Psycho-Babble Administration Thread 1096433

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Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2018, at 1:27:27

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2018, at 21:51:00


all my life...

my mother only had me because she thought it would force my father to stay with her. she made him promise to stay with us until i was 16, or some such (that's when the spores are cast to the wind, in these parts), but he left when i was 7.

she abused me fairly significantly. mostly i had to stay in my room because i was 'bad'. i was constantly being punished for some infraction (real or imagined). anything involving money would send her into a freak out yelling ranting tail spin. not becaues she didn't have the money, but because she was crazy.

she got welfare money for having me and had a freehold house from the divorce so chose to save a lot of money. she used to brag about how i didn't eat over-much. i didn't cost her anywhere near as much as welfare gave her for me! she used to tell me she needed to go out to 'tough love' meetings and so on because i was so hard to love.

was that my just deserts, or was i entitled to better?

one mustn't feel entitled.
beggers can't be choosers, and so on.

i ran away a few times and eventually was placed in a group home, which was better than the previous situation, but still not amazing, for me.

i got welfare to live independently from 16 - only it wasn't enough for me to actually live independently, i needed to live with others to keep costs down, and they chose to stipulate that i needed to 'board' (with a family) rather than flat / rent with other teenagers / young adults.

i finished secondary school and went to university.

along the way of that i ended up in a relationship with one of my school teachers. they looked after me more like a parent, i suppose. but then the relationship turned pretty controlling and i felt a lot of emotional guilt that i didn't really want to be in a relationship with them but didn't have the financial means to independence...



in and out of hospital... university...

i did need psychodynamic therapy. i needed someone to help me work through all the sh*t that my mother had given me and all the sh*t i'd internalised over the years because i never had healthy / good role models to help me reconceptualise the sh*t. i did need that.


i didn't get that in this country, of course. just got a bunch more sh*t. i was doing it to myself and so on. i just needed to look after myself. the majority of health workers who were employed to 'help' hurt more than help. didn't have their own sh*t sorted, even.

but over the years i've started to come to some sort of peace.

actually, no. i've come to stop internalising the blame for everything. i used to go around 'what is wrong with me? what is wrong with me?' and of course people (the health system) used to chastise me for that... but it was better than the alternative... look at my sh*tty f*ck*ng life. people have treated me like crap for most of it.

this year: is the first time i've had my own house to live in. the first time i haven't been forced into living with other people who decide it is fun for them to try and guilt me into this and that and otherwise control me and so on.

getting away from the awful.

i'm 'rich'. i now get, like $300 a week (NZD). the average wage in this country is $1,000 a week. maybe i don't work hard. how many A's do I need? pooh pooh rubbish rubbish what you need is to do my taught course where i'll teach you... uh?



people keep taking me for a chump.

and why wouldn't they? i mean... they can, and all. it's fun for them. life is good for them.

and why the hell shouldn't i be forced to continue on making them happy enjoying the power they have. for their own good, of course.

i mean, really. what other point is there to my being put on this earth?

and this is something i want. because i want to have the knowledge to look after my health. because i don't trust the health system. because this country doesn't seem to want to give me the means so as i can purchase health insurance for myself or have the means so i can purchase health care (if i need to) outright for myself. they have been saying that people just need to look after themself... well, then, how about enroling me in a program of study that will actually teach me to look after myself properly, then. i don't mean 4 years of how you wash your hands degree or a degree in how to check if their is ceiling insulation i mean a medical / surgical degree.

because i want to help other people.

there are a lot of non-awful people out there. many of them have sh*tty lives. that's how come they have been beaten down by others into mental health issues... there are a lot of really great people in the mental health system. sensitive people who don't cope well with the psychopaths controlling their lives... i have empathy for those people.

but rich people have kids and they want their kids to look after them, so. there we go.

i was supposed to have a kid and that would have brought me how many lotto tickets into a better life as the kid grows up and looks after me... only... with my life expectancy... with the overpopulation problem that we have... with the problem we have of poor people having kids and their communities being expected to drag those kids up... what do i get for choosing to invest in me instead? what do i get for me spending how many years at university trying to learn what kids learn in how many years in school? I know I'm not dumber than them but here i am however many years later still f*ck*ng well saying I don't have the educational background that i do (and I don't).

THeir parents invested how much in their private schools (or housing so as to zone into a good public school)?

How does that compare to the years of funds I've thrown (via student loan) into the university system?

I thought that people would have the cognitive capacity to see...
But more fool me.

I suppose they see and laugh.

They like the game they are playing.

Well done them.

What would they have done with their lives if they had the life I had...

Again with the however many generations game...

And then you have midgets to control and controlling other things (we sometimes call people) is fun - yeah.

There aren't many persons here.


equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:01:42

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2018, at 1:27:27

i'm kinda confused about this...

i mean, there is an extensive literature on equality. even something something about all persons being equal under God and about to each according to their invididual merits instead of to each according to things like... social class.

and then the World Health Organisation and others come along as say that equality doesn't exist because diversity exists and because of diversity people are not equal and only some inequalities are unjust and they shall be known as inequities.

and there is a history of equity and what equity means. it has to do with growing your business. owners equity. and it may or may not be shared amongst shareholders...

and it...

divorces things that are considered 'inequities' in health from the social movement that has had really rather a lot of sensible things to say about the systematic ways in which we entrench and worsten the 'problem'.

because... the focus has been on growing your business.

and some businesses traffik in poor people. in homeless people. in women who have been beaten by their husbands. in ethinc minorities. in refugees. some businesses equity depends on their growing their business, entrenching the poverty and powerlessness of the people they are 'helping'.

only we don't see equity grow because they have learned that in order for people not to hate you (threaten to revolt against you) you need to cry poor! poor! poor! poor me! to muddy the message. so... instead of having a multi-million dollar charity you have splinter charities. and instead of equity things get syphoned off to those on boards of directors... or whatever...

and that's how come there are more poor people in this country, than ever before. why people collect up more and more money to data collect from more and more ethnic minority groups... and so on...

even the medical admissions process... especially the medical admissions process... they say 'we make sure our test isn't biased on racial and disabilty and gender grounds'. and saying that means they have a legitimate looking reason to collect up that information about their applicants. but they won't make public their data on how people actually score... and look at the doctors you know. look at the medical students you know. has diversity been achieved?

it's just so much garbage b*llsh*t rubbish.

from the nasty nasty people obsessed with looking out for themselves.

without the frontal lobe capacity to see how they make things worse for everyone.

not on economic grounds...

books written on that... to hijack the debate. you can't do between country comparisons meaningfully because you need a 'common currency' notion or a 'currency conversion' or whatever. because there is too mjuch involved in setting up a system to scam. the richest people don't pay taxes and so on... don't have any claimable income or assets. you don't want to *appear to be* in control of things (that would make you a target) you want ot *actually be in control of things*. clearly...

anyway... it's just a way of hijacking.

we got Maaori people here writing papers where they are forced to conclude they couldn't show any economic benefit to non Maori for helping or investing in Maaori development.

you kick at people... its remarkable how... sytsematically oppressed people will go...

it isn't about the money.

though genuinely co-operative / collaboratie projects where people don't have to spend all their time huddled like alpackas for external threat... warily eyeing each other for internal threat... the vast number and amount of inefficiencies that are so glaringly obviously prevalent in every single public place...

you can see them - right?

because policnig the cheaters and defectors is costly. you could spend most of every day doing it.

but yuo have people more interested in benefiting themself at others expense becaues they really prefer things that way. prefer to have power / control over people pets.

surprisingly many. most.


