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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
Last yr. I was hospitalized because I could not work. When time came to go to work I held onto my husband and cried until he talked me into going. I have 2 jobs and today this is happening again. He is not home and I am really afraid. So I went to the bathroom and cut and might have to do it again. It is almost time to leave and I want to cancel. I usually get depressed after this fear starts. It is because I really am not qualified and don't know what I am doing..though on paper I am qualified. I need to work for the money. It feels like the beginning of last yrs. mess. terrics
Posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2004, at 13:39:43
In reply to A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
(((((terrics))))) cyber hug
I'm sorry you are hurting right now. I think it's really important that you are recognizing what is going on. That is hopeful. Is there anyone you can call to come sit with you? Can you call your T or your pdoc? I'm sure they would want to help you with this.
Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Do it again. Really concentrate on just your breathing for as long as it takes for you to feel calmer. And do call someone. I'm worried about you.
Take care of yourself and keep posting.
gg
Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2004, at 13:41:13
In reply to A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
It doesn't need to be. You've become attached to your therapist haven't you? I've read that a secure attachment releases the same endorphins that self injury does. Can you reach out to her when you are feeling desperate? I've also found that taking a mild tranquilizer and taking a nap can keep me from self injuring, especially if I combine it with calling my therapist when it's really bad.
Keep up the good fight.
(You know, I think almost everyone feels like an impostor at work sometimes. Like they're playing grownups by putting on work clothes and going in. Chances are some of the people around you are feeling just as insecure in their abilities as you are.)
Posted by pegasus on February 7, 2004, at 14:02:23
Hi terrics,
Sorry you're having such a rough time. I agree with what Dinah said about it being pretty common to feel incompetent about work. I feel that all the time too, and some days I just hate hate hate to go in. But maybe you can think of some things that you can do well at work? Maybe if it's a really bad day, can you give yourself permission to focus on the stuff you feel more comfortable with at work? I find that helps me, if it's a really bad day.
I also agree with Dinah about sleeping instead of cutting. I find that *sometimes* if I crawl into bed and just decline to participate in life, I can keep myself from injuring myself until I feel better. I don't know if you have anyone at home, but hibernating like that also gives my husband a clue about my distress, without freaking him out.
(((terrics)))
-p
Posted by fallsfall on February 7, 2004, at 17:22:17
In reply to A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
I often feel unqualified at work. I don't know stuff that I need to know. I can't figure things out. I make mistakes.
But it is often true that the people around me aren't expecting me to know as much as I'm expecting me to know. It is OK with them if I have to ask some questions of other people. It is OK if it takes a little time for me to figure something out. My expectations are MUCH higher than theirs.
What have your performance reviews said? Have they said that you are incompetent? If they don't say that, then they don't think that you are.
Is your job flexible enough to allow you to do "easy" things on a day when you don't have as much confidence, and save the "hard" stuff for another day?
Be nice to yourself.
Posted by DaisyM on February 7, 2004, at 19:23:18
In reply to A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
I hope things get better soon. It is true that from day to day we all feel like we are pretending to do a good job. I started a company 5 years ago. I'm still waiting for someone to come and tell me I don't know what I'm doing. Really. So don't be too hard on yourself.
I agree with everyone else. You need to call and get some support for yourself. And try to figure out what happened last time you were at work that is making it so hard to go back.
Let us know how you are.
Posted by KindGirl on February 7, 2004, at 20:45:45
In reply to A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
Sweetie, I am so sorry you are in so much pain!!!! ((((terrics)))) if okay....
You are doing good girl!! You wrote here and that is different than last year, right? We are all here for you and we hear you and we see you and we care.!!! You matter!!!
It sucks so bad when you want to cut yourself or hurt yourself outside because you want to die inside and can't take it anymore. :(
Can you call your hubby? A friend?
I don't cut but I hurt myself in other ways. My t. says we do this because we hurt so bad inside and it is the mind's way of shutting off the pain or redirecting it. She tells me to try to find other ways to comfort myself (sounds easy doesn't it?)....take a walk, take a hot bath, play the piano or listen to music, pray....call her.....can you call your t? I hope you can. Please consider it. I know your t. cares about you and wants you to call when you feel this way.
I am sorry you work 2 jobs. I bet you are exhausted and that doesn't help when we feel like crap already. :( Hang in there. I care.
Posted by terrics on February 8, 2004, at 0:01:18
In reply to Re: A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by KindGirl on February 7, 2004, at 20:45:45
thank you all for your kind thoughts. I did call T. She said I should see her tomorrow. ps no bad reviews, but I am being sued for something that happened last yr....a freek acident. terrics
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 8, 2004, at 0:36:39
In reply to A big mess because of work/trigger, posted by terrics on February 7, 2004, at 13:03:49
:*( Aw Terrics I am sorry I am a cutter too and it sounds like you need maybe to try to get on disability to help pay the bills and get out of this job situation. You can still work so many hours a week if you want and can pick a job you feel comfortable with. They say throwing ice in the shower, smashing things and tearing books up can help you not cut. In the meantime you are in my prayers and on my mind. See or call your PDOC/t ASAP and see if you can blow out of the job please
HUGS
Posted by terrics on February 8, 2004, at 11:18:53
In reply to Re: A big mess because of work/trigger » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on February 8, 2004, at 0:36:39
Hi, I am trying to stay off of disability and have been feeling reasonably well since August. The darn fear is creeping in again. I called T. And work went fairly well yesterday. terrics
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 8, 2004, at 12:35:46
In reply to Re: A big mess because of work/trigger » Fallen4myT, posted by terrics on February 8, 2004, at 11:18:53
I understand why you want to avoid disability till/if you must use it but IF you need to even just to get another job please dont hesitate cause your well being and life is more important. But that said I am so glad AND happy for you that you were able to do it ..makes one feel less messed up no doubt I know, cause when my anxiety gets bad I wanna stay in and if I manage to go out and shop or something it adds some hope to my life...ALSO VERY happy you did talk to your T who did help. Please stay away from the S/A as much as you can I do it to so I KNOW. I wonder if they have a list I saw once of alternative actions to self harm..maybe Ill post it in my thread. It doesnt ALWAYS WORK for me but....So you did good ..makes me smile
HUGS
Posted by gardenergirl on February 8, 2004, at 16:10:26
In reply to Re: A big mess because of work/trigger » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on February 8, 2004, at 12:35:46
Posted by Crooked Heart on February 9, 2004, at 2:30:49
In reply to Re: A big mess because of work/trigger » Fallen4myT, posted by terrics on February 8, 2004, at 11:18:53
Good to hear that things went better at work. I've felt like an impostor a lot in the past, even though, like you, on paper I was qualified. And it's a big strain if there's a lawsuit or complaint of some kind to be got through, regardless of what started it.
It's good to know you can call your therapist.
Thinking of you.
Posted by terrics on February 9, 2004, at 14:38:31
In reply to Re: A big mess because of work/trigger » terrics, posted by Crooked Heart on February 9, 2004, at 2:30:49
Thank you for your understanding.
This is the end of the thread.
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