Psycho-Babble Grief Thread 371461

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Re: In Honor of Their Passing

Posted by woolav on August 5, 2004, at 10:27:48

In reply to Re: In Honor of Their Passing BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 4, 2004, at 16:29:56

Thanks so much Barbara for you encourging words. I feel better already. You seem to have a gift-you should be a counciler or something. You seem like a very special person.
God Bless
S

 

Re: In Honor of Their Passing katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 5, 2004, at 21:16:04

In reply to Re: In Honor of Their Passing BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 4, 2004, at 16:29:56

How true, Katia. It's a big challenge to step up to the plate and play. It's a big responsibility to have 'the gift', whatever form it takes. I know I've always been plugged into the spirit world and it's a big part of the huge sensitivity issue - mixed blessing, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I've stopped giving a rip what other people think. But what to do with it, how to make a 'living', how to keep those boundaries intact and not get sucked back into our own hell worlds.

Yes, this past 1-1/2 years with my Mom's death and then Merlin's has split the veil. I KNOW there's something I'm called to do that most people don't even want to face. Dirty job, someone's got to do it - but what is it??? I'd love to work with animals helping out people who are dying. I've felt called to work with the dying for many years now, mainly because I'm not afraid of it (call me weird but I have a much easier time with human death than animals). I've had two very near brushes with death and came back both times feeling so strongly it wasn't my time, I still had work to do - but what?? Tell me, please. Volunteered at a hospice facility, but it was pretty clinical and extremely messy and so frigging beaurocratic. The thing that was missing for me was humor and spirit and love - something the animals can do so well. But Jeeze Louise, do I really and truly want to immerse myself in THAT world? Pretty heavy stuff.

The thing that always stops me from moving forward on so many of my good ideas (I have far too many to ever see to fruition) is my perceived need for training, credentials, initials after the name. Perhaps I can troll my experience as a computer analyst, but it doesn't seem very appropro in the greater scheme of things. I see years and years of school ahead of me and it stops me every time. I barely have enough time and energy for basic everyday stuff and I'm not even working. How can I get it together to manage a new calling?

I have deep security fears and they're keeping me stuck. Doing what you love doesn't always mean the money will follow and I am so weary of the stress of trying to survive. But maybe if it were something that fired me with a sense of passion and purpose for being here, of being able to give back to life, maybe the energy and sheer delight would just be there and it would be enough. Maybe being destitute even wouldn't matter, although I'd prefer not.

I only know that not being in touch with my life's purpose, feeling like I've been drifting and wasting this vast gift of my potential has been the biggest sorrow of my life. It's the source of every illness I have. I've had so many false starts but haven't been able to see them through - it's been one delay, obstruction, illness or catastrophe after another. Good ideas that don't pan out. And here I am in the second half of my life, and I don't know where I'm going and it scares me. Sometimes I think I bear the mark of Cain, destined to wander unfulfilled. But isn't that the case with most of us? So tragic. So much work to be done on this planet and billions of us wanting so much to help but don't know where to begin. Oh, I get to feeling so sad and discouraged and need to snuggle with a warm furry kitty right now. And God help me, not think too much on the fact that this kitty too will be gone some day. Argghh, live in the moment, Barbara, this moment is just fine.

So, I guess it just means - 'start'. One foot in front of the other, breathe into the moment and stay in the heart. Listen to your own mantra, Barbara. There's that call we have to answer even if it's half formed. But I can get off on so many tangents and there's wisdom in not leaping forward as well. There's also the matter of our 'divine madness'. Shamans weren't given the time of day unless they were experienced in the ways of darkness and the underworld. Been there, done that, haven't we? I guess it's a gift and as long as we don't let ourselves get frigtened or hopeless, it can lead the way, even though in a roundabout path.

So here's to Merlin and Rock and all the other critters that have broken our hearts open. Anyone who wants to add humans to that list is welcome, but for me, animals are so much less complicated. I'm glad we've gotten to know each other so much better through these pages, Katia. Yeah, I really appreciate not having to mention 'meds' every time I want to have a heart-to-heart with you. - Barbara

 

Re: My Kitty BarbaraCat

Posted by Shar on August 6, 2004, at 0:23:30

In reply to My Kitty, posted by BarbaraCat on July 27, 2004, at 23:20:03

BC: I am sure your fellow awaits you, just as my girl awaits me. Maybe we'll even see each other there! The website www.petloss.com is a place we can all find comfort. It is the story of the Rainbow Bridge. You can also post a memorial to your pet (my beloved Scruffles passed in 1994), and I encourage you to do so if you want. You have my deepest sympathy.

It isn't the easiest site to navigate, but here is the Rainbow Bridge Story:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
See you there,
xoxo
Shar

 

Re: My Kitty Shar

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 6, 2004, at 16:41:32

In reply to Re: My Kitty BarbaraCat, posted by Shar on August 6, 2004, at 0:23:30

Awwwww, thanks Shar. So beautiful. There's a special bond between people who have loved and lost their furry ones. That will be a happy day indeed when we cross the Rainbow Bridge.

