Psycho-Babble Parents Thread 778377

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I have a 3 mo + 2 yr old...HELP.....

Posted by SometimesBlue on August 24, 2007, at 15:51:12

Ok, so I have a 3 month old, and a VERY ACTIVE 2 yr old...and coping has been hard. Individually, they are great...together, i'm ripping my hair out. I love em though...i really do. They make me laugh, and i want to just squuueeeze em...but with my moods, and meds, and i can't seem to find a combo that will alleviate everything, i scare myself sometimes. Been drinking somewhat...never drunk, it just takes the edge off...is that bad?

I figure at least until i can find a combo that will work for me...whatever happened to those supermoms? Did they ever really exist or is that just an urban legend?

Retardedly Tired,
SB

 

Re: I have a 3 mo + 2 yr old...HELP..... SometimesBlue

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 30, 2007, at 4:07:23

In reply to I have a 3 mo + 2 yr old...HELP....., posted by SometimesBlue on August 24, 2007, at 15:51:12

Hi SumetimesBlue,

I can relate to this, my kids are 14 months apart in age. I beleive the first 6 months after my 2nd was born, I was in a total daze due to a lack of sleep and my body recovering. Remember you just had a baby only 3 months ago! It takes awhile for you to get used to the new baby, and for your body to heal. Just learning what crys are what can cause plenty of stress for anyone!

I am a little worried about the drinking, I hope you are not breastfeeding. Plus you need to be on top of stuff with a 2 yr. old getting into things and especially while you are holding the baby feeding him. The fact you do feel a bit razzled and are asking questions about this show me you are trying to do your best and you care. Some kids never even get that.
But one cool thing with your kids so close in age is that you can entertain both of them doing the same thing because they tend to enjoy the same things. My kids are 11 (boy) and 12 (girl), and they are very close and get along great, but when they fight it gets really emotional, so I am glad that doesn't happen very often. So good luck to you and and remember what you are feeling is perfectly understandable and normal.

 

Thanks... Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by SometimesBlue on September 4, 2007, at 14:43:40

In reply to Re: I have a 3 mo + 2 yr old...HELP..... SometimesBlue, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 30, 2007, at 4:07:23

THanks...i've been having an extra hard time this past month. I've been on other forums and spoken to other ppl who, from personal experience, have enlightened me to the idea that i may have BPII. I think this would explain why the alcohol would alleviate some of these stresses. But thank you for the concern, i needed to hear it from someone else.

 

supermom's a hoax! SometimesBlue

Posted by karen_kay on September 5, 2007, at 11:11:08

In reply to I have a 3 mo + 2 yr old...HELP....., posted by SometimesBlue on August 24, 2007, at 15:51:12

she was a closet crackhead dear. didn't you hear about her on larry king live? she was detained by lapd and her children were put up for adoption. i think jolie/pitt are thinking of adopting them currently.

kids are tough sweetie. i've got one. that's plenty. he wears a helmet, full metal adn somehow still ends up with bumps, bruises and cries all the time. and i still wonder 'what the f*ck am i doing wrong? i bundle him all up and he's still a bleeding, bruised mess. how's that even possible?'

(((((((ss)))))))) (see, i got it right this time)

i took to drinking for a while. then my guilt issues (i've got guilt issues though, it's me) got the better of me. now i smoke like a drunken sailor (and he picks up my empty cigarette packs, leading me to thik i'm setting a bad example for a 1 year, 5 (is it 5 months? there go those guilt issues because i'm bad at math..) month old.

i hear you sweetheart, i hear you. but, i bet those kids know what a wonderful job you're doing, don't they? i know today, when his aunt watched him for precisely 5 minutes while mommy and daddy snuck away for 'play time' he did nothign but scream, looking for me. that says a whole lot. i bet your kids do the same, don't they?

sometimes we may think we're ripping our hair out and we're not up to par, but those kids sure think the world of us. (bless them!)

keep thinking of that laughter hun, because soon enough they're going to be sneaking out, lighting up their own smokes and drinking their own drinks. (lord knows, i'll be installing a tracking device on duckie so i know where he'll be before he turns 15. i have a feelign he's goign to be a hellion when he gets older :)

you're going a great job sweetheart! just ask those kids how much they love their momma! they'll tell you how perfect you are!

take care sweetie!

kk (not your son again!)

