Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 312940

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Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal

Posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 16:38:50

I do not know if this is the right place to post, but I am all confused. Whenever there is a conflict in my life, I wish that I was dead. I do not want to actively kill myself. I almost died this past year in childbirth and I find myself wishing that I had died or that I would die.

Does anyone else have feelings like this? Or am I crazy even for being crazy?

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal EtktRide

Posted by justyourlaugh on February 13, 2004, at 17:42:24

In reply to Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal, posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 16:38:50

that does not sound good to me..
please talk to someone about this..
your little baby needs a mom thats very much alive.

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal EtktRide

Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 18:12:10

In reply to Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal, posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 16:38:50

I felt like that for a year or so after childbirth. Have you spoken to a professional about the possibility of postpartum depression?

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal

Posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 18:50:10

In reply to Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal EtktRide, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2004, at 18:12:10

I am in therapy and have a Pdoc. I am on Zoloft and Neurontin. These feeligs are episodic. I told my Pdoc that I felt that way. She did not ask me anything more about it

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal

Posted by fallsfall on February 13, 2004, at 20:55:51

In reply to Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal, posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 18:50:10

I have felt that way, and some of my friends have reported feeling that way. In my case it meant that I wanted a way out of my pain - that I wished that the pain would just disappear, and if I disappeared along with it, that would be OK. But at that time I wasn't desperate enough to make a plan and act on it knowing how it would affect the other people in my life.

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal EtktRide

Posted by alexandra_k on February 14, 2004, at 1:09:57

In reply to Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal, posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 16:38:50

Hello. I too feel like that. Most of the time I wish that I was dead, so mine isn't exactly episodic - but I do understand that wishing that one was dead, or just prefering that one was dead is different to having urges and specific plans to kill ones self.

It is worth talking about it with your clinicians as it sounds like you have an idea of the sort of situation that triggers that feeling for you, and you may be able to figure out what it is about that sort of situation and / or your interpretation of it that lead to your feeling that way.

I don't think that you are crazy at all. It may be worth examining why you would prefer to be dead sometimes. What I mean by that is that I kind of think of death as a neutrality of mood (to say the least) and so for me it signifies the end of fear, and pain. So maybe what I really want is for the pain to stop, and to feel less afraid.

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal

Posted by Racer on February 14, 2004, at 8:31:08

In reply to Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal EtktRide, posted by alexandra_k on February 14, 2004, at 1:09:57

I don't know if this would help, but when I'm feeling suicidal, it's not so much wanting to be dead, more of not feeling able to continue being alive. Overwhelmed by life, and having too much bad happening to be able to see "enough" in what isn't bad to continue on.

Does that make sense? I guess what I'm saying is that suicidal impulses for me aren't made up of wanting to be dead, so much as needing the unbearable pain to stop.

My advice to you, though, is to talk to your pdoc about it again, and tell her that it is serious and that you need her to address it. It *is* serious, and you *do* need her to discuss it.

Good luck.

 

Re: Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal EtktRide

Posted by cubic_me on February 14, 2004, at 11:53:25

In reply to Wanting to be Dead vs. Being suicidal, posted by EtktRide on February 13, 2004, at 16:38:50

I feel this way ALOT of the time, the rest of the time I am actively suicidal, but there is a difference. I find that wanting to be dead is passive, you just wish it was that way, whereas wanting to kill yourself is active, and that is so much more scary. I have to be in a very different place emotionally to be actively suicidal to when I just wish I was dead.

Like the others have said, you may be wishing that the pain would go away, and you imagine that if you were dead you wouldn't feel the pain. For me its also about wishing that the pain was dead and not all of me.


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