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:20:04

In reply to equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:01:42

well, no, most people are 'adaptable'

'we didn't believe in private schools until we had our second. that kid simply wasn't that bright, and he needed every help he could get, in life'.

because it is in their interests not to have to look after him. to get him into some kind of professional career so he can have his very own harem - wife and children to do the chores and the unpaid work about the house and so on and so forth...

so a kid who is naturally brighter and / or who works harder (or some combination) doesn't get a look-in. beause people are worried about the above kids chances.

machiavelli said people prefer leaders to be born into it. there is a sense of legitimacy that you can't get otherwise. people want to hear 'oh yeah, he got into med, but then it's not surprising, both his parents are doctors'.

if intelligence really was heredity then wealthy people wouldn't invest so much of their wealth in their kids education. they wouldn't need to. their kid would emerge up as superior without their constant and incessant intervention. you can tell by how much how many have invested in their kids education (and in undermining the education of other kids) that its not significantly hereditary.

when they go on about how there are 'far more suitable people who were trainable and lots of great people don't get to do it' one could be forgiven for thinking that's why great people don't get to do it. like how that princess didn't get into Harvard on suits - right? and didn't all the common-men who stay home and watch suits on tv go 'awwwwwwwwwwwwww she's just like me and my kid and my kids kid'. and how to start with we thought it was a jack up that she didn't get in... but then the whole thing about (cook up of a situation that has us conclude that): there were far more skilled people than they could select.

but you should see some of them. the ones you don't tend to. because 5 minutes with them and you really would see that... they're incompetent. not all that. not all there, even.


that's the big problem that not many will talk of. how you get these people who don't have capacity to take places of people with capacity. you get people who are morally corrupt and unsuitable who take places of people who aren't that way.

the harms that have been done because of nepotism. which is just a particular instance of class entrenchment.

and things are worse off for us. more of us. more and more of us. when these idiots get into positions of power.

there was some philosophy literature on nepotism. justifying it. interestingly (perhaps). this idea that you have a duty to your family that takes priority over your duty to your greater community / society / country.

its a form of selifshness, again.

i think people really genuinely do know this. you do hear over and over how people... find. create families for themselves, really. people who were as a parent or as a child. intellectual heirs. or sometimes coaches and their athletes or whatever.

institutional structures preventing nepotism would be for the good of us all.

i think sometimes people do like this idea that some people have legitimacy because of birthright, though. because it absolves them of struggle and striving. because of inevitability. like how sometimes people get a sense of peace from hearing a dx whereby their behavior was inevitable.

putting people into 'bins' can be a blessing or a curse.

there's this lady at MIT who works on feminism... anyway... she was quoting someone...

something about a social landscape. and there is material reality... then you have social reality laid over it... and there are peaks and valleys. and social reality (with its 'bins' of ways of socially categorising or classifying people into race and gender and disability and so on) make it easy to follow certain vectors along valleys. and freedom... in a society... is the freedom to be able to climb a peak.

or whether you will continually be kicked back to your valley.


people betted on things being a certain way.

they have invested their money accordingly.

the infrastructure has been planned for.

and damned if they are going to let you be other than what they think it is your proper place you should be.

or similar.


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:36:49

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:20:04

and it's about bullying, either way.
it knows no... money.
rich kids and poor kids, black kids and white kids
all the kids get bullyed by other people who claim to know what's best.
whether what's best is a professional career,
selling drugs on the street corner
other people claim to know what's best
instead of investing in options for their kid to
try different things
enouraging them to appreciate the value of work
(how investing time and effort reaps rewards of improved skill)
that sort of thing from love...


something about... love for what it is differnet *because* it is different.

back to what is good for persons. sigh.

i do understand there is a lot of flip flopping
and uncertainty
and so on.
but often that's because what people wanted got crushed out of them by others
rubbish rubbish rubbish pooh pooh
i know better than you what's good for you
(which always ends up looking more like what is best for them)

i think the university here doesn't want the arts to grow and flourish because the rich people (who have invested a lot in their kids education and on forcing / scaring / cajoling their kids to work work work) are afraid their little doctor-to-be will throw in the towel for... drama. or something...

and because of the whole hierarchy of life whereby what they really think of drama is revealed.

so everything must be crap... hierarchically inclined...
the kids must get whisked out and away after only one year
(the year where they impressed the kids who never learned anything at school beause the latter had no idea how much some other kids got to learn). but it's birth right and it's inevitable and better luck with your next generation...

only we don't really want them having masses and masses of babies in these wealthy little communities. places like stars hollow (the glmour girls). rural places like that. highly deprived places like that. where the kids get 'equity' places in medicine because of their rural disadvantage.

must be horrible growing up rural places like that. like waiheke island... a short (by city standards) commute into central auckland. two doctors as parents. equity place in medicine for 'rural origins'.

we are so corrupt we don't even see we have any corruption at all, here.

that's what equity is for, here.

they must be talking about growing business? right? gimmie gimmie government handouts for my charity business in the name of equity. right?

what else could it be?


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:01:51

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:36:49

well, looks like i'm outta here.

i couldn't get my application before the committee. because one or two people are set up to take the hit for the committee, i guess.

i suspect it is about the nepotism. i don't know of a medical doctors kid who wanted to do medicine not getting to do it. i don't mean where the parents use theier own equity or borrow against their own equity to fund a place for their kid... i mean a place where their kid takes one of the 'publically funded' places. or, when their kid fails to be objectively ranked for one of those, their kids gets a 'we have the discretion to do whatever we want' over-ride for one of the government funded 'equity' places.

they got a bit too cocky about it with the whole 'rural origins' thing. i guess... people want it to stop?

but people have kids... hungry mouths to feed... and nagging wives who will not have sex with them if they don't get their kid in. and, really, is your primary duty to your family or to all those... poor... disabled... minority kids. i mean... they are the 'elite' of their minority group and it's not like they wouldn't similarly screw you over to serve their own interests if they had opportunity...

and the stories we find it convenient to tell ourselves.

i guess all i can do here is hopefully have some sort of impact to help things better for the future... and then move on. things are too nastily entrenched, here.

i don't know that up north will be better. i suppose it will likely be less nepotistic.

probably not.