 

Re: supermom's a hoax! karen_kay

Posted by SometimesBlue on September 5, 2007, at 11:43:48

In reply to supermom's a hoax! SometimesBlue, posted by karen_kay on September 5, 2007, at 11:11:08

I know what you mean about the guilt, i always feel guilty when it comes to my kids..."Am i not spendin enough time with them?"..."Am I spoiling them?"...."should they watch less t.v?"...."did i feed them enough?".....

And so on, and so on...it's exhausting...but you're right, that laughter, that smile...oh, it melts my heart :)

Soooo drinking is no bueno, huh? Yeah, had to cut back on that too...damn this guilt. I guess it keeps us in check...had to cut back on the cigarettes too, second hand smoke RINGS loud and clear in my head everytime i light up!!

Grrrr....ok, i'm gonna calm down, and take it one step at a time...thank GOd they won't remember the bulk of all this when they're grown up!

((((KK))) Thanks, u always make me smile...

 

did i feed them enough.... SometimesBlue

Posted by karen_kay on September 5, 2007, at 13:04:52

In reply to Re: supermom's a hoax! karen_kay, posted by SometimesBlue on September 5, 2007, at 11:43:48

i started giving my 'old lady drinks' to the duck because i was convinced he was going to get scurvy (that pirate disease, from lack of vitamins. i think it's c???). i swear, i used to think i wasn't feeding him enough because he kept wakign up in the middle of the night. of course, he's teething (still!!!!) and durign my more sane (those come few and far between of course) i realize he's not starving, but i always have these guilt issues relating to my own eating habits (which are poor).

please, please, PLEASE!!!!! don't think i'm saying a thing about your drinking!!!!! i have little room to talk. (you know what they say about those who live in glass houses) and i believe i posted not too long ago about developing a drinking habit of my own. but, guilt's a bitch and took my habit from me and replaced it with one that's more harmful to my duckie (smoking 2 + a day. joe camel ought to pay me to smoke by god!).

sweetie, only you can decide if it's harmful to your kids. if it's guilt getting to you then tell that guilt to back off. if it's jsut a beer, then drink it up!!!! (just please don't tell me it's coors or some watered down beer like that!)

we love to see you smile,

kk and son

 

Re: Thanks...

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 5, 2007, at 22:34:02

In reply to Thanks... Happyflower 1 :-), posted by SometimesBlue on September 4, 2007, at 14:43:40

One thing I feel horrible guilt from and it happened over 11 1/2 years ago, I was out to dinner and had a few glasses of wine with and I was buzzed. Well I went to move my daughter from the swing to her bed because she was sleeping, and I dropped her! She was only 3 months old, and I thought she could have died. I felt sooo bad that I never did that again. The guilt wasn't worth those couple of drinks.

So sh*t happens you know, but if you can learn from it, you find you change very quickly. I had to save one of my 2 yr. old daycare kids from choking one time, and If I was drinking, I might not have noticed or couldn't preform the heimelich. It is amazing how kids will change your life and your priorities.
I hope things are going better for you!

 

Re: Thanks... SometimesBlue

Posted by DAisym on September 8, 2007, at 23:01:27

In reply to Thanks... Happyflower 1 :-), posted by SometimesBlue on September 4, 2007, at 14:43:40

The honest answer you don't want to hear is that drinking to take the edge off is not good modeling for your children. It might not be harmful to them now, but think about when they are 12 or 15 -- do you want them reaching for alcohol to reduce their anxiety?

Being a mom of young kids is super hard. I have three (almost grown now) and I work with children with special needs. I see everyday the stress on families. What I know is that you need support - mother's clubs, neighbors, grandparents, friends...you have to cultivate it and you have to ask. If everyone thinks you are a supermom, they won't think to offer some help to you.

I'm glad you are working on getting your meds adjusted. And I can tell by your post you really care about your kids and want to be the best mom you can be. I hope you find the support you need.

