![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 1:25:07
Dr. Bob, it's uncivil to write bad things or accuse people here of bad things, but it's okay to do that for people who are not here (as long as they are not important for people here). Is this correct?
So, as long as I don't make people here feel bad, it's okay to say horrible things about people? Like it's okay to say that my uncle is a money hungry psychopath?
I think it's good to not say bad things about people.
Just as a hypothetical, if someone here wrote something mean to me, can I write that I feel upset?
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 1:36:46
In reply to Writing bad things about people, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 1:25:07
Let me just thank you in advance Dr. Bob, 'cause I know for sure you'll answer this civility question, right? ;-)
LOL
((((((((Bob)))))))) I just luv ya.
<little hearts>((((((((((Dr. Bob))))))))))<little hearts>
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 2:40:17
In reply to Re: Let me just... *Bob love*, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 1:36:46
Dr. Bob skipped my question. :-(
Maybe Dr. Bob is annoyed with me and is ignoring me on purpose. :-(
Didn't I ask a valid admin question?
Maybe Dr. Bob doesn't answer my questions because he thinks I'm only asking them to try to get a reply from him. Maybe he's partly right. But still...
:-(
What do you think? Do you think Dr. Bob ignores my questions more than he ignores others' questions? It's because I love him, isn't it. :-(
Deneb*
Posted by frida on June 28, 2006, at 9:13:38
In reply to Writing bad things about people, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 1:25:07
Deneb,
Just wanted to say your post made me smile. I find it really sweet.I don't think Dr Bob ignores you more than others.
Just give him time and don't worry so much...
I find your posts so tender.
:-)Frida
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 19:14:02
In reply to Re: Writing bad things about people » Deneb, posted by frida on June 28, 2006, at 9:13:38
You're probably right frida, Dr. Bob doesn't ignore me more than others.
I just notice when he doesn't reply because I always notice what he does. He's replied to me many times.
(((((((((((((Bob)))))))))))))))
I should find all of Dr. Bob's replies to me so I can read them whenever I want.
It's nice to have Bob attention, but I'm okay without it.
Hello Dr. Bob! It's me, Deneb! I'm always trying to get your attention. LOL
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 23:12:15
In reply to Re: Does Dr. Bob ignore me?, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 19:14:02
Dr. Bob, don't know why now, but I want you to reply to me sooo badly.
I'm not very good at getting you to respond. I can't think of a good enough admin question.
Hopefully this need will pass.
It would mean a lot to me if you would just reply to one of my questions to you. It really would. Hopefully that will be the end of my need.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 23:35:59
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, I want you to reply to me so badly!, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 23:12:15
I want you to reply! Reply! Aaahhhhhhh!!!!
I'm losing my mind! I want Dr. Bob to write to me. Someone, pretend to be Dr. Bob and write to me!
((((((((((Dr. Bob))))))))))
Dr. Bob!
Big sigh.
Dr. Bob!
Answer me! Please?
Aaahhhh!
Dr. Bob!
Ok, I don't think this is working. LOL
Bob?
Bob!
Sigh. (((((((((((Bob))))))))))))
Deneb*
Posted by Glydin on June 28, 2006, at 23:55:31
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!!, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2006, at 23:35:59
Have you thought about maybe posts like this puts Dr. Bob in a difficult position due to his ethical obligations concerning the running of this site?
I remember a while back you posted that you had no expectations from Dr. Bob and that was the reality of the feelings you carried for Bob. Maybe, it would be good for you to return to the thoughts that you initially voiced regarding not asking for anything in return for declaring your feelings.
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 0:10:52
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 28, 2006, at 23:55:31
> Have you thought about maybe posts like this puts Dr. Bob in a difficult position due to his ethical obligations concerning the running of this site?
I don't understand what you mean. What kind of ethical obligations? How am I putting him in a difficult position?
> I remember a while back you posted that you had no expectations from Dr. Bob and that was the reality of the feelings you carried for Bob.
It's like that most of the time, but once in a while I want Dr. Bob to reply. I get over it.
>Maybe, it would be good for you to return to the thoughts that you initially voiced regarding not asking for anything in return for declaring your feelings.
I will try.
Deneb*
Posted by Glydin on June 29, 2006, at 8:35:19
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Glydin, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 0:10:52
> I don't understand what you mean. What kind of ethical obligations? How am I putting him in a difficult position?