maaori culture is very nepotistic. people don't talk about the difference in income / wealth within maaori people but you have to ask: what have the politically elite maaori done for their people, lately?

sold them out, for the most part.

you're talking first born males of high ranking people, mostly. for the most part women still don't have speaking rights.

there is an element of that in public health, here. i don't have speaking rights in seminars. i mean, i raise my hand early and then people make up stuff to try and prevent my asking a question. they are all like 'you are consumer - right?' even once they know i'm a graduate...

they are the ones that got spat back. i know... they are the ones that are supposed to scare you...

scare you into keeping your head down and doing what you are told...

for the good of us all?

there do need to be boundaries and limits. people have trouble with that. you do need someone to put their foot down.

carryign capacity. chickens. just one more... just one more... increased wigets. increased efficiency. not even noticably sh*tt**r living conditions or quality of product or whatever...

but at some place that you can't objectively justify as being better than any other place you gotta put your foot down and just call 'carrying capacity!'

whether it be a free range chicken farm or an aged care facility...

i'm mostly disengaged from this community here, i guess there is that.

i was not accepted, here, for me.

with respect to people respecting me. instead of pooh poohing rubbish rubbish we know what's best fo ryou and more to the poitn we know what's best for us with the respect to the use of you..


the whole 'don't fall down'. it's about how much easier people are to manage when they don't get up.

nobody wants people to be empowered.

you end up with this awful commons...

people know not what harm they do. i'ts more oblivious than intentional.

or not.

it's hard to know psychopath vs idiot. is it that people lack moral sense or that they lack the capcacity to employ it?

i don't know.


this place is just more focused on doctors begat doctors...

i get it. you 'sacrifice' your life looking after the prostitutes by the casinos... tagging them and giving them their shots for the good of our tourism industry.

that means your kid gets one of the best shots we can get it for... i don't know... neuroendocrinology? renal? and if school friends are required to babysit... well... lets bring the whole island of social support... in the name of equity.

you have people living in communities that are destinations for toxic waste. kids out of there...

no... pick the kid from teh tourist resort island of vineyards.

in the name of equity.

i wonder if the kid got a choice of if things just magicked around them. i wonder what sort of social conscience etc you can develop in that kind of position.

just focused on how deprived you are... how tragically 'middle class'. i mean... when you don't go to a private school. when you live some place where you don't have to.

if all that investment made a difference... the kid wouldn't need an equity place.

i think we refuse to sort the kids. same way we put the idiots in charge.

i don't want to live, like this.

whose interets are served by there being so very many of us... rubbish people

not people

i know. back to that.

i don't get to learn anything i actually want to learn this year.

i wish i'd never been born. for real.

the whole euthanasia thing... it's all about power. people wanting it for the power it gives them over themselves and / or others. or not wanting it for the very same reason.

i have nothing to say that hasn't been said. people won't listen to reason because they are incapable of listening to it. whether incapacity or unwillingness the effect is the same.

you just gotta get out, really.

which is all they are trying to do for their kids, too. it's about shipping them off to australia...

nobody is actually interested in making things better, here.


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:19:34

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:01:51

it is just taking the piss.
devoting a certain amount of tax-payer money to 'equity'.
then giving the equity money to projects that serve to further entrench it.

i do find myself wondering an awful lot whether people are idiots. don't see this. or whether people see it and are having a good old laugh to themselves on the inside. i wonder what is going on with people.

sometimes people seem... well, like they've sold out, i guess. afraid. fearful that they won't get their piece of the pie if they won't toe the line.

these seminars that are about 'we got however many millions of dollars to work on x' health problem. and then the budget. pie charts of where all the money goes. all these people employed to shuffle bits of paper around. no money to anything concrete or actual with respect to the topic at hand. all the rest of it could have been exactly the same with a totally different project. just managers and administrators and so on. each taking a piece of the pie and nothing with respect to x. i mean, no pateints were seen. no procedures were performed. probably data was collected and shipped off overseas (thats probably the source of funding) but that's all.

and so there's no way of life here, for me.

that's what they have me believe.

and how many people killed themselves last year?

they're doing such an awfully f*ck*ng bad job of it...

and where do the people here buy their groceries? i mean... there aren't supermarkets associated with any satellite towns, that i can see...

i think people literally fly in and out. choppers, maybe. i don't think very many people actually live here... probably something to do with residential hall contracts... at some point it will be about local producers rather than the pre-packaged plastic coated crap processed and shipped from Auckland...

I am angry. The country does f*ck*ng owe me. I genuinely and honestly belive that. This country f*ck*ng spawned me. This country had me suffer however many years of emotional torment at the hands of my mother. This country declined to see that, to help with that situation, to even provide me with respite at school. This country has mostly worked towards my internalising the blame for everything. Bullying me and blaming me and chastising me into being... A blow up doll. Basically.

If you want people to want to stick around and contribute to society then you really need to treat them better.

I don't see peers...

I see sell outs and people who fled.

I don't have anything more to say to people, here.

It's not like they have granted me actual speaking rights.



Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:43:45

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:19:34

well, it's alright.

i get my thesis done and i apply to the other place.

it's just the usual thing of trying to get the people to settle into the sh*tt**st situation they can possibly manage for them.

because the more of that that happens the better things are for us all.

f*ck*ng economics.

there is all this sh*t about equality of income. and i just don't get it. i mean, it's f*ck*ng obvious that the within-country data is hugely problematic. i mean, it is so yesterdays news that lots of people don't have declarable income. i mean, it is so yesterdays news that lots of people organise their lives thus and so so they don't have declarable income. they have a company car and a company office and probably even a company house. the company pays for their flights and their hotels and so on and so forth. a restaurant budget with alcohol. their charity company, no less.

but this is yesterdays news and thats not exactly where things are at right now, probably, but you get the general idea.

and it's census data or its inland revenue (tax company) data that they use for the within country income distribution. and so who cares really whether the econmoists say that the within country income distribution is better or worse or much the same as it's always been. it's meaningless because we have no way of measuring the people scamming the system.

but, of course, you can drive around and see how the people live. and you can see the local shops and the infrastructure...

appreciating, of course, that most things of value are well hidden. because people in this country surely will turn on people they think are collecting too much... because their lives really are that bad. i guess that's what it comes down to, an awful lot.

and then something something about the world bank fixing the value of currencies so we can consider inequities between countries. but really its about whether the clean drinking water comes in or goes out. whether the non-recyclacables come in or go out, whether the quality produce comes in or goes out...

but somehow... to improve equity we would need to decrease efficiency and decrease the economy overall.

equity groups are a burden on society.

they hold society back.

i thought cooperation was distinct from coordination. that mutual benefit provided something that merely coordinated action could not. if you coordinate your action but each player is self interestsed then there is this whole thing of freeriding where possible and tragedy of commons or just one more chicken on the free range farm until they are living on mounds of each others sh*t all infested wtih bacteria ripping each ohers feathers out.