 

about dropping kids and daycare.. Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by karen_kay on September 9, 2007, at 11:59:39

In reply to Re: Thanks..., posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 5, 2007, at 22:34:02

i've fallen before with the duck, but not while buzzed from drinking. i've tripped over toys, even though i spend close to 14 hours a day picking toys up (of course i'm exaggerating the 14 hours, though it feels like it!!!).

i'm sorry that happened to you, but does that also mean as adults we are not allowed to also enjoy ourselves by having wine with dinner?

i hope that you arent' taking this the wrong way hf, but i fear sb has guilt issues already about this and telling experiences about dropping children after drinking may not be the best reassurance for her.

my dr prescribed meds may well cause me to drop my duck (knock on wood it hasn't), and that's something that i need to cope with everyday stress. should i feel guilty for taking it, if that were to happen? better yet, should i discontinue my meds if it were and have ducky face 'mean and anxious' mommy instead? i guess we all have to make choices when parenting...

and about the daycare statement: i'm currently inthe process of checking into daycare. i should hope that no daycare facility hires someone who drinks while working. a personal choice with ones own child, i feel is quite different than someone watching my own. especially if i'm paying them an outrageous amount of money to do so. i think that most people (hopefully) know their limits when it comes to their children. from sb's post, it seems she does. she said she doesn't get drunk. (and i now there have been days in the past when i've opened a beer at noon and been fine with the duck.)

again, i really hope i'm not coming across the wrong way. my son is sick (the first time he's REALLY been sick, so i'm suffering with him) and i may appear to be a bit (what's the word??).. i don't know what the word is, but i'm thinking combatitve? i'm not trying to be dear. i just don't want sb to feel even more guilt for coping the best way she knows how currently.

 

superb post!!! DAisym

Posted by karen_kay on September 9, 2007, at 12:01:50

In reply to Re: Thanks... SometimesBlue, posted by DAisym on September 8, 2007, at 23:01:27

this is very well worded daisy!

i wish i could word things the way you do :)

 

'ahem....' DAisym

Posted by SometimesBlue on September 10, 2007, at 8:54:30

In reply to Re: Thanks... SometimesBlue, posted by DAisym on September 8, 2007, at 23:01:27

While i appreciate the tone of your post, you seem very sincere and genuinely caring...but why is is that when a man comes home and has a beer, it's never bad...if the woman comes home and has a glass of wine, or a beer, it's always judged?

My post was to merely vent and get some support, and i was just being honest.

> The honest answer you don't want to hear is that drinking to take the edge off is not good modeling for your children. It might not be harmful to them now, but think about when they are 12 or 15 -- do you want them reaching for alcohol to reduce their anxiety?

 

((((((((((((KK)))))))))))))))))))) .. (nm) karen_kay

Posted by SometimesBlue on September 10, 2007, at 8:58:21

In reply to about dropping kids and daycare.. Happyflower 1 :-), posted by karen_kay on September 9, 2007, at 11:59:39

 

Re: about dropping kids and daycare.. karen_kay

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 10, 2007, at 17:25:17

In reply to about dropping kids and daycare.. Happyflower 1 :-), posted by karen_kay on September 9, 2007, at 11:59:39

I just feel the guilt you will feel will be 100 times worse if something did happen while under the influence and it hampered your ablility to react appropriately to an emergency situation. You don't have to be stoned or drunk for this to happen, all it takes is one drink. I am only thinking of the child's safety here. To me, drinking, no matter which parent, is not safe to do when you have 2 kids under the age of 2.

As far as the daycare experience I have, I was just showing how sometimes things happen rather suddenly (in any child situation) where you need to be able to react appropriately and quickly, where drinking may inhibit that.

She did ask if we thought it was okay to take the edge off. My answer is no. If you read my entire posts, you will see that we were supportive also, but warned of the drinking.

