Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1466

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Re: therapist revelations

Posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 16:15:53

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by bookgurl99 on July 7, 2003, at 22:49:14

I like my pdoc and think he's good. But I don't like the way he comes across. It was worse in the beginning. I'm smart enough to realize and respect boundaries and don't like that there's no personal connection. Sometimes he's so blank that I sit there and just wonder if he thinks I'm crazy. I know he doesn't - so fine, I guess it brings up my insecurity. Great! Lovely! Just what I need in the middle of the day. I would appreciate some more warmth rather than the cold clinician approach.

I've had it with psychologists. The last one I had was milktoasty and I felt like I was out of his league. The one I had before that I liked but he ended up having to move to DC because of his military status. I've been through too many to keep going through the tiring aspect of going through the history and digging things up again and again.

So my pdoc will occaisionally scratch beneath the surface for 2 minutes, but that's all I get in the way of psychotherapy, which is too bad, if I had a full hour I feel like I could maybe make more strides, but oh well, screw it.
starlight

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by bookgurl99 on July 10, 2003, at 22:58:58

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 16:15:53

starlight,

could you see someone _just_ for therapy, not just med therapy?

for example, i see a certified independent social worker in her private practice for therapy, and a psychiatrist in another therapy group for med management. the therapist spends a whole hour getting beneath the surface with me, while the psych and i talk mostly about symptoms and side effects.

then i go to a 3rd MD for my other meds, and somehow try to get all 3 of them to make phone calls to each other re: my health if i need them to.

books

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by starlight on July 11, 2003, at 14:32:23

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by bookgurl99 on July 10, 2003, at 22:58:58

That's what I was doing before. I had an hour with a psychologist, and then saw my psychiatrist for med managment. But the psychologists kept changing and I don't want to go through the whole thing again. So at this point I'll just suffice for the 2 minutes of scratching beneath the surface. It's too energy taxing to spill your beans and watch them leave.
starlight

 

Re: Love with therapist Ľ becca

Posted by Eggy on July 16, 2003, at 0:39:49

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by becca on June 29, 2003, at 11:35:12

Transference...I do this way to often. I try not to but, I do.My poor therapist. He always says in a quiet reserved voice "remember I am not your father". I think he has to remind me as he is afraid I may kill him or something. But sometimes I feel as if I do love him. Maybe I do? Not sexually. But fatherly, yes. He is what I would want my dad to be like. I would like him to be my father. I kills me to think that someday I will not need him and then our relationship will be over. But hopefully when I no longer need his help I will no longer have or feel the need for him to be the father I never had.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 14:27:33

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by bookgurl99 on July 10, 2003, at 22:58:58

It's good to get other people's first-hand views on transference. I had therapy for the first time a while back and had a whole transference / regression thing going on with my therapist. I spent a lot of time imagining I was a small child and he was my dad. I just wanted to snuggle up to him to the point that it was overwhelming.

I didn't tell him partly because I didn't understand what was going on and partly because I was acutely embarrassed. I thought about him all the time and after three months I stopped the therapy because I could barely function - I felt like a small child the whole time and I wanted him to look after me - not a good state to be in when you run a business.

When I stopped going it was like cutting off my arm. It took nearly six months for me to stop obsessing about him. I used to park near his house at night-time and sit there in the dark just to feel close to him.

I feel ok now but the therapy stirred up a lot of old feelings and left everything unresolved. After that it seemed I needed therapy still but I couldn't trust myself in a face-to-face scenario so I got some on-line help with a woman therapist. She said it might help to go back to him and talk about it with a view to working through it, but I'm wary about going through the same thing.

The book by Deborah Lott sounds interesting, think I'll get that.

 

Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer

Posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 14:50:20

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 14:27:33

That sounds like it was difficult. I would think that you would also have the option of seeing a different therapist to work it through. I had a painful transference, and my therapist didn't seem to understand what was happening. I switched therapists, and very quickly (6 weeks and again today - 2 months) I had the same transference with him. The difference is that he is a Psychodynamic therapist - they "do" transference, where as my old therapist was CBT. I'm not saying CBT therapists can't do transference, but it is not their focus like it is for the Psychodynamic therapists. What kind of therapy was your therapist doing?

My only other comment is that they can't help if they don't know what is going on. Somehow (and this can be really hard) you have to find a way to trust them.

Good luck. This stuff is really hard.

 

Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer

Posted by Penny on August 21, 2003, at 15:18:56

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 14:27:33

I agree with fallsfall - they can't help if they don't know what's going on. If there's any way you can resolve the issue with him, it would probably be helpful to you. I had major transference issues (the child-mother kind) with my former therapist, especially centered around her pregnancy. I'm still dealing with the pain of it, but she was helpful when she knew what was going on, and my new therapist is also very helpful. For me, though, the transference with my new therapist is different. Still powerful, but different. Perhaps because she is more accessible to me than my former therapist. I guess that could be a good thing or a bad thing.

