Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 280750

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tortured and confused

Posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 0:45:04


I saw my therapist today. It was a somewhat unsatisfying session, and I called her afterwards to tell her something important that I left out of the session. It was more for her sake than for mine, although it made me feel good to call her.

Anyway, I'm seeing her again on Wednesday and Thursday. We just increased from two to three sessions per week. I desperately want to call her and try to schedule an appointment for tomorrow right now. I'm totally obsessed and freaking out about it. I'm not sure what this is about. We had a really intense session last week so maybe we're getting somewhere important and it's upsetting me. Although I'm not really sure what's going on. Anyway, it's just that the idea of not seeing her tomorrow makes me feel so dismal.

What should I do? Should I just hang on till Wednesday? I mean, it's one extra day. And she's going to get sick of me if she has to see me every day this week. Or, I just won't even know what to talk about. I have so many things to say but then I get there and blank out.

Advice, anyone?

crushedout

 

Re: tortured and confused » crushedout

Posted by lookdownfish on November 18, 2003, at 5:23:27

In reply to tortured and confused, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 0:45:04

I don't know if I can offer any good advice. But what I would do is try to wait til Wednesday. My therapist is not very approachable about me ringing her up in between sessions, so maybe that's just me. Maybe you could write down all the feelings you're having. It might help you get through til tomorrow. Hope you're feeling better today.

 

Re: tortured and confused » crushedout

Posted by Poet on November 18, 2003, at 9:59:15

In reply to tortured and confused, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 0:45:04

Hi Crushedout,

Keep in mind that I need to be the perfect therapy patient, so I rarely call her between sessions because I think she'll get sick of me.

I agee with lookdownfish, try to hang on until tomorrow. I think writing it all down is a good idea, too. Write what you are feeling and why and if you feel comfortable read it to her in your Wednesday session. Granted I'm a writer, but I find writing it all down helps me release some of the anxiety and pain I feel between sessions.

Poet

 

Re: tortured and confused

Posted by DaisyM on November 18, 2003, at 11:15:15

In reply to Re: tortured and confused » crushedout, posted by Poet on November 18, 2003, at 9:59:15

I'm not sure I agree with above posts. One day perhaps isn't too long but on the other hand, if you are on to something and it seems this important, maybe going in is the answer. Especially if you can trade one day for another. Like, go in today, and skip Wed. or something.

I know the one week for me that was pure hell, I went in 3x and had a phone consult once. It really helped put me back together.

That doesn't mean I didn't then have to deal with how dependent I felt, but it was worth it in the end. Just something to consider.
-D

 

thanks all

Posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 12:34:16

In reply to tortured and confused, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 0:45:04


Thanks all, for your input. I ended up calling her about a half hour ago and left her a message saying I knew it was unlikely that she had anything, but if she did I'd like to come in, or maybe we could do a brief phone check-in. I told her I was just feeling overwhelmed and freaked out and panicky. She hasn't called me back yet, but I assume she will.

I think I need to fight my urge to be the perfect patient and make her like me, and instead focus on what I think I actually *need* from her and see if I can get that. I think actually asking for what you think you need can be less clingy/needy than not asking (and just desperately, pathetically wishing your needs would get met).

On the other hand, she's been worried that I'm "addicted" to her, and if that's all this is about, then it seems like a royal waste of my time and money. But I don't think that's all that's going on. I hope not. Geez.

Anyway, it's great to bounce this stuff off y'all and get your feedback. It really makes me feel less alone sometimes (even just reading the posts here).

crushedout

 

follow up

Posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 14:01:30

In reply to thanks all, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 12:34:16


Well, I started feeling better so I called her back and cancelled my request for an appointment or check-in. She called me back shortly after, and said she had time to talk, even though I cancelled my request. She told me I was in her thoughts a lot and that what I was going through was probably good (or something like that) and that she felt I had more resources to cope with it. I just have to "sit with" the feelings.

Anyway, she was really sweet. It helped. And we'll see each other tomorrow.

