Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 280391

Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Journey (pretty long)

Posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

Sometimes when I read messages full of angst or concern about therapists, I want to tell people that they are on a journey, walking a path, with their therapist.

Whatever happens, happens for both. Whatever growth, sadness, self-acceptance....it is because the two are on a path together. Sure there are times where separations and misunderstandings occur, but by and large this is a journey the two (or more) of you have undertaken together.

The outcome is unknown until it happens. In the mean time, it could be a wonderful opportunity to learn about holding on to yourself, accepting yourself, rejecting the things we learned when we were misused, and more.

Maybe I'm just thinking this way because I've been involved in organizing a yoga retreat at a Hindu ashram here. But, I've always felt that my therapist and I were on a journey that affected both of us. (And, it hasn't been all happy and Pollyanna stuff, either! We've fought, knocked, and banged (verbally) as much as two people can, and I am grateful for those times too.)

I know if I forget immediately what happened during a session, that needs more work. I've even said, ok--I'm going to ask you to remind me of this. Sometimes the hard stuff is hard to remember. The negative things we were taught about ourselves may need to be gone over...and over...and over again, until we find a way to put it in its place.

I'm wanting to convey that no client is one-down. Every client deserves to get their money's worth. We are, in a sense, making a contract, and not there to please anyone, or annoy anyone--we are there to get the attention that is ours for 50 minutes, and assistance with what bothers us. No client deserves less than their therapist's best. (ok, I have to admit we all have our off days......)

Oh, well,
Shar

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) shar

Posted by Pfinstegg on November 16, 2003, at 23:49:50

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

That's such a wonderful way of expressing what therapy really is. Thank you, Shar. Your post gave me a little surge of inner peace and confidence as I prepare to see him tomorrow. (Now I have to lay out the clothes I've chosen, do my nails, moisturize, bathe, etc., etc.! I act like I'm going on a date!) Good grief! I'd better try a bit harder to hang on to the peace and confidence you offered.

Pfinstegg

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) shar

Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2003, at 0:41:15

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

Oh, I do like that description, Shar. I especially liked:

"(And, it hasn't been all happy and Pollyanna stuff, either! We've fought, knocked, and banged (verbally) as much as two people can, and I am grateful for those times too.)"

Those are probably the best experiences I've had in therapy. Because being able to do that and have the relationship strengthened rather than destroyed is a revelation to me.

Which is not to say I don't fuss and get scared during the middle of them. :)

 

Re: Journey (pretty long)

Posted by karen_kay on November 17, 2003, at 6:09:30

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long) shar, posted by Pfinstegg on November 16, 2003, at 23:49:50

(Now I have to lay out the clothes I've chosen, do my nails, moisturize, bathe, etc., etc.! I act like I'm going on a date!) Good grief!

Agh!! I thought I was the only one who does this!! I wear business suits when I go to therapy! For no other reason, then to look nicer than he does.. Oh, what is wrong with me???
Karen

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) shar

Posted by fallsfall on November 17, 2003, at 7:01:40

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

"...by and large this is a journey the two (or more) of you have undertaken together. "

I need someone with me on the journey. When I called him over the weekend (and he couldn't see me) he said "No matter what the issue is, even if we disagree, we'll figure it out together." That gave me strength. The hard part is being brave enough to say what I need to say. We can't make progress together if we are working on different sets of information.

 

Re: Journey (pretty long)

Posted by Poet on November 17, 2003, at 9:11:21

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

Thanks for the inspiration, Shar.

I'm the first to admit I've been very whiney about therapy lately. You are right- therapy is a journey that my therapist and I are taking together. I just seem to keep getting stuck in quick sand on the path.

Poet

 

Re: Journey (pretty long)

Posted by lookdownfish on November 17, 2003, at 9:35:42

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

it's a good metaphor. When I get impatient with the process, my therapist is always saying we're on a journey in a dark tunnel and she is holding the torch. I think, if only one of us knew where we were actually heading...!

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) shar

Posted by judy1 on November 17, 2003, at 10:11:09

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

Can you tell us a bit about the yoga retreat you're organizing? Has yoga been helpful for you? just looking at alternatives....
thanks, judy

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) lookdownfish

Posted by DaisyM on November 17, 2003, at 15:32:23

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long), posted by lookdownfish on November 17, 2003, at 9:35:42

What worries me is that He knows where we are heading and isn't telling me...

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) fallsfall

Posted by DaisyM on November 17, 2003, at 15:48:14

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long) shar, posted by fallsfall on November 17, 2003, at 7:01:40

Sounds like you had a tough weekend -- something in the air I think. I'm glad you at least reached out for help and could talk on the phone, if not in person. You've been pretty quiet here -- I hope all is well and you are taking care of yourself.

