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil

or redirect a follow-up to Psycho-Babble Administration. Thanks,

Bob

 

Did I say that? Oops, sorry! (nm) » Dr. Bob

Posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 23:08:32

In reply to Re: please be civil » pegasus, posted by Dr. Bob on February 16, 2004, at 22:34:32

 

Re: fabulous talk with ex-T » Karen_kay

Posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 23:47:02

In reply to Re: fabulous talk with ex-T, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 15:13:44

Thanks for asking, KK. I really don't think having an occasional connection to my old T will have an effect on my connection with my new T. I've seriously only emailed him 4 times, and called once, since my last session in late December. And two of the emails were just a couple of sentences.

If there's any effect, it will be positive. I was pretty down about therapy in general on friday, and now I feel kinda silly to have projected all of that negativity onto him. He's actually a great guy, and misses me (ok probably just a *little* bit) and everything! So not feeling totally abandoned by my old T will probably make me more inclined to make a strong connection with my new T.

I actually do like my new T in some ways. I don't connect with her as well on a personality level (there's just no replacing that silly laugh of my old T), but I feel more comfortable with her already. And she definitely says helpful things, so far. I'm optimistic that as I get to know her more and vice versa, we'll probably do good work together. We already have!

But I still want to know that my old T is doing ok, so I might call again in a couple of months.

- p

 

Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!!

Posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 23:49:29

In reply to Re: That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you!!!, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on February 16, 2004, at 19:58:15

Oh, lilmsbubbles, I've been following your story, and it's just so sad. I think it might do you good to talk to your old T too, but I don't really know the whole situation. Maybe you could contact him to say that your new T isn't working out, and that you need some references to other Ts? Whatever ends up happening, I'm wishing you some kind of positive resolution.

- p

 

Re: fabulous talk with ex-T

Posted by tinydancer on February 17, 2004, at 11:46:40

In reply to fabulous talk with ex-T, posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 14:18:40

ex T or current T....having a fabulous talk with them is one of the best natural highs...At least if you are fond of them, heeehee! It made me smile to read your conversation.

 

Re: thanks (nm) » pegasus

Posted by Dr. Bob on February 18, 2004, at 23:42:08

In reply to Did I say that? Oops, sorry! (nm) » Dr. Bob, posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 23:08:32


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