![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 86 to 110 of 110. Go back in thread:
Posted by sunnydays on August 16, 2007, at 15:33:34
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal, posted by Fivefires on August 16, 2007, at 11:05:27
Just a note that Phillipa can't respond to you right now because a couple posts above in this thread she was blocked for a week. Just wanted to let you know so you weren't concerned if she didn't respond.
sunnydays
Posted by Gabbi-2 on August 16, 2007, at 15:49:04
In reply to Re: Suggestion)Phillipa » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by planetzero on August 16, 2007, at 8:54:30
I've managed to nip that sort of thing in the bud too. I just hate gossip. I hate it. Everyone has a friend or two they share things with, but that's a bit different.
I think sometimes though when people are feeling low, or lonely, they may let their guard down a little, so it's good to be warned, especially about "global" emails. Even if you give out your email addy, it may not occur to you that someone would feel free to attach it to a letter with 20 other names on it.
Posted by Fivefires on August 16, 2007, at 15:52:31
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal » Fivefires, posted by sunnydays on August 16, 2007, at 15:33:34
Thoughtful. Thank you so much.
5f
Posted by confuzyq on August 16, 2007, at 16:25:29
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal, posted by Fivefires on August 16, 2007, at 11:05:27
5f, have you read the entire thread, back from where it started on the Psych board? Thought maybe you didn't since at one point you said you hadn't seen any PBC to you (did see it later); and in a recent post you didn't realize Phillipa had been blocked just a couple posts above.
Anyway if you haven't read the whole thing yet, doing so might shed more light for you on the things you are wondering about regarding the reactions, handling, etc. of this matter. (Re the thread not getting anywhere, myself I think it did. Altho of course strong emotions remain.)
On the other hand, you said that the "arguing" was making you feel ill, so you may very understandably not want to read the whole thread going back to Psych and carrying over here. But we all know the classic answer to that, don't read any of it if it is upsetting you. The main parties in this may also be able to begin healing better without the additional weight of others becoming upset because of it too, unless as voluntary participants they've accepted the fact that they are taking responsibility for that themselves, because it's worth it to them.
> > No I did not disclose any info. At the time I forgot gg wasn't acting as a deputy anymore and thought I must do what she asked. Hence the post.>
> >
>
> What exactly did you feel you were being asked to do by one whom you thought was a deputy? Can you explain in more detail? Maybe you feel you can't? How are you feeling? RU feeling like exiting stage-left off babble and never coming back? All this arguing is personally making me very ill.
>
> >Again I'm sorry for any fear you may have and don't know what else I can do.>
> >
>
> You've apologized. You're giving babblers an opening here to respond. But, I feel like everyone's 'digging around trying to understand this discombobulated situation'.
>
> But Phillipa, can you explain it any other way than you already have? Is it wearing on you? I say because I feel you keep saying the same thing over and over, and I'm wondering if you feel we don't believe you? Aren't you just exhausted? If you've said all there is to say, that's all you can do, and you've apologized as well.
>
> Phillipa, you are always here (Maybe you miss a few days a month!?), probably post more than anyone, never leave anyone lonely, come up w/ clever connections in threads, and manage to be all over the site everyday. Do you think maybe you began to feel 'more like a part of the crew than the cast'? (Do I have that backwards?)
>
> If I were in your place, I might very likely come to feel some responsibilities which truely weren't my responsibility here.
>
> Do you think maybe this happened?
>
> >
> Any suggestions? Phillipa>
> >
>
> Contact administrators.
>
> No, really. (You've already done so haven't you?)
>
> Just a few days ago, I learned from a deputy, I cannot speak to them about another babbler. I wanted to tell one of them of a babbler who seemed in trouble and share that maybe someone could respond. I was told, "I cannot speak about any babbler with any other babbler. Use the *contact administrators* option to do this."
>
> Can you do anymore than you're doing right now Phillipa? Hang in here. Hopefully, we'll hear from a deputy or Dr. Bob.
>
> I still like the whole 'hemolele' idea myself. We're just humans un-beings afterall; okay I'll speak for myself.
>
> Please deputies, or Dr. Bob, if there is something all of babble need not know, just say so, or vice versa.
