Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 280694

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girls and bullying (quite long)

Posted by amy_oz on November 17, 2003, at 21:11:16

Hi,
After coming to terms with a bipolar/mixed episode or anxiety/depression (depending on which doctor)episode that chucked me into hospital. I'm going on a bit of soul search on how I've always treated myself pretty badly and the causes.

What I've come up with is that, most if not all stemmed fom the fact that I was severely bullied from the age of 5-15 and mainly from girls, althought sometimes from boys.

I never thought it was a "worthy" enough cause of mental health problems,until I started reading about bullying and girls and how insidious it is. I now don't trust friendships with other people, often think everyone hates me and am incredibly sensitive and anxious. I'm only now starting to recognise a good natured jibe for what it is.

I guess what I'm getting to is wanting to know stories from you guys and possible ways of dealing with it through therapy and self help etc. I didn't know if this kind of post belonged to the social site or not.

Thanks for reading this long post

Amy

 

Re: girls and bullying (quite long) amy_oz

Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2003, at 9:36:43

In reply to girls and bullying (quite long), posted by amy_oz on November 17, 2003, at 21:11:16

Hi Amy. I think you could be quite right. Both my therapist and I chalk up a lot of my problems to a sort of post traumatic stress syndrome from bulling in middle and the first year of high school.

When I chose a school for my very sensitive son, the school attitude towards bullying was my number one concern. I found a "progressive" school with a zero tolerance for it. Kids will be kids only as long as that's the attitude adults have. And my fury is directed as much as the adults who failed to protect me as the kids who tormented me. That's why I get on Dr. Bob's case so often. :)

I'd love to pull my thoughts together and write more on this later, but I'm really not feeling well today.

In fact, I think that if I do go back to school, I want to go find a career where I can work with the whole concept of peer bullying and its long term effects.

At one time, I probably had every book written on the subject. But a lot has come out in the last year or two, so I've probably fallen behind.

Give me a few days to recover from yesterday's flaming amygdala attack, which has left me with a nasty adrenal hangover, and I'll write back.

 

Re: girls and bullying (quite long) amy_oz

Posted by Poet on November 18, 2003, at 9:43:38

In reply to girls and bullying (quite long), posted by amy_oz on November 17, 2003, at 21:11:16

Hi Amy,

I was tormented by my bully brother throughout my childhood. Girls are just as evil. When I was 14, my only friend teamed up with a girl bully and openly teased me and ripped me apart. My reaction was to blame myself, I deserved it, I'm worthless,etc. My therapist says the combination of bullying traumatized me.

I, of course, still blame myself. I also don't trust anyone. My therapist understands that and is working with me to heal my damaged inner child. Right now we're on a break from it as we need to deal with other issues, the evil trio: bulimia, depression, and social anxiety.

I think therapy can help. I also have a guided imagery CD on self-esteem. It's too early to tell if that's working. I'll keep you posted.

Poet


 

Re: girls and bullying (quite long)

Posted by amy_oz on November 20, 2003, at 20:48:38

In reply to Re: girls and bullying (quite long) amy_oz, posted by Poet on November 18, 2003, at 9:43:38

thank you for your kind words.
I own a book about girls and bullying called "odd girl out". I think thats what its called when I find out for sure, I'll add the link to amazon. When I read it I just started crying and crying.
I guess therapists are just starting to create strategies for dealing with PTSD from bullying.

I've done a bit of work with CBT and it helps. But because it only works on the thinking level, and I'm a very feeling person, it may not be the be all and end all.
i decided on a new strategy last night. TO use CBT and adapt the straegies from it to my thoughts and feelings and behaviour.
Eg for a lack of confidence and believing that people don't like me.
I will ask myself what is the evidence for this?
What would a confident person think in this situation?
How would a confident person feel in this situation?
How would a confident person act in this situation?
I'll then try and adjust everything accordingly. I realise that this isn't easy and will take lots of practice. I'm sure I'll still have some down feelings in these situations...so I'll self soothe the feelings I'm still having. Exercise for frustration, wine and dine myself etc.

I was actually quite excited when I came up with this technique and its nice to be excited about something. I'll let you know how its going.


Please let me know what works and I'll pass ideas back through too.

thank you

Amy


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