I will definitely visit petloss.com and I encourage you to visit www.bestfriends.com. A wonderful sanctuary for abandoned and abused animals in SE Utah. It's so heartening to know that good folks are out there making a huge difference for the critters and getting the message out in a positive way. - Barbara

 

Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 6, 2004, at 17:14:35

In reply to Re: In Honor of Their Passing katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 5, 2004, at 21:16:04

Hi Barbara,
Just wanted to say that Cathy was over yesterday for three hours! It was a good day. Rock is here still patroling around and snuggling with me. It has blown me away. He was crying because he loved his alter so and he never realized he could be loved like this. It is part of his healing in the spirit world - me sending him my love still. He feels very honored and is also very sad and remorseful that he had to put me through that last night. He knew no other way of telling me it was time for him to go. I'm glad I really listened and was there for him when he went.

Little sneakster had a plan from the beginning apparently. Before I closed on the house and was over here looking at it, I walked out of the front gate and this big black pit bull came running up to me on the sidewalk very "chesty" and curious who I was. I said hello to him and escorted him inside the fence thinking he was the previous home owner's dog. That was his in. (remember my next door neighbor's kept him securely in the backyard b/c of his dog aggression issues brought on by those bad men. He snuck out to meet me). Apparently, when i showed up, he saw a bright light and had to get over here and meet me. It took some doing on his part and he finally figured out a way to sneak through the back fence weeks later after I closed and had moved in. He said that he would bark by my window all the time so that I would let him over here. It worked. That's why I invited him over at first because I knew his barking was a cry for help and it was also driving me crazy and he always stopped it when he was with me.
It makes me laugh now to think all that was his plan to "get the girl" and it worked.
anyway, I just thought you'd like to hear this. I feel so much better now knowing he is choosing to still be here while being supported and doing his healing in the spirit world. and part of his healing has been my sorrow over losing him and missing him and honoring his life with the alter. He said he didn't think anyone would miss him. I love that little bright ball of joy rascal that he is.
Katia
p.s. Cathy works over the phone everywhere including even Australia. I'm sure you could do some work with her. You know my name if you want to say who referred you. And you know Rock's name.

 

Re: Speaking with Rock katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 6, 2004, at 18:43:23

In reply to Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 6, 2004, at 17:14:35

He sounds like quite the amazing personality, and a little conniver. He knew what he wanted, that's for sure. Animals have such a true sense. They can tell who is a friend. We had a cat that adopted us from a house next door. He knew a good thing. What a cat. He was Merlin's protector and hunting sensei. They're together now.

I had an unusual experience yesterday. Was in a very deep meditation and Merlin came through out of the blue and let me know he was more than a little pissed at us for 'sending him away'. He didn't understand why. It was Ok for him to be sick as long as he was with us. He was very hurt. It caught me by total surprise because I'd had some lovely images of him being free, happy, unemcumbered by a suffering body. I didn't understand how my very real and powerful sense of happy and free Merlin jibed with this hurt and angry one. What I got as best as I can understand, with his explanation, is that pieces of spirits can splinter off and exist in multiple dimensions and densities. So, the free spirit of Merlin 'over the Rainbow Bridge' is real, but the sad little outcast one needs to be healed as well. It seemed to be enough that I acknowledged his hurt, and took the extra effort to explain that it was NOT that we did not 'not want him anymore' but did it out of deep love for him. His little particle of earth personality was hurt and needed to be reassured.

I guess that's where ghosts and such come in. Things can happen at the moment of death - quantum levels of reality. We seem to assume that once they're dead, all is wonderful and made perfectly clear. But he fought to his very last cellular spark to stay here and he made it very clear that the taking of his precious life was not to be taken lightly, and not all was rosy. It seemed to matter to him that I was sorry and asked for his forgiveness. He gave it freely but it seemed important to him that I was very clear about how not OK it was for his life to be cut short. He probably would have lived another 2 days at the most, but that's a little animal's logic for you.

Alot to be incorporated. I know this was not just random guilt stuff. I had no doubts or misgivings about the decision to free him from his starving little suffocating body -- I sure hope someone will do the same for me should I reach that point! But I now feel as though something has finally been put to rest that felt incomplete and now feels complete. How interesting. We're apparently still in an ongoing relationship with those we love, no matter what their form.

Cathy sounds wonderful and I will contact her. Blessings to you. - Barbara

 

Re: Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 6, 2004, at 19:29:54

In reply to Re: Speaking with Rock katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 6, 2004, at 18:43:23

I like to think of it as he was/is incredibly smart and also in so much pain and desolation that was going to do what it took to "come to the light" as he put it. I thank the heavens above that his pure little soul found its way to me. I'm so grateful he was insistent because I was so very busy that I couldn't hear that well.

He told Cathy that whatever he was coming back as, it was NOT going to be a female. He is very masculine. I laughed at that.

Your experience sounds like a good one because you connected with Merlin. Cathy can sure help either validate that or let you know that it was your guilt. I'm sure you know anyway for yourself.