The psychoanalysis idea FF had sounds like something that might be helpful to you, since transference is something that they specialize in. Speaking for myself, working through the transference is the most vital part of my therapy and has helped me grow the most as a person.

I hope you can find some peace and wish you all the best.

Take care.
P

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 18:04:45

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 14:50:20

Thank you, what you write makes sense. I could go to someone else but I'm wondering if it's the best thing to flit around. Psychodynamic sounds good though, I don't actually know what my last therapist specialised in, I don't think wasn't CBT.

I think he was trying to encourage transference because he would say caring things like "If I was your dad I wouldn't have treated you like that." and "If you were my daughter..." etc. With that in mind, I should have trusted him and tried to discuss my feelings. I think he would probably have handled it in the right way, he was experienced and professional, I just couldn't manage it though.

Do you think I should see another male therapist or try a woman? I have a big father fixation / complex - whatever the term is - and have had since I was a child. It would be beneficial to break out of it although I don't really understand how therapy can solve it.

It's good talking with you.
Gail

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 18:32:14

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by Penny on August 21, 2003, at 15:18:56

Thanks Penny,

I'm glad to know that you've grown from persevering with your transference. How does someone like me work through it? I guess I didn't know how to deal with it, so my response was to not deal with it.

I can understand how you felt jealous of your therapist's new baby. I found it hard to handle what I saw as my therapist's close relationship with his young daughter. It wasn't a jealous feeling, I used to ache because I wanted that closeness but knew I couldn't have it.

The experience has highlighted that I need to sort this out. I suppose I'm holding back because I'm wary of coping with all the feelings it might unleash.

Thanks again for your insight.
Gail

 

Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer

Posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 19:07:54

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 18:04:45

If you had a good relationship with your old therapist, then I would recommend that you go back to him to work this out. (I would check to see the type of therapy that he's doing, though) It sounds like he wasn't CBT.

When I was looking for my new therapist, I interviewed a number of people. I asked one whether, since my transference was for my mother, I should choose a man or woman. He said "Choose a good therapist". He was the therapist I chose. I find it really interesting that the transference I have now is for my dad - not my mother. He has said that it really doesn't matter what the sex of the therapist is - that the transference will occur anyway.

Therapy can address the father-fixation type of problem. I would think that it could be done through transference. And this may very well be what was going on in your therapy.

This stuff can be pretty scary. You are seeing and changing pretty fundamental parts of you. I know that I need to do this - I don't feel like I have a choice. I am very much looking forward to life after therapy - I'm hoping it will be easier.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Rigby on August 22, 2003, at 12:40:45

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 19:07:54

Hi There,

From my experience, one where I only recently really made a ton of headway through transference, I stuck w/ the same therapist. I quit a few times but never felt comfortable permanently quitting so I finally just decided to stay until I feel comfortable leaving (advice I got from a friend of a friend who is a therapist.)

I think the whole transference deal is like a lot of things in life: once you come clean, admit your feelings, discuss them with your therapist it *really* takes the edge off. I've found out only over the past few weeks and thanks to help from people here that if you just accept that it's transference, that you give in to the feelings, that you express them to the therapist it all deflates or it has for me.

So, although it's hard to say exactly you might want to give it a shot and go back to your therapist as Falls suggests, and work it through--I bet you will end up feeling a lot better for it. You cannot get away from feeling the level of deprivation you felt as a child but by feeling it and aknowleding it you can truly move forward.

Also, if your most intense issues are with your dad it really might be a more powerful experience to stick with the male therapist--harder but possibly the best choice. I know but the only way out is through, eh?

Best,

Rigby

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Eggy on August 31, 2003, at 0:44:57

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Rigby on August 22, 2003, at 12:40:45

Are you saying if I am heartbroken because my therapist isn't my dad and I am spending way too much time hoping, wishing and thinking about him being my dad then I should tell him that? Wouldn't he see that as a dependency issue. I DO NOT want my therapist knowing I am dependant. (Like he doesn't already know but...you know what I mean). Because I do wish my dad was just like him. Better yet I wish my therapist would adopt me or marry me or hire me as a housekeeper or something!!!!

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by noa on September 1, 2003, at 9:42:07

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by Penny on August 21, 2003, at 15:18:56

Like Newcomer, I've had the regressed transference, too, but my therapist was great in helping me with it--he was very accepting and we spent a lot of time exploring the feelings over time. He was also very gentle and patient about it, as I couldn't always tolerate the exploration, or could only talk about it in small amounts. He also is good at examining his own role in the here and now of our interactions, and he will "own", at his own initiative, how he might have contributed to a particular reaction I had during a session, etc.. He is not a CBT therapist--he seems to draw from various approaches, and probably leans toward the psychodynamic side, but not exclusively. He does use some CBT approaches, but it isn't CBT therapy with homework, etc. at all.