 

((((((((((sb))))))))))) SometimesBlue

Posted by karen_kay on September 10, 2007, at 17:57:58

In reply to ((((((((((((KK)))))))))))))))))))) .. (nm) karen_kay, posted by SometimesBlue on September 10, 2007, at 8:58:21

back at ya!

take care and hope the meds are working hun.

i know klonopin helps me (when i take it. i have issues with taking it sometimes. i'm weird!) and my pdoc is well aware of my duckie. i refuse sleeping meds (what if there were another fire or duck woke up... i'm highly paranoid, you know, but like i said, i drank a few beers before i had the the klonopin to take the edge off. maybe it was after i got the klonopin, i'm not even sure! it was the guilt that got to me, but i completely understand where you're coming from hun!!!!) and tell her antipsychotics will sit in my cabinets or unfilled, as they leave me feeling dizzy or knock me out.

(((((((sb))))) another hug, just because i couldn't imagine two of them!!!! you're doing a great job sweetie! you really are!

kk

 

stoned? Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by karen_kay on September 10, 2007, at 20:23:29

In reply to Re: about dropping kids and daycare.. karen_kay, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 10, 2007, at 17:25:17

where'd that come from? i certainly hope this isn't getting personal, as you don't know my habits. i was reffering to klonopin making me dizzy dear.

again, i'm honestly not arguing with you. i'm just sharign my pov. and i think we are in agreement with the child care issue. someone in the business of caring for another's child shouldn't be drinking.


i one-time watched duckie fall, right in front of my own eyes as we (mister kk and myself) were putting on our shoes to get ready for chucky cheese. it broke my heart, as we both saw it happen and couldn't move fast enough to stop it (completely sober fo course). that same evening, at the pizza place, mister kk lifted the duck up, to peer in at his niece through a nifty little see-through jumgle gym thingie and bumped him right on the goose egg. he just laughed but we both felt guilty and thought 'everyone here must think we're the most irresponsible parents ever and he probably got this goose egg from us throwing him aroudn and bumping his head!'

hey, sh*t happens like that. doesn't make me feel less guilty. and the only thing i had to drink that day was iced tea and coffee. same with mister kk. maybe it was the pizza gettign to us? then again, maybe if we had a beer or two in us, we never would have attempted to do the 'pizza party' to begin with, causing the goose egg!

i can sit and analyze, over analyze and superduper analyze all day!

take care,
kk

ps. not a 'have a happy life, i don't want to talk to you again', take care either. jsut a genuine take care.

 

Re: stoned? karen_kay

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 9:02:04

In reply to stoned? Happyflower 1 :-), posted by karen_kay on September 10, 2007, at 20:23:29

This was nothing personal at all. Being stoned or drunk equals the same thing to me. I was speaking in terms "in general".

Just a question though, why is it not okay to drink while caring for someone elses child, but it is okay for the actual parent?

To me, they both are not good especially if you have 2 kids under the age 2.

This a personal question, if you had an infant besides your duckey, don't you think drinking any amount would hamper your ablility to take care of them both? I know some parents do anyways, heck parents do a lot of things they shouldn't, but don't you think it would be better not to be under the influence?
If something did happen, not only could your child become seriously hurt, you could also have CPS at your door investigating. To me, this guilt of this happening, would out weigh any benefits of having a little drink. It just isn't worth it to take that chance. But this is just what I think, I know not everyone thinks the same way.

 

Wish I'd never posted.....

Posted by SometimesBlue on September 11, 2007, at 10:45:56

In reply to Re: stoned? karen_kay, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 9:02:04

I was not trying to start a debate that seems to be getting heated [although you never know since the communication is through a computer].

Anyway, while i appreciate everyone's point of view in this (((((kk))))), i want to just state for the record that when i asked "is this bad?" it was more of a retorical question...lol...again with these computers! I KNOW getting sloppy drunk and watching kids is a BIG no-no...I don't feel having a relaxing glass of wine, while say, making dinner is bad [it takes tequila to get me wasted btw].

My post was really just to vent and to see if anyone else was in my shoes.

And HF, i'm sure that your incident with you dropping your child scared you enough to never touch alcohol while caring for a child, as it probably should have...I have never [God willing] dropped any of my boys because i have never been sloppy drunk and caring for them [usually if I'm partying with my hubby, they are spending the night at grandma's].