I'm so lucky. My therapist is really good.

crushed

 

Re: follow up » crushedout

Posted by DaisyM on November 18, 2003, at 19:21:49

In reply to follow up, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 14:01:30

I'm glad it worked out so well. Sometimes just the act of giving in to our feelings is calming in and of itself.

But...don't you just hate the "sit with them" answer to overwhelming feelings. I want to sit ON them, not with them! *smile*
D

 

Re: follow up

Posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 19:44:30

In reply to Re: follow up » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on November 18, 2003, at 19:21:49


oh, yeah. turns out i'm a total wreck tonight. crying in a way i never have before. barely functional. but it feels good in this really weird way. i don't know how to explain it. i'm just hanging on till i can see her tomorrow. but then it will be over! and i'll have to face these feelings again alone. yuck. oy.


> I'm glad it worked out so well. Sometimes just the act of giving in to our feelings is calming in and of itself.
>
> But...don't you just hate the "sit with them" answer to overwhelming feelings. I want to sit ON them, not with them! *smile*
> D

 

Re: follow up

Posted by Rigby on November 18, 2003, at 19:52:04

In reply to Re: follow up, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 19:44:30

Hey Crushed,

Just saw your posts. Do you know what triggered you? Have you talked to your therapist about your feelings towards her? That might help a bit??

Thinking of you. Keep us posted!

Rigby

 

Re: follow up

Posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 20:13:46

In reply to Re: follow up, posted by Rigby on November 18, 2003, at 19:52:04

hey rigby,

thanks for your post. i'm really not sure what's going on with me. last week i cried in therapy for the first time. she cried with me. it was very healing. but i'm not sure what brought me to that point finally. i've been wanting to cry in therapy for years now.

but i sort of feel like maybe that set me off. i'm really not sure, though. i mean, what triggered me to finally cry in therapy?

now i'm flooded with tons of stuff i've never really felt before. or not this intensely all at once. it's really overpowering.

i'm hangin' in, though. any words of wisdom are always appreciated.

crushed


> Hey Crushed,
>
> Just saw your posts. Do you know what triggered you? Have you talked to your therapist about your feelings towards her? That might help a bit??
>
> Thinking of you. Keep us posted!
>
> Rigby
>
>

 

Re: follow up

Posted by Rigby on November 18, 2003, at 23:22:44

In reply to Re: follow up, posted by crushedout on November 18, 2003, at 20:13:46

Hi Crushed,

Not that it's always appropriate but it never hurts to review why you're in therapy and what you wish to achieve. Therapy is intense--three days per week is *very* intense. You've mentioned before that you were going to process getting over a relationship (I think??) and that you'd mostly accomplished that (I think--sorry) so I would maybe want to review why you're there now and why so often. It sounds like therapy is the main thing going on for you--do you have friends and people around to talk to besides your therapist? I'd also want to know why your therapist thinks three times per week is necessary. What is she telling you you need to work on?

Keep us posted. Hope tomorrow goes well.

Rigby

 

follow-up follow-up (long) » Rigby

Posted by crushedout on November 19, 2003, at 0:40:39

In reply to Re: follow up, posted by Rigby on November 18, 2003, at 23:22:44

hi rigby,

yeah, although we don't really discuss it explicitly that often, i think my t and i both have a pretty good idea of why i'm there. it's hard to describe. my problems are kind of complicated and amorphous.

anyway, in a sort of general way, my life is really crazy right now; i'm in a huge transition. i have lots of time on my hands, a little extra money, great insurance, and absolutely no structure or direction in my life (i guess one of the -- if not the -- major reasons i'm in tx). so for me, tx gives me a little structure, which i desperately need, and i also have a lot of stuff i need to work on. i'm in a crisis of sorts. a long-term one, it seems.

so, the way i see it, this is the perfect, the only, time to do this. i mean, why the heck not, if i can? since i have the time, money, motivation to work on myself? another reason i wanted to go more often was to talk more about this transference stuff, which i've discussed with her somewhat but not enough. i'm trying. she's trying. she brings it up and i freeze. i dunno.