Where did he get his name?
Katia

 

Re: Speaking with Rock katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 7, 2004, at 1:42:16

In reply to Re: Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 6, 2004, at 19:29:54

> I like to think of it as he was/is incredibly smart and also in so much pain and desolation that was going to do what it took to "come to the light" as he put it. I thank the heavens above that his pure little soul found its way to me. I'm so grateful he was insistent because I was so very busy that I couldn't hear that well.

**Seems like Rock was a catalyst for some deep shifts in you. You were both lucky. Some old connections from lifetimes of assisting each other.
>
>>Cathy can sure help either validate that or let you know that it was your guilt.

**I'll be good to connect with her. I'm faily certain it wasn't guilt and hope it's not just mind stuff making a fantasy out of it - but I don't think so. I miss him very much but was and am clear about the need for sending him off. I've had quite a few contacts with other souls and energies and they usually hit me out of the blue with surprising info. I can associate some of the more florid ones with my manic highs but the real ones have a definite genuine feel. This was real and I'm grateful that things were cleared up and copacetic. He simply needed acknowledgement and to consider his feelings in the matter. That was only one small part of his great soul - but it still needed to be heard. Even the Vet and the assistant were amazed at his tenacity - little heart just kept on beating.

The experience made me consider alot more deeply the issues that could arise around a death - a living being may not feel 'ready' to go, maybe unfinished business, attachments, violent conditions around the passing, whatever, and strong reactive energies may emerge. This wasn't the case with Merlin, his was just a little 'hey, you know, I wasn't exactly thrilled to be escorted from the life I loved - and you need to be aware of that.' No blame, just a little renmant of a personality thing that had it's say and then felt satisfied and happy to have been heard. It feels complete.

I can almost see a ritual of Atonement for loved ones who have died, simply acknowledging regret for having caused any harm and asking forgiveness. A good way to clear the psychic air. I don't think there is such a ritual, maybe the closest is Mexico's Dia de Muerta but that's not really a formal seeking of amends. I'm sure Cathy will be able to assist, but any thoughts on this are welcome.
>
> Where did Merlin get his name?

**He was a gorgeous Maine Coon, and he had an 'M' on his forhead, like tabbies usually do. 'M' seemed be cropping up and besides he was pure magic, a strong willed, but very kind and incredibly loving cat. Protected the young ones as they were growing, very intelligent. Had a wise and generous nature, and what a wooshie-wooshie snuggler. Merlin fit him well.

How did you post your pictures of Rock? I'd love to post some pictures of my guy just to share who he was and his wonderful energy.

**Katia, I don't know about you, but my mood disorder seems so irrelevant in the face of what's gone on. Things have shifted, like I'm seeing out of new eyes. I still feel shakey and prone to intense emotions, but they pass. I'm looking at it like 'well, this is high sensitivity living and it's a gift, so learn to deal with it'. It's hard enough living with one foot behind the Veil at the best of times. I'm so done with letting my weird neuro-chemical soup throw unnecessary obstacles in the way and muddy my path. I'm sick of living an unlived life.

I don't know where any of this is going, but I'm willing to stay open and alert until the path becomes more clear. Praying to the Great Spirit for guidance is the only thing I know how to do at this point, but at least I know that much. You know what I'm saying? Bipolar depressions have robbed me of my life energy far too long and it's time to send that toxic stuff off into the Light where it can do no more harm. But no matter what, no way I'm going off my lithium. - Barbara


 

Re: Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 7, 2004, at 13:47:29

In reply to Re: Speaking with Rock katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 7, 2004, at 1:42:16

>This was real and I'm grateful that things were cleared up and copacetic. He simply needed acknowledgement and to consider his feelings in the matter. That was only one small part of his great soul - but it still needed to be heard. Even the Vet and the assistant were amazed at his tenacity - little heart just kept on beating.

**I'm sure it was real too Barbara. It's always nice to get validation for it though. I'm glad that it feels complete. That is important.

**The other day I was sitting on the loveseat outside (the previous owner of this house left it and I chucked it out back. Rock LOVED it so it stays). We used to sit on that together and it was his favorite thing in the world and it wasn't so bad for me either! I was sitting there and felt him there too and began cooing and petting the air as tho' he was there. Then Cathy came over two days ago and I asked her if Rock has contacted me in a physical way. She said that he was telling her that I knew he was with me on the loveseat that day! I honestly wasn't really sure because I'm not as aware as Cathy, but I felt his energy and now I know that that is real. And how could she have known that I was petting the air on the loveseat a week earilier!? He's still here, but not physically and without his demons now. They are gone.

> The experience made me consider alot more deeply the issues that could arise around a death - a living being may not feel 'ready' to go, maybe unfinished business, attachments, violent conditions around the passing, whatever, and strong reactive energies may emerge.

