Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 297029

Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Boundaries vs Indifference

Posted by Kalamatianos on January 6, 2004, at 5:04:01

Practically speaking, for adults, the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. I don't make up this stuff. Perhaps I have been visited by space aliens.

Nevertheless, read what I have read and study what I have studied and what I say about indifference holds true. Also, I was clear in my earlier post that the indifference would be suffered by the clients being treated, not actually the feelings of the T. So from the eyes of the beholders, they may feel like their T is aloof, cold, discompassionate, and apathetic, no matter whether the T is or not. Boundaries don't have to evoke indifference even if the T would be better off that way with clients legally.

OBTW, children really don't get things right. To a child the opposite of love is hate, but children are obligated to their dependency objects and thus can only traffic in approval. Love = caring without obligation. Unfortunately we have tooooo many meanings for the word love in English.

But, czek it out. Children can care for a person or hate a person. They can't handle the complexities of options so its always either/or to a child. In contrast, adults get into trouble living strictly by either/or standards. Childhood is "rules based". Adulthood is "options based".

Life is complicated and adults are wired to handle the complexities, whereas children aren't. So adults who act like children because everyone forget to tell them that adulthood was different than childhood, have messy inefficient lives full of strife.

Know anybody like that? I do. I was.

Also, when I discovered what it really meant to be an adult, I instantly knew I never wanted to be a child again. For instance, being able to conceptualize in 3 dimensions with true perspective and in full color is something I would miss as a child. 100 years ago, Piaget discovered this ability lacking in his children. Recently, neuro-scientists have identified the details of why this is.

I was 41 before I discovered this truth. Today I never look back fondly toward childhood.

 

Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Kalamatianos

Posted by Elle2021 on January 6, 2004, at 5:56:57

In reply to Boundaries vs Indifference, posted by Kalamatianos on January 6, 2004, at 5:04:01

> Practically speaking, for adults, the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.

After some time spent comparing words on the Merriam Webster Site, I have come to the conclusion that you are right about indifference being the opposite of love. Though, technically, love is the direct opposite of hate.

>Unfortunately we have tooooo many meanings for the word love in English.

I agree 100% on that point.

So, I think it is better to have someone hate you than to be indifferent toward you. At least if they hate you, they *feel* something for you. That something could change to love. If they are indifferent, then they feel nothing for you, not a thing.
Elle

 

Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Elle2021

Posted by Kalamatianos on January 6, 2004, at 14:38:09

In reply to Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Kalamatianos, posted by Elle2021 on January 6, 2004, at 5:56:57

<<<Though, technically, love is the direct opposite of hate

>>> The feeling (emotional) component of love can be in opposition when others have the feeling of hatred. There are many more components than just feelings connected to the phenomenon known as LOVE. Indifference is the power to make a difference; like agreeing to disagree; like accepting optional outcomes over (childhood) expectations.

Again, like all childhood proclivities, hatred is an un-resolvable and "one-way" feeling. That's not how the adult world works. Adults have, and do utilize, options and optional thinking to the point of resolution including optional outcomes. That doesn't make adults the enemy of children. That fact gives children something to aspire to when they are ready; when their wiring undergoes an overhaul at the hands of their genetic time clock.

Do you have grey hair? I do. I accept the liabilities of getting old along with the benefits I enjoyed from age 15 onward. The genetic clock has passed onto me another marker of time. When I turned 50, I swear I started forgetting more often. I also recognize that my memory priorities are undergoing a fundamental remapping and many details might be temporarily misplaced from quick access for recall. I do seem to call up the maddenly missing facts later and out of synch.

I am, however, totally disinterested in "Trivial Pursuit" which is shocking because of my "star" status at parties. I used to pass time studying the decks of “Trivial Pursuit” cards while watching TV at night. Everyone always wanted to be on my team.

And now I’m happily indifferent. I have noticed that the values, status, and goals of my new acquaintances has increased. Does this mean what I think it means? Was I a “Trivial Pursuit” bore at parties all those years? Hmmmmmmmm……..

 

Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Kalamatianos

Posted by Elle2021 on January 8, 2004, at 3:12:25

In reply to Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Elle2021, posted by Kalamatianos on January 6, 2004, at 14:38:09

> Do you have grey hair?
Not yet! :)

>When I turned 50, I swear I started forgetting more often.

I'm not near 50 yet, and already I am forgetting how to spell common words. My pdoc thinks it might be neurological.

> I am, however, totally disinterested in "Trivial Pursuit"

I like that game!

> And now I’m happily indifferent. I have noticed that the values, status, and goals of my new acquaintances has increased. Does this mean what I think it means? Was I a “Trivial Pursuit” bore at parties all those years? Hmmmmmmmm……..

No, people probably liked being on your team cause you always won! :)
Elle


 

Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Elle2021

Posted by Kalamatianos on January 10, 2004, at 0:42:26

In reply to Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Kalamatianos, posted by Elle2021 on January 8, 2004, at 3:12:25

I can still play. I was just drawing a picture of somthing that I used to be obsessed with that now I can be indifferent about and still be happy inside my own skin.

 

Elle2021 = Czek out this belated post

Posted by Kalamatianos on January 10, 2004, at 0:46:18

URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/298896.html

 

Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Kalamatianos

Posted by Elle2021 on January 10, 2004, at 1:06:56

In reply to Re: Re: Boundaries vs Indifference » Elle2021, posted by Kalamatianos on January 10, 2004, at 0:42:26

> I can still play. I was just drawing a picture of somthing that I used to be obsessed with that now I can be indifferent about and still be happy inside my own skin.

I just feel like you are using indifferent in a good way, but the word has more negative connotations. For instance:

Merriam-Webster
lack of apathy

see what I mean?
Elle

 

Re: Elle2021 = Czek out this belated post » Kalamatianos

Posted by Elle2021 on January 10, 2004, at 1:10:01

In reply to Elle2021 = Czek out this belated post , posted by Kalamatianos on January 10, 2004, at 0:46:18

Thank you dahling, I posted you a response at the original thread.
:)
Elle


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