so, it's basically been my idea to go to 3x a week. she had mentioned the possibility once awhile ago (because i was saying i wanted to see her more often) and i said i couldn't afford it time or moneywise. since that changed recently, i told her i decided 3x a week would be good, and although she seemed slightly worried (she thinks i might just be "addicted" to her or something), she agreed. she also warned me that it could be really intense. i wasn't sure i believed her but now i do. i think this is the time for this, though. i'm afraid it may be now or never. i'm really lost and afraid to go into a downward spiral. it would be so easy to do right now.

i'm feeling kind of defensive of her about this. is there some reason you think 3x a week is a bad idea for me? i'd be curious to know why.

i'm single. i have friends, but i haven't been wanting to see them for the most part lately. i've been just wanting to be alone (well, i'd rather be with my t constantly, but given that that's not an option, i want to be alone). and it's insidious. the more i isolate the more i want to isolate. but basically, i'm feeling more and more like all the "real" people in my life just are *not* giving me what i really need and she is the *only* person who really understands me at all. so i feel like i don't want to see any of them. of course that makes me utterly dependent on my T.

crushed


> Hi Crushed,
>
> Not that it's always appropriate but it never hurts to review why you're in therapy and what you wish to achieve. Therapy is intense--three days per week is *very* intense. You've mentioned before that you were going to process getting over a relationship (I think??) and that you'd mostly accomplished that (I think--sorry) so I would maybe want to review why you're there now and why so often. It sounds like therapy is the main thing going on for you--do you have friends and people around to talk to besides your therapist? I'd also want to know why your therapist thinks three times per week is necessary. What is she telling you you need to work on?
>
> Keep us posted. Hope tomorrow goes well.
>
> Rigby
>

 

Re: follow-up follow-up (long)

Posted by Rigby on November 19, 2003, at 10:19:07

In reply to follow-up follow-up (long) » Rigby, posted by crushedout on November 19, 2003, at 0:40:39

Hey Crushed,

Re the three times per week, it may be my inexeperience more than anything--just sort of wondering how it would be that often and why. I'm curious because it seems like at that frequency level there's not much emotional room to live and experience life outside the room which is how you test what you're "learning" in therapy. Again, this is not an opinion, I'm just wondering about frequency and why, etc.

Also, in the beginning, my therapist kept pushing for twice/week and I got pretty ticked off b/c I felt she didn't have any regard for the fact that HELLO it's not cheap!! So part of me is a tad bit suspicious because therapy isn't like health insurance where you pay x per month and they try and minimize the services you use--it's the opposite so the more you go the more they make. I think this creates a conflict of interest in some ways. I'm not at ALL saying this about your therapist--it's more my suspicions. My therapist actually came way down in her rate for me ($25 less per session!) so I should probably stop whining about it!

It sounds like your reasons for going make sense and that you're seizing an opportunity. When I first started therapy I was isolated and therapy was a Main Activity (even at once/week!) But if it works, therapy can open you up and one day you're making better and more real friendships and you sort of don't even know it. It's subtle. I've become the opposite of isolated. It's hard to connect therapy to concrete changes you make in your life but I do believe, for me, it is connected.

Anyway, good luck today!!

Rigby

 

Re: follow-up follow-up (long) » Rigby

Posted by lookdownfish on November 19, 2003, at 10:31:43

In reply to Re: follow-up follow-up (long), posted by Rigby on November 19, 2003, at 10:19:07

Rigby - what you say is very interesting. I'm currently in the situation where my therapist is pushing for 2 sessions / week, and I'm resisting like mad. Not only because of the money, but also because it is an intense process and I don't want therapy to take over my life. However on the flip side, some posts here have led me to believe that you need the increased intensity to get deep down to the important issues. I am very keen to make a breakthrough and actually solve some problems, but not at the expense of enjoying the rest of my life. It's an interesting dilemma.


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