rampages of those incapable of interacting with persons.


there's no life for me, here. no meaningful employment. there's nothing at the university because of the whole 'everything must be sh*t or our precious would want to do something other than what we want them to do'. trying to scare people into doing statistics or chemistry or medicine or law or whateaver. mostly just medicine.

one year of exposure to the awful is supposed to motivate them to work hard... to do whatever it takes to get out.

only you don't speak of it. some people don't even seem to notice it's awful. they are really living the dream of managing to get away from whateaver abusive situation back home.

and then next generation...

this horrible soulless view of life.

and people are committed to it. because they sold out becaues of it.

why don't they retrain in something they find meaningful?

well then...

i suppose that's why i'm not allowed.


you know... if we were, like, really doing well, like really best in the world because of the way things are done here. becaue of the wonderful decision that these peple in power made in our interests i might feel a bit better about it...

but we are doing really crap. i mean, like really f*ck*ng crap by world standards. we are not even barely holding on to civilisation. once england withdrw law and australia is starting to withdraw medicine theres really nothing here. we haven't managed to develop or grow anything ourself. and yet we are f*ck*ng determined to just keep on same old same old things get sh*tt**r and sh*tt**r and sh*tt**r and people with wealth simply flee from the f*ck*ng mess that they've made.

and these people get to be the boss of me.

it makes no f*ck*ng sense, at all.


four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:19:41

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:19:34

so i'm thinking, now, of the virtues of the four year degree program that i saw something of in north carolina.

there were 2 levels of courses: lower level and upper level. and a degree was comprised of a breadth requirement and a depth requirement.

and they would run parallel streams of the same course. which was a way of doing it. so, for example, intro ethics might have one stream taught by the departmental chair and another stream taught by a teaching assistant. and the teaching assistant stream (I do believe) was where they put the students who were not declared majors.

i'm ambivalent about the different teachers for different streams / versions of teh course.. only because i can forsee already the abuse we would do with that. i mean, i see greedly little managers eyes light up and what ingeneious strategy they will try and sell in the name of saving costs...

but the idea of a breadth requirement means that there is an incentive for the university to invest more broadly across different subjects. because people who want to study medicine or law or whatever have options - because they are forced to have options - and so now there is a sense of responsibility to have good people teachign these courses and grading the work in a responsible way and so on.

we don't have that here. i swear that sometimes people are hired precisely because they are crap. because they will put off anybody with any kind of other option... it is like they have been hired specifically to do that.

we have this 3 year degree thing with three differnet levels of courses. degrees are really focused in on your major subject from quite early on. once you have picked your second year papaers you have basically committed to a major and then you have really no options at third year you are forced to do whats prescribed.

that means, for example, you find yourself in the position of 1 person who plays a signifciant role in gatekeeping success in a field. like, i don't know, physiology, at auckland. this one person can set laboratory reports to be a significant component of the assessment and can grade all the laboratory reports themself. the person might be someone who is veyr amenable to suck-ups. so the game is in crying for help and writing down what you are told... not becaue this person had a great reputation on the basis of their own amazing research... but because you reailse that that is the situation early on. so... you wouldnt stick around and major in that (throw your chances of grad school in anything or grad entry to medicine at the feet of a guy who rewards the biggest suck up).. unless...

and i see why people say to stick with things like stats where there is less opportunity for... corruption. to determine how things turn out.

the university doesn't provide tutoring, here. well, they do, but it's pretty crap. if you want a social club, good luck to you.

but you live in a residential college and the residential colleges employ tutors. and different tutors work different examples. and so on. but, yeah, there is a perception that there's more of a chance to reward actual merit.

I just don't understand why it isn't blindingly obvious to everyone that we would make more genuine progress in figuring out mutually beneficial arrangments and so on if we were more equitable and fair in the way that we provide an education to all (not a different quality depending on yoru residential hall) or things like blind grading or selection of students on the basis of information that was previously deemed to be relevant for selection instead of insisting on making these decisions on the basis of things we know only serve to entrench inequtiies.

i imagine it is sad if you see a kid who is great at math or whaetvevr run off to join something like glee club. the problem coems from the perception that 'anyone can be an artist'. becaue they put peopel in charge who can't tell the difference. intentionally, i think. people who cant' tell the differenc ebetween postmodernist essay generator and anything else... Not everybody has the capacity to be a great artist.

I'm thinking I do just want to get out of here. Here is... Very much ruled by the churches, still. I guess I wrote about corruption down here, before I came here. It's only turned out to be worse than I thought. I was nearly trespassed from work and income because a guard there accused me of being abusive. Even when I wasn't (i emplored them to watch the video since there are cameras operating and she was the one who purposely positioned herself in front of my lawful path of action and I simply purposely continued on my path - straight through her). Even with it on camera it was a close call.

Things here really are that bad where a certain person chooses to call the cops and I'm locked up.

For God knows how long.

I don't feel safe in this country.

Genuinely. Legitimately.

Things are not okay, here.


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:44:13

In reply to four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:19:41

and it's about graduate entry, across the board.

i mean, we have the cheapest medical degree education in the english speaking developed world. from the world bank thing with the exchange rate.

and... our graduates are eligable for registration in australia. and, i don't know if you know, but Australia has been doing pretty well in the intentional front, lately.

so we are a destination for wealthy (but not that wealthy) investors. a back door to autralia. and internatonal students pay, like, three times the fees of local students. and, apparently, those international student fees help to cover the cost of providing an education to local students. something like one international student helps fund 3 or 4 local student places, or something like that.

you would think... actually, i would think, that the least we can do, if we are going to take their money, is to give them a fair shot at things. blind grade their work, at least, so they aren't given a worse grade on tbe basis of their name, or whatever. have differnet people involved in grading their work so they are less likely to fall foul of one particular person who decides they don't like their face, or whatever.

i mean, considerable research has been done on all this stuff... but really, the real protection in the US was the highly developed laws that provided an incentive for the university to be able to stand up in a court of law and honestly say 'these are the things we did to ensure that people were not unfairly discriminated agaist on the basis of race or gender or whatever'.

you really have to *make* people. because they just won't do the right thing if they are left to their own devices. what the f*ck is up with that?

anyway... you would think that is the least we could do. i mean... we profit from their money. they profit from... a fair and equitable chance at succeeding in their project. i would have thought. that is the mutually beneficial idea. we genuinely try and educate all our students as best we can and the best of them go on and out in the world. remember back that this university did the best they could by the students and it gets a good... honest... reputation.

but that's not what's happened. people profiteered and fled.

they decided to exploit the system for their own benefit and advantage rather than trying to genuinely grow it for the good of us all.

i don't see another way to see that.

we intentionally scammed out foreign investors. we weren't out for mutual benefit, at all. genuine collaboration.