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) shar

Posted by karen_kay on November 17, 2003, at 17:19:40

In reply to Journey (pretty long), posted by shar on November 16, 2003, at 23:08:07

Forgive me if I sound a little bitter, but I really don't feel that I am on a journey with anyone but myself. I feel that I am little more than a name in a planner, a comedic relief, and a check to my therapist. I realize that this is an opportunity for both of us to learn, as I am very sure we both have. But, in this process I am learning also what it is like to almost depend on another person to "make me better" and hope they can pull through. I realize that I too must do my part. But, if I were to quit therapy today, I hardly doubt my therapist would think to even pick up the phone and ask why I decided to quit. It's not that he's not a great therapist, he really is. Maybe I'm just a cynic. But, he's not there when I really break down. So, he's not really there for the whole journey. Sorry to ruin the post, it is a lovely post. This is just how I feel about it, though I wish I felt like everyone else :(
Karen

 

Re: Journey (not so long)

Posted by shar on November 17, 2003, at 20:01:09

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long) shar, posted by karen_kay on November 17, 2003, at 17:19:40

What everyone has said is so absolutely true. It is a rocky journey, with pitfalls (and torches), and putting ourselves out there, all vulnerable after terrible experiences, and the hope that working with this person will help us get past some of the things that need getting past.

Some of it is just awful...but what is the alternative? At least with my Therapist, I know she is not there to abuse me, misuse me, do a mind f**ck on me. It's probably the most honest relationship I have.

Not all experiences will be good, which is why we shift around, but some can be very good...and that is the great hope. That someone can help us find that good, loving part of ourselves that isn't made for others........but for us. For us to love the good stuff we have, work on improvements....etc., etc., etc., (that's from the King and I or Anna and the King of Siam).

When we are on a journey, we will learn something. It may be something to do, or something not to do...or, maybe it will be to explore the unknown before us--the idea that we could be lovable and worthwhile, that we may be important to others. Who knows where the journey will take us?

for all of us learners.....
Shar

 

Re: Journey (shorter version) karen_kay

Posted by shar on November 17, 2003, at 20:19:46

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long) shar, posted by karen_kay on November 17, 2003, at 17:19:40

> Forgive me if I sound a little bitter, but I really don't feel that I am on a journey with anyone but myself.

...............well, there are those therapists out there....

I feel that I am little more than a name in a planner, a comedic relief, and a check to my therapist. I realize that this is an opportunity for both of us to learn, as I am very sure we both have.

..................K, please give yourself a break from the 'comedic relief' genre...unless you are particularly funny, that is......

But, in this process I am learning also what it is like to almost depend on another person to "make me better" and hope they can pull through. I realize that I too must do my part.

.........I agree. It is hard work. But I truly in my heart doubt that your issues are only a superficial 50 minutes for your T to get through. If so, I would encourage you to find a T you could have a better connection with.

But, if I were to quit therapy today, I hardly doubt my therapist would think to even pick up the phone and ask why I decided to quit. It's not that he's not a great therapist, he really is. Maybe I'm just a cynic. But, he's not there when I really break down. So, he's not really there for the whole journey. Sorry to ruin the post, it is a lovely post. This is just how I feel about it, though I wish I felt like everyone else :(

..................K, this sounds like questions you ought to be asking him, if you really want to know. Either he needs to be there for the whole journey, or part of the journey is going it alone when he's not!

.........I doubt this will help, but I've wept in my car after many a session with my T (over a decade). I believe sometimes we may have to feel totally convoluted and messed up to deal with the stuff that goes on in our lil heads. I've left many a time feeling unloved, and I ATTACK IT the next time. How could you not love me??????????? How could you not care how I fare out there in the real world????????

I don't always get the answers I want to hear, but....then, that's part of the process.

xoxo
Shar

 

Re: Journey (pretty long)

Posted by sweet77 on November 18, 2003, at 0:55:51

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long) shar, posted by karen_kay on November 17, 2003, at 17:19:40

i totally agree kar... i mean therpy only is there when u go to them and they never see that really bad parts of what is going on .. i know my therpist wouldnt pick up a phone if i stopped going .... so it is sorta like i am delin with the rougher part alone ... yea i can talk to him in that 45 mins i am there but does he really know what i deal with when he is not there NO HE DONT !!! i cant reach my therpist at night and on the weekend when i am the most depressed and my panic attaks are the worst ... but the point of the therd is very good

 

Re: Journey (pretty long) judy1

Posted by shar on November 19, 2003, at 19:05:42

In reply to Re: Journey (pretty long) shar, posted by judy1 on November 17, 2003, at 10:11:09

I don't do yoga, tho' I understand that the mind-body-spirit connection presupposed to happen in yoga is good for us 'defects.'

My organizational skills are only those used.

Shar
P.S. Email me personally if you want more info.


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