Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 311528

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 41. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I'm Upset

Posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:14:41

I just had an argument with my mother. What the argument was about isn't important, and I would rather not rehash the details. In short, we were arguing about something that had to do with my OCD, and if you follow my posts you know my mother is in major denial that anything is wrong with me. So, toward the end of the argument she says, "Well you must not be as compulsive as you claim to be." Now, she didn't say this in a manner that would imply she felt like I was getting better, she said it in a tone that made it sound like I was making the whole OCD thing up and that I'm a liar. THREE doctor's have told me that I have severe, so far untreatable OCD. I didn't need them to confirm the dx, I knew there was something wrong, the only difference is now I know the name of it. I don't understand why she doesn't believe me and it really HURTS when she takes cheap shots at me like that. Anyway, I self-injured and now I'm disgusted with myself.
Elle

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 0:33:13

In reply to I'm Upset, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:14:41

Elle,
I'm worried about you. I know SI is a coping skill, but have you stopped for now? What is your arrangement with your Therapist? Can you call?

It is understandable that you are upset with your mom, but you don't need her to believe that you have OCD for it to be true. Her stuff is her stuff. Don't let her dump it out on you. You will get better with other supports. Moms don't always do what is best for their kids. That is so hard. there are so many things I wish my mom understood. She never will. But she loves me. I'm sure yours does too.

I'd like to hear from you again. What time is it where you are? I'm here if you need me.
Daisy

 

Re: I'm Upset DaisyM

Posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:44:28

In reply to Re: I'm Upset Elle2021, posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 0:33:13

Hi Daisy,
Thanks for your support. :)
Yes, I've stop SI-ing for the moment. I know it's a coping skill too, but I wish I had one to replace it... It's late where I'm at (or late evening anyway) and I can't call my T right now. I don't even have a number to reach her at. I was supposed to see Burt (my pdoc) tomorrow, but I cancelled the appointment. Partly because I have school during that time, but mostly because of what he told my therapist. I don't know if you read the thread, but I recently started seeing a therapist, and he told me that I would also still be seeing him. Well, the new T said I was switching to her and would only be seeing Burt now for meds. It hurt my feelings and I felt abandoned. But, I'm over it now I guess. I don't like to admit it, but I kinda expected something like that to happen.
I talked to my therapist about how no one in my family supports my seeing her. They complain all the time about having to pay for it, and then make comments like, "It's not working anyway." All those words hurt to hear, especially on days when I feel like I've made progress. Like today. I know my OCD and other disorders don't have to be validated to be real, but I just wish people could understand. They just don't.
Elle

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 0:52:34

In reply to Re: I'm Upset DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:44:28

I understand. Really I do. I guess that is why I love Babble. Even my husband doesn't really understand and talks about me stopping therapy all the time.

I've read the threads. It sounds to me like you really didn't need all this -- your pdoc and your mom. But remember, things work out for a reason. I'm sure your Therapist will help you.

Please call her tomorrow. Please. I don't want you hurting yourself anymore. Can we agree tonight that you will cope by posting a really long note to me here instead? I want to know what you are studying, favorite color, favorite joke and biggest fear. Save the questions until you need a distraction.

Maybe you could help me with my writing assignment tonight. I'm stuck. I'm suppose to describe what a safe place looks like and feels like. I'm having a hard time with this for some reason. I keep describing my Therapist's office!

Take good care. I'm still here.
D

 

Re: I'm Upset DaisyM

Posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 1:06:03

In reply to Re: I'm Upset Elle2021, posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 0:52:34

I will save the questions until I need a distraction, thats a really good idea Daisy! :) Thanks.
About your homework...hmm I will describe what I think a safe place feels like:

My safe place isn't going to be realistic. It won't be a room or anything like that. I have to say I imagine myself on a tropical island where the sand is really warm. My grandma is there and so is my therapist. It's safe there because there isn't anything that could possibly make me upset and even if there was, my grandma and T are there to help. And...now I'll be realistic.