Even if one is in CBT treatment, it seems to me that it would be good to have a therapist who has both skills--CBT, and an awareness of how to deal with transference, and integrates the two, no? I think it's obvious from all the posts on this topic and similar topics, that transference happens. So even if a therapist doesn't use a therapy method that focuses primarily on the transference (like psychoanalysis), it seems like all therapists should be trained to recognize transference issues and deal with them in a way that defuses the embarrasment, etc. Otherwise, all that stuff is just going to get in the way of the goals of the CBT anyway.

But insurance companies love CBT because it supposedly can be done in a very time limited way. Addressing these transference issues adds time to the treatment.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on September 1, 2003, at 10:47:21

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by noa on September 1, 2003, at 9:42:07

I wish I found this site a lot earlier when I was struggling with the transference and feeling alone with it. Itís great to get all your different viewpoints. On an intellectual level, I know the best way to deal with transference is to go back to my therapist and work through it, but like Eggy I donít want him to know - itís too embarrassing for words. Despite that Iím feeling more motivated by being reminded itís the best way and as Rigby says, the only way out is through.

Does anyone know about something called the Hoffman Process? Itís an 8 day intensive residential course that is supposed to deal very effectively with parental issues. After about 100 hrs of work you emerge dazed the other end having left behind the negative stuff from your childhood. I was thinking that might be a better option than longer term therapy for someone like me who looks for father figures everywhere.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Rigby on September 2, 2003, at 10:14:32

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on September 1, 2003, at 10:47:21

Hi There,

Have never heard of the Hoffman project. But Fallsfall I think recommended a book to me which I just finished reading (did it in a couple of sessions this weekend) called In Session by Deborah Lott (you can get it used on Amazon for a few bucks.) It truly demystifies all these transference feelings and what I found amazing is that so many of us go into therapy clueless about transference and when we get slammed with it we're freaked out (we're in love with our therapists--we're freaking out, no it's true love--can't anyone believe us??) and this book shows us how common that is. It also discusses what happens if we take the therapy-love outside of the therapist's office--it's an interesting exercise to think about what happens *after* that first kiss or first sexual encounter with the therapist--then what? They've got kids maybe to deal with, a partner who's pissed off, maybe they've got horrible breath and terrible habits and traits we cannot stand. I mean it all gets really real and the odds of therapy-love holding up to anything outside of the room are very, very slim. Which kinda forces us to look at why we feel we're in love with or obsessed w/ this person--and the focus comes back to us. If a therapist doesn't handle transference well then it's a problem, of course. But if you read this book you'll become a lot more enlightened--I highly recommend it and thank Fallsfall for recommending it to me.

Hugs,

Rigby

 

I did the Hoffman process

Posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:39:41

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on September 1, 2003, at 10:47:21

I think it has a good premise, but as with anything it requires follow through. It didn't end up being a substitute for therapy (for me anyway) in the long run. It provides the charged up atmosphere that lends itself to that carthartic moment, but I think there's a bit of artificialty in that. Life isn't filled with dramatic music playing in the backround and a group of people following you around doing psycho drama around all your issues ---thank God! Having said that, it does offer some good tools and well--processes for dealing with things.

Good luck.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on September 3, 2003, at 12:11:16

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Rigby on September 2, 2003, at 10:14:32

Hi Rigby

Ordered the book on Amazon and canít wait to get it now, it sounds ideal. Thanks to you and Fallsfall for the recommendation. It takes the edge off the embarrassment when you know youíre not the only one who has the problem and I hope the book will give me some more clarity in terms of how to deal with it.

I had this stupid situation with my therapist where I avoided talking about anything that showed me in a bad light, the same as when you start a new relationship and only want to show your good side. So after I deal with the embarrassment Iíll have to tackle that if I go back to the same therapist, otherwise itís a bit pointless if I only want him to know the nice things. Do you think that dealing with your transference helps in your life and relationships? Iíd like to think so, but I'm beginning to realize that the person I am is so wrapped up in father figures so to speak, I canít imagine anything else.

Take care.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Newcomer on September 3, 2003, at 12:33:48

In reply to I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:39:41

Hi Kara,

A bunch of people doing psycho drama round my issues! How horrific! Perhaps the Hoffman Process isnít for me after all. I went to a talk where people who have done it shared their experiences and they were overwhelmingly evangelical about it (but no-one said much about whatís involved), so itís good to get a balanced view from you. I was keen to do it but being a retiring English person, Iíve gone all faint and wobbly at the thought of psycho drama and group therapy and donít think Iíd manage it very well. If you donít mind me asking, did you have parental issues that were addressed by the process? I imagine it would be disappointing to go through all that soul-baring and not get something positive and lasting from it.