>~~~ I guess when I think of Dr. Bob and this site, I try to consider the fact he has standards and responsibilities to the site but also to his medical license and possibly his personal convictions about level of involvement he should/wants to have with the posters here. I think there are times that could be a difficult tight rope to walk and still remain professional and true to himself. I think it’s pretty clear that his position here is the maintaining of the site - assuring the guidelines are followed and handing out the consequences if the guidelines aren’t - as he sees it - and clarifying those guidelines. I think personal interactions on this site aren’t a part of what he wants to engage in. I think he wants the site to be peer/poster interactions, support, exchanges. I think that desire, as I see it, for the community, it based on his idea for this site and due to the fact that his position as a doc. I have not seen him engage in much in the way of personal interaction.
You don’t seem to be desiring him to engage in a doc/patient relationship but what I do think is there is a desire expressed by you to engage in an interaction - even if it very surface, that request still might be asking for something that he is unable to give.
I know folks from time to time have given you a difficult time about your feelings about Dr. Bob as you post them. I am in NO way disrespecting your entitlement to your feelings. I’m trying to inject some realism (as I see it) about wanting your feelings to result in a reaction from another person what could possibly be an unrealistic expectation from their standpoint. Dr. Bob posting to or interacting personally with you may appear to be a simple uncomplicated thing but I don’t think it’s a simple and uncomplicated as it may seem. I also think even IF you got only a: "Hi" from him every now and again, I'm not sure that would REALLY fulfill the need you express.
These are my thoughts. I’m not saying they are correct as I don’t speak for Dr. Bob. I am basing my thoughts on my observations, over the years, of his level of interaction with folks who post here.
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 22:33:04
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 29, 2006, at 8:35:19
> ~~~ I guess when I think of Dr. Bob and this site, I try to consider the fact he has standards and responsibilities to the site but also to his medical license and possibly his personal convictions about level of involvement he should/wants to have with the posters here.
How would his medical license figure into this? I don't see the relevance.
> I think there are times that could be a difficult tight rope to walk and still remain professional and true to himself.
How come Dr. Bob has to be "professional"? Whatever that means?
> I think personal interactions on this site aren’t a part of what he wants to engage in.
I think so too, but does that mean I'm not allowed to seek interactions with him?
> I think he wants the site to be peer/poster interactions, support, exchanges. I think that desire, as I see it, for the community, it based on his idea for this site and due to the fact that his position as a doc.
Again I don't see how his being a doctor has anything to do with anything on Babble.
> I have not seen him engage in much in the way of personal interaction.
Me neither.
> You don’t seem to be desiring him to engage in a doc/patient relationship but what I do think is there is a desire expressed by you to engage in an interaction - even if it very surface, that request still might be asking for something that he is unable to give.I know he's unable to give it. I just desire it. I wish he could be my friend.
>I also think even IF you got only a: "Hi" from him every now and again, I'm not sure that would REALLY fulfill the need you express.I don't think it would satisfy me either. I got a hug from the guy and it still isn't enough. LOL
Deneb*
Posted by sleepygirl on June 29, 2006, at 22:39:57
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 29, 2006, at 8:35:19
I love ya Deneb, but ya just gotta let it be (IMHO)
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 22:57:16
In reply to nicely said....., posted by sleepygirl on June 29, 2006, at 22:39:57
I try to get Bob to respond, but I know I can't. That's part of the fun. :-)
I can basically say anything to him as long as it's civil.
It's fun to try to break boundaries that can't be broken.
I know I whine and scream, but in the end, I think I like it this way.
Not sure what I'd do if Bob really wanted to be my friend.
Deneb*
Posted by Glydin on June 29, 2006, at 23:20:14
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Glydin, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 22:33:04
> How would his medical license figure into this? I don't see the relevance.
>~~~ I do, very much so.
> How come Dr. Bob has to be "professional"? Whatever that means?
>~~~ Because he is a professional.
> I think so too, but does that mean I'm not allowed to seek interactions with him?
>~~~ No and I didn't say that. I said if you EXPECTED to receive interactions that prehaps you were expecting too much.
> Again I don't see how his being a doctor has anything to do with anything on Babble.~~~ Again, I really do.
I am not trying to anger you or make you defensive. I'm really not. I see it as a progression when you went from just wanting to declare your feelings to desiring interaction and requesting Dr. Bob post to you. Maybe the fact that he allows you to give a voice to your feeling for him is enough to expect? I'm thinking some moderated sites finding themselves in the same circumstances might not allow such postings.