>
> I don't feel this is fair to the babble community. We can't take care of ourselves all by ourselves; okay I'll speak for myself again.
>
> I'd like Oz to return when comfortable and we can just all get along.(?) Sorry Oz. I wasn't mad AT you & way DON'T dislike you. I think I felt a little taken aback at a side of you I wasn't familiar with. You are always the one w/ the off-the-wall jokes I only wish I could tell as well. Come back funny one.
>
> W/o some intervention, this is going nowhere.
>
> I've been typing this for hours now. You're prob' all gonna' skip it becuz' you've already resolved this whole discombobulated issue(s)! :(
>
> 5f
>
Posted by RealMe on August 16, 2007, at 21:16:48
In reply to Re: Suggestion)Phillipa, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 16, 2007, at 7:44:22
I would only add that emails be passed on to Dr. Bob too. He asked for those as well as babblemails.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 17, 2007, at 0:09:13
In reply to Re: Please be civil - I wish to address this PBC, posted by Fivefires on August 13, 2007, at 17:54:58
> > I feel there's 'an attack' in your statement.
>
> I did not say, 'There's an attack in your statement'. I said, 'what I felt’OK, but saying you feel that can lead others to feel accused. Could you say how you felt in terms of what your emotional state was like after you read her statement?
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 17, 2007, at 0:09:19
In reply to Re: Suggestion » Phillipa, posted by Gabbi-2 on August 15, 2007, at 23:11:18
> Phillipa I don't believe what you're saying.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Gabbi-2 on August 17, 2007, at 0:28:57
In reply to Re: please be civil » Gabbi-2, posted by Dr. Bob on August 17, 2007, at 0:09:19
Okay I'm glad you don't think I'm a bad person.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTT
I thought the rule would that I could not say
I find that unbelievable,Sort of like I can't say "I find that disgusting"
But I can say "I'm disgusted by that"I've said it twice before, and not gotten
P.B.C'd just so you know..But it's only a P.B.C, so I'll let you off easy this time.
But watch your step.. : )
Posted by kaleidoscope on August 17, 2007, at 13:46:53
In reply to Re: A different take » Glydin, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2007, at 15:16:45
Hello Dinah
Is there a list of the current deputies anywhere on p-babble? I think I know who all the deputies are but I'm not sure.
Thank you
K
Posted by gardenergirl on August 17, 2007, at 14:32:11
In reply to Re: A different take » Dinah, posted by kaleidoscope on August 17, 2007, at 13:46:53
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#current
gg
Posted by Fivefires on August 17, 2007, at 15:46:31
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » Fivefires, posted by Dr. Bob on August 17, 2007, at 0:09:13
I felt fear.
I am frightened easily by a person appearing to be angry. I want to disappear.
5f
Posted by Fivefires on August 17, 2007, at 16:25:32
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal » Fivefires, posted by confuzyq on August 16, 2007, at 16:25:29
I'm too upset by this situation to further it by going backwards and forward to dissect it. Knowing myself, I anticipate feeling even more fear and unhappiness.
My heart goes out to both posters involved.
I understand the importance of privacy, but a week ago I felt comfortable with the privacy on this site. Now, I feel fearful of trusting other babblers.
I'm feeling 'guarding' about using the babble feature or emailing anyone w/ whom an agreement has been made to do so.
You may say some fear of trusting people is good. But, for me to move on in my life, I need to work on trusting again and this has felt like damage to my progress.
Babble is my only support besides my financially limited access to therapy which is an every 2wk visit with a T.
sorry, 5f
Posted by confuzyq on August 17, 2007, at 22:12:43
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal » confuzyq, posted by Fivefires on August 17, 2007, at 16:25:32
> I'm too upset by this situation to further it by going backwards and forward to dissect it. Knowing myself, I anticipate feeling even more fear and unhappiness.
>=== Yes, makes sense of course. And altho my post took a roundabout path, between the options cited in it, it was intended to be strongly in favor of the not-reading-thread-at-all one. Of sparing yourself from what you were feeling. (Hopefully moot now re this case, as the thread seems to have wound down.)
Just no other good alternative sometimes. It can be so complicated when there's feeling upset by what one is reading on the one hand; or feeling upset that one might be upsetting others with what they're writing or feeling on the other!