we pick the kids for medical school after one year at university. and that one year at university has curriculum that overlaps significantly with the higher 2 levels of secondary school. it's that secondary school curruculum that money buys. becaue of the difference it makes to taht first year curriculum. and then its volume packed so you don't have time to be wasting... and then yo uadd to that all the things that are designed solely to waste peoples time.

so some people live in the hall with the other people who have been selected... and academics is a priority.

and other poeple live in teh hall where they are forced to be 'social' with people who are 'socially focused' and so on. where there is no quiet place to study. and we sell this as 'culturally appropriate' and 'equitable' no less.

then, after that one year the med kids are out, already. so the rest of the kids need to settle into their second choice. which might be dentistry. physiotherapy. pharmacy. pharmacology. or some kind of science degree.

then in second year you discover that the 'standard taught curriculum' in any sense is mostly gone. you aren't working hard on a body of established knowledge that has been well understood by your lecturers, anymore. you are dealing with the more scattered of the teachers. some of whom fail to understand chunks of the taught content. some of whom have given up trying ot explain it in favor of teaching ehir own research. already. then third year... is when particular people have control over the distribution of grades and there is no attempt whatsoever for blind grading.

and that's it. that's our education system.

don't get me wrong, i know the content of medicine isn't all that. we are deprived by australian standards. instead of our people having the capacity and will to get onside with the teachign cases and so on that have been developed we try and carve out our own way of half understood and our own way only for our students not to do so well on the australian assessments.

and partly we are doing the best that we can. i do see that...

but then that's what's so sad.

is how much better we could do / could have done / would do if we go tmore serious about selecting those with capacity.

only they think if they do that, they'll just split and run. and that's ture, because we don't treat the ones we've picked for success well, either.

but, yeah, in the medical degree program you have such delights as 'electives' which involves the most expensive arts course you ever paid for (well, someone did) with sugh delights as bioethicists teachign english literature.

just in case anybody was thinking of dropping out and fleeing to the arts...

i don't understand why we don't have a 4 year degree program with lower and upper level courses and then inveset in making them good properly becaues we actually care about the growth and development of the university and want our kids to experience good things in a broad range of subjects to see what they want to devote their lives towards pursuing. and make medicine and law and so on graduate entry programs. once we've had a chance to get to know and properly assess and proprerly educate a bit more...

instead of it being a race to magic out and away your nepotistic interest. DESPITE their obviosu incapacity (i mean how stupid does your progeny need to be for ALL THAT to have to go into their selection)?


Australia is spitting them back because we keep throwing them unsuitables. You can surround them with the dumbest kids you can find to try and make them look better.... Try and force Australia to pick and train your own in teh name of equity...

But damn is things really couldn't get much worse than what you've mad ethem.

well done university committees.

better luck next generation


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:25:41

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:44:13

and i just keep coming back to this thing of how 'not everyone can be a ballerina. the world can't support that many ballerinas'.

and the unwillingness / incapacity to see that not everyone wants to be a ballerina. there are more parents who want their kids to be ballerinas than kids who want to be ballerinas. there are more kids who like to play at ballet than train ballet.

ronnie coleman on one interpretation... everybody wants to be a bodybuilder... damn near ain't nobody wants to lift no heavy *ss weights.

but the reason why we tell people they can't do x or y is z is because it would be unsustainable if everybody got to do what everybody wanted to do.

but the way things are at present is unsustainable.

i just don't understand or see how people think that anything other than people doing what people want to do is sustainable. that's precisely what is sustainable.

of course there is work to be done on incentive structures...

but there's an awful lot of people who just want to mess with others and control them.

what do you do about that?

i don't get it. i don't get those people. that's a pathology i simply don't understand.


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:27:25

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:25:41

and the problem, really, is that i'm a smart girl who has spent far too long in rubbish situations that don't make sense.

trying to reason with people who lack the capacity to be responsive to reason.

there's nothing to be done but walk away, from that.


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 6, 2018, at 0:40:16

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:27:25

when i was at Auckland I found myself starting to become racist. I found myself thinking Maaori were really very stupid. Incapable of responding to reason. Either not able to (genuinely) or really not motivated to (sort of psychopathically).

and that was really strange, for me, because where I grew up lots of kids were Maaori and they were just as varied as the white kids, really. And I remember how those Maaori really didn't have much time for the politically elite Maaori...

And coming here has shown me that it is an issue that knows no race. It really isn't a race thing. White people are just as capable of... Not letting their people speak. And so on. Of the nepotism.

They won't train me, here, because it is about nepotism. Training their own kids (and their kids social supports) and sending those kids back to Wellington (to further their interests) then off overseas to... Increase the family fortune. Or something.

What's the alternative? Wallow in the swamp of houses that are falling over... Cheap construction that resonates painfully in the wind

There is some economics assumption about how you need to oppress however many multitudes or masses in order for a few people to have a good quality of life. And so it's inevitable. You just have to keep an eye on which side you are on. And you have to pick sides. Control overs or be controlled by others.


I need to be put out to pasture, here.

For the good of their children, of course.

WOnderful things that they are.

I suppose that is why people serve on boards. It is thought they do amazing work for the good us all (just look at the amazing work they have done) and they wouldn't have done any of it without that perk of a place for their kid... Their kid... Who would have... Uh... Dropped out and joined the unruly masses without such an, uh, 'opportunity'. Of course.


All I can do is raise the question. To the government. Since the government funds the places. Sicne the people tow the line on their immunisations and so on because they believe doctors are looking out for their best interests. Not... Exploiting them for others advantage.

Or maybe it is time for the people to think this.

So they stop going to the doctors. Then the government won't even need to spend any money on people getting treatment in the public health system.

Which is largely data collection, of course. Better keep an eye on what those Maaori are doing and make sur ehtey don't get too cocky on tehir mortality rates given that we won't let them live anything other than nasty, brtal, short lives.

For the good of the elite Maaori. Of course. Gotta leave them to tehir harems...


government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:19:37

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 6, 2018, at 0:40:16

The government distributes most of the money. I mean, all the publically funded stuffs in this country. The public health system and education system and so on and so forth.

The government employes...

Doctors and lawyers and teachers and analysts and consultants and cleaners and administrators and lunch ladies and bar staff...

Never mind about taxation and redistribution of gross income...

The government fixes the payscales of all of the above. How much teachers earn and the earning potential for various pay bumps. Policemen and firemen and army people...

Most of the people in this country, I reckon.

I guess consultants have a bit more freedom from the pay scale structures that are really very fixed...

But this situation of people who work and don't get enough to live without still needing to beg for welfare scraps or beg for scraps from some agency (where the government employs people to work there and data collect on their begging if nothing else, at all)...

It's a problem entirely of the governments own making.

The inequality. The fact that they don't pay their employees enough for their employees to heat their homes. They own houses (well, they did, but now they're investing in private healthcare facilities, I think).

They divert public money into their own private investments and ensure the collapse of the public sector.

The politicians earn in excess of $200,000 per year and they approve their own pay increases before anybody elses. They don't give their cleaners a living wage.