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 23:44:21
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 29, 2006, at 23:20:14
> > How would his medical license figure into this? I don't see the relevance.
> >
>
> ~~~ I do, very much so.How? Dr. Bob is not a doctor on this site. I don't get it.
> > Again I don't see how his being a doctor has anything to do with anything on Babble.
>
> ~~~ Again, I really do.How? Anyone?
>
> I'm thinking some moderated sites finding themselves in the same circumstances might not allow such postings.Why? :-( Are my messages bad?
Deneb*
Posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 0:06:53
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Glydin, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2006, at 23:44:21
You messages are not bad.
Even though Dr. Bob does not function technically as a doc here, he still bears responsibility and liability issues can be a factor. Health care licenses don't lose their obligations just for one saying: "I'm not working right now.." He IS a doc running a mental health site - things COULD get sticky for him if he involved himself anymore than he is. That's just what I think.
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 0:35:31
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 0:06:53
>Health care licenses don't lose their obligations just for one saying: "I'm not working right now.."
Really? Are you sure? So, are you saying that doctors are obligated to do certain things even if they are not working? Like...if there was a medical emergency on a plane, and the flight attendants asked for a doctor, Dr. Bob would have to step up?
I'm still not understanding what this all has to do with me. Are you saying that if Dr. Bob were friendly with me it would be breaking some sort of ethical code of conduct or something? I don't get it. I understand why he wouldn't be able to have relationships with patients, but we are not patients. Dr. Bob can be our friend. It's just that Dr. Bob has chosen not to be involved with people here. That doesn't have anything to do with his being a doc.
> He IS a doc running a mental health site - things COULD get sticky for him if he involved himself anymore than he is. That's just what I think.
Can someone give me an example of how things could get sticky?
Deneb*
(Thanks for explaining all this to me Glydin) :-)
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 0:49:09
In reply to Re: Aahhhhhhh!!!! Bob!!!! » Glydin, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 0:35:31
Just wanted to give another example.
Just because Dr. Bob is a pdoc doesn't mean he has any obligations here, right? I mean, if someone were to threaten suicide and it really seemed that that person was going to go through with it, Dr. Bob isn't obliged to do anything. Dr. Bob wouldn't break any ethical rules by letting the person die. Right? This is because he's not a doctor *here*. He's just like everyone else. He doesn't have to do anything whatsoever to help. It's perfectly understandable for him to sit back and watch someone kill themselves (so long as the person isn't a current patient). Right?
Let's say he was walking home and saw someone getting ready to hang themselves on a tree, he doesn't have to stop and call the police if he doesn't want to get involved. Right? He certainly won't get into any trouble. I mean, it is pretty cold to just see something like that and walk away, but he still doesn't *have* to do anything.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 2:01:35
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob doesn't have obligations here *trigger, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 0:49:09
Sorry, sorry, I think it may have seemed like I make light of death.
I don't, death is very serious. Not making light of death.
Deneb*
Posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 8:14:04
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob doesn't have obligations here *trigger, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 0:49:09
It may be far-fetched that a Doc running a peer support site could be held liable for any untoward events that might occur to someone that participates at their site, but I don’t believe it’s totally out the realm of possibility. Several years ago there was a poster who discussed that very topic. There was some interesting discussion that followed.
I believe holding health care licenses of various types does hold a person to a possible different level of expected conduct. As I’ve said before, a simple friendly exchange between Dr. Bob and anyone posting here doesn’t seem like it SHOULD carry any level of problem but I’m not sure it doesn’t. At the very least, we all are responsible for our actions - posters and Dr. Bob alike.
In regard to your question about intervening in a situation - he has been known to take very specific action if someone has actively and specifically threaten self harm here. So, it would seem to me that gives weight to his level of obligation.
Maybe try and consider it this way: If you will at least try and entertain the thought that MAYBE, given the circumstances of your “knowing” of Dr. Bob is through this site and MAYBE wanting to have a friendship of him interacting with you could be problematic for him, and given you care for him, MAYBE being content with and accepting of the level involvement he chooses to have with you would be showing sensitivity toward his feelings - that would be a good thing, don’t you think?
I’m trying to be helpful, Deneb. I know I have appreciated when someone has brought up a different way to look at a situation for me. I’m not saying I’m correct - I’m just trying to give a different spin to the situation that maybe you had not considered.