I just think that if having a glass of wine takes the edge off, i'll take that to being mean mommy, always yelling, and getting frustrated with them. I think THAT will do much damage, and they'll always remember me that way. I want them to have happy memories.

And, btw, i am currently on Wellbutrin which has been fabulous! I'm more calm, relaxed, happy and don't need that glass of wine...

-SB

 

Re: Wish I'd never posted..... SometimesBlue

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 11:50:18

In reply to Wish I'd never posted....., posted by SometimesBlue on September 11, 2007, at 10:45:56

I guess I know understand SB,

I think we all have different views on this, so I don't think it is heated, at least I am not trying to do that.

FYI, I had only one glass of wine when I dropped my daughter, after not drinking for almost a year, one glass was all it took to get buzzed and that was with a full dinner. lol

I do know when you are on other drugs, you aren't suppose to drink with it, so it is good you don't need to. I hope even with this issue, I hope you see I was trying to support you, I have 2 kids 14 mo. apart and I know how hard it is. I hope you have no bad feelings against me.

 

Not at all, no worries.... (nm) Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by SometimesBlue on September 11, 2007, at 11:54:59

In reply to Re: Wish I'd never posted..... SometimesBlue, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 11:50:18

 

Re: Not at all, no worries.... SometimesBlue

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 12:04:33

In reply to Not at all, no worries.... (nm) Happyflower 1 :-), posted by SometimesBlue on September 11, 2007, at 11:54:59

Thanks,

I am relieved, I don't want you to feel bad at all, you have enough to deal with! ;-)

 

if you'd like... Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by karen_kay on September 11, 2007, at 15:30:07

In reply to Re: stoned? karen_kay, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 9:02:04

to continue this discussion, feel free to b-mail me.

thank you.

(and if you feel that during the b-mail things are uncivil in any way, shape or form, you're always able to report them.)

i've said before that i certainly hope i'm not being combative, but i'd rather just drop the issue all together honestly. this form of communication seems to not be conveying properly, and i think i've made my point as you have too.

thanks for listening, as well as sharing your point of view.

kk

 

Re: if you'd like... karen_kay

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 16:08:06

In reply to if you'd like... Happyflower 1 :-), posted by karen_kay on September 11, 2007, at 15:30:07

I really have no need to continue this convesation with you private or publically. I am here to support SB, and if she continues to want to discuss this, then I will be happy to.

I am not sure I understand why you are posting to me about this, it is okay to have disagreements on the boards. I am here to support SB, not argue with you. If you don't like what I post, than that is fine, I just don't understand why it can't be just left as it is. Not all babblers agree, and I am not going to find every post that I don't agree with and post that disagreement, I have better things to do with my time. I offered her my best advice, I am not sure what if anything it has to do with you personally, so I don't understand what the problem is.

 

Please do not post to me karen_kay

Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 21:31:44

In reply to if you'd like... Happyflower 1 :-), posted by karen_kay on September 11, 2007, at 15:30:07

Thank you.

 

here was my post dear! SometimesBlue

Posted by karen_kay on September 12, 2007, at 16:16:19

In reply to Wish I'd never posted....., posted by SometimesBlue on September 11, 2007, at 10:45:56

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070305/msgs/742773.html

i was having a hard time at that point too.

sorry if this thread's turned. it was completely unintentional, i promise. but, just wanted to show you, i've been there.

glad your meds are working for you. very glad. and if you need anything, don't hesitate to let me know.

adn again, i can't say i'm sorry enough. i certainly didn't mean for things to turn the way they did (or seemed to have).

take care sweetie,

kk

 

Please follow site guidelines Happyflower 1 :-)

Posted by Deputy Dinah on September 15, 2007, at 14:12:36

In reply to Please do not post to me karen_kay, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 11, 2007, at 21:31:44

Dr. Bob has updated site guidelines on the process for a Please Do Not Post. He has determined that requesting that someone not post to you on board might lead them to feel accused or put down, so he requests that we follow these procedures.

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#harassed

Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.

Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.

Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob


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