**ME TOO! I'm very curious about this now. So curious I want to stay awake and not fall back to sleep. I mean this metaphorically! Even though the events leading up to Rock's death were violent, he died peacefully in my loving arms. Cathy said that he really really needed that (I think on a soul-like evolutionary healing level). I also had no idea that by lighting the candles and placing his alter in honor of his life could help him still heal in the spirit world. I can't really grasp it totally that he is with me still and everywhere as well. On one level i can, but don't really understand on my ego/personality level. I would love to be so connected like Cathy.

>
> I can almost see a ritual of Atonement for loved ones who have died, simply acknowledging regret for having caused any harm and asking forgiveness. A good way to clear the psychic air. I don't think there is such a ritual, maybe the closest is Mexico's Dia de Muerta but that's not really a formal seeking of amends. I'm sure Cathy will be able to assist, but any thoughts on this are welcome.

**again, I think by just making a physical place for honoring their life is a lot. Cathy suggested that I sit down kindof in meditative state and ask Rock any questions and just let words flow through me onto paper. As a way of connecting with him. I just hope he's not lonely. Maybe I could ask him that.
> >

>
> How did you post your pictures of Rock? I'd love to post some pictures of my guy just to share who he was and his wonderful energy.

**I guess I wasn't very clear about this. Those were pictures of Rock when he was like 3 years old in his blue ribbon days. I found them on the web through the Bull Rock Kennels where he was bred. He was seven when he met me and when he died he had just turned 8 on May 27th. I didn't know him before his "damage" as he calls it. I'm not quite sure how to post pictures as that was just a link to their website.

> **Katia, I don't know about you, but my mood disorder seems so irrelevant in the face of what's gone on. Things have shifted, like I'm seeing out of new eyes. I still feel shakey and prone to intense emotions, but they pass. I'm looking at it like 'well, this is high sensitivity living and it's a gift, so learn to deal with it'. It's hard enough living with one foot behind the Veil at the best of times. I'm so done with letting my weird neuro-chemical soup throw unnecessary obstacles in the way and muddy my path. I'm sick of living an unlived life.

** to me, you are very much alive Barbara and living. Maybe not the way you think it "should" be.
**I agree. grief always wakes me up and puts me in touch with Spirit more and that is actually very healing. It is so tricky this being human with a dx and meds and working it all out. Meds are good, and just a part of what keeps me in a balance.

>
> I don't know where any of this is going, but I'm willing to stay open and alert until the path becomes more clear. Praying to the Great Spirit for guidance is the only thing I know how to do at this point, but at least I know that much. You know what I'm saying? Bipolar depressions have robbed me of my life energy far too long and it's time to send that toxic stuff off into the Light where it can do no more harm. But no matter what, no way I'm going off my lithium. - Barbara
>
**I know EXACTLY what you're saying. Rock has a song by Sarah McLachlan track no. 7 "Answer" on her latest. It is his song. "Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind. Take me to a place so holy that I can wash this from my mind, the memory of choosing not to fight...when the stars have all burned out you'll still be burning so bright. Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind".
He loves that he has a song and it really was written for him in my mind. It's my song to him.
Katia


>

 

Re: Speaking with Rock katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 7, 2004, at 14:18:54

In reply to Re: Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 7, 2004, at 13:47:29

Katia,
I love Sarah MacLachlan and I'm definitely going to get her latest. That song, the words so beautiful they brought tears to my eyes, will be so much more special because it's Rock's song. The bit I know of his history, it seems like the angels composed it for him special.

Thanks for your encouragement and keep the faith words. I've been feeling a mixture of blue and transcendant during this time. A strange but not bad emotional place. But I feel somewhat isolated -- too emotionally sensitive as I need to process what's taking place -- and not ready to be out in the world. My husband's been busy at a music festival, out there performing, having fun, mingling with the madding crowd. It's a little too much for me at this point. So thanks for being there and being my good friend. We've been good buddies and support for each other through alot, eh? These are deep things we've been sharing.

That was pretty amazing about Cathy knowing about the love seat. But not really surprising since there's so much more beyond this tiny 5 sense reality. Well, I think all this has been a major opening for us and we have a responsibility to fulfill it. I'd like to see it as a joyful, passionate calling (whatever it turns out to be) rather than an ugh 'responsibility'. Sounds so heavy. I also ask for the energy and focus to see it through.

I'll be going into town early this week and will get Sarah's CD.. I promise I'll light a candle for your pooch while I'm most likely sobbing my eyes out - but in a good way. Tis better to have loved and lost... - Barbara

 

Re: Speaking with Rock BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 7, 2004, at 14:41:19

In reply to Re: Speaking with Rock katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 7, 2004, at 14:18:54

> Katia,
> I love Sarah MacLachlan and I'm definitely going to get her latest. That song, the words so beautiful they brought tears to my eyes, will be so much more special because it's Rock's song. The bit I know of his history, it seems like the angels composed it for him special.
>
**Indeed those angels did write it for him. And those words are so much more beautiful in the soong. I'm actually going out to buy a used piano today and learn how to play it on the piano. after Rock died that was what I wished I had here. I love to play.