> I understand the importance of privacy, but a week ago I felt comfortable with the privacy on this site. Now, I feel fearful of trusting other babblers. > > I'm feeling 'guarding' about using the babble feature or emailing anyone w/ whom an agreement has been made to do so. > > You may say some fear of trusting people is good. But, for me to move on in my life, I need to work on trusting again and this has felt like damage to my progress.
>=== I'm sorry to hear that. It surprised me though, since I had thought what you were expressing on the thread was that you didn't feel there necessarily were privacy violations, or a foundation to the reactions. I thought that was the main thing you found upsetting and confusing, so that's what my post to you was meant to help address!
So maybe it wasn't a disbelief in any increased vulnerabilities here that I heard, but a fear of beginning to believe in them. Ironic that perceiving it the other way was the same thing that made me think more perspective on the evolution of the thread might help. (But only for enlightenment. Didn't realize til now you were worried about many of the same things others were.)
> Babble is my only support besides my financially limited access to therapy which is an every 2wk visit with a T.
== IMHO, this too shall pass, and the things you value most here won't change.Take care,
CQ
Posted by Glydin on August 18, 2007, at 8:25:40
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal, posted by Fivefires on August 16, 2007, at 11:05:27
> Phillipa, you are always here (Maybe you miss a few days a month!?), probably post more than anyone, never leave anyone lonely, come up w/ clever connections in threads, and manage to be all over the site everyday. Do you think maybe you began to feel 'more like a part of the crew than the cast'? (Do I have that backwards?)
>~~~ I like the insight I see in your question.
Prehaps time away from posting might help posters see things not seen when immersed in the boards and make decisions as to if posting behaviors and trends here are a healthy part of our "lives" or not.
Posted by Fivefires on August 18, 2007, at 14:09:39
In reply to Re: Accomplished the Goal » Fivefires, posted by confuzyq on August 17, 2007, at 22:12:43
Thank you for explaining your intentions confuzyq.
I don't know I feel this incident has caused an evolvement to better the site. It is something to ponder.
I may have used some of your words and thoughts confuzyq, but I'm not stating 'you said this or you believe this'. (See how defensive I already have become?) I'm just stating how I feel about this in the scenario of evolvement.
Here is where I've come to escape the bitterness of life outside my front door. Unfortunately, today, the site feels more threatening than what lies beyond my front door, and actually, this could be dangerous for me.
I have ?s for Admin I'll pose at another time.
5f
Posted by Fivefires on August 18, 2007, at 14:34:34
In reply to Re: » Fivefires, posted by Glydin on August 18, 2007, at 8:25:40
Tks Glydin, for sharing your thoughts.
Personally, in my negative financial position, I've NOT 'a life I feel at peace with' at this time.
I'd always felt comfort in believing there were others here who shared the prior situation. But, now, I'm feeling may have been 'off the mark' in this assumption.
I am upset by the enormous focus, and some confusion, re: rules and regulations on the site, and upset at what feels like 'a challenge of intellect'.
I feel as did when homeowner's association required me to submit my hummingbird feeder for inspection before allowing me to hang it outside my window.
5f
Posted by ClearSkies on August 18, 2007, at 16:45:50
In reply to If It Were Only That Easy, posted by Fivefires on August 18, 2007, at 14:34:34
>
> I am upset by the enormous focus, and some confusion, re: rules and regulations on the site, and upset at what feels like 'a challenge of intellect'.The rules and regs here can be taunting, I agree :-( The adherence to those very rules, though, are a big part of what contribute to my feeling of safety here. I know that if the civility rules are observed and the administrator and the deputies properly notified if they aren't, that we can be assured of relative security here.
Of course I've got some remorse going at my end with using email and not babblemail for communciations with some posters - which made me much more vulnerable to having my private information used in ways I never would agree to. More fool me. That's why I prefer to post instead using babblemail for most exchanges. And chat leaves me utterly incapable of keeping track of who is saying what to whom. I get lost really quickly there.
ClearSkies
Posted by ClearSkies on August 18, 2007, at 20:18:33
In reply to Re: If It Were Only That Easy » Fivefires, posted by ClearSkies on August 18, 2007, at 16:45:50
Freudian slip, much???