A safe place I imagine would be living with my grandma. She seems to put me at ease. I don't feel constantly afraid or anxious when I'm around her. She seems to take things in stride. When she's worried or upset about something she's open and she says exactly how she feels. When I try to help her out, she doesn't discount my advice and seems to genuinely appreciate it. She also doesn't get upset if I talk about my feelings. Anyway, me and her would do a lot of cooking all day and watch tv together and do our grocery shopping together. Simple things with her make me feel safe. (I guess I'm still not being very realistic am I!).

The last time I felt really safe was about 5 years ago. My best friend had such a stable family. I loved her mother so much (her mother is deceased now due to cancer). But I remember that I loved being there because things were calm, even fights and arguments were discussed rationally and calmly. No one yelled and screamed and said mean things.
Elle

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by All Done on February 10, 2004, at 1:28:00

In reply to Re: I'm Upset DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 1:06:03

Elle,

I know I haven't posted much lately, so I hope you don't mind me jumping in here, but I want you to know I'm here, too. I'm not sure what words of wisdom I have, but maybe I can be at least a distraction for you (one of my preferred methods of coping).

>
> A safe place I imagine would be living with my grandma. She seems to put me at ease. I don't feel constantly afraid or anxious when I'm around her. She seems to take things in stride. When she's worried or upset about something she's open and she says exactly how she feels. When I try to help her out, she doesn't discount my advice and seems to genuinely appreciate it. She also doesn't get upset if I talk about my feelings. Anyway, me and her would do a lot of cooking all day and watch tv together and do our grocery shopping together. Simple things with her make me feel safe. (I guess I'm still not being very realistic am I!).

Hmm, now, correct me if I'm wrong, but other than the cooking, tv, and grocery shopping, this sounds an awful lot like Babble Land to me : ). Everyone here seems to take everything in stride and all we do is talk about our feelings. At the same time, especially lately, I've seen a lot of people saying exactly what they feel without discounting anyone else's opinions or advice. And I know I've always appreciated all of your posts to me : ). I guess what I'm trying to say is post, post, post! We can do our best to make this a safe place for you, too.

Maybe I can make Babble even more like living with your grandma...watch anything good on tv tonight?

I'm here. We can talk if you want.

Take care of yourself,
All Done

 

Re: I'm Upset All Done

Posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 1:39:06

In reply to Re: I'm Upset Elle2021, posted by All Done on February 10, 2004, at 1:28:00

I never mind you jumping in. I love your support. I suppose I did just describe Babble. Maybe that is my safe place for the moment. I do like it here. And I am feeling better after having talked about this with you and Daisy. I think I'm off to bed now, feeling much better. :) Thanks to both of you for your support and kindness. I can't even think of sufficient words to express my gratitude expect that what you two said to me, means a lot.
Elle

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by Karen_kay on February 10, 2004, at 8:31:54

In reply to I'm Upset, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:14:41

(((((Elle))))))

I'm sorry you and your mum fought. And I'm sorry she took that cheap shot at you. I wish I could give you a hug and put a bandaid on your wound.

Know that we all slide back at times, and that's part of recovering. It happens and it doesn't mean that you aren't healing. It's part of the process..

Some people are in denial of different types of illnesses. Some people just don't want to accept that it's real. Try not to take your mom's words to heart. We're here for you. Always!!!

 

(((Elle))), I hope you are doing better today (nm)

Posted by gardenergirl on February 10, 2004, at 9:14:27

In reply to Re: I'm Upset Elle2021, posted by Karen_kay on February 10, 2004, at 8:31:54

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 10:10:39

In reply to Re: I'm Upset DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 1:06:03

>>>My safe place isn't going to be realistic. It won't be a room or anything like that. I have to say I imagine myself on a tropical island where the sand is really warm. My grandma is there and so is my therapist. It's safe there because there isn't anything that could possibly make me upset and even if there was, my grandma and T are there to help.

Can I steal part of this? I never thought about taking my Therapist with me (wonder what his wife would say, she is a Therapist too...) and I never let myself wonder past what would be realistic. I was trying to be practical and "make do." I guess the point of all this is to imagine perfection and work towards it to meet your needs.

I hope you are better today. Please call your Therapist, if nothing else than to touch base. The middle of the night lows are the worst, we can deal with our demons (and our mothers) in the sunshine.