> Thanks for your encouragement and keep the faith words. I've been feeling a mixture of blue and transcendant during this time. A strange but not bad emotional place.

**I know this not bad emotional place as well.

But I feel somewhat isolated -- too emotionally sensitive as I need to process what's taking place -- and not ready to be out in the world. My husband's been busy at a music festival, out there performing, having fun, mingling with the madding crowd. It's a little too much for me at this point.

**Ditto. A friend just called to invite me to the Renaissance Faire today, but I just couldn't. Too much right now. I need peace and down time.

So thanks for being there and being my good friend. We've been good buddies and support for each other through alot, eh? These are deep things we've been sharing.

**Very much so. I wonder if we'll ever meet? I've never had a friendship like this before - totally on-line and broadcasted for all the PBs to hear.

> That was pretty amazing about Cathy knowing about the love seat. But not really surprising since there's so much more beyond this tiny 5 sense reality. Well, I think all this has been a major opening for us and we have a responsibility to fulfill it. I'd like to see it as a joyful, passionate calling (whatever it turns out to be) rather than an ugh 'responsibility'. Sounds so heavy. I also ask for the energy and focus to see it through.
>
**I think you are seeing it through by just being you. I think it's your life's path.

> I'll be going into town early this week and will get Sarah's CD.. I promise I'll light a candle for your pooch while I'm most likely sobbing my eyes out - but in a good way. Tis better to have loved and lost... - Barbara

**Rock will appreciate that. And so will I. One thing he said was that he didn't think anyone would miss him or care that he was gone. He was tearfully saying that my alter meant so much to him.

take good care and many blessings to you and Merlin.
Katia

 

How are you? BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 11, 2004, at 5:31:06

In reply to Re: Speaking with Rock katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 7, 2004, at 14:18:54

Hi Barbara,
How are you?
I've been thinking about you. I'm still grieving. It doesn't end soon. Not soon enough for most people. I still miss Rock unbelievably. I went running thru' our field last night at 1am. Went running mad thru' it. I reached the end of our field out of breath and crying and looked up at the sky and a shooting star went across the sky at the same moment. I miss him.
We used to run through the open fields behind my house (baseball fields) at night when no one else was around. It was when he could go off leash and it was fun and exciting because no one was around and IT WAS NIGHT! We loveed it. I would yell "go!" and we would bolt into the wild blue yonder. It was wonderful. I miss him.

How're you doing my love?
Katia

 

Re: How are you? katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 11, 2004, at 20:08:10

In reply to How are you? BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 11, 2004, at 5:31:06

Awww, thanks for asking. I'm doing OK. Been kind of busy but my heart hasn't been in the spirit of worldly pursuits. Delving more into the Unseen World where alot of questions lie. But I'm doing OK. Printed up a beautiful picture of Merlin from one I'd taken of him last year about this time. He was in his gorgeous glory, healthy looking and soooooo alive with Life. What a difference a year can make. Makes you realize that you just never know.

His picture is on his box of 'cremains', but it's almost like having him around, the picture is so lifelike and captures his essense so well. Of course, he is still around. But no matter how lovely the hereafter may be and we'll no doubt see them again, there's something about this reality, this life with it's realness and their furry textures and scents that can't be beat.

Tomorrow I'm going into the 'big city' and get Sarah's CD. Really looking forward to hearing it. I know what you mean about having a close and personal friendship broadcast over the cyberspace loudspeakers, so to speak. It's kinda fun and unusual. I wonder if anyone else ever stops by? We'll be in the Bay Area for Thanksgiving. I get from little clues from here and there that that's your stomping grounds. It sure would be nice to get together... What a kick. We should meet in a semi-crowded spot and see if we recognize each other without mentioning what we look like or anything.

You and Rock definitely have a soul connection, incredibly deep. Do you think he'll be coming back in this lifetime to you? It seems you both did an amazing healing for each other in a VERY short time together. I remember when he first came to you, around the time you moved into your new house. So many things seemed to change for you around then, major life things. At least you're able to feel things so deeply. Yeah, I know, thanks but no thanks. But it is a gift and the fact you can run in a field at night and feel that deep connection with life and love is something not everyone has the depth or strength of heart for.

I know this is a very sensitive topic, but do you think you'll eventually go get yourself another pup? Maybe a little pound pup that needs a good loving Mom? I'll bet when the time comes, Rock will have his paw in things and arrange it just right. Puppy (and kitten) love can heal a broken heart better than anything. The right time will announce itself. I keep seeing Rock as your Guardian Angel, a protective bright shining force in your life from now on. It was destined that you meet, and now he can fulfill his destiny from the other side where things are more clear and pure for him. I always got a very strong sense of him, Katia, from the get go, such a strong essence. I feel very strongly that he is so proud to be your Guardian Angel Dog, he feels so filled with purpose and commitment and will always be by your side. That's so wonderful. I gotta tell you, it's good to have a Pit Bull as a Guard Angel!!