I meant to say,
"The rules and regs here can be daunting"
oy, oy, oy. Please, nobody report me, or better yet, let me report myself, OK?
>
> The rules and regs here can be taunting,
Posted by Gabbi-2 on August 18, 2007, at 21:06:14
In reply to Holy canoli, batman! » ClearSkies, posted by ClearSkies on August 18, 2007, at 20:18:33
Good one!
I typed SOS once for XOX
and it was frighteningly apropos.
Okay back to admin..
Posted by confuzyq on August 18, 2007, at 21:34:30
In reply to If It Were Only That Easy, posted by Fivefires on August 18, 2007, at 14:34:34
> I have ?s for Admin I'll pose at another time.
>
> I may have used some of your words and thoughts confuzyq, but I'm not stating 'you said this or you believe this'. (See how defensive I already have become?)=== Do you mean I did? I'm not sure what you mean by the above. If so can you help me see it, I reread my posts but really can't. Well I saw two "you saids" but they were literally things you said, not re-interpretations of them. And I saw no "you believes." I haven't referred to any feeling that you didn't directly state the existence of yourself beforehand (hurt, upset, fear of trusting now).
But regardless, in ongoing discussions such as the ones on this thread, where the same aspects are being referred to multiple times, it would be impossible never to say "you said..?" To have a discussion is to focus on and cite the opinions expressed by others as well as our own... I can only understand to the extent that if it was being claimed that something was said that wasn't, or the essence of it had clearly been altered, that would of course be a problem.
Please consider that the issue with "you said," "you believe" and the like may not actually be something that stems from the other party? On this thread you've also objected to "being told what (you) are entitled to" and "lectured," where I didn't think those things were apparent in the person's post. Sincerely, please just consider in itself that being told those kinds of things can hurt and feel accusatory too?
I could understand if maybe it's just that, even if stated accurately, you'd prefer to only have your words and feelings cited at certain times in certain ways, especially during a period of stress. Honestly I could understand that. But it's what comes with posting on a public message board, everyone will assume they're welcome to reply to anything, and wouldn't know which of the thoughts, feelings and opinions you express yourself that you are not open to having mentioned to you.
On these kinds of threads, we surely all wish we could speak our pieces yet know that we'll never have to hear and be somehow annoyed by others' piece-speaking ourselves, but unfortunately none of us can be that lucky. You've been able to vent many opinions on the subject of the thread and various ppl's participation in it and it was probably a relief to get those things out. But another thing about choosing to become involved in these kinds is that others will and deserve to do same...
Make sense? I think looking for possible actual causes or contributing factors in the things that bother us is the most helpful towards actually changing the things we want to, halting patterns, and being happier. After all that's a big part of why ppl go to therapists.
Posted by confuzyq on August 18, 2007, at 21:53:28
In reply to If It Were Only That Easy, posted by Fivefires on August 18, 2007, at 14:34:34
...the other one was a reply to your post to me under the title "Accomplished the goal," this one here was supposed to be under the title:
> "If It Were Only That Easy"
>
> Tks Glydin, for sharing your thoughts.
>
> Personally, in my negative financial position, I've NOT 'a life I feel at peace with' at this time.
>
> I'd always felt comfort in believing there were others here who shared the prior situation. But, now, I'm feeling may have been 'off the mark' in this assumption.
>
=== I don't know of course but I read Glydin's post as referring to your clip re Phillipa in the literal sense, meaning that time away may possibly be a helpful period of reflection for her.
> I am upset by the enormous focus, and some confusion, re: rules and regulations on the site, and upset at what feels like 'a challenge of intellect'.
>
> I feel as did when homeowner's association required me to submit my hummingbird feeder for inspection before allowing me to hang it outside my window.
>
> 5f
>
=== So many things are being interpreted in such different ways from person to person, at times it's hard to know what's really being said or what the subject is at the moment! But can I ask frankly if in the above you mean me, or partly me?
