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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by k9lover on March 27, 2003, at 9:04:49
Do other's of you miss work for depression? I get so down, all I can do is curl up in the basement - work is out of the question but the guilt sure looms high and hard... Just wondering if I'm alone in thisJan
Posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 12:22:57
In reply to Missing work, posted by k9lover on March 27, 2003, at 9:04:49
Personally, I think if you are missing work on a regular basis due to depression, you are not getting the appropriate medicine to treat your illness. ARE YOU? Are you getting counseling?
PAX
Posted by k9lover on March 27, 2003, at 12:34:48
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 12:22:57
> Personally, I think if you are missing work on a regular basis due to depression, you are not getting the appropriate medicine to treat your illness. ARE YOU? Are you getting counseling?
>
> PAX
I'm on Paxil (80) with Buspar (60) and Seroquel (200) and seeing my pdoc once a week. I can go stretches without falling into the Pit, but not this week. Perhaps I'll inquire about this with pdoc.It becomes "all or nothing" for me - I'l never escape this.
Posted by WorryGirl on March 27, 2003, at 13:21:30
In reply to Missing work, posted by k9lover on March 27, 2003, at 9:04:49
>
> Do other's of you miss work for depression? I get so down, all I can do is curl up in the basement - work is out of the question but the guilt sure looms high and hard... Just wondering if I'm alone in this
>
> JanHi Jan,
You're not alone. Getting motivated can be so hard when you're depressed. When I used to work a 9-5 job, I went to work, even when it was hell getting out of bed. I needed the money so I had to. Once I was there, my mood usually improved a little or even turned into a good one.
Now, as a sah mom, I'm not technically getting paid. I'm ashamed to say that the kids and house (the biggest part of my job) get somewhat neglected when I'm depressed, especially when I'm really feeling isolated. They're not going anywhere so unless I was just to drive off and leave them I have no choice but to feed, clean and clothe them even when I can barely take care of myself. I love them, and tell them often. But they have to wonder what's up when I cry for hours. I try to make it up to them when I'm not depressed, but I shudder to think.....
Posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 21:09:07
In reply to Re: Missing work » k9lover, posted by WorryGirl on March 27, 2003, at 13:21:30
How long on the meds? By the way, I think Buspar is the WORST med ever invented by the benzo-nazis. Maybe you should TELL your Pdoc this aint working, or find one who will help you. It took me about 4 months to get the right combination of meds and for them to become effective. If you are not satisfied, and are STILL not functional, get some BETTER treatment. There is no reason for you to be so debilitated unless you have some really major illness. From what you have said, you are getting "garden variety" meds. Perhaps THAT'S the problem, not you.
PAX
Posted by k9lover on March 28, 2003, at 7:51:12
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 21:09:07
> How long on the meds? By the way, I think Buspar is the WORST med ever invented by the benzo-nazis. Maybe you should TELL your Pdoc this aint working, or find one who will help you. It took me about 4 months to get the right combination of meds and for them to become effective. If you are not satisfied, and are STILL not functional, get some BETTER treatment. There is no reason for you to be so debilitated unless you have some really major illness. From what you have said, you are getting "garden variety" meds. Perhaps THAT'S the problem, not you.
>
> PAX
I've been on this cocktail for about 2 years and sometimes I feel quite good I have my real life back But when it's bad, it's really dark and I'm loosing at least 1 day of work a week now and weekends are spent curled up in the dark. simply can not manage the Pit. I'll pursue the drug thing again - maybe it isn't working. I'm terrified of changing them for fear of sinking even lower. was hospitalized twice last year when it was at it's worse. Almost feel like I should be there again now...Jan
Posted by paxvox on March 28, 2003, at 13:39:17
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by k9lover on March 28, 2003, at 7:51:12
I wouldn't wait on that. If you are THAT troubled, then you need to call your Pdoc, maybe he/she can add something else to help you.
PAX
Posted by LibbyH on April 3, 2003, at 19:51:00
In reply to Missing work, posted by k9lover on March 27, 2003, at 9:04:49
Don't know if this will help oir not, but this is my fifth major depressive episode with the same company, third one with the same boss. Things got better when I sat my boss down & explained how my illness impacted my performance at work & made a commitment to minimize its impact. For instance, I told her that some mornings I just am not going to make it in by 8:00 a.m. However, if she'll let me know whenm something crucial is going on first thing, I'll get up extra early & make an extra effort. On the other days, I'll either work over or take vacation time - her choice. She lets me work over. I've asked my boss to let me know when she sees my "lateness" getting out of hand. When I feel guilty about it, I go ask her, "Do you see a change in my performance?" or "Have you been keeping an eye on me?"
When I notice that I am having to call in sick for more than 2-3 days, I have found it essential to call my pdoc & get in to see him right away. It's a meds issue. For me, because some of these meds make me sleepy & soime make me irritable, I have found there are times when it's better for me just to take a week or two off to get my meds right rather than to try & keep working.
I don't know if this would work everywhere. I happen to have a boss that I have known & worked with for years, so I felt i could trust her.
Good luck,
L.
Posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 11:07:55
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by LibbyH on April 3, 2003, at 19:51:00
Libby, that is great that you have that kind of relationship with your boss. And that you have a good sense of how to manage things when the depression acts up.
I am home today. I'm not terribly depressed. In fact lately, I've been pretty good. But this has been a hard week. I was out of work on Wednesday because Tuesday night I had a horrible case of akithisia and I don't know why. But I couldn't sleep all night, and was so agitated. In the morning, I finally had fallen asleep and just couldn't get out of bed, so I called in sick.