I highly recommend that you go get yourself some homeopathic Ignatia. If you can get a high dose, 200C or 1M, that would be great. It's been helping me a lot. I'm still taking St. John's Wort and Lithium and things are pretty stable. At least I haven't gone down into that horrible despairing place I used to fall into so easily. The thing is, I know I'm a very strong and resourceful spirit, more so than most people I know. But that crappy bad chemistry has been a huge challenge. But - good news is that even with the loss of a kitty who was very much like a child to me, I'm keepin' on, allowing the love to overflow into my life, but the intensity or grieving hasn't become destabilizing. I feel like somethings been freed up inside me. For awhile I was terrified that when the time came for Merlin to finally cross over, I wouldn't be able to stand it. The anticipation of 'going crazy' was driving me crazy, but glad to report that I don't think that's happened. I'll let you know as soon as I hear 'Rock's Song'. Take care of you. Love, B.


> Hi Barbara,
> How are you?
> I've been thinking about you. I'm still grieving. It doesn't end soon. Not soon enough for most people. I still miss Rock unbelievably. I went running thru' our field last night at 1am. Went running mad thru' it. I reached the end of our field out of breath and crying and looked up at the sky and a shooting star went across the sky at the same moment. I miss him.
> We used to run through the open fields behind my house (baseball fields) at night when no one else was around. It was when he could go off leash and it was fun and exciting because no one was around and IT WAS NIGHT! We loveed it. I would yell "go!" and we would bolt into the wild blue yonder. It was wonderful. I miss him.
>
> How're you doing my love?
> Katia

 

Re: How are you? BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 12, 2004, at 2:01:10

In reply to Re: How are you? katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 11, 2004, at 20:08:10

Hi Barbara,
I'd love to see a picture of Merlin. Can you post it somehow?

> Tomorrow I'm going into the 'big city' and get Sarah's CD. Really looking forward to hearing it. I know what you mean about having a close and personal friendship broadcast over the cyberspace loudspeakers, so to speak. It's kinda fun and unusual. I wonder if anyone else ever stops by? We'll be in the Bay Area for Thanksgiving.

**Yes, the East Bay to be exact. I know you visit Marin right? If I'm around for Thanksgiving, then we should definitely get together. I bought a house in Concord (near Walnut creek). But I work in a restaurant in Berkeley.


> You and Rock definitely have a soul connection, incredibly deep. Do you think he'll be coming back in this lifetime to you? It seems you both did an amazing healing for each other in a VERY short time together. I remember when he first came to you, around the time you moved into your new house. So many things seemed to change for you around then, major life things. At least you're able to feel things so deeply. Yeah, I know, thanks but no thanks. But it is a gift and the fact you can run in a field at night and feel that deep connection with life and love is something not everyone has the depth or strength of heart for.
>
**Thanks for your words of encouragment. Yes, we will see each other again. Cathy said Rock does want me to get another dog sooner than later. One less than a year, one to rescue, but one breed that will have NO issues of aggression AT ALL. He wants me to be protected. He does love me very very much and is protecting over me. I will probably get a doggie within the year. It's funny because a stray cat has been hanging around my house. But I just can't open anything in me at the moment. I'm still filled with Rock and grieving.


>>, but the intensity or grieving hasn't become destabilizing. I feel like somethings been freed up inside me. For awhile I was terrified that when the time came for Merlin to finally cross over, I wouldn't be able to stand it. The anticipation of 'going crazy' was driving me crazy, but glad to report that I don't think that's happened. I'll let you know as soon as I hear 'Rock's Song'. Take care of you. Love, B.
>
**That's so great that you aren't destabilized from Merlin's death. Like I said before, you seem very solid and grounded. Intouch with something greater.

Sarah's CD is great. Very heartfelt and poetic. Enjoy. Talk with you soon?
blessings and joy-
Katia

 

Re: How are you? katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 13, 2004, at 0:51:32

In reply to Re: How are you? BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 12, 2004, at 2:01:10

> Hi Barbara,
> I'd love to see a picture of Merlin. Can you post it somehow?

**I'll figure out a way. I think Yahoo Groups or something.
>
>I know you visit Marin right? If I'm around for Thanksgiving, then we should definitely get together.

**I'll be in Novato, so yes, definitely. We can have an actual clinking of glasses toast with some skunkblood and swampwater.

>>It's funny because a stray cat has been hanging around my house. But I just can't open anything in me at the moment. I'm still filled with Rock and grieving.

**A cat sure won't protect you out on a walk, but doesn't take up much room in a home either. A purr is very healing too. Oh, listen to me. I'm such a slobbering fool when it comes to cats.
>
BTW, I won't be in touch for a while since I'll be gone for a week on vacation -- well, sigh, I wish it were a real vacation, like Hawaii. The Hub's sister and her brood are visiting from Germany. A big challenge since one of the girls, now 14, has always been a snotty spoiled brat whom I've yearned to smack silly since she was 2. I do not look forward to spending an extended length of time with the pubescent version. At least it will be at a lake and I can escape into Mama Nature when I need to. Sure hope it doesn't rain cause that lake house isn't near big enough. You and Rock will be in my thoughts and prayers. - Barbara

 

Re: How are you? BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 13, 2004, at 1:29:18

In reply to Re: How are you? katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 13, 2004, at 0:51:32

Have a great and relaxing vacation Barbara!
I'll speak with you when you get back.
Love,
Katia

 

Re: for those is grief

Posted by bobby boy on August 13, 2004, at 14:34:08

In reply to How are you? BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 11, 2004, at 5:31:06

HI All,
I have something very NEW to say about the problem of grieving. I have found this to work in my life as I have recently lost both my own mother and father.