It is supposed to be 72 degrees today and sunny. I am so glad! Maybe I should play hooky...
I'd love to know how you are doing. Keep those questions, I'd like to know the answers sometime.
-D

 

Re: I'm Upset

Posted by pegasus on February 10, 2004, at 11:31:54

In reply to I'm Upset, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:14:41

Hi Elle,

I'm sorry that your mom isn't getting the whole OCD thing. It's so hard when people who you care about deny something so big in your life. Ideally she would be a whole heck of a lot more supportive. I hope it helps a little if you can get support elsewhere, like here, and your T.

I'm also sorry that you ended up SI-ing to cope, and then felt bad about yourself. It's a cycle that I know very well. I'm glad you have *some* way to cope, and I hope you are able to find other ways that don't feel so bad. If you post here when you need help with that, I promise I'll try to respond, if that's any help. Maybe answering Daisy's questions will help. That sounded like a good idea.

(((Elle)))

Also, Daisy, I like your safe place assignment. When I did that, I always thought of an attic room filled with books and a comfy chair, and a window with sun coming in, with people I care about in the room below talking so I could hear them. Don't know why I didn't want them there, but I did want them near. I never thought about putting my T there, but I think I will from now on.

- p

 

Re: I'm Upset

Posted by shortelise on February 10, 2004, at 12:01:52

In reply to Re: I'm Upset, posted by pegasus on February 10, 2004, at 11:31:54

Forgive me for assumptions - but isn't that sort of crap from your mom part of what has you in the place you are today? Sheesh.

I have learned not to expect the impossible from my mother, and the impossible is that she empathize, that she respect my feelings and how I am, which is very different from how she is. It's not gonna happen, she is not capable. It sure can hurt sometimes though.

Shorte

 

Re: I'm Upset pegasus

Posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 12:12:25

In reply to Re: I'm Upset, posted by pegasus on February 10, 2004, at 11:31:54

I wonder what is symbolic of the attic versus the basement? I like the image of a rocking chair.

I'm beginning to form a picture that looks a lot like the old reading room in the library I loved. Surrounded by books with vigilent librarians to keep everyone from asking me questions or making demands on me. I'm not sure how my Therapist comes into play here, yet, but I'm thinking about that.

I also have thought of my office, believe it or not. I have two windows, one of which faces west. When the sun goes down over the coast in the very late afternoon, it comes directly in my office. Since we close down at 4ish, usually I'm the only one still here. I can play Reba LOUD, sing and work, ignore the phones and feel peaceful. Yeah, maybe that's it.

Next question - I think I'll start a new thread for this one...

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by Penny on February 10, 2004, at 12:22:51

In reply to I'm Upset, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:14:41

(((Elle)))

I don't know that I have anything beneficial to add other than to second what Daisy, All Done and pegasus said. And I'm glad you're here - and I'm glad babble can be a safe place for you. There are so few safe places in this world, or so it seems to me.

keep posting as much as you need to.

P

 

Re: safe spaces DaisyM

Posted by Penny on February 10, 2004, at 12:27:12

In reply to Re: I'm Upset pegasus, posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 12:12:25

>I wonder what is symbolic of the attic versus the basement?

I know, for me, and I've never had a 'real' attic - just the storage kind that you don't spend time in really - but our basements were always sort of cold, dark and dank. Moist, and pretty depressing. But when I think of my ideal 'attic' - I see a room with warm yellow sunlight streaming through the window - a dormer window with a windowseat. Yellow flowery curtains, and a hardwood floor. Old trunks, perhaps a desk, a place that kids would enjoy playing dress-up and where I can sit and read and look out over the countryside (as a house with an attic like this could never be in a city) and just think or journal.

I've always always wanted a room like that. Maybe I'll get to have one someday?

P

 

Re: I'm Upset Elle2021

Posted by terrics on February 10, 2004, at 16:54:12

In reply to I'm Upset, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 0:14:41

Hi Elle, OH MOTHERS! Mine is bipolar and thinks it's GREAT that we are both mentally ill..that we have that in common. You know the truth about your OCD and that is what is important. terrrics

 

Re: I'm Upset pegasus

Posted by gardenergirl on February 10, 2004, at 17:13:00

In reply to Re: I'm Upset, posted by pegasus on February 10, 2004, at 11:31:54

What a great safe place! Sounds like somewhere I would like to visit. I also like the idea of knowing that loved ones are nearby but not right in your way. I SO need my time alone.