Gail

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by kara lynne on September 3, 2003, at 18:18:04

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by Newcomer on September 3, 2003, at 12:33:48

Hi Newcomer,
I hate to be the one to dissuade you from something you felt compelled to do, but I do feel it's right to get a balanced viewpoint. And yes, those people are *so* evangelical, and angelic-al, and make it all look so good it's hard to resist. That's what they count on! I guess they stay in some sort of pumped up enthusiasm with their constant involvement. I don't want to make it sound like it was all psychodrama, but you do offer yourself up for some group interaction and it might be a lot for a retiring English person. It was a lot for a retiring American. There were a couple of things that went on that I still wonder about: during one exercise I felt that someone was humiliated publicly in an effort to 'break' him of his pattern. I can't remember how much secrecy I was sworn to about describing these exercises and I don't mean to invalidate every part of it. But I do think that this person was treated quite ignorantly, especially in retrospect. He had OCD which obviously needed to be chemically addressed although at the time I wouldn't have known that. There is a thin line in those situations between a therapeutic environment or public humiliation.

In answer to your question I had (and have) deep parental issues that were addressed by the process. Now that you've got me thinking about it I'll go look through my journals and see if I can't tell you something clearer about that. (I did the process many years ago.)

The premise is a good one and there are some good ideas. I would look at it as one more step along the path with some useful tools and information, not as a quick fix miracle (at least not for me). There's kind of an initial endorphin rush that comes from doing a lot of emotional release--if you end up doing that--but life comes back quickly. Very quickly.

 

Re: In Session suggestion is from Dinah - Thanks! (nm)

Posted by fallsfall on September 3, 2003, at 20:50:31

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 3, 2003, at 18:18:04

 

Re: I think it's a universal suggestion by now. :) Ľ fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:10:46

In reply to Re: In Session suggestion is from Dinah - Thanks! (nm), posted by fallsfall on September 3, 2003, at 20:50:31

Everyone just loves that book. I think it should be required reading in therapy school.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process Ľ kara lynne

Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:21:30

In reply to I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:39:41

I'm just curious. My therapist has advised me against doing any marathon type therapy. He seems to think I haven't the ego defenses to withstand it.

So I have this picture of people dropping like flies. Is it as stressful as he makes it out to be?

 

Ooops!! Thank you, Dinah!! :) (nt)

Posted by Rigby on September 3, 2003, at 23:55:43

In reply to Re: I think it's a universal suggestion by now. :) Ľ fallsfall, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:10:46

nt

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Newcomer on September 4, 2003, at 9:16:51

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 3, 2003, at 18:18:04

Hi Kara,

Please donít think youíre dissuading me, I want to weigh up the options before doing it and would hate to give up a week of my life and pay all that money for something that isnít right. So itís good to have your insight. I was very tempted to do the process (and yes, all those radiant people talking about how it turned their lives around is persuasive) but bearing in mind how I used to struggle so much in one hour of therapy a week, it sounds too intense. Despite that I like the idea of the intensive nature in that youíre forced to deal with your life in one big go and thereís no getting away. Plus, the emotional release would be helpful, it could really give you a kick-start to go on to longer term improvements. But in practice I probably need something gentler.

They put a lot of emphasis on how you get energy from the group and are supported throughout, but I can see that your experience was a little different. I wouldnít want to do it unless there was a supportive and understanding approach, whereas it sounds like it could get heavy handed. Perhaps I need to have a better go with therapy before considering it. I just feel this strong pull towards it (not sure why) but I have to remind myself to be realistic about what Iím capable of.

Best wishes

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by kara lynne on September 4, 2003, at 11:05:47

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by Newcomer on September 4, 2003, at 9:16:51

I do think you get energy from the group; that's the whole dynamic. And I do think you are supported throughout. That's part of what makes it an environment that doesn't really carry over--you don't have the intensity of the group dynamic following you around in your every day life. But I still question a few things that happened during the time I took it.

I'm sorry if I seem to be contradicting myself. I don't think it compares to something like EST in terms of 'heavy handedness'. In fact, I wouldn't even let that be the deciding factor if I were you. I would try to determine how useful it might be in the long run. And it may be useful for you, I just don't think it's a substitute for therapy.

And I don't know how they bottle all that radiance-- they must put something in the water.

I'm sorry if I'm confusing you more! I would just hate to keep you from something you're that drawn to. There might be something in it for you.

Take care.


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