Psycho-Babble Faith Thread 186

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Have lost my faith and suicidal

Posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:04:47

I have always had a deep faith and was a practicing Catholic, but have been unable to pray or go to church for last several months. Not sure why except that because of my constant mental problems, I guess I feel deserted by God. Last month I tried to take my life by taking 5 different medications and was on a ventilator for 2 days and in mental health unit for 8 days. i guess I wasn't totally serious because I left a note for my husband and that is why I was found before I actually stopped breathing.
I see a psychiatrist now twice a week, my husband doles out my meds (prozac, neurontin and ambien) and I think I am a little better.
But today I tried to find the meds and think I would have taken them all if I could have found them. I just so desperately want to find my spiritual side and believe that I am a worthwhile person. I have glimpses of feeling good but it doesn't last. I need support and help. Thanks

 

Re: thats serious shit » Mandy

Posted by omega man on June 19, 2002, at 21:52:03

In reply to Have lost my faith and suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:04:47

I have a problem sometimes understanding what peoples faith is built on...if its built on the religous feeling itself then thats a "state" of openess..in which you can understand the writings of 2000 years ago..but theres nothing new happening to keep that going...so you get hooked on feeling religious to support the continued understanding of the previous..

Did Jesus do that ? did he have any regard for previous religions ?...he had extraordinary psychic ability...which you could call shizophrenia..as I have done..and then a day later reverse back to see that the "god" was a supreme spirit who went about visiting lots of people with ungated brain states trying to do some good..and moved on...maybe the "god" spirit got so sick that his whisperings killed this nice guy..so young..he gave up..or maybe "god" was just prone to giving up anyway..

Whats vital is not to get so caught up in the past..but for you to visit people alive today..who have psychic abilities..

There are prophets alive today..but they get called all sorts of cynical names..because society decided to burn its psychics at the stake three / four hundred years ago..and we've been living in logic land ever since..

Things are changing..but you'd need to be in touch with the deepest aspects of physics as its practised now...

The essence of religion is the passing on of the soul...whether to join the crowd or just be alone...Angels and devils..that does not matter..

If you can understand the principles of Quantum teleportation....you will know that new technology is being developed right now that will prove using sciences hardest tools to prove our mental state can exist as a coherent form after death..

Thats all you really need to stop losing hope that those writings from the past are all nonsense of an ill mind (sometimes I lose faith myself as you'll see by my previous posts)

Its worth sticking round to see whats going to happen..Just as it would be for an anxiety sufferer to wait for cures under development.

It was on the UK news yesterday that the worlds first Quantum teleportation experiment was succesfull...in Australia...meaning Einstein and Godel's theory of ghosts has become fact...

Whats been proven is this..

An electromagnetic system...(like a brain and to some degree its body) which is held in a casing (skull) is capable of transmitting distributed thought structures as impressions..but only to those with psychic brains..(no sensiromotor gating)..

Upon destruction or failure of the source energy..(the heart)..the complete system (brain and to some degree body) will tear apart and basically just float off...

ITs proof..its new..and its happening now..yesterday was a special day..

if science can prove the existance of a soul..then this is the beginning of a whole new rediscovery of religion...

so what if God f|"ked off..he did his bit...its up to us now...

 

Sorry to hear that... » Mandy

Posted by SandraDee on June 19, 2002, at 23:58:00

In reply to Have lost my faith and suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:04:47

I am sorry to hear about your recent situations... I was raised Catholic... This is NOT a Catholic Bashing message, by the way, although it might come across as though I'm pushing something different, I'm not. I was born and raised Catholic, until I was old enough to drive/decide whether or not I'd be at church or not (around 17). Well, I took sort of a "break" from it, because I never really FELT anything going to church except maybe that it made me a good person or something for devoting my 1 hr (sneaking out right after communion, of course). Well then a friend where I worked (when I was about 20) invited me to her church... she said, "Bring a bible"... something I had never done at the Catholic church (misselets - sp?) and anyhow, I had a wonderful time, fellowshipping and hearing the word right out of my own bible. The church was a Vineyards church - which was Christian. It was awesome. I got on fire for God. I went every Sunday, even got my then boyfriend, now husband to go with me (which he hated the Catholic church). I, personally, beleive that all the churches are connected. Baptists, and 'Christians' and Catholics, if they beleive in the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost) then they are just an extension of my church (so to speak). We are all the Body of Christ. "Brothers and Sisters"... Maybe if you did some church shopping for a little bit and searched for that something that you seem to be missing. Hopefully that something is God.
Hope to hear back from you-
Just me