But first the questions that few have asked...

What if what we have been told about all aspects of grieving is wrong?
What if there is a way to experience loss with far less pain, far less grief and far more quickly?
What if, for the first time in human history we could learn how to pass through loss with new insight and freedom?
Well all of this is now possible! It has been possilble for the last 20 years but very few people have been told about it.
It has been a BIG SECRET!!!
The brakethough came when it was discovered that
grief is NOT in the "mind", as we have been told, but in the "body"! And to free ones's self from emotional pain is as simple as touching or "tapping", easy to find, "points" on one's own body (no one else need be present). This releases the pain and the grief that the BODY holds and that can not be reached though the mind!!!
THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE!
One very nice thing about all of this is that it is
FREE!!! Another thing is that it is very easy to learn and to do. And I can tell you from my own experience that, when done correctly, it works the First Time you try it 80% of the time...usually with in Minutes!!!
It is NEW it is FREE....
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can be found at "emofree.com" for FREE!!! (Just look for the words "Free Stuff" to down load the Free manual...Yes it is Free and Yes within minutes you can work to free yourself and your loved ones from the pain of loss and grief!!!
"Bobby Boy" has used this and told others how to use it for over 2 years now and I could not be happier
with the results. It works so fast that you will at first not believe it but as the hours, the days and weeks go by, without Pain, you will want to share it with all those who suffer! So share it freely.
Very Best,
Bobby Boy

 

Re: How are you? katia

Posted by BarbaraCat on August 19, 2004, at 1:26:10

In reply to Re: How are you? BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 13, 2004, at 1:29:18

Hi Katia,
Back from an interesting, challenging and ultimately good time spent with the beautiful girl cousin from hell and her family in the woods of central Oregon. Wow, what an emotional volcano - truly mood disordered, probably Borderline and cyclothymic with obvious chemistry issues, and at 15 years old has everyone under her control. She gets away with amazingly abusive behavior because she is stunningly beautiful. Her nasty violent moods would not be tolerated in a mere average mortal. Abysmal parenting from her parents, my husband's sister and her husband, who are afraid of her and in deep denial about the seriousness - 'we can work out our own family issues and besides she won't agree to it'. Whoo boy, they're in for a world of hurt. The sad thing is that she's very depressed and would benefit greatly from therapy and probably even agree to it. Good, because it's forced my husband to look at his own upbringing by his 'nice' and in denial parents - how it shaped his sister's and his own psyche. He's pretty blown away by the ordeal but it's necessary for him to confront these demons and deal with them. It does appear to take pain to motivate the human species to change.

But on to more important things. I received a response from the Silent Unity prayer community today and here it is:

Dear Barbara,
Reaching out for prayer help, as you did recently, was an expression of your trust in God to heal the hearts of you and your friend, Katia. As we prayed together, we looked to God for comfort, and we trust that you continue now to feel the peace that we shared in that moment of united prayer.

Precious pets who share a special part of our lives are truly missed when they pass. We were touched to learn of the passing of Merlin and Rock, and how dearly they were loved by their humans. We truly understand your feelings of loss. We lovingly enfold you and Katia in thoughts of serenity and comfort as you release Merlin and Rock into God's eternal care.

Prayer helps you realize the presence of God as strength and comfort during times of hurt. Although we cannot understand pain when our hearts are heavy, we can trust that there is a loving presence we call God who always has and always will work miracles in our journey through life. Let this presence be a source of deep abiding peace, and know that you, Katia, Merlin and Rock are held in our loving thoughts.

Lovingly,
Silent Unity


I also got a card with an affirmation on it that says "I am comforted, for my beloved pet is in the everlasting presence of God." So sweet.

So, we and our little ones are being prayed for night and day, 24/7 until Sept 10. Can't hurt. Should probably submit a prayer request for the Maid from Hell. Hope all is well with you. Love, Barbara

 

Re: How are you? BarbaraCat

Posted by katia on August 19, 2004, at 13:55:08

In reply to Re: How are you? katia, posted by BarbaraCat on August 19, 2004, at 1:26:10

Hi Barbara,
I'm really touched that you told them about Rock and me. I'm also touched that they (whoever they are) are praying for my sweet precious one.
It's still hard with good days and bad ones.

Interestingly enough, I opened the blinds to the french doors from my bedroom (that lead out onto a deck) and there was that grey kitty lying in the sun like Rock was that day I softened and opened to him being in my life. That kitty has been hanging out here since Rock died. I just can't take him on right now. I need some alone time. Cats are good at taking care of themselves in the wild - mice and lizards and things.