Just because if so it might tie in well to some general POVs I've always wanted to share about things that happen on "debate" threads, other sources of hurt in them that many ppl may not have realized exist. I think it might also clarify my earlier posts, what and why I was saying whatever I was.And! In more straightforward terms. See, in trying to make sure I phrase things right, I dilute and pad and substitute and obscure the very point out of my point sometimes. If I ever sound like I'm trying to be intellectual, that in itself is probably where much of it comes from.
Anyway for now, suffice to say that if any of the 'challenge of intellect' feels like it is coming from me... Oh God forbid!! I don't at all enjoy competitive debating or debating for the sake of debating. Actually I wouldn't even go as far as to say I enjoy debating period.
All I do is express a heartfelt opinion, something that felt important to me to say. And at times that I believe could help simultaneously (and there are many kinds of help, not just the warm and fuzzy kind. Some of the most "helpful help" of all may call for introspection before any potential for help is even apparent. So if that effort is unappealing, then this kind of help may not seem very helpful on its surface lol!).
Anyway, even just expressing the things that feel important to me in itself drains me and eats up way more of my time than I should let it. So I shudder at the thought of adding to that by doing it just for the sake of doing it, or trying to "win" something.So nope, no intellect cup challenge being suggested here! ;-)
CQ
Posted by Glydin on August 19, 2007, at 8:24:03
In reply to Re: Oops post titles reversed ^^ » Fivefires, posted by confuzyq on August 18, 2007, at 21:53:28
> === I don't know of course but I read Glydin's post as referring to your clip re Phillipa in the literal sense, meaning that time away may possibly be a helpful period of reflection for her.
>~~~ That is exactly what I meant.
After all these years, my babblespeak has taken on a generic tone. (Smile) I do think time away from the boards can be helpful in "seeing the forest for the trees".
Posted by Fivefires on August 20, 2007, at 10:02:40
In reply to Re: If It Were Only That Easy » Fivefires, posted by confuzyq on August 18, 2007, at 21:34:30
> > I have ?s for Admin I'll pose at another time.
> >
> > I may have used some of your words and thoughts confuzyq, but I'm not stating 'you said this or you believe this'. (See how defensive I already have become?)
>
> === Do you mean I did?No no no; nope. Since an issue of 'quoting another person' was brought up, ... I was pointing out I'd already become more guarded about not doing so.
This is what I was trying to point out.
You just happened to be the person I was responding to when 'I felt this' fear. So, not directed at you or anyone. I probably should have stated it this was instead:
I may have used some of confuzyq's words or thoughts, but I'm not stating 'she said this or she believes this'. (See again, fear of quoting.)
>
I'm not sure what you mean by the above. If so can you help me see it, I reread my posts but really can't. Well I saw two "you saids" but they were literally things you said, not re-interpretations of them. And I saw no "you believes." I haven't referred to any feeling that you didn't directly state the existence of yourself beforehand (hurt, upset, fear of trusting now).
>Sorry to confuse. Your name is making me laugh about this! Sorry :)
> But regardless, in ongoing discussions such as the ones on this thread, where the same aspects are being referred to multiple times, it would be impossible never to say "you said..?" To have a discussion is to focus on and cite the opinions expressed by others as well as our own... I can only understand to the extent that if it was being claimed that something was said that wasn't, or the essence of it had clearly been altered, that would of course be a problem.
>Well by bringing in the prior post you're following up, you can feel safe about not quoting another person.
This was one thing I was going to ask Admin.
How strictly is 'not quoting another' adhered to and does it just apply to things outside babble, or w h a t???????
I understand your interpretation of discussions (See! I'm doing it again! I could have just said I agree with your interpretation of discussions, but instead I was trying to protect myself by saying 'I understand'.)
Anyway, I agree, when you exchange ideas, what another has said is easily brought up.
So, my ? to Admin. would have been: This is not considered 'quoting' is it?
And, another thought was the following:
Can we just pull in, say, one sentence from a prior post, into our post, and respond?
I believe I've done this in the past and it is done here now.
Anyway, this is still on Admin and your name isn't checked above confuzyq, so I'm not posing these questions to you. For that matter, no one need do so right now. Not for me anyway. I'd like to see this thread end.
I'm not communicating very well. Are you 'and everyone' getting that, too? Yeah. Sorry.