It's all a fuckign con.

I do think this country owes me.

Quite often I go to seminars, or whatever. And I think about how much money this person is supposed to be on. And I think... How? Why? How and why are they considered 'all that' that they deserve to have all that they do? I mean, is their work really that amazing?

Half the time it seems like... Taking the piss. As in, just how bad can I make this and still the people who employ me won't notice or care! Kind of a...

Just pissing on the world, really.

It's disgusting.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:31:18

In reply to government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:19:37

and so I write a thesis.

Don't you have government analysts on, like $90,000 a year to do that? A bunch on $50,000 a year? How many cocktails do you need to serve to how many people to get a government report written? A team of how many?

And I pay fees. And I get myself into debt for the 'privalege' of writing a thesis. I pay them to write it - they don't pay me.

Why should I, again?

So I can live in a house where they only way I can afford to make it habitable is to be 'disabled'. Without 'disability' to purchase things like really expensive compression gear, and to purchase really frequent doctors visits (where i can divert that money into paying a $75 powerbill to keep 1/2 the house within WHO standards on temperature)... Oh, but now I feel guilty because I've been lying about the money I needed to heat my home. And many people in the world live with no heating and no food and who do I think I am???

ANd would I like to go out with mjy government friends and have $25 cocktails?

Actually, I just wanted to study medicine. To help people.

But they really want the 4 generations of pissing on the world to piss on them. Or something.

I don't understand it. I... Don't want to understand it, I guess.

The idea is to take up an extreme hobby. There is a lot of that about. When people don't have meaningful employment that makes use of their skills and abilities they are supposed to live for their free time. Yeah. So you have all the gadgets the expensive bicycles and so on. You want sports to cost a bunch of money to give peole reason to do their meaningless jobs...

But, really, all that energy and effort that can't get the people into non-leaky houses.

But that's what GDP is about. How much the politicians in this country and given to distribute to the people.

And then you see the choices they make...

Here has traditionally been quite far away. I think it is today because now people don't even live here. They just fly in and out. The government workers, and the like. I don't mean like Canberra, they fly in to do business. I mean they really don't have to be here to do business very mjuch at all. So mostly they aren't here. That's what is wrong with here. All the things that would have been prevented if anyone with power was here to have had sufficient control over their own local environment.

There are tiny little pockets... But so very tiny...

But when people don't identify... Work with... What they've got then, whatever.


I hate this. I hate writing philosophy. I was done with that.

Travelled around and seen just how f*ck*ng sh*t this country is. But those with power like it this way. Well, they bitch and moan about how we aren't as good as most other places. But they aren't willing to make this one better (only to accumulate resources for their exit strategy). So... There it is.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:58:19

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:31:18

because I did a thesis already. so why the f*ck should i have to do another one?

because i got failed for public health for daring to suggest that the main food problem that Maaori had in this country wasn't that they ate rubbish voluntarily (as we would have the people believe) but that they lacked the power to eat healthy food.

I mean... Maaori were given 48% shares (or similar) in 'Sealord' which is the fisheries, basically. We sold it to foreign investors, however, (because why would we want our people to have sustainable access to fresh fish?) Now we only seem to get these little cat-food tins of tuna where the omega 3 oil has been extracted for separate purchase (fairly sure) and the eyes and tails and so on are mashed up and mixed with a bunch of salt and sugar and flavorings and additives and preservatives... And that's fish, right. That's the 'healthy food' that's not really affordable, even.


Apparently that's all 'speculative'. That Maaori have worse health beacuse they don't have control over the resources that would enable them to be healthy.


I didn't manage to divine the WHO position statement. My bad.

F*ck*ng idiots.

But yeah. My ignorance meant I wasn't eligable to apply to med. Because they thought I'd stick around and do a differnet degree so as to be eligable to apply again.

Becaues they were incapable of undestanding that I'd done degrees already?

Pretty much...

F*ck*ng idiots.

But yeah, equity is about Maaori having just as inequitable a distribution of the resources they do have control over as non-Maaori. Equity for Maaori would mean that elite Maaori have everything that elite non-Maaori have. White peopel f*ck over their own people really very badly indeed. Maaori deserve that very same thing in the name of equity!

Apparently Maaori have been doing really very well, indeed.

Immunisation rates for Maaori are now better than for non-Maaori.
The difference between the have and the have-nots is greater for Maaori than for non-Maaori.

elite Maaori might not be doing as well as elite non-Maaori - but they are even more so the boss of their own people.

Which is the point of equity - right?

Giving more control to Maaori? More control of their own people?

I guess we are supposed to be waiting for Maaori to decide they want to buy into 'human rights' instead of clinging to the Treaty of Waitangi. It's hard because the land settlements (involving land being transferred back or other assets or money) have been heard in special 'Waitangi Tribunal' courts. So Maaori think that without the Treaty they would have no recourse to the government. They don't think that they could appeal legitmiately under human rights violations etc.

I saw something the other day about exchange scholarships for Maaori. So they could go as part of a University Exchange and be sort of hosted somehow by indigenous people from various places (Canada, US, Australia). I thought taht was pretty cool. That way Maaori could see different ways in which indigenous people have managed to start to develop more control over the resources their people need...

I have moments when I'm okay.

But I have a lot of moments when I'm not. I'm f*ck*ng angry that I'm writing a thesis now because our education system has devolved to complete and utter sh*t over the years... I'm f*ck*ng angry that I have to do another f*ck*ng thesis when I've f*ck*ng done one already. I hate this and I decided I didn't f*ck*ng want to do it anymore. If people here want people to want to do this kind of work then they really need to get better at listening to and encouraging the people who actually want to do it (instead of sh*tt*ng all over them and rubbishing and pooh poohing their efforts).

Anyway, whatever.

It's just the people who can pissing all over everything else.


The art is really oppressive. There's a statue of... It looks like the tip of a penis. They've erected it just across from the nicest building. The clocktower. It's done in some kind of cheap stone. There are cheap stone statues aroudn teh place. It's supposed to have something to do with materials... Material science. You can see the really nice buildings because of teh quality of the materials. The nice stone. The attention to detail in some of the features. You don't see workmanship like that anymore. Everyone just wants things done more cheaply and nastier and so on. Anyway... The art is sort of taking the piss. Cheaper materials. Tacky. It's tacky looking. And what looks like the tip of a penis where part of it has been well-polished. Appropos.

Close enough to the tribute to ACC. The people statues in the middle of this paved part. Just waiting for some drunken teenager to come and mow them down with their SUV. The people have shape parts to them. Like implants. False hips or whatever. Replaceable people parts. With graduand hats on.

THen leading to that there is a... I think they are old railway sleepers, or something. Wood. Thsi arch sort of a construction. Like the gateway to... Replaceable people parts.

It's all very... Heartwarming. Not.

Inspiring... Not.

Someone commissioned it, I guess.

Taking the piss, in some way.