I had an amazing weekend with my new Life Coaching training program in San Rafael. It was the beginning of the course and what an amazing group of people for the intensive weekend. I was in the training program for Life Coaching at my university where I'm getting my M.A. in Transpersonal Psychology, but it just wasn't working for me, so I switched (just for the life coaching certificate) and I'm glad I did.

Sounds like quite a weekend. Sometimes, you just have to let the internal workings of a family have it's private time and do the work (or not) themselves. Remember my friend, the manic one? Last I heard, he was arrested and in jail for threatening people in downtown **** with a big stick. I really hope he's getting some help now.

Lots of love,
Katia

 

Re: How are you?

Posted by eva on October 12, 2004, at 17:12:41

In reply to Re: How are you? BarbaraCat, posted by katia on August 19, 2004, at 13:55:08

bARBARACAT I used a post of yours for an article in school and I can't seem to find it again. I need to write a follow-up. It was regarding cat behavior and hormones, males being friendlier than females. If possible could you please e-mail it to me at tayatoby@hotmail.com

 

Re: How are you? eva

Posted by Barbaracat on October 12, 2004, at 19:39:41

In reply to Re: How are you?, posted by eva on October 12, 2004, at 17:12:41

Eva,
I'm thrilled that you used a post of mine for a school project! I remember this thread about a year ago but no details. I did a search on the main Babble page but nothing jumped out. Definitely, male cats are friendlier, but in my poor fighting off a cold muzzy mind I can't remember anything else. So sorry. Good luck and if you find it send it on over. Barbara


> bARBARACAT I used a post of yours for an article in school and I can't seem to find it again. I need to write a follow-up. It was regarding cat behavior and hormones, males being friendlier than females. If possible could you please e-mail it to me at tayatoby@hotmail.com

 

Re: can't seem to find it again eva

Posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2004, at 0:29:59

In reply to Re: How are you?, posted by eva on October 12, 2004, at 17:12:41

> bARBARACAT I used a post of yours for an article in school and I can't seem to find it again.

Did you try the search function here?

Bob

 

Re: How are you? Barbaracat

Posted by katia on October 13, 2004, at 3:05:36

In reply to Re: How are you? eva, posted by Barbaracat on October 12, 2004, at 19:39:41

>
Hi Barb,
Are you sure it was a year ago?

Have you got the flu? how are you? How's your grieving with little ole Merlin?

And how's the other one who got sick?

I'm still hanging in there lighting candles everyday for Rock. I have felt a shift in the past week though. It feels like he's less and less here now. It's feeling a bit surreal, like it all happened so quickly and then BAM - he's gone.

I'm thinking of getting off of Paxil. I'm feeling strange...clumsy, spacey, confused, anxious, moody, I have visual streaks (like with a waving hand). I think this is the start of the serotonin sydrome I suffered from on effexor and zoloft.

Did you read the latest McMan newletter? the article on BPs on ADs?
Are you coming to Cal for thanksgiving?
thinking of you,
katia

 

Rock

Posted by katia on November 12, 2004, at 12:42:53

In reply to Re: How are you? eva, posted by Barbaracat on October 12, 2004, at 19:39:41

Hi Barbara,
I decided to answer your post over here at grief. I was just going to email you, but decided to keep it on the boards here and didn't want to be booted off of that thread because wasn't med related....

I'm in the process of making a collage of all my furry loved ones. And the book/story of Rock was put on hold as I had to focus on building my Life Coaching practice. There's only so much time....But the interesting thing is Cathy contacted me the other day and said Rock was telling her we needed to collaborate on his story together. So she's coming over next week and we'll work on it. she's going to be publishing it in some telepathic/psychic/animal magazine. And I will see what unfolds for me. I'll take some of it and use it in my book if that is what I still intend to do. I need to be clear about what I"m doing or it falls apart.

Did you get my email?
katia

 

Re: Rock katia

Posted by Barbaracat on November 12, 2004, at 15:35:51

In reply to Rock, posted by katia on November 12, 2004, at 12:42:53

Yep, got it and it's back your way. I'll bring pictures of my furry ones, especially Merlin, when we meet up.


> Hi Barbara,
> I decided to answer your post over here at grief. I was just going to email you, but decided to keep it on the boards here and didn't want to be booted off of that thread because wasn't med related....
>
> I'm in the process of making a collage of all my furry loved ones. And the book/story of Rock was put on hold as I had to focus on building my Life Coaching practice. There's only so much time....But the interesting thing is Cathy contacted me the other day and said Rock was telling her we needed to collaborate on his story together. So she's coming over next week and we'll work on it. she's going to be publishing it in some telepathic/psychic/animal magazine. And I will see what unfolds for me. I'll take some of it and use it in my book if that is what I still intend to do. I need to be clear about what I"m doing or it falls apart.
>
> Did you get my email?
> katia


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