> Please consider that the issue with "you said," "you believe" and the like may not actually be something that stems from the other party? On this thread you've also objected to "being told what (you) are entitled to" and "lectured," where I didn't think those things were apparent in the person's post.>
>I was feeling this way, yes, and I apologized to the person who graciously gave me the opportunity to do so.
>Sincerely, please just consider in itself that being told those kinds of things can hurt and feel accusatory too?
>I will. I reacted and hurt someone. I should have said nothing or said I wasn't feeling well instead.
I'm not pulling the 'this is my excuse chain' here, truly. I honestly was feeling quite uncomfortable throughout a lot of this.
> I could understand if maybe it's just that, even if stated accurately, you'd prefer to only have your words and feelings cited at certain times in certain ways, especially during a period of stress. Honestly I could understand that. But it's what comes with posting on a public message board, everyone will assume they're welcome to reply to anything, and wouldn't know which of the thoughts, feelings and opinions you express yourself that you are not open to having mentioned to you.
>Same as above.
> On these kinds of threads, we surely all wish we could speak our pieces yet know that we'll never have to hear and be somehow annoyed by others' piece-speaking ourselves, but unfortunately none of us can be that lucky. You've been able to vent many opinions on the subject of the thread and various ppl's participation in it and it was probably a relief to get those things out. But another thing about choosing to become involved in these kinds is that others will and deserve to do same...
>
> Make sense? I think looking for possible actual causes or contributing factors in the things that bother us is the most helpful towards actually changing the things we want to, halting patterns, and being happier. After all that's a big part of why ppl go to therapists.
>In my life, I was hurt emotionally and physically in a relationship in which I'd put all my trust.
Now, I guard against 'controlling' out an injured ability to trust. There are people here whom I think know this about me. And, had I recognized the poster's name, maybe I'd have responded more appropriately. But, this shouldn't be an excuse for reacting inappropriately. There be the lesson, right?
Tks. Some good points.
Think I ran over your name o_o though.
5f
Posted by confuzyq on August 20, 2007, at 11:45:03
In reply to Re: If It Were Only That Easy, posted by Fivefires on August 20, 2007, at 10:02:40
Thank you for being gracious 5f! Honestly, I was worried the last couple of days that I only made things worse for you. I was so glad to see your response. And it also occurred to me that I never said the one thing that would have made it clearest of all why I posted originally, which was just that when I saw the suggestion that Oz ask for forgiveness I simply thought maybe you hadn't read back far enough to see the origins of things. But I don't mean to question that now or to backtrack, I just hope you feel better already and that babble returns to feeling just as you like it to soon! (Yup I did pick an appropriate name for myself lol.)
Thanks and take care,
CQ
> > > I have ?s for Admin I'll pose at another time.
> > >
> > > I may have used some of your words and thoughts confuzyq, but I'm not stating 'you said this or you believe this'. (See how defensive I already have become?)
> >
> > === Do you mean I did?
>
> No no no; nope. Since an issue of 'quoting another person' was brought up, ... I was pointing out I'd already become more guarded about not doing so.
>
> This is what I was trying to point out.
>
> You just happened to be the person I was responding to when 'I felt this' fear. So, not directed at you or anyone. I probably should have stated it this was instead:
>
> I may have used some of confuzyq's words or thoughts, but I'm not stating 'she said this or she believes this'. (See again, fear of quoting.)
>
> >
> I'm not sure what you mean by the above. If so can you help me see it, I reread my posts but really can't. Well I saw two "you saids" but they were literally things you said, not re-interpretations of them. And I saw no "you believes." I haven't referred to any feeling that you didn't directly state the existence of yourself beforehand (hurt, upset, fear of trusting now).
> >
>
> Sorry to confuse. Your name is making me laugh about this! Sorry :)
>
> > But regardless, in ongoing discussions such as the ones on this thread, where the same aspects are being referred to multiple times, it would be impossible never to say "you said..?" To have a discussion is to focus on and cite the opinions expressed by others as well as our own... I can only understand to the extent that if it was being claimed that something was said that wasn't, or the essence of it had clearly been altered, that would of course be a problem.
> >
>
> Well by bringing in the prior post you're following up, you can feel safe about not quoting another person.