In Auckland there are shipping containers. A giant dog water bowl. For the commuters. So when you get off the train in the city you can see the giant dog water bowl feature and be remidned of whate a... animal. pet. you are. And around the med school there are torture devices. Chair made out of blades. Metal bench with bits on it so you can tie people down with rope. Things like that.


i guess... Someone... likes it that way.

does it bring out the best in people?

i don't understand.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 3:05:28

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:58:19

i guess it's the thought that whatever the people have, the people will want more.

so, the less the people have the more you can give them less and the happier they will be.

or something like that.

there was something in a computer game.. where you don't want the people to specialise into whatever it was they wanted to do otherwise they would get fussy and get asking for stuff.

if you beat them down and oppress them enough they won't ask for anything.

of course they won't really be much in the way of anything. they won't really be people, anymore. they'll just wander about wonding why the hell htey had to have been born.

because the people weren't happy torturing rats. they had to have more...


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 3:31:35

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 3:05:28

it is supposed to have the people all settle non-complain-y like into whatever it is that is dolled out to them. whatever they are allowed to succeed in / whatever it is that is dolled out to them.

they are attracted, all magnet-like to the prospect of medicine. for whatever reason. for television advertising, primarily. i think that is why there is so much television advertising devoted to medicine. part of a public education campaign.

millions have been spent on encouraging people to 'aim for the top, then settle for what you get' where teh 'top' is medicine.

so, anybody who is anybody at all, aims to go to a university that offers medicine. and those places are particularly oppressive. and the students learn, pretty quick, that there is this whole realm of 'other' that they had never been exposed to, before. whether it be the people who were't told to 'slow down' and 'lighten up' and 'take it easy' and 'just take a chill pill bro' or whether it be the people who weren't told... you know... basics of reading, writing, arithmetic.

but there's enough of the street-kids and so on around to scare people to settle for what they get.

and mostly any point of / to me is to scare them into thinking that they might be stuck in some kind of limbo... indefinately... because i didn't settle for what they thought i would...

but that's not allowed. there's a whole entrenchment thing we've got going on, here. a lot has been invested in people 'like me' (however you want to cast that) being exiled from society. to be held up as an example to help terrify people into settling for whatever small amount is dished out to them.

or whatever they can get from the public dog bowl. don't worry, it'll get privatised off and then some people will be able to afford to pay for what used to be free for everyone. and somehow we'll have scared people into thinking that their paying for things means they somehow get something better or more than what there was before... what was before was unsustainable we are supposed to believe.

in the face of the opportunity cost that there always is of not taking people for more and more and more and more and more and more and more.

we got new housing regulations or whatever. i have new insulation in the floors and ceilings. but the heat escapes all opportunistically, like, out of the weakest link. there is no insulation on the walls and the windows are single pane glass.

which is well and good until you get a snow day.

i have wood. lots and lots and lots of little bits. if i want to sit directly in front of the fire throwing a little bit on every 10 minutes, or so, it's kinda nice, yeah. but it takes a while to build up enough heat to crank the house and do i look like a boiler operator to you????? ffs.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 3:47:28

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 3:31:35

it's not a wet-back, it doesn't heat the water.

it's electric. they are talking about these smart meter things, now, where they will be able to turn your electrcity on and off from the mainframe.

that's why you need to pay to live in certain areas, you see, so you have access to electricty. they're going to start removing that, next.

and then, i guess you will need credit card details to drive on certain roads...

and so on.

keep the people in their quadrants, or whatever.

do we really just intentionally make so very many people sick...

so some people can have a little fun in the name of medicine?

and people console themselves with 'it's not like they would do any different - if they had opportunity'.

and that is true for most people...

but it's not true for all people.

why don't we care about those ones?


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 21:45:55

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 3:47:28

it is writing philosophy. it is not good for me. i knew that. that was why i didn't want to do it anymore. why i didn't want to make a career of it.

there are all these people who want to do it. who want nothing more than to do it. let THEM do it, then. maybe their work sucks a bit, if they are early career. that's life. they'll grow, eventually. there really isn't any shortage at all of people who want to do it. far more people are far more capable than who ever get to do it, blah blah blah blah blah blah. what was it, around 300 people for 18 places and so on...

it isn't good for me. it gets me ruminating on all the sh*tt*ng things about the world. it brings out the worst in me.

but nobody listens to me. nobody listens to me say what is good for me. or, if they listen they think it is fun to use that information to make sure precisely the opposite gets to be the case in my life...

becaue they think they know what is best for me. or for them. or whatever... and they seem totally uninterested in seeing what i could actually do in something that i actually want to do... because they know better, clearly. of course they do. amazing job they are doing of all it is that they do...

and the people just can't kill themselves fast enough.

another philosopher... he was wonderful. a decent person. a very gifted philosopher. here didn't appreciate him, at all. i mean, really, the people here don't seem capable of appreciating just how talented he was, at all. and just what a decent person and how helpful and kind he was to everyone... he was overseas for a while but he reckoned he wasn't given enough to be able to afford to live in a way so as to be happy. so he came back here and was a public servant for a while and i think heroin overdose. i think that was happened. not publicised, of course, but i think he decided he'd had enough.

i don't think he asked for too much.

people were just jealous of him and took special delight in his demise. i really do beleive that's so.

people like to revel in the sh*t, here. the inter-generational poverty here involves peoples houses getting flooded each and every year several times with sh*t from teh sewers. i guess so long as the insurance companies rule it an 'act of god' then it's okay becaues it's only supposed to be temporary. the council looks at building some f*ck*ng tacky ugly piece of sh*t statue by the harbour just to remind the tourists that dunedin is an ugly sh*t hole of a town on their way in... but the money goes to that rather than to fixing up the sewers.

who wants to stick around to do a degree in 'public health'? to be failed if you point out that the foundation of public health is clean drinking water not contaminated by sewerage.

there's no point talking, here.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 3:09:55

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 21:45:55


and, i do know that this whole perception of 'riches' is out, or wrong.

i understand nobody gets paid 90,000 a year or 100,000 a year to do a project that could actually genuinely help a bunch of people whom nobody gives a crap about. the projects that are funded, like that, are for showing that smoking is great for children or macdonalds is a terrific sponsor for childrens hospitals or that alcohol advertising doesn't hurt children, at all.

i also understand that with more money coming in there are greater responsibilities with the money coming out. i do understand that 'making it' in medicine, to a large extent... well... you pay for registration fees and your continuing education fees and your examination fees and your quiet house that is a commutable distance and i do understand that mostly people aren't rich (unless they were to start with but then that's a different thing, entirely).

and he was a great guy, in many respects... but it is naieve to think that the ideal of the scientist or the arts professor back when you basically were fairly rich such that you had the leisure to pursue such things... it is naieve to think that that lifestyle will be given to working people who work at those things. i mean... it is naieve to think that an arts professor should get to work in a destination location earning enough to support a family and host expensive parties and... yes... i do believe that's so. and the guy was a great guy in many respects, but perhaps not really such a great role model with the kids with the drugs and with hooking up with a student...