Then, I started coming down with a cold. I've been taking a lot of zinc and so far the cold symptoms are held off, but the past few days, I've been feeling very irritable. Yesterday at work, I felt irritable, and then went to the dentist and afterward, even though the dentist managed to complete the work in 15 minutes, and it was a beautiful day outside, I felt irritable all afternoon and evening. I said something bitchy to a delivery guy who rang all the buzzers in the building (I HATE when they do that!), and he apologized, claiming to have rung the wrong one by accident. Then I felt badly because maybe he did just ring it by accident--after all, not all delivery people are the same.
I knew I was just irritable beyond redemption so I went to bed early. I got enough sleep last night but woke up feeling irritable and slow-moving, so I called in sick again. I hate when I do that.
I know some reasons why I am irritable, but I've been able to overcome this most of the time and am upset with myself for letting it take over like this. Missing work only makes it worse for me.
I'm not PMS. The only other physiological things it could be are that I missed a few days doses of fish oil. I think the akithisia was from substituting cod liver oil instead of fish oil one day (the store was out of the fish oil) although that seems rather odd to have a reaction like that. And, being that I'm fighting off a cold, that could be another reason.
Emotionally, the main thing is that the "restructuring" situation is heating up. We've been told that the decision will be announced by the end of next week. My buddies and I did have a meeting with the higher level manager and got mixed results. I think I am feeling bitter about the meeting because we still didn't get the kind of statement of good faith we wanted. We got a partial one--a business like one, which was better than what the mid-managers gave us, but the bigger boss covered her ass with all kinds of caviats. She is holding on to her cards big time--letting us know we can apply for positions that are open, and if all things are equal, we'd get priority, but then went on to define--in far greater detail than I was comfortable with--the limitations of what "all things being equal" means. Ie, they could decide they want to emphasize a specific skill out of the set of skills needed for a particular position, and so if someone from the outside had that skill and we didn't (even though we could learn it!), then even if we had all the other skills in the set, etc. etc. you get the picture.
You know, the whole meeting was pleasant enough, though we knew right away we weren't entirely comfortable with the discussion, but I think it bothers me more and more as time goes on.
So that leaves me wondering. What do I want? Do I hope to keep my current job? I'll be very angry no matter what because one of the three of us will be canned. Are they willing to let one of us go altogether? We certainly haven't heard the warm expression of desire to keep us on somehow. We heard some of it, but not as strong as we'd like.
I'm angry and do I want to stay there? Do I want the other in-house job I could apply for if I am the one who is axed? I don't know.
I know I should be sending out my resume. but I don't know what I want. There are some things to respond to. I don't feel ready for such a big change.
I'm rambling, but it was good to ramble because now I know it isn't irritability--it's anger. I just have to figure out what to do with it.
Posted by LibbyH on April 4, 2003, at 15:43:47
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 11:07:55
noa, I was really dreading going back to work today myself. I have degrees & skills that qualify me for far more than I am doing, but I made a decision after my second major depressive episode that I wasn't going to be able to keep up with the career I was trained for, so I went in search of a job where I could make a contribution but where my absences wouldn't create such awful backlashes. I'll never be a manager again. Instead, I sit on a staff, making some other manager look good --- when I'm here!
When I'm not, someone else has to make her look good. So far, she's been content with that because I make her look REALLY REALLY good!
I'm also lucky in that I was promoted to a high level at a ridiculously young age, so there's no need for me to try & climb the ladder anymore. I guess my greatest achievement is being a truly remarkable underachiever. On the other hand, I've had FIVE "breakdowns" and am still working so that's something.
When I came back this time, most of my major assignments had been given away to people who, for various reasons, thought they were choice assignments and went after them. My boss approached the subject very gingerly with me. "I hope you won't mind, but so & so wanted to the (blank) project & since you weren't here..." I wanted to shout with joy because none of them were things I actually enjoyed doing in the first place. I have long since given up any emotional attachment to what I do at work. My job is a business transaction. I contribute work in exchange for a paycheck. They tell me what to do & deposit money into my account.
So anyway, today, my first day back after breakdown number five, 75% of the content of my job changed. I guess I should be stressed out about that, but I'm fine with it.
Before I went to the hospital, I was the manager of IT resources for our department. Now I am the manager of the risk assessment program. It's all the same to me. I figure if I want to stay employed, I can no longer afford to care WHAT I do, I just have to do whatever I am asked to do to the best of my ability & with as little complaint as possible. As long as I do that, my boss will support me, so it's a good deal.
I hope you find a situation you can live with as well. Bosses are pretty simple. They really want very little... to look good themselves and to make the organization look good. Looking good themselves always takes precedent over the org. A cynical attitude maybe, but it has never let me down... so I went to my boss early on & said, "Look, I know my depression can cause some difficulties for you, but if you can accomodate me, I will do my best to pay you back." She gave me a shot & this morning told me she has never regretted it...
So it CAN be done... Good luck to you!
L.
Posted by Dinah on April 4, 2003, at 20:04:34
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 11:07:55
That's the real question, Noa. Who is more unfortunate - the one let go or the two remaining? I think Tabitha and I talked about this a bit back. If you are one of the "lucky" ones to keep your job, you're expected to do the work of one and a half, while being grateful to have kept your job. While the person who is let go often ends up better off. Sigh.
I'm not trying to depress you, really. It's just that it is a completely legitimate question.
Or as my husband says
"The retained shall envy the released."
(Of course it's best said in my husband's dryest voice).
Posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 22:49:42
In reply to Re: Missing work » noa, posted by Dinah on April 4, 2003, at 20:04:34
Thanks, Libby and Dinah.
This week ahead should be interesting.
This is the end of the thread.
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