 

Re: please be civil » omega man

Posted by Dr. Bob on June 20, 2002, at 13:37:21

In reply to Re: thats serious shit » Mandy, posted by omega man on June 19, 2002, at 21:52:03

> thats serious shit

Please don't use language that might offend others, thanks. That includes subject lines, so anyone else who resonds should remember to edit theirs. Thanks,

Bob

PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies, and complaints about posts, should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.

 

vineyard info... Mandy and » SandraDee

Posted by krazy kat on June 20, 2002, at 18:36:56

In reply to Sorry to hear that... » Mandy, posted by SandraDee on June 19, 2002, at 23:58:00

Sandra:

I was going to approach this totally differently at first and denounce the Vineyard Church because I've had some experience with it (there's one down the road) and just personally don't like it. I am a firm non-born-againer, if there's such a thing, due to my upbringing, so I tend to jump to conclusions about non-denominational churches.

So, I tried to do some research.

Here's a site:

http://www.vineyardusa.org/about/about_index.htm

Is that what you're referencing? I'm sticking it here for Mandy as well. I don't like some of the concepts:

"Serve the Father in the power of the Spirit, following Jesus’ holistic and incarnational ministry of proclaiming and manifesting the kingdom of God."

That doesn't seem very Biblical to me, but I am certain each church differs and am glad you found a place you feel comfortable in. Also, this is just mho.

I have seen Catholic friends leave the church for another. Sometimes it works, but more oft than not it alienates them further from God and spirituality. Let me know what you've seen, as a former Catholic.

Your post was very supportive and encouraging, and though I don't agree with the church itself, your post didn't seem "pushy" at all, which was nice.

- kk

 

Re: Have lost my faith and suicidal » Mandy

Posted by krazy kat on June 20, 2002, at 18:49:42

In reply to Have lost my faith and suicidal, posted by Mandy on June 19, 2002, at 15:04:47

I am posting very little here now, but your post struck me (so you should feel special ;)), so here I am.

> I have always had a deep faith and was a practicing Catholic, but have been unable to pray or go to church for last several months. Not sure why except that because of my constant mental problems, I guess I feel deserted by God.

My initial reaction is that "this is the depression talking/acting not you". Have you ever heard that statement from your psychiatrist? The first time I heard it, I went "Whew".

> Last month I tried to take my life by taking 5 different medications and was on a ventilator for 2 days and in mental health unit for 8 days. i guess I wasn't totally serious because I left a note for my husband and that is why I was found before I actually stopped breathing.

Um, that last statement has got to go. I had an experience today that left me floored. During an interview with a state psychologist, he asked me how I felt during depression. I am tired of answering that question in deatail (dark, suicidal), so I said "I tried to kill myself twice in the last year". He asked how (as if that matters). "By taking pills to overdose." He asked "Did you?" I said, "Well, I'm still here." (That's actually kind of funny, I forgot that part earlier). He asked if I were hospitalized. I said no. And he obviously checked the box that said "disability denied."

You obviously Did want to die and that is very, very serious. Leaving a note doesn't mean you were "fooling around." Just because my body somehow processed a bottle of sleeping pills doesn't mean I was fooling around.

> I see a psychiatrist now twice a week, my husband doles out my meds (prozac, neurontin and ambien) and I think I am a little better.

Good. A little better is good. Remember to compare it to the past, keep in mind that progression is what we shoot for, not a comparison to Nicole Kidman or (insert powerful, successful word-wide female leader here).

> But today I tried to find the meds and think I would have taken them all if I could have found them.

But you don't know that.

I just so desperately want to find my spiritual side and believe that I am a worthwhile person.

