Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 314017

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

feeling hurt and abandoned

Posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 10:01:23


I had a horrible fight with my mother on Saturday in which she called me terrible things and we decided to have a "divorce" (can you believe it? it was her idea). I was very shaken up by it and I called my T immediately. I left her a voice message explaining what happened briefly and asking if it would be possible to check in for a few minutes on the phone. I apologized for calling on the weekend and said I understood if she couldn't.

Anyway, she didn't call me back. I got an email on Sunday afternoon saying that she wouldn't be able to call me, but that I could call her today (Monday) if I still needed to.

I felt really hurt by this, even though I said I would understand if she couldn't. I guess I was lying, huh? I don't really understand how she can't take five minutes out of her weekend to help me in such a crisis. I feel abandoned. I feel really sad.

I wonder if this is an arbitrary boundary she's imposing because she's trying to have good boundaries with me, or if she just generally doesn't interrupt weekends for clients, or if she was actually that busy. I guess maybe I should ask her. But this is going to be hard to talk about because I feel so vulnerable and stupid for caring so much about someone who obviously doesn't care about me nearly as much as I want her to.

 

Re: feeling hurt and abandoned

Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 11:48:59

In reply to feeling hurt and abandoned, posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 10:01:23

(((crushed)))

It always hurts when you fight with your loved ones. Do you think this is something that can be "patched up" in the future, after things settle down a bit?

I know that I fight with my mom often and say I'll never talk to her again, but I often end up calling her a couple of weeks later to try to fix the situation. Do you think this is a possibility? I always try my best to heal hurt feelings, especially with those I love dearly.... Just a bit of advice..

Now, about your therapist... Have you ever called her on the weekend? Have you discussed the weekend calling policy? I'd take the email as a sign that it's her SOP to not call clients on the weekend, not just you in particular. On the bright side, at least she emailed you back to let you know she wouldn't be calling.

I'd discuss it with her and find out her policy for weekend calls. Also, find out if she's trying to enforce stricter boundaries with you, or if it's just standard policy not to talk to clients on the weekend.

I'm sorry she wasn't there for you when you needed her. But remember, you always have other support methods and systems. We're here for you. You can always post on Social as well... We'll listen! That I can promise!

 

Re: feeling hurt and abandoned Karen_kay

Posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 11:54:29

In reply to Re: feeling hurt and abandoned, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 11:48:59


thanks, karen. yeah, that's what i was planning to do with my therapist. i've never called her on the w/e before or asked about it, so i don't know if she has a policy.

as to my mom, i think it's pretty hopeless. she was really about as awful as i could ever have imagined. the last time she attacked me like this it took about 4 years to begin to trust her again, and now she's destroyed that trust. i don't think i want anything to do with her. it's her loss, really, because she's of no use to me. she's a childish, pathetic, stupid woman. and i'm her only child. and she has no husband. so she's really an idiot for burning her bridges with me. but i'm not going to forgive her because she will never apologize for what she's done. she only can see herself as a victim.

i don't really want to talk about that though. i was posting about my feelings about my t. my mother is much less important to me.

> (((crushed)))
>
> It always hurts when you fight with your loved ones. Do you think this is something that can be "patched up" in the future, after things settle down a bit?
>
> I know that I fight with my mom often and say I'll never talk to her again, but I often end up calling her a couple of weeks later to try to fix the situation. Do you think this is a possibility? I always try my best to heal hurt feelings, especially with those I love dearly.... Just a bit of advice..
>
> Now, about your therapist... Have you ever called her on the weekend? Have you discussed the weekend calling policy? I'd take the email as a sign that it's her SOP to not call clients on the weekend, not just you in particular. On the bright side, at least she emailed you back to let you know she wouldn't be calling.
>
> I'd discuss it with her and find out her policy for weekend calls. Also, find out if she's trying to enforce stricter boundaries with you, or if it's just standard policy not to talk to clients on the weekend.
>
> I'm sorry she wasn't there for you when you needed her. But remember, you always have other support methods and systems. We're here for you. You can always post on Social as well... We'll listen! That I can promise!

 

Re: feeling hurt and abandoned crushedout

Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 12:57:44

In reply to Re: feeling hurt and abandoned Karen_kay, posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 11:54:29

Ahhhh.... (((((((crushed))))))) Big hug for your situation with your mom and that's all I'll say about that...

I highly doubt your therapist was holding off on talking to you for "personal" reasons. I know that if my therapist and I fight, at the next session if he's late to get me from the waiting room, I fear it's because I've done something wrong. Those negative thought patterns get me every time :)

It hurts when your biggest support system isn't right at your fingertips, especially when you need that person the most. But, try not to take it personally, OK? She did email you after all.. That's more than I get. I usually get accusations that I'm pranking him. Bubba's funny like that. But, I'm used to him by now.

Are you going to call her today to talk about it? You should. I'd only talk about the family situation and save the email and phone call until my next session, as that may take a while, if it does in fact have something to do with enforcing boundaries. But, I doubt that's what it is. Let me know what happens, K? I'm listening with 2 ears :)

 

Re: feeling hurt and abandoned Karen_kay

Posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 13:01:45

In reply to Re: feeling hurt and abandoned crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 12:57:44


no i'm not gonna call her today because i see her first thing tomorrow morning and we've already been in touch a lot on email.

i'll let you know how it goes.

 

Re: feeling hurt and abandoned

Posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 14:08:08

In reply to feeling hurt and abandoned, posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 10:01:23

Just a thought, but maybe she was not in town over the weekend. So, maybe to call you, she would have had to call long distance. But email is free. I could be totally wrong, but it occured to me as a logical explanation.

It does seem that it might be useful to you if you could clarify her weekend calling policy. I had a similar misunderstanding with my old T once, and it totally bogged down our therapy for a while. Eventually we just got extremely explicit about expectations around calling and emailing etc., which helped (although I still hate that he doesn't seem able to formulate a complete reponse to my emails).

Your fight with your mom is a big deal (obviously) and that seems like the kind of thing a therapist should be willing to help you deal with. So I really hope you iron things out with your T at least, if not your mom. And like KK said, if no one else is there for you, there will always be babblers willing to help.

((((crushed))))

- p

 

Re: feeling hurt and abandoned crushedout

Posted by terrics on February 16, 2004, at 21:15:14

In reply to feeling hurt and abandoned, posted by crushedout on February 16, 2004, at 10:01:23

Hi Crushed. You must really be hurting. This is a tough situation for both you and your T. It is not necessarily true that you feel more for her than she does for you. Her feelings are probably ambivalent. She probably is not sure if she should cross the professional line, although I think she wants to. Stay safe. I am here anytime

terrics


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