I’ve actually liked this exchange we’ve had. It’s made me think and I learn from you. That’s a good thing for me.
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2006, at 9:40:16
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob doesn't have obligations here *trigger, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 0:49:09
I think every once in a while it's also useful for *all* of us to stop and review what our needs are and how we're going about filling them. And whether or not those ways are effectively helping us to reach our goals.
I'll throw in my own shameless plug for the DBT skills thread gg's started on Psychology. We're going to take turns in taking the lead, and I've always thought DBT teaches skills that would be useful to anyone.
Anyway, Linehan has exercises on Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills, that I for one am looking forward to.
I know this isn't strictly Administrative, Dr. Bob. Although I'm sure that you agree learning to evaluate the effectiveness of our methods for reaching our goals could be useful for both posters and Administration in Administrative Board context. :)
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 12:32:03
In reply to Re: Obligations here *trigger » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 8:14:04
> I believe holding health care licenses of various types does hold a person to a possible different level of expected conduct.
I believe some people believe this to be true, but is it really? It's expected, but is it obligatory?
> As I’ve said before, a simple friendly exchange between Dr. Bob and anyone posting here doesn’t seem like it SHOULD carry any level of problem but I’m not sure it doesn’t. At the very least, we all are responsible for our actions - posters and Dr. Bob alike.
Just curious, what are the consequences to my one way interaction with Dr. Bob?
>
> In regard to your question about intervening in a situation - he has been known to take very specific action if someone has actively and specifically threaten self harm here. So, it would seem to me that gives weight to his level of obligation.I'm pretty sure it's not about obligation, but more about being a good Samaritan. Intervening is about helping someone out of the goodness of one's heart, I don't think it's about obligation. I've read something Bob wrote about whether or not there is any obligation for him to intervene when people threaten suicide. He said No because there isn't any relationship between him and that person. I don't remember where I read this. Dr. Bob? Can you give the source? Now, if he started interacting with that person, then there might be some obligation.
Hmmmm....I think I get it now. Dr. Bob doesn't want to interact with us because he doesn't want to get in trouble if he doesn't intervene to stop a suicide! I think you should lighten up Dr. Bob, I don't think anyone is going to kill themselves any time soon. Also, I'm sure you don't get into much trouble if you are friends with someone and don't stop their suicide. People might look at you negatively, but I don't think you'll get into any legal trouble.
This reminds me of something I told my pdoc when I was having suicidal ideations. I told her not to worry about being sued after I kill myself because my family won't do that. She laughed! Then I laughed.
> Maybe try and consider it this way: If you will at least try and entertain the thought that MAYBE, given the circumstances of your “knowing” of Dr. Bob is through this site and MAYBE wanting to have a friendship of him interacting with you could be problematic for him, and given you care for him, MAYBE being content with and accepting of the level involvement he chooses to have with you would be showing sensitivity toward his feelings - that would be a good thing, don’t you think?
Yes. I agree, but I also like to think that he can handle my attempts to interact with him. However, I will try to be content with his current level of involvement.
> I’m trying to be helpful, Deneb.I know. I appreciate all the effort you're taking to explain your thoughts on this. :-)
> I’ve actually liked this exchange we’ve had. It’s made me think and I learn from you. That’s a good thing for me.
Me too.
Deneb*
Posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 13:17:20
In reply to Re: Obligations here *trigger » Glydin, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 12:32:03
> Just curious, what are the consequences to my one way interaction with Dr. Bob?
>~~~ The key part to that is ONE WAY... No consequences except possible consequences to you. That's not something determinable except by you. I have said you have the right to your feelings and Dr. Bob allows you to post those and give a voice to them here. Now, if you WANT it to be MORE than one way making it two way, well, that's what started our discussion and me giving the possible reasons I felt why there wasn't actions by Dr. Bob to make it two way.
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 19:02:06
In reply to Re: Obligations here *trigger » Deneb, posted by Glydin on June 30, 2006, at 13:17:20
I don't need it to be more than one way. I really wouldn't know what to do if one day Dr. Bob started telling me about his life and asking for support.
I'm thankful Bob lets me express my Bob love.
I'm okay now. I don't need Dr. Bob to reply to me. I think I threw a bit of a tantrum, but I'm over it now. I get a little jealous sometimes when Dr. Bob replies to other people and not to me.
((((((((((((Bob))))))))))))
Deneb*
This is the end of the thread.
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