You might benfit from a book I read called "Mood Swings" by Paul Meier. It's a Christian book, I think born-again (I got it for mom), but it deals mostly with spirituality and one's relationship with God, not distiquishing which branch of Christianty is good, and it deals with our illnesses as brain disorders and accepts the need for meds (which Can be unusual in religion).

> I have glimpses of feeling good but it doesn't last.

All I can say here is, I know this so well.

Take care.

- kk

 

this should be at the top... » SandraDee

Posted by Krazy Kat on June 20, 2002, at 22:56:17

In reply to Sorry to hear that... » Mandy, posted by SandraDee on June 19, 2002, at 23:58:00

of my post:

Your post was very supportive and encouraging, and though I don't agree with the church itself, your post didn't seem "pushy" at all, which was nice.

- kk

 

Thanks, and more... » krazy kat

Posted by SandraDee on June 21, 2002, at 17:49:44

In reply to vineyard info... Mandy and » SandraDee, posted by krazy kat on June 20, 2002, at 18:36:56

Well, I don't think I've found but one church that I really felt like it was HOME in... but that soon ended too, when a new pastor came about. Long-story-short, my husband plays drums for the worship team and had several conflicts with the way the new (young) pastor was trying to run things, so as with most churches when a new pastor comes, there was a church split. My mom is still Catholic, and actually now we go to a Four Square Church. I do not like some of the things they do... like the first week we went they were washing feet of the worship team (not my husbands), and it was WEIRD, never saw that in a church setting before. But I told the pastor about that, and they haven't done it since (several years now) We went from Vineyards, to Calvary (Christian) to Four Square. I liked Calvary the best. They read through the bible story by story/book by book. But, we live in a small town, so I do what I can. Like I said in my post, I wasn't pushing her to go to Vineyards church (I'm not even attending one anymore) but MAYBE to just shop around... that it sure helped me to actually open a bible instead of give my hour in church kneeling/standing/sitting and then sneak out the back after communion. Now, for my mother, it all works... she gets it. She gets out her bible at home, she understands those sermons, and she likes those old hymns... I'm more contemporary and like a more rocky style music... so you go where ya get 'fed'. I struggle, I sin, I fall-short. There are just as many hypocrites in the church as there are walking the streets.... the difference is that we have God. He sent his only son for us. I'm sorry if you don't beleive it, but I do. This "faith" board seems to have a lot of people that don't have much "faith".
I appreciate your response very much. I haven't had much interaction with people on PSB. I guess I'm more of a "lurker". :)

 

doing one's own studies... » SandraDee

Posted by krazy kat on June 22, 2002, at 9:58:23

In reply to Thanks, and more... » krazy kat, posted by SandraDee on June 21, 2002, at 17:49:44

"it sure helped me to actually open a bible instead of give my hour in church kneeling/standing/sitting and then sneak out the back after communion."

I see this as well in some friends and in my husband's life as well. the catholic church near us, which i like quite a bit, has a weekly bible study, which was unheard of before. it seems as if the church is offering more options today.

i think there is faith on this board, but then i don't think one has to belong to one of the major religions to have faith. there's one thread that mentions wicca. there's faith involved there.

one thing i notice is that people who believe in a major religion tend to feel sorry for those who don't. i do think that is a mistake. i don't feel that anything is missing from my life without church or a specific faith. i much prefer having an open mind and spirit. but that's just me.

- kk

 

Re: doing one's own studies/home groups » krazy kat

Posted by SandraDee on June 24, 2002, at 23:04:01

In reply to doing one's own studies... » SandraDee, posted by krazy kat on June 22, 2002, at 9:58:23

kk-
I agree completely about bible studies or home groups. We have been pretty regular church go-ers but just last summer got involved with a home group bible study... a much more intimate setting, and I love that group. I love the interaction with people (I'm such a people person!) and the fact that we go through a book in the bible is sort of a bonus for me.. not to mention the hostess feeds us dinner! WOOHOO! A-HA The REAL reason I go! :) *GRIN*
Anyhow, Mandy, if you are reading this - I don't mean to take away from the seriousness of your post... but these are all great suggestions on how to get your "faith" back... I hope you turn to God and not your pills (to overdose). You are in my thoughts/prayers.


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