>
> This was one thing I was going to ask Admin.
>
> How strictly is 'not quoting another' adhered to and does it just apply to things outside babble, or w h a t???????
>
> I understand your interpretation of discussions (See! I'm doing it again! I could have just said I agree with your interpretation of discussions, but instead I was trying to protect myself by saying 'I understand'.)
>
> Anyway, I agree, when you exchange ideas, what another has said is easily brought up.
>
> So, my ? to Admin. would have been: This is not considered 'quoting' is it?
>
> And, another thought was the following:
>
> Can we just pull in, say, one sentence from a prior post, into our post, and respond?
>
> I believe I've done this in the past and it is done here now.
>
> Anyway, this is still on Admin and your name isn't checked above confuzyq, so I'm not posing these questions to you. For that matter, no one need do so right now. Not for me anyway. I'd like to see this thread end.
>
> I'm not communicating very well. Are you 'and everyone' getting that, too? Yeah. Sorry.
>
> > Please consider that the issue with "you said," "you believe" and the like may not actually be something that stems from the other party? On this thread you've also objected to "being told what (you) are entitled to" and "lectured," where I didn't think those things were apparent in the person's post.>
> >
>
> I was feeling this way, yes, and I apologized to the person who graciously gave me the opportunity to do so.
>
> >Sincerely, please just consider in itself that being told those kinds of things can hurt and feel accusatory too?
> >
>
> I will. I reacted and hurt someone. I should have said nothing or said I wasn't feeling well instead.
>
> I'm not pulling the 'this is my excuse chain' here, truly. I honestly was feeling quite uncomfortable throughout a lot of this.
>
> > I could understand if maybe it's just that, even if stated accurately, you'd prefer to only have your words and feelings cited at certain times in certain ways, especially during a period of stress. Honestly I could understand that. But it's what comes with posting on a public message board, everyone will assume they're welcome to reply to anything, and wouldn't know which of the thoughts, feelings and opinions you express yourself that you are not open to having mentioned to you.
> >
>
> Same as above.
>
> > On these kinds of threads, we surely all wish we could speak our pieces yet know that we'll never have to hear and be somehow annoyed by others' piece-speaking ourselves, but unfortunately none of us can be that lucky. You've been able to vent many opinions on the subject of the thread and various ppl's participation in it and it was probably a relief to get those things out. But another thing about choosing to become involved in these kinds is that others will and deserve to do same...
> >
> > Make sense? I think looking for possible actual causes or contributing factors in the things that bother us is the most helpful towards actually changing the things we want to, halting patterns, and being happier. After all that's a big part of why ppl go to therapists.
> >
>
> In my life, I was hurt emotionally and physically in a relationship in which I'd put all my trust.
>
> Now, I guard against 'controlling' out an injured ability to trust. There are people here whom I think know this about me. And, had I recognized the poster's name, maybe I'd have responded more appropriately. But, this shouldn't be an excuse for reacting inappropriately. There be the lesson, right?
>
> Tks. Some good points.
>
> Think I ran over your name o_o though.
>
> 5f
Posted by Fivefires on August 20, 2007, at 21:03:14
In reply to Re: Thanks :) » Fivefires, posted by confuzyq on August 20, 2007, at 11:45:03
I'm sorry you were hanging here for a couple days w/o a response. :(
I try to respond to all or indicate I'm exiting or if I'm not being noticed, just sort of slip out of sight.
I usually don't check 'add name of previous poster' below the subject as I feel if you do so, you're indicating post to be to this particular person. And, don't want others to feel they're excluded.
If it had been intended just for you though, I would have tried to remember to check it. (I'll do this right now.)
But usually, if I want to talk w/ a particular person who posted before me or ask them a question, I'll mention their name and indicate it within the body here. And, then this also allows me to make other comments in the post which are not directed at the prior person or any1 and doesn't deter others from following up if they wish.
Once you pointed out my statement in your earlier post, I could clearly see I'd confused you.
I wasn't communicating very well.
Then just now I read your next post, but assumed you'd rec'd my reply to the first one, sort of settling the issue I believe, and alas found you here.
You're welcome.
5f
This is the end of the thread.
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