i'm okay, really. i can pay for the power... it's about prioritising it. and i do. and it's only temporary. hopefully a bit of a scholarship will come through for me in the very near future and i'll go to the dentist and get around 20 years worth of work done. they aren't too bad, i reckon. but there will be a few fillings, no doubt... i'm really looking forward to getting that done. and some decent glasses frames that i actually like with an optometrist to actually get me glasses that sort out my astigmatism. rathe rthan the santa sack situation of 'try em on your head and figure for youself better or worse or mjuch the same?' and maybe contacts.

and a bicycle.

and a few odds and ends. pots that don't shed black crap into my rice while it's absorbing the water. just one knife that isn't blunt enough to cut me. some clothes that aren't just pj's and t-shirts...

i'm okay.

i can afford decent food. it's just really sad to see it packed up smaller and smaller into so very much plastic. most of it we really don't see, anymore.

and there are quite a few really great people here, honestly. and some really great teachers. and they are often being taken advantage of by the university, really. but there are good people here. anyway... just get the work done and i won't have to do it anymore after this year. it's only a few more months, really.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 22:40:11

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 3:09:55

ahaha a see a good old restructure of the interwebbywatsit has occurred.

'otago' isn't really one thing, you see. there is really a bunch of distinct things. there is otago dunedin, otago invercargill, otago christchurch, otago wellington, and apparently inroads are being made into otago taupo.

so when you go 'otago is sh*t' it's otago dunedin that you are talking about. the place they send ALL the first years and MOST of the undergraduates.

it's about getting selected into one of these other schools so that you don't have to live with all those who... didn't get selected in to one of those schools.

which, if the sorting process was fair, would be fair.

except that it so clearly obviously floridly isn't.

it's set up precisely to try and hide and conceal the fact that the stupidest nastiest people of all are hailed

oh mighty leader



Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 22:57:06

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 3:09:55

oh please. prove me wrong. show me different.

where are the poor kids who have been identified as gifted / talented and thereby been *allowed* to focus on their education (if that is what the kid chooses to do)?


i'm looking...

maybe they've been hidden because people will kill them with their jealousy.

but probably, there aren't any.

prove me wrong.

go on nz. land of opportunity.

where are the poor kids who were allowed to succeed to better help poor people contribute as productive members of society? instead of being promoted into a position of power over them to reinforce the powerlessness of the dispised 'other'. i mean.

i know i need to be careful not to idealise the poor. poor people are just as capbale of being nasty horrid things as most everyone else.

but some won't play that game.

there is something pascal's wager about it all. but then people who have decided the universe is funademantally unfair at bse and so you are given lisense to screw people over if you get opportunity... those people... don't want to believe any different. because that's the choice they made.

the student union lawyer lady who believes that the only way oyu get to do anything / have any kind of job is to 'join them'. who believed that the only way she would get a job (e.g., as her job with the student union) was to basically do her part in ensuring the students didn't get adequate legal respresentation for anything at all. not for substandard housing, not for being drunkenly abused physically or sexually. not for anything, at all. buts he believed that that was life.

so... what if she was wrong. what if she didn't sell out in order to get a job... what if she didn't take a job where she felt that she couldnl't actually do anything to make a positive difference. what if she didn't play the game she chose to play with the job she had (what if she set about trying to help the students get adequate legal representation instead of, for example, seemingly trying to undermine any sort of legitimate claim any of them might actually have had)?


to even conceive of this...

makes her out ot be a pretty... horrid person, i guess. points out that she actually chose to... uh... do evil. i guess. when she need not have.

that's probabhly not something she would / could face.

'oh no, dear, you did everything you could'.

i know i need to be careful. you don't want to set people up to be the villian... i don't think i'm particularly righteous. but i am getting to the point of thinking that i have assumed people were far too nice for quite some time now. then i thought they were stupid. they didn't see the harm they did. i only reluctantly came to think of them as psychopathic - seeing but not caring. seeing but choosing themsevles first.

its just a game that peole like to play. like puppies jostling for a place on a hierarchy. people choose, they buy in to playing that game. this is the world that they have made.

it's not at all pleasant for the rest of us.

i don't know. little pockets.. little pockets... i suppose i shuold be, uh, i don't know...

i know they sold out Christchurch with the 'Acts of God' bombing or whatever it was. under ground explosives testing or whatever it was. Military national emergency whatever it was. A bunch of stuff getting done (laws being passed under urgency) whatever it was.

but Wellington will have public health if anybody does. The civil servants were quite attached to 'blanket man' a sort of homeless icon who had his blanket and his street corner. They liked him because he presented a idealised picture of homelessness. He was a natural wanderer who preferred to be homeless. And he was fairly clean and well-ish spoken. ANd it's all very nice, really. So we don't feel bad when we hear people are homless. They are like blanket-man or banbi frollicking on the village green.

But Wellington even has a 'free ambulance'. Apparently because some visiting politician had a heart attack at one point and a local politician couldn't get an amulance on the street for him or some such. SO there is a free ambulance service in Wellington, YOu know, where people can't afford it. It's around $700 for a St Johns (multi-million dollar charity monopoly) everywhere else. Only of course it's not, really, it's helecopter service (or not).

Anyway... The poeople in Wellington know how to look after themselves - right? ANd so why wouldn't you live in that environment if you could? You would be crazy to live anywhere else...

But for all their money... Why do they need to spend so very much of it on alcohol? And they do get out and about... And what do they make of the poor? A lot of them came from that.

They despise little them. They are murderous towards it rather than protective. Ist hat the difference?

I don't know


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 23:12:40

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 22:57:06

and it's all this thinking round and round in my head.. and i dont need anybody else to tell me that philosophy is not good for me.

and i bring a creativity to science that not many people have because not many people in science are allowed to pursue creativity.

3 months and then i'm done, either way.


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 23:52:06

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 23:12:40

and the paper, and everything, is all just full of it.

there are the 'haves' and the have nots' and everyone would be a 'have' if they got the chance. and everyone gets the chance to choose whose side they are on. if they will take from someone else to join the haves or whether they will not take from someone else and they can be a have-not.

and that's the way the world works.


say the haves.

and you can join them or you can have nothing.

and this is how they like to live. i guess. only... they don't look happy to me.

i mean, i get that they put on their pretend unhappy faces. mwah haha we are unhappy like you everyone is unhappy mwah haa life is sh*t...

but no, really, they are pretty f*ck*ng miserable. with the alcohol and worrying about their 'friends' turning on them at the first available opportunity. huddled with tehir 'friends' like alpackas with the threats from within...

i don't understand why i was born


Re: government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 21, 2018, at 0:29:24

In reply to Re: government employees, posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2018, at 23:52:06

what a cute little person-pet

typically you get murdered, for leaving a gang like black power

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