Take care,

gg

 

Re: safe spaces Penny

Posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 17:26:10

In reply to Re: safe spaces DaisyM, posted by Penny on February 10, 2004, at 12:27:12

I hope you get this someday and I believe you will. I can totally picture it! Add a little rain on the roof sometimes and hot chocolate...yeah, that would be great.
:)

 

Thanks for the support everyone! (nm)

Posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 22:11:17

In reply to Re: safe spaces Penny, posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 17:26:10

 

Re: I'm Upset DaisyM

Posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 22:15:42

In reply to Re: I'm Upset Elle2021, posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 10:10:39

> Can I steal part of this?

Of course you can! :)

> It is supposed to be 72 degrees today and sunny. I am so glad! Maybe I should play hooky...

72 degrees!! You are so fortunate. It's so cold here, about 32 degrees F. Hopefully it will warm up soon, spring is almost here (or at least I keep telling myself that!).

One of the answers to your q's.
My favorite joke...I can't remember who the quote is by, I guess it's more of a funny quote. Goes something like this:

"I was walking past a house one evening, and I saw a man hammering on a roof. He looked at me and told me I was crazy...in Morse code."

Elle

 

Re: I'm Upset

Posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 22:36:47

In reply to Re: I'm Upset DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on February 10, 2004, at 22:15:42

Love the joke! I'm gonna use it on my kids.
How are you doing tonight?

 

Re: I'm Upset DaisyM

Posted by Elle2021 on February 12, 2004, at 1:05:13

In reply to Re: I'm Upset, posted by DaisyM on February 10, 2004, at 22:36:47

> How are you doing tonight?

Not too bad. I went to the doctor (a regular one) yesterday. I found out I have the beginnings of an upper respitory infection. Ew! I don't like being sick. But, she gave me a bottle of cough syrup with Codeine, so I can't complain. :) Hehe, jk. I'm feeling better about school and my mother. I guess it just really hurt my feelings, but I'm over it now. She doesn't understand and probably won't unless (God forbid) she experiences it. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Maybe I could leave some literature around so she can read it. Hmm... So whats your favorite joke?
Elle

 

My favorite joke Elle2021

Posted by DaisyM on February 12, 2004, at 10:48:59

In reply to Re: I'm Upset DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on February 12, 2004, at 1:05:13

What did the fish say when he ran into a solid rock?

...Damn!

:)

I'm also big on elephant jokes as I collect them. I have over 100 in my office.

 

I've Been Cut Off...

Posted by Elle2021 on February 12, 2004, at 15:58:10

In reply to My favorite joke Elle2021, posted by DaisyM on February 12, 2004, at 10:48:59

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I told my mother about this and she decided suddenly that she, "Can't afford to pay for my therapy anymore." This, after an argument a week ago over her paranoid delusion that I only badmouth her during all my therapy sessions. I don't know what to do. She doesn't understand how badly I need to see my therapist. I'm almost afraid to ask if things can get any worse, but with my depression and insomnia, I think there about to. No, I'm not talking about suicide. I'm talking about losing all the progress I felt like I was making. I felt like I was making a lot of headway, and now once again it's hindered. I just don't know what to do anymore or how to deal with any of this.
Elle

 

Re: I've Been Cut Off... Elle2021

Posted by Dinah on February 12, 2004, at 17:03:06

In reply to I've Been Cut Off..., posted by Elle2021 on February 12, 2004, at 15:58:10

I'm so sorry about that, Elle. Maybe she'll change her mind. Does your mother often make sudden decisions? If she does, does she often change them? Maybe your therapist could talk to her? Or your pdoc?

Do you have any counseling options through school, or places that work on a sliding scale? I know it's not the same thing as having your own therapist, but maybe it could help some, at least.

I really do empathize. I had to throw myself on my husband's mercy this morning because I have far overrun my therapy budget this month. And am far under my work (and thus income) budget. My husband was great, but it's horrid to have to try to explain to someone just how badly you're feeling in order to